Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Loveisfluid Feeling Helpless
  • replies: 1

Hi, I'm 27 yo living with my partner of nearly 2 1/2 years, my 16 yo brother in law and his 16 yo friend. I have been struggling with both depression and anxiety for almost 2 years. In that time I have also had 2 mental breakdowns and have left multi... View more

Hi, I'm 27 yo living with my partner of nearly 2 1/2 years, my 16 yo brother in law and his 16 yo friend. I have been struggling with both depression and anxiety for almost 2 years. In that time I have also had 2 mental breakdowns and have left multiple jobs. Before my relationship, I had the seemingly perfect family and friends. A lot has gone on and none of my family or friends have taken the time to know my partner or take any interest in my new life and have completely disappeared. I have no one to talk to other than my partner, her brother and her family, which is extremely difficult. We struggle financially and the guilt I feel for not working anymore kills me. I feel useless. I am starting to get angry more often and more quickly than ever before. I am getting physical towards my partner who I am certain left me this morning. I am not a violent person, I have never been THIS angry in my life. I am taking all my anger towards myself, my family, my failures out on my partner and I need it to stop. I have no one else to reach out too so I thought this might be a good idea. Thank you in advance.

Rosieglow Feeling lonely
  • replies: 5

This is my second post,somehow my first got into the wrong box. So. Let me introduce myself. At 76,I once again find myself in the grip of anxiety bordering on Panic. I have been in Oz 15 years, was once active but now find myself not knowing a singl... View more

This is my second post,somehow my first got into the wrong box. So. Let me introduce myself. At 76,I once again find myself in the grip of anxiety bordering on Panic. I have been in Oz 15 years, was once active but now find myself not knowing a single soul, my daughter and son live close by and have their own problems without me being added to them. Some time in the future I will move to Malta, but in the meantime I have to adjust to living on my own again

Mermaid007 He's stringing me on after breaking up bc of my traditional family
  • replies: 12

I'm not sure how many similar threads there are but here's what's happening in my life. I've been with a guy now for 8 months but even before then we went on dates and we used to talk. Before we got into a relationship I made it very clear that I hav... View more

I'm not sure how many similar threads there are but here's what's happening in my life. I've been with a guy now for 8 months but even before then we went on dates and we used to talk. Before we got into a relationship I made it very clear that I have strict traditional parents. He was willing to take that risk. However, recently he's said that it's just too much, that he can't handle the negativity from my family, that they are bringing him down. My family won't accept him because he doesn't go to church while my family is very traditional. I used to see him without telling my family because on the odd occasion that they knew what was happening they would explode. Mum would be hysterical telling me how much of a sin it is to marry a non believer, she'd get migraines and worry to the point where she would be physically sick. He broke up with me because he didn't want to be destroying my life at home, but also because he wanted to have a relationship where the other family would appreciate and respect him. I'm angry that it took him 8 moths to realise the extent of tradition in my family but at the same time I need to understand that a person can only handle so much. What bothers me most is that he still talks to me. After breaking up he still says that he loves me and that he can't stand the idea of anyone else even touching me. If his feelings towards me are so strong why did he leave? He's giving me false hope. He says it feels right to be apart right now even though he misses me but that one day he would even consider to marry me??? He still wants to talk once a week. It really hurts, I know that every break up does but I can't move on. If it's over it should be over for good but he still talks to me. I'm hoping that he will come back to me even though he's said he's made the right decision. He's sending me mixed messages. He doesn't want to say that we've broken up, he says we're just 'two lovers who can't be together'. I am so confused. I know that my family has been a negative in his life but at the same time I can't help but feel that he's putting too much blame on them. Before we were together he'd tell me how hollow and empty he feels. I think those feeling are coming back, that he is looking for something to blame. I know other people who despite religion/tradition are still together. He can't keep on telling me how much I mean to him if he broke up with me. I'm scared that if I completely cut him off then he'll be hurt.

