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The love of my life has left me

Longlost
Community Member

Hi, I'm new here and not sure what to expect but I guess nothing can be worse than how I am feeling now.

just over 6 weeks ago my partner of 3 and a half years broke up with me. We were waiting to move into the apartment he had bought and it was so sudden... He said he isn't happy and he needs to be on his own to sort himself out. He works FIFO and had really started shutting me out.

I moved into my own place and am living alone at the moment, I have tried not contacting him, removed him from all social media and deleted his number but we have spoken a few times since it happens, last night being the first time I had seen him in 6 weeks and the last time. He wanted to explain some things to me to help me understand, he still loves me and this was so incredibly hard for him to do but he feels lost, unhappy and wants to be alone while he works his life out.

he wants me to be happy and to find someone who can give me everything I need. He said he will always be there if I ever need him and he loves and cares about me so much. He said it would be selfish to say in a year or two who know what would happen because he doesn't want me to hang onto him and to move on and be happy.

ive booked an appointment to see a counsellor on Friday but there hasn't been one week since it happened I haven't cried. I've never loved anyone like him and the relationship was never bad so I'm finding it so hard and I don't know what to do..

i was keeping active but the last week I've fallen in a heap.

7 Replies 7

Enju
Community Member

Hey sweetie,

I'm sorry you're going through this tough time right now. And I commend you for booking in to see a councilor! That's a great proactive step and one that I hope will help you come to terms with it all. I believe creating some distance by deleting him from social media was a step in the right direction. Well done.

I know it can be hard. But immersing yourself in activities that you enjoy will be a good start. Maybe grabbing a friend and joining the gym, or a sport, or arts and crafts, or anything you enjoy. My personal escape is anime and video games.

I wish you the best of luck with your session. I'd love to hear about how it goes.

Many hugs for you!

Enju x

Longlost
Community Member

Thank you!

i was going to the gym everyday and was also doing Muay Thai but I stopped a week and a half ago because the guy at the desk started hitting on me because he knew what happened and it made me really angry. I need to get back into the gym because it helped at the time.

my friends said they think it will help seeing a cousellor, I have my reservations but I figure it can't hurt...

I was just so blind sided and I've never loved anyone like him before so it's really hard to come to terms with...

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hi Longlost, it's so difficult to lose someone you are in love with, but unfortunately depression makes no excuses to anybody, it does what it intends to do and destroy relationships as well as marriages, and those that are affected always asks the question 'why'.
Sometimes there can be a reason, or sometimes there is a reason which we are not aware of, or it could be a build up of situations that have gone against you for a long time that cause depression of any type.
At the moment your partner probably has no answers as to why he has suddenly felt like this, there could be too many confusing questions which he has no answer for, and for you the main one is that he wants to be alone, and as hard as this is for you, unfortunately this will happen in most occasions.
This doesn't mean that he doesn't love you, but how he can express this love means that he can only do it his way, and not the way you had hoped he would show it to you, because at the moment he is living in a world of so many questions and doubts that he has no answer for.
Can I suggest you click onto 'Get Support' and then scroll down to 'information resources' and then order all the printed material from BB, it's all free, but I hope that it can make you feel as though you might know what he is struggling with.
The guy at the desk tell him you are not interested and to butt out of trying, be upfront, so that you go to gym in peace and quiet. Geoff.

Livv
Community Member
Hi Longlost,

How are things going now?

I seem to be in a similar situation, very sudden break-up and he said very similar things, that he wants me to be happy and to find someone else who can love me as much as i loved him. That he still loves me and will always be there for me, but then he told his friends he doesn't want anything to do with me because its just leading me on and there is no chance of us getting back together. Said he needed to find himself, and couldn't do that while he was with me (seems to be finding himself while chasing other girls)

I've never loved anyone the way i love him and really saw a future with him.
Does it ever get easier? How do you forget someone who was your whole world?

Claire_A
Community Member

Hey lovely,

I hope things are looking up for you today!

I'm in a similar situation- he told me everything was fine and then out of the blue broke up with me saying it was the best thing for him but he still wanted me in his life- two rather contradictory things in my view.

The worst part is the constant questions- the what ifs, the if onlys- and it feels impossible to let them go, and the idea of never being with them is the worst thing in the world.

I wish I could take my own advice but keep your friends and family close, get back to the gym and remember it's okay to cry- just like a broken bone, a broken heart takes a long time to heal 🙂

I really hope you are feeling happier today 🙂

ninej
Community Member

Hi there,

I'm new here and I don't know why I didn't think of joining this group earlier. My partner with depression suddenly left me about 4 weeks ago. He says it is nothing to do with me it's just that he has realised he isn't good at relationships and needs to remain single for the rest of his life. He does however, message me every day and come to visit often, staying a couple of days. It's so confusing, he seems to still care for me and yet he has completely destroyed me. At the moment I think I am in more pain than he is. I can understand it is because of his illness but what to do now....it all seems a bit unclear. Constantly seeing him is nice but I fall apart every time he leaves as I am so confused. I feel that if he wasn't depressed the only sensible thing to do would be to cut off contact......but I care for him.....I know he won't always be depressed.....and I want to be there both now and when he's feeling better. I guess really I'm just venting....there seems to be no real solution...but to know that I'm not the only one, while incredibly sad, is somehow comforting. Being in my own head and crying and feeling hopeless doesn't seem to be making things better but I can't imagine just getting on with life either.

ninej

Luke89
Community Member

Hey Claire,

i can relate to your last post to a tee, in a strange way it's comforting to know this happens to other people and we aren't the insane ones

yep it's pretty confusing when they say to you , I can't be with you but I still want to hear from you- probably the 1 line that has screwed me around the most, I think they want to keep u in their life so you hang around incase they change their mind again - end of the day they don't know what they want.

at least we all know what we want and can Be at peace with that

hope your doing ok

Luke