Crying tears on the inside

[Doolhof]

Yesterday was the 23rd anniversary of our son's premature birth and early death.

I feel like I have no one here to share those thoughts and emotions with in person.

That makes me feel so very much alone and very sad.

I've been crying rivers of tears on the inside. I keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep plodding along through the day.

I'd love for this pain to leave me alone. At times it feels so consuming, like it will swallow me up. But I keep going on. One painful step at a time.

I never knew that love and grief could hurt so much.

My dearest son, at least you are there with your siblings, where ever "There" may be.

I will always love you all with all my heart. Huge hugs and never ending love, from your Mum xxx

[Guest_1055]

Oh Mrs D

I am so sorry, I am wrapping my arms around you.

Love Shell xx

[Doolhof]

Thanks Shelley.

[Guest_322]

Hi Mrs D,

I don't know the right words to say and I can't pretend to understand. But I know you're hurting beyond words can describe, and I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry.

Dottie xx

[Doolhof]

Hi Dottie,

Thanks to you as well.

I've kept myself really busy today as we are having about 30 people here for lunch tomorrow! I've prepared most of the food and cleaned up the patio.

Exhaustion hit this afternoon and I had a couple of hours snooze in a nice warm bed.

I would love to be able to share our babies' memories with my husband and family. When I do try to mention something, they change the subject.

Guess they just don't know what to say.

Thanks again, hugs of appreciation from Mrs. D

[james1]

Hi Mrs Dools...I just read this after seeing your post on the achievements board.

I am lost for words so here are some hugs instead.

It's no consolation but you're a wonderful person and we all love you very much here.

James

[Doolhof]

Hey James,

Thanks. I appreciate the hugs. Words can be tough to find at times can't they.

Just knowing people care helps immensely. I love our community here!

Cheers from Mrs. Dools

[July]

Hi Mrs Dools,

My heart ached for you ...reading your precious words about your son, his life is imprinted on your heart and time will never erase it, he is a part of you, that will always be with you.

Each baby is a gift no matter how long here on earth and a life to be treasured and adored, celebrate him and be thankful he is yours forever in your heart.

There are no words that can fill your heart because that place in your heart... is his alone, you are not alone, we are all thinking of you on this journey wishing you love and peace.

I'm sure he and his siblings will be waiting for you...and how wonderful will that be.

Take care

July

[Lost_Girl]

Dear Mrs. Dools,

Your babies knew an overwhelming love from you that only a Mother can give.

My heart aches for you. I am sorry your family don't know how to talk to you about this. Sometimes we need to grieve with others, to remember our lost ones not change topics as if they never were.

If it helps, share your memories here Mrs. D. It is safe here. It's not just the precious time he was here but the time you carried him within you too. There's something very special in that also.

I am here to listen if you want to share.

Kind thoughts,

Carol xx

[geoff]

dear Mrs. Dools, my heart goes out to you for the loss of your dear little son, but your love for him will never die because it lasts forever and with this love, grief also lasts forever.
It's compassion and love is what you need, so each birth date and each Xmas people know that it's a time when you need a hug, a cuddle, a squeeze, because at times no words are priceless, that's when understanding between the two of you makes you realise that someone cares for you.
As years go by, some people may say to you words which are not acceptable, just like they do with people who have depression, but that will never happen as long as this very sad memory is held close to your heart, and that will always be the situation you always carry with you, and that is truly lovely, to still have this precious moment when he maybe sitting on your lap, he will be there forever.
There are certain times when each one of us would dearly love to hold you, to cuddle you just to let your tears flow and to let your feelings out.
We are thinking of you and can only give you a big cuddle through our computer.
L Geoff. x