eafie I don't know what's good for me or him
  • replies: 3

Hi, I've been with my partner for nearly two years now, since we finished highschool. Things were never drastically romantic or heartfelt in anyway, and that was okay. We've been addicted to cannabis our entire relationship, and it has established a ... View more

Hi, I've been with my partner for nearly two years now, since we finished highschool. Things were never drastically romantic or heartfelt in anyway, and that was okay. We've been addicted to cannabis our entire relationship, and it has established a subsequent co-dependency. He works full-time, I'm studying paramedics full-time and cleaning. We have been 'living' together for nearly a year now. I don't have any posessions here (his home), but I cook and clean for him and buy groceries etc. I study at my 'home' when he works during the day, and come over at night to cook and clean. Problems arise due to the time I spend here being only used for cooking and cleaning and sitting behind him while he games. He tells me he feels smothered, due to working all day and coming home to spend time with me. I feel neglected, due to the fact he doesn't speak to me when we are together, or speaks over me while he Skypes his friends every night. He ignores me physically, turned away from me for up to 6 hours +, not speaking to me, ignoring my messages during the day.. we don't converse and he deliberately refuses to respond when I try to talk about such issues... He has never shown an interest in my passions, problems, or life in general. I don't have a single friend.. I rarely see my family. My 'home' is unoccupied 90% of the time due to my mothers travel. My partner is the only person i've had regular contact with for over 8 months.. I would leave him alone, I really wish I had the willpower but if I don't speak to him, I go days without human contact, and that doesn't bother him at all. It kills me that he is so uninterested in helping me become what he wants, he only demands it. I self harmed for nearly a decade, and have survived suicide attempts and am now suffering with unemployment due to severe scarring and physical limitations from a spinal operation. He condescends my inability to get work, speaks down to me constantly, accuses me of things I would never do and assumes the worst... All i want is for him to be happy.. no matter how hard i try i can't do it.. I'm too poor to provide him anything or pay him proper rent and i feel absolutely awful, i try to do things for him like buy groceries and cook for him and clean but i only receive ignorance.. i don't know what to do.. i don't want to be alone or locked up again.. but i don't want to be a burden anymore

Janksie Hoarding in laws
  • replies: 2

Hi, I'm sorry I have been lost for a while, my crawling toddler takes a lot of my time. Anyway I have been feeling very frustrated and I want to speak it out because it gets me very depressed. I live with my in laws. Before I continue my story, I jus... View more

Hi, I'm sorry I have been lost for a while, my crawling toddler takes a lot of my time. Anyway I have been feeling very frustrated and I want to speak it out because it gets me very depressed. I live with my in laws. Before I continue my story, I just wanted to say that there is no way I can move out because of my husband and culture reasons. Secondly in our culture we don't talk directly to our inlaws. Thirdly, my husband is very attached to his parents, he will not do anything to change things even if I say it. anyway back to my point,my in laws are hoarders. We live in this beautiful house that looks beautiful from outside but inside it is like a slum market, there are things everywhere, old things from 40 years ago to present. My room and my baby's room are the only cleanest rooms in the house. We have a kitchen that has 5 fridges that are fully crammed with food. We have a living room and study room etc that are fully filled with stuff that you have very little space to walk in between to get what you want. My in laws have separate rooms because their rooms are so filled up they they both can't fit in their rooms. Every day I wake up and see this I feel disgusted and put off with life, I have tried talking about it but no one wants to do anything. My worry is my son, my son is too small to understand anything, but as he grows will this be his childhood? Will this hoarding be normal to him? Will he be like that because everyone is like that? My family members never go out anywhere we are always forever at home, it has been many months since I went anywhere and that was for my son appointment. I have become used to it for 8 years now. I am a housewife and don't work. I haven't got my driving licence yet. i worry that my son will be like them and I don't think I can handle it. When I try to clean myself they all get angry because they can't find their stuff. how do I get rid of this frustration and the feelings I have? anyway I just wanted to let it out. Thankyou for reading.

