Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Announcement Icon
You can win one of three $200 gift cards. Complete our survey by 5pm, 30 June 2024 AEST to enter the draw. Your response will be anonymous so you can't be identified.

Pinned discussions

Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Tiredeyes Newbie with Difficult breakup
  • replies: 4

Here goes i don't talk much or have any close friends in Australia i have recently broken up with my partner of 10 years who has struggled with depression and anxiety I've always been there for her or tried the best i can in bad time she tells me to ... View more

Here goes i don't talk much or have any close friends in Australia i have recently broken up with my partner of 10 years who has struggled with depression and anxiety I've always been there for her or tried the best i can in bad time she tells me to leave her or not to leave she has told me she will hurt herself if i leave her but she also begged me to let her do it she has been using ice almost everyday since February that i know of last month i threw away her drugs which made her angry so she broke up with me then which now that i think of it caused me some anxiety and depression i Havant eaten properly since then she has sad some nasty things to me which have damaged my self esteem we own a house together, car and all the things u accumulate over the years she is looking for a place to move to we are still in the same house which is very hard for me since she goes out partying, and getting drugs for herself and her friends i know shes been telling her friends lies about how we broke up but i don't want to confront her as she will just lie and get ugly we recently had a argument and the threatened to chainsaw everything in half, i am confused as to how this all happened i have been to a GP and he diagnosed me with depression and anxiety i have an appointment to see a psychiatrist but thats not untill the 24th i feel pretty worthless and alone i know that us breaking up is the best thing for my own health but i am in a sad place i dont know how to get myself back up

CLC89 Dealing with a controlling dad
  • replies: 2

Im 26 and live at home. My dad has handeled alot of the family finances for as long as i can remember which has been hard to handle. I was having to ask for money to be taken out of my account if i wanted to go buy a dress or a pair of shoes or to go... View more

Im 26 and live at home. My dad has handeled alot of the family finances for as long as i can remember which has been hard to handle. I was having to ask for money to be taken out of my account if i wanted to go buy a dress or a pair of shoes or to go out for dinner with friends. When i turned 24 i bought a property as an investment and therefore all my accounts needed to be signed over to me. Having my money signed over to be was great, i finally had that feeling of independence. I decided to spoil myself with an overseas trip and some other items which i could not have bought if i asked as to my dad seemed too expensive even though i was asking for my own money! Things between us has just gotten really bad, he may not addmit it but he hates the fact he has lost that finacial 'control' over me. He threatens to go to the bank and get my accounts put back in my parents name so he can control things again. I dont know if he's trying to call my bluff or if the bank has actually disclosed my information to him (another issue in itself!) I just dont know what to do. I feel anxious and depressed because ive done nothing wrong. He feels that ive spent too much money and i have no savings, i have savings but according to him not enough in his eyes. Hes stubborn and doesnt see the effect he is having on me by tying to control what i do with my money. I believe I am an adult and should be able to live my life according to myself and not according to him. I have an extreamly stable job, im respected in my profession but i just feel trapped in my home life. Im happier when im not at home. Has anyone eles been through this? Am I being unreasonable?

Nathan36 Seperation and children
  • replies: 3

Hi am currently going through a tough time with my partner. We have a 3 year old boy and about to welcome a daughter into the world in june. We argue about the most insignificant of things and its getting worse. I am not concerned about our indiferan... View more

Hi am currently going through a tough time with my partner. We have a 3 year old boy and about to welcome a daughter into the world in june. We argue about the most insignificant of things and its getting worse. I am not concerned about our indiferances but i am concerned about how we will affect our children. I am trying to be absolutly passive when i get blamed for just about everything that goes wrong, i dont want to seperate and destroy my childrens lives and i dont want to constantly have yelling in our house for the children. Feeling stuck and dont know what to do.

