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I rang a sex line...now my marriage is on the rocks

Community Member

Ive been laying awake since 2am searching the Internet for answers...1st time posting so bear with me.

The title says it all,i have been married 8 year's been together 11 years have 2 beautiful daughter's which are my world.A couple weeks ago we were having drinks at home with mates the night ended we came to bed things got frisky but my wife got sick(from to much alcohol and a tummy bug) so im laying there horny and drunk i decided to watch some porn,next thing a come accross sex chatline number for some stupid reason i ring it and hang up as soon as the "operator" picks up,i continue to porn but thats not enough and ring the number again for about 5min.I feel so bad next day and try tell my wife but i can't so like a loaded shot gun i leave it for her to find out when we get the bill at the end of the month.Her response is our marriage over and wants out she said its the same as sleeping with someone else,she is really hurt and her heart is broken...a couple days pass we dont really talk and she messages me this

"thinking as much as I love you I dont see how we can work.Right now I can't stand to even look at you and dont even want you touching me Im so disgusted.Im so heart broken all i think of is some women talking dirty to you while you wank yourself.I dont want a broken family but I do deserve to be happy.I dont want to take the girls away from you but I dont want to live up here.So I want you to actually think about me for a change and tell me what must I do?"

We live in a rural mining town which she hates,she has been sleeping in the spare room since(1 week),also during all this she told me she doesn't find sex pleasurable anymore we thought her low sex drive was the IUD but after taking it out 9months ago it hasn't come back anyway thats another story.

So I've spoken to a counselor over the phone and we booked in to see her next week.My wife said she will try that before she leaves but doesn't see how we going to work.She also said if we didn't have children she would have left me.Ive told her I'm sorry and I want to make things better

Im broken the thought of divorce my life without her I don't know how I can go on...Today's fathers day so im going to put on my happy face for my kids and enjoy the day.

Its 6am im going to try get some sleep any help will do.


4 Replies 4

Community Member

Hi, and welcome to the forum

It sounds as though your wife has been having issues within your relationship for a fair while. The reason I say this is because of the fact she said that if you didn't have children together, she would have left. That is a harsh thing to say to you.

Hopefully next week's counselling appointment will be of help. I'm glad you are being strong for your kids on Fathers Day. I can imagine that would be far from easy.

Sorry I don't have specific advice. I just wanted to say that I hope whatever happens between you and your wife is for the best. You deserve to be with your kids as well.

Best wishes,


Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Gmqn,

I'm really pleased you came to the forum it's a great place to chat and work through things. There are many people with lots of experience to help out. There is also the chatline 1300 22 4436 available 24/7. You're not alone.

This doesn't make you a bad person and we all mess up from time to time. I can understand your wife being upset. Your wife still say she loves you but not necessarily likes your behaviour and it would seem is making some big statements aimed to hurt you.

As SM said there may be more to this story.

It's a great move to organise a counsellor, well done. It's interesting that your wife asked you to make the decision even though she's the one that is upset, shocked and hurt. I wonder what that means? Whatever happens though even if your wife can't make it please make sure you do go. There's some issues hanging around there that the counsellor may be abel to help sort out.

I hope father's day turned out okay for you and you got some hugs from your girls? I know this feels really awful right now but hang in there, things will change and you will be able to look back at this moment, it wont last forever.

Take care.

Community Member
Hey thanks for the support i had a good day yesterday,i tried to have a conversation with my wife but that didn't get anywhere she is really hurt and i don't know what to do...i just want to hold her but she wont let me touch her i can see the hate in her eyes.I love her so much dont know why i did what i did.I told her she needs to talk to a counselor one on one before we have our couples one might help having me not around.

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member


I'm glad Father's day went well for you, phew. Every good day counts!

That's a good idea, suggesting some seperate sessions for your wife. I hope you have included yourself in some individual counselling too?

You have pushed a button but it may not be what you think it is. Often we argue about things that have nothing to do with the real problems we are facing. You know the you never mow the lawn unless I ask you, could actually be I am exhausted. Or some such thing. Maybe she is thinking you're comparing her with the porn actors and her confidence and self esteem is too low to cope?

Good luck with the sessions, come back if you want to chat.