QuantumRed Boyfriend's mother a huge source of anxiety and discomfort
  • replies: 5

Hello, I've been trying to get my life back together after a severe breakdown three years a​go with two hospitalisations. Currently have a diagnosis of PTSD, but ypu wouldn't guess it to look at me! I manage quite well and am so happy with my life ri... View more

Hello, I've been trying to get my life back together after a severe breakdown three years a​go with two hospitalisations. Currently have a diagnosis of PTSD, but ypu wouldn't guess it to look at me! I manage quite well and am so happy with my life right now. A lot of that happiness stems from my wonderfully stable and suppoetive relationship with my boyfriend, but his mother threaten a lot of that. I have always been a charmer with friends' parents and even though this woman adores me I can't stand her . She is very intense and by no fault of her own her personality disorder makes her VERY uncomfortable to be with. Firstly she talks a lot about an abortion of a deformed foetus 21 years ago. It is heart breaking to watch a mother hurt her own sons by talking about this foetus as equal to them. It hurts my partner so and no one knows how to react when it comes up. It becomes an attention seeking thing. A recent visible tattoo with her 'three' childrens names, the jewlery with the foetus's name so she can talk about 'oh I lost a girl'. My partner knows his mum and it is for the attention. I'm at a loss how to act around her when it comes up because it is so very very uncomfortable. She is very unlikely to change. Secondly she says very inappropriote things to my partner and me. 'I don't have a girl, you gave to share her!' to my partner, calling us 'children' and unsolicited relationship advice. Trying to curb any of this has been a losing battle as her conflict resolution skills are near zero. She doesn't back down and just gets angry for a looong time. Never an apology or compromise. At the moment I am successfully avoiding her at all cost. She does have good elements, but I come home crying to my parenrs sometimes after being thoughtlessly insulted and overwhelmed by her intesity so it is hard for them to stand out. I wish I never had to see hef again. Maybe as my PTSD fades I will be able to tolerate ger at a distance. Any thoughts and advice are most welcome! My partner is so very much worth it despite his mother. He has his own problems with her...

Cattrap Suggestions please
  • replies: 2

I have been trying to manage my depression and anxiety for around 8 years. For the past 4 I have been seeing a psychiatrist and been on medication with fairly good results. I am now mostly functional. 6 months ago, I broke up with my first partner. W... View more

I have been trying to manage my depression and anxiety for around 8 years. For the past 4 I have been seeing a psychiatrist and been on medication with fairly good results. I am now mostly functional. 6 months ago, I broke up with my first partner. We were together for 2 years and he was emotionally and sexually abusive towards me. Initially he seemed socially outgoing, energetic and nuts about me. I had expressed that equality was important to me in relationships and he said he respected that. He progressed to being socially reclusive (I later discovered he had no close friends and spent all his spare time at home) incredibly selfish, consistently ignored my clearly expressed boundaries and was obsessed with chasing other women. Initially when I was upset by some of his behaviour he expressed remorse. Later this turned into constantly finding reasons why his behaviour was my fault and using emotional blackmail to get his way. He also required me to be dependent on him and asked me to spend less time with my friends and family. I quit one of my casual jobs after I left him as I was not coping emotionally and felt I had too much on my plate. I felt a huge sense of relief but I am struggling with feeling frequently overwhelmed with shame that I could have allowed someone like this into my life. I have always struggled with very low self esteem but despite this I have a number of good, close female friends. All of these friends have full time work or study and are in committed long term relationships. They now have very little time for me and I am mostly the one initiating catch ups. When I am well I am socially outgoing but when Im not I have trouble intiating contact. I want to make new friends but I have a lot of difficulty trusting anyone and dont want to attract anyone into my life that might abuse me. I am incredibly lonely most of the time and I don't know what to do about it.

wanted_a_simple_life I still blame myself
  • replies: 8

Its been almost 15 months now since my wife left me. I look back now and I know I could have reacted better and been more supportive of her, but I still believe in old fashion values of when you are in marriage, you dont have guy friends as such espe... View more

