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Feel/ have like I have lost everyone

novemberhaze
Community Member

I have never posted before, I am new to BB.

I feel like I need to tell someone, however I feel like I have no one to tell - nor to be there for me.

I got really sick a few years ago, after a long battle with acute anxiety (for as long as I can remember). I learnt the hard way that people don't really like sick people - unless they get better quickly - OR if you have great friends who will be there for you, which I found out I didn't.

Now, after a few years I am at a point where I do not have anyone. The girls who were my closest friends in my group (which is rather big) won't talk to me. I wish I could see myself from another persons perspective because I don't believe myself as a bad friend or person but I have managed to exile myself by some actions. This seems to have brought them closer, I feel so, so alone.

I never talk about friend problems, because it makes me feel like a loser but I am really lonely. I don't know where or how to start over again. I've done all I can to try and fix things but it have fallen on deaf ears and seems I guess I have to move on.

Has anyone been in the position where you have a big group, who will still talk to you but your closer friends incorporated in the group make it hard to hang out with everyone? How do I start over? How does someone make friends after school? Especially since I've been with these girls nearly 10 years.

4 Replies 4

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome

Please google- Topic: they just won't understand- why? -beyondblue

also, spread your wings. Seek out some sport like volleyball in the evenings or badminton. Line dancing. Maybe bigger groups aren't your thing and you are better off with one or two close friends.

Tony WK

Zeal
Community Member

Hi November haze,

Welcome to the forum!

You definitely aren't a bad friend. Some people struggle to understand mental illness, and distance themselves from sufferers out of ignorance or even fear. The silver lining in this situation is that you now know that those friends weren't loyal and unconditionally supportive. You deserve to have friends who will always be there, and you will do the same for them. People go through tough times and are less present and engaged friends as a result. True friends will recognize this, give friendly support when they can, and will be happy to reignite the regular contact when you are well enough to start doing more socially.

Like Tony said, joining clubs can be a good way to meet people. For the time being, spending time with family and family friends is a good idea. This is the support I got before I was able to make new friends. I have always found that making friends is easiest through people I know. Maybe you could spend time with a close cousin and get introduced to new people, for example. Do you have cousins or siblings you're close to?

When I suffered from acute mental illness (an atypical eating disorder coupled with long-term OCD) in 2012, I lost contact with all my school friends (who I weren't especially close to anyway), as I became like a hermit. I was exhausted, unwell, and just didn't have the energy or motivation to maintain friendships. It was me who shut everyone out. I still had my best friend, as we have known each other since the age of 6. Even though we've had times where we contact each other less, we'll always be best friends. We aren't that similar and don't have the same goals, but we get on well, trust each other, and have a long history of friendship.

It took a few years after my illness to make friends again, as recovery took up most of my headspace. In January last year I met a new group of people through my best friend. I am in this friendship group still, but my best friend isn't. She and her boyfriend (a guy in the group) broke up and she moved interstate. My only other close female friend moved interstate at the start of this year. I do miss them. My boyfriend of one year is in my group. We are really close. I don't actually spend time with any of the other people in my group one-on-one. I go to group dinners and catch-ups though, which I enjoy.

I hope hearing my story makes you feel less alone.

It would be great to hear back from you!

Best wishes,

SM

Pelayn
Community Member

Hi.

I too have lost my best friend very recently so i can relate. I thought she understood but not enough. I suffer from depression as a result of emotional instability so without meaning to i push people away.

I made my closet group of friends 6 years ago through mothers group. She was part of this group. Now i don't feel i can be involved with the group as a whole.

I don't have any other friends i feel close enough to to talk to. i also started posting on BB as i am lonely. My husband is wonderful but its not the same as a girl friend.

So i feel your pain and am also looking for a way forward

Julie

Jodee49
Community Member
Wow reading your post tonight I thought I was reading some of my story! I feel exactly the same way. Due to depression I have had some embarrassing meltdowns and people who I thought I could share anÿthing with have turned on me. I feel I have no really close friends but have some who are more acquaintances than anything so it's not really true that I have no friends. I am currently spending time nurturing myself after a horrendous break up with four friends about a month ago. I have bad days and good days but need to keep telling myself that I will make new friends one day but just need to work on me right at the moment. I'm not sure if this post is of benefit to you or not but at least you can know that your not the only one feeling the way you do.