Bubbles1983 Trust issues
  • replies: 18

Hi last year wheno was 27 weeks pregnant I found out that my husband was chatting inappropriately with women online. It blew up and we went to marriage counseling to try and get past it . I have had trust issues ever since and I suspect it's happenin... View more

Hi last year wheno was 27 weeks pregnant I found out that my husband was chatting inappropriately with women online. It blew up and we went to marriage counseling to try and get past it . I have had trust issues ever since and I suspect it's happening again . Despite him giving me access to all his accounts I feel he is being more sneaky this time . I also read some messages on his facebook that were sent 6 months after we were married and they were disgusting and definitely crossing the line . We we have a 10 month old baby and overall a happy marriage / family life ( or so I thought ) . He does have self esteem issues but this is no excuse . Im not sure what to do . As I said our life together is great but im sick of his lies and what some may consider as cheating . Any help appreciated xxx

Itsmejak Nothing's perfect
  • replies: 7

Hi. I'm feeling very low today. I know I have so many reasons to be thankful but I am having a hard time keeping it all together. My partner has flown off the handle saying I always over ride him in relation to parenting. My son is 4 and has had a to... View more

Hi. I'm feeling very low today. I know I have so many reasons to be thankful but I am having a hard time keeping it all together. My partner has flown off the handle saying I always over ride him in relation to parenting. My son is 4 and has had a tough time during the separation from his biological father 2 years ago. That relationship was very unloving and violent. I often feel like I'm trying to make up for past wrongs. today's a low day as my partner hasn't spoken to me for 3 days now because he is angry that I always over ride him when it comes to parenting my son. My son asked if he could call him dad and my partner said no. It breaks my heart. I feel like I keep failing all I have ever wanted is a family. My mum gave up on me and my grandparents cared for me growing up. They have passed away a long while ago and I long for a family. All I have is my son. I thought I had found someone who could care for us so I trusted him but he won't even talk to me now. We live in the same house and I'm scared that he will kick us out. My so. Has already been through so much and has overcome so much. I'm so afraid that something like a big break up will set him back. My heart is breaking but I just need to hold it all together for my son. I'm sure I've made another bad life choice putting my self out there. I feel so stupid thinking we'd found a family. Now I've just made more mess to pick up the pieces again. Just need a bit of sunshine if anyone has some spare X

Ale Scared of my husband
  • replies: 4

I am new to all of this and unsure if I am doing the right thing. I have been married for a couple of years with 6 month old baby but I am scared of my husband. Over the years he has become angry and violent mostly towards me. I get scared if I quest... View more

I am new to all of this and unsure if I am doing the right thing. I have been married for a couple of years with 6 month old baby but I am scared of my husband. Over the years he has become angry and violent mostly towards me. I get scared if I question him on something because I'm worried he will lash out at me. When he does become angry I go into a shell and I tremble and cry until I get over it. I love him very much and he loves me but I'm terrified of him and what he can do. I used to talk to a friend about it all but I feel I can't anymore because I will be judged for staying with him with a baby. He is a good hearted strong working man it just seems like I'm a bad person all the time because he says its me who makes him made all the time. My mind is constantly racing because I have always thought little of myself and this obviously pushes me into a deeper hole. thank you for listening

Saltbush_boy When love hurts
  • replies: 8

Hey guys was up again all night and now an unfavorable person I love my wife but feel I'm holding her back I know she loves me she proves it by being there daily no matter what but I'm tired of making her feel restricted to focussing on my issues it ... View more

Hey guys was up again all night and now an unfavorable person I love my wife but feel I'm holding her back I know she loves me she proves it by being there daily no matter what but I'm tired of making her feel restricted to focussing on my issues it almost seems like I have turned her into me and if I don't like who in am why would she copy I feel responsible for creating jeckle and Hyde has anyone else done this it's like looking in a mirror at times and now I hate myself for it am now responsible for turning a shining star into a rock how low of a person am II

Frink Trapped and isolated from my family
  • replies: 4

My wife and I have been together for 16 years, married for ten, and we have two beautiful children of 4 and 6. We have been having a tough time lately, as my son had a heart condition, but he seems to be better, and my wife has arthritis. We have bee... View more

