Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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AWILL My depressed teenage daughter dating a marijuana addict and now is too!!
  • replies: 1

I really can't believe it when the words come out of my mouth " my beautiful, intelligent 15 y.o daughter is addicted to dope as is her boyfriend" I don't know the girl we're living with. We used to have a bubbly, funny gorgeous well adjusted soul. W... View more

I really can't believe it when the words come out of my mouth " my beautiful, intelligent 15 y.o daughter is addicted to dope as is her boyfriend" I don't know the girl we're living with. We used to have a bubbly, funny gorgeous well adjusted soul. We have a happy family and a beautiful life. In year 10this year she has really struggled this year with school, friends etc which is generally quite normal during these adolescent years. We've sought medical advice and she has been prescribed anti-depressants which seemed to be helping along with loads of support. Unfortunately having very low self esteem, a couple of months ago she started dating a 16 y.o boy, also with depression but who also happens to smoke a large amount of marijuana. I didn't like him from day one but of course you can't say that to a 15 y.o in "love"!!! I suspected she also might be partaking but when she started ditching school to hang out with him, her behaviour dramatically changed and her will to do anything disappeared we were left in no doubt. She finally admitted it and we seemed to be helping her withdraw but any suggestion that the boyfriend is not a bad person but just not good for her and contact should be limited results in unparalleled breakdowns. over the past few weeks we appeared to be on top of it but today it was bought to our attention (along which suspiscion due to behaviour again and many false denials) she was smoking again, and he was faciliting it. Once again saying that she would only see him On our terms resulted in another breakdown. We just don't know what to do next. People say -just stop her seeing him!!! If only it were that easy, forbidding a teenager to see her 'love' drives her further into his arms. She can't see that she can't be around people who will facilitate drug use especially given her delicate mental state. I know she is angry at me but I keep assuring her that the Decisions we are making are from love and concern for her welfare?? this is just a nightmare. Will it end???

Jansmy Im just so lonely
  • replies: 5

I hate living alone.. I work fulltime so I have company in the day but the evenings are hell. I have a boyfriend of just over a year, we dont live together yet as he is too scared of moving in due to being burnt in a previous relationship. My childre... View more

I hate living alone.. I work fulltime so I have company in the day but the evenings are hell. I have a boyfriend of just over a year, we dont live together yet as he is too scared of moving in due to being burnt in a previous relationship. My children are grown and live interstate. My boyfriend does shifts so is normally at work in the evening so I sit at home alone and overthink everything then when I do see him I am so worked up over nothing that we end up arguing. No wonder he wont move in with me, but I just cant help it. I just feel so disconnected from everyone, like what am I and whats it all for? I can go days without really really connecting with someone. I seem to spend all my life crying. I do go to a couple of hobbie clubs during the week but as soon as I walk in through my front door Im crying again. I love my home but I hate it being empty, just like me

misskk partner works away
  • replies: 3

Hi. My partner is working away atm he works away all week and comes home either Friday night or some times works Saturday's so I then only see him for 1 night a week. My issue is I over think things especially at night. They do go out for dinner whil... View more

Hi. My partner is working away atm he works away all week and comes home either Friday night or some times works Saturday's so I then only see him for 1 night a week. My issue is I over think things especially at night. They do go out for dinner while down there the first thing I think of is he is being unfaithful to me. I get myself so worked up and end up crying myself to sleep every night.. we speak every night and he does tell me he loves me and I'm the only one for him and he doesn't even speak to over females. I just can't believe him I do love him dearly but this is just tearing me apart. Please help!

Mel... Grief
  • replies: 3

Im 26. I lost my best friend 3 years ago this month suddenly, a week later I lost my uncle in a car accident, yesterday would have been his 40th birthday. 2 years ago another uncle of mine was killed in a bar fight. Today, I got the news that my Nana... View more

Im 26. I lost my best friend 3 years ago this month suddenly, a week later I lost my uncle in a car accident, yesterday would have been his 40th birthday. 2 years ago another uncle of mine was killed in a bar fight. Today, I got the news that my Nana has just had a stroke and probably won't make it. I've had depression on and off for years now, before and during the grief of losing some of the most important people in my life. Right now, I feel like I might explode. I thought today was going to be a better day than yesterday. I don't know how I am going to do another funeral. I'd love some advice and some strength.

scuzzie45 Partners addiction getting overwhelming
  • replies: 8

This is my first post. I am not sure what to write. I am currently lying in bed following an argument with my partner about his marijuana addiction. People probably thinking I am crazy because its not an addictive drug, but I believe it is. Im not su... View more

This is my first post. I am not sure what to write. I am currently lying in bed following an argument with my partner about his marijuana addiction. People probably thinking I am crazy because its not an addictive drug, but I believe it is. Im not sure how to get through to my partner. I have urged him to seek help about it but he just wont. I am not sure what to do next. Sometimes we go out for a nice night out and enjoy ourselves but as soon as we get home he rushes straight to his stash to smoke, i have to drive him everywhere as a consequence. I have spent so long thinking it must be me maybe i am the problem he is trying to avoid. I have communicated this to him but he tells me it isnt me. We started using a safe to try and lock it away until weekends but he will still want it during the week and gets destructive when he doesn't. He has already broken the safe. I am usually a very motivated and happy person but this is really getting me down and i am worried it will pull me further and further down. I dont want to leave him because i love him and i know without help he would possibly spiral further into trouble and i would not want that for him.