Its been almost 15 months now since my wife left me. I look back now and I know I could have reacted better and been more supportive of her, but I still believe in old fashion values of when you are in marriage, you dont have guy friends as such especially when you catch up alone. I have always tried to be a peace keeper, I left go of the small things she annoys me with, but she did not with me, she picked at me all the time. I provided really well for my family and have done a lot about the household too. She has been always a very confrontational person and speaks her mind before she thinks. This upset me a lot and sometimes I would react in a way I shouldnt have even though I never laid a hand on her. She physically abused me on several occasions. There were several times in our marriage I discovered her texting them and once for sure it was inappropriate and when I asked her if they had been in contact, she denied it. So before she left me, she started an emotional affair with a guy interstate and within 10 weeks of knowing him, which was less than 3 weeks a getting rid of me, she was engaged to him. During the last month of our marriage and subsequent month after, we did marriage counselling and she spoke to our friends and even pastors of our church, but never admitted the truth even though it was starting to get plastered all over social media. She continued to lie about the whole thing and to this day has never been remorseful. Most people have seen she has taken a different direction in life and has estranged anyone who has challenged her. After breaking up with her fiance, she went about 7 weeks on her own before she has hooked up with another guy and been dating for about 7 months now. I still look at what I could have done better, but I was absolutely pushed to my limit and gave up so much of myself for my family, Im so lost...... Her family uses the "hes unstable card" all the time after I react to situations that are totally unfair when the kids are used as pawns, but Ive held long term friendships and careers and have been succesful in business too, but If I mention that if she is after what she has done, they get offended.... Im over feeling this way and still cant move on in my own personal life.....

Chance8888 How to find happiness again!
  • replies: 2

Quick run down my daughter refused to go to school for 1.5 years. I did everything l could but in the end l had to leave work to her to sort out.l had to leave two jobs and was sacked by another for taking time of due to her circumstance.I am now exh... View more

Quick run down my daughter refused to go to school for 1.5 years. I did everything l could but in the end l had to leave work to her to sort out.l had to leave two jobs and was sacked by another for taking time of due to her circumstance.I am now exhausted and feel flat. Usually l strive to find work and love to get into something different.But after two particular jobs here l find myself lost. One particular job l was physically and verbally abused.The other job l really enjoyed but some of the boys called me a sweetheart nutter, loser, played pranks (which may have been funny if it didn't affect my work ability), told l had something wrong with me, generally the job was great working with kids and outdoor activities.l just feel demoralised and have lost confidence.My daughter's time off has drained me as expected to home school when l have had troubles with learning and not great with my English. The school only gave me a English book to guide her and l fell apart!I have had memory problems and just feel pretty worthless.My daughter at times saying she wanted me dead, ugly, can't ride, stupid, got physical but then stopped shortly after that. Told l need to be on medication or in an Mental Institute!I know she has gone through being bullied and other things but the one person l tried for has actually pulled me down!Knowing l should just let these things go and just egnor but l am completely stuffed!!!My daughter has been back at school for a week and l find myself drained and useless!!

Suzy13 Help required.
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone my name is Suzy,today is my first day here.I have a sister who is 67 and she is in a care centre with Dementia.I visit 3 days a week and stay 2-3 hours each visit,my sister is no longer very talkative so I have to try and think of differe... View more

Hi everyone my name is Suzy,today is my first day here.I have a sister who is 67 and she is in a care centre with Dementia.I visit 3 days a week and stay 2-3 hours each visit,my sister is no longer very talkative so I have to try and think of different stories of things happening in the world or just in my every day life.My sister requires full care as she can't do much for herself except eat when food is given to her ,she has no interest in anything anymore.I love spending the time with her and won't give up on her but find I'm breaking down in tears more often and not sleeping well. I have recently started to have nightmares again as I do when stressed, I suffered from post traumatic stress disorder after a physical and mentally abusive marriage and ended seeing a phsycitrist for help. I have come on here hoping for some help and guidance.Thanks