My wife and I have been together for 16 years, married for ten, and we have two beautiful children of 4 and 6. We have been having a tough time lately, as my son had a heart condition, but he seems to be better, and my wife has arthritis. We have been living in New Zealand, where we don't have family support, but my wife is more social than I am. We recently decided together to move to Australia, where I have a large family, although my wife has never lived here. We had a big fight about her going out a week before I left, but it seemed to settle, and she seemed happy, but a week after I left she dropped the bombshell that she doesn't think she wants to move, and she wants to break up. She has asked me for space, but I have realised that u have some major anxiety issues stemming from my childhood, around abandonment. I'm finding it really hard to give her the space she wants, as if there is any chance of reconciliation, I have to hold onto that. I've started seeing seone to help with my anxiety issues, and I am accepting and dealing with the emotional harm I have been causing my wife. I'm gutted that I couldn't see it before. I just don't know what to do. Leave a well paying job in Oz and go back to NZ where I have no support? I don't think I can face not having my kids in my life. My wife says she no longer feels safe in our marriage, but I really don't think how this has happened has been at all fair. I feel trapped in Oz and isolated from my family. ​

2blue When a family member bullies you...
  • replies: 6

Hi all, I am new to the BeyondBlue comment forum. At risk of sounding childish or trivial, I will try to explain why I am so upset about this. I'll start at the beginning. Two years ago, when I was in my final year at uni I was also trying to juggle ... View more

Hi all, I am new to the BeyondBlue comment forum. At risk of sounding childish or trivial, I will try to explain why I am so upset about this. I'll start at the beginning. Two years ago, when I was in my final year at uni I was also trying to juggle a part time job and required work experience. I was very tired and stressed. However, I was coping and getting great marks- something that I was very happy about. One day during this period, my Sister for some reason took it upon herself, pretty much out-of the blue, to help me "sort out my wardrobe and house". On a side note, I am usually a very clean person, but I can make a mess when I'm busy. What I thought would be a fun, fairly relaxed affair quickly turned into a session of snide remarks, demeaning comments and attacks. Snide comments like "I can't believe you own these clothes- people will not take you seriously" and "Why have you kept this" quickly esculated into diatribes like "Why can't you get it together" and "People are always helping you out and you never seem grateful". Fast forward, I thought this had blown over until I recieved a phone call from her to say that there was a regional job going in my field and she had put a word in for me. I thanked her and I was genuinely happy for that, but at this stage I had already made plans to join a company where I knew the editor and I had worked with him before in a side-job I had at uni. From this point things began to esculate again, she told me that "I needed to get my life together" and "people were always running around after you". I told her I was grateful, but I hadn't asked her to do this. Her reply, was that she'd told her husband that she'd helped clean my house out (and had lied) saying it was much messier than it really was and she told me that both she and her husband agreed that I may have a 'mental illnes". When I directly confronted her about this she said that I was over reacting and I am prone to anxious, paranoid thoughts. She said that her friend who is a psychologist also agreed and also so did mum (childish I know). From this point, my self esteem started to fall and I started believing that there was something wrong with me. I started having panic attacks and my job almost fell through. It has taken me two years to finally understand that she was bullying me which inevitably led to me suffering a breakdown. Today I feel very hurt, and I have to see her in a few days. She has organised my Birthday party...what could go wrong.

Chaney Sexual anxiety
  • replies: 4

I am at a stage where even having my husbands hand on by bottom or waist in bed gives me anxiety to a point of having to get out of bed and walk around a bit to calm down. There has been a long history of emotional abuse including him telling me I am... View more

I am at a stage where even having my husbands hand on by bottom or waist in bed gives me anxiety to a point of having to get out of bed and walk around a bit to calm down. There has been a long history of emotional abuse including him telling me I am boring in bed and I should let him do things he likes sexually even if they make me uncomfortable. At times he has even enforced this. We have three beautiful children together but the fact he lies about anything from who he is meeting down the pub to how much money he has won has taken its toll on my trust and I pretty much feel unloved and uncared for. I have made excuses for him in the past as I know the lying is something he does to everyone not just me. I have lived the past 10 years like this for the sake of the kids and keeping the family together but feel that this latest bout of anxiety may be my subconscious letting me know it's time to start putting me first. I know if I leave the children would choose to come with me as they too have a few issues with his behaviour and leaving him alone with nothing (one of my daughters would probably not stay with him at all if we seperate) I have been on anxiety medication for around 6 months but don't want this to be a forever fix. Any advice on how to move on and not feel so selfish for abandoning him and the marriage?