kiara_18 Social Anxiety with Old Friends
  • replies: 1

Hello everyone, I am new to this forum and am very grateful that it exists. I am currently facing some depression and anxiety about a friendship group I had from high school. We have been friends for around 12 years and I feel like we have grown apar... View more

Hello everyone, I am new to this forum and am very grateful that it exists. I am currently facing some depression and anxiety about a friendship group I had from high school. We have been friends for around 12 years and I feel like we have grown apart. A few years ago when I was being bullied by another person in the group I felt like the girls were not there for me and really felt let down by it all. Of the group I had expected that a few of the girls would have said something, comforted me or checked if I was okay but no one did. So I gave up and stopped expecting. I completely withdrew from the group for about a year and half and no one really reached out. I made new friends and bless my fiancé (my rock) has always been there for me and we have a very loving life together along with our families and other friends. Lately after some work on myself, I decided that life long friends are hard to find, and after all that time apart maybe I should reach out. I did that and seemed to get not a lot back, from them collectively. I carry some resentment as I felt so alone because of them in the past, not to sound like a victim by any means. But its the same as ever. We are getting married next year and I was and am genuinely confused weather to invite this group of friends to our wedding. I love them and would help them in any way, but I feel like it's not a real friendship. They never exclude me personally, very inclusive and nice enough. But I feel anxious before and after seeing them as I feel that resentment build up. And also have no idea where I stand with them on a one on one level. I asked my self the question would they be upset to not be invited to our wedding and truely the answer I think would be more so upset they dont get to participate in a wedding not mine personally. Honestly it is getting me down, even though I have a lot to be happy and greatful about. I would love some guidance: - Should I speak to them and let them know my feelings and see if its all a misunderstanding over the last few years - Should I email them and say how i feel in a very kind respectful way, honour the friendship and part ways - Should I just hide away from them and delete them off all social media and start a new life Thank you all.

Pineapple_orange Learning to take responsibility and give space in a difficult friendship
  • replies: 2

Hello, I am looking on advice for how to manage a friendship that I have been struggling with for the past three years. This friendship was once a very loving one, but three years ago boundaries were crossed and the nature of the relationship became ... View more

Hello, I am looking on advice for how to manage a friendship that I have been struggling with for the past three years. This friendship was once a very loving one, but three years ago boundaries were crossed and the nature of the relationship became confused. Although I was unaware of it at the time, my self-esteem had become linked to the place that I occupied in this friend's life. My friend was very cavalier in how he handled the change in our relationship and subsequent fall-out, which I found very difficult to deal with. I was so dependent on him that this instance of disregard left me feeling worthless. I needed space, but instead I continually went to him for affirmation, which ultimately made me feel more hurt, worthless and resentful. My friend is well adjusted, and doesn't struggle with the relationship in the way that I do. He drinks and parties a lot, and I find myself doing the same, even though I know that my mental health is fragile and that I do not handle alcohol well. On numerous occasions I have complete lost it while drunk, and have been insulting and offensive. It is completely unfair to him and a huge burden to our mutual friends. I have alienated a number of people. These outbursts send me into a shame spiral, and I apologise compulsively even though I know he is fed-up and needs space. A month ago, after another one-sided alcohol-fuelled fight, I told my friend that the solution I could arrive at was space. This frustrated him and we stopped talking. I saw him at an event with mutual friends on Saturday night. I was highly-strung and we stayed up all night drinking. We were polite to each other, but the next day it was clear that he does need space. I also need space to rebuild my self-worth. I spend hours thinking about this relationship and neglecting what is important to me. My failure to accept the limits of what my friend is able to give me feels disrespectful on my part and at times even controlling. I feel that I have lost my identity and integrity. Yet today I have wanted desperately to reach out for reassurance that everything is OK and that he is not angry with me. It was extremely difficult for me to control this impulse. I need professional help, but in the interim, I am looking for any advice on how to break these destructive patterns, be patient and respectful in allowing for space, and down the track accept this friendship for what it has to offer. Thank you very much for reading this

kitedrew How to deal with consistant physical rejection when you are doing all you can
  • replies: 10

Hi community, I am new to this site and definitely new to having anxiety with physical symptoms. So please be nice but honest!! I am a 32 year, male, medically i am fit and with no issues, dont smoke, dont drink and love being active however anxiety ... View more

Hi community, I am new to this site and definitely new to having anxiety with physical symptoms. So please be nice but honest!! I am a 32 year, male, medically i am fit and with no issues, dont smoke, dont drink and love being active however anxiety has stopped alot of that as sports now triggers breathing difficulties. I have two major anxiety triggers i have learnt about of the last 6 months. One being health based anxiety where a single little pain will trigger an anxiety / panic attack. This one i am working on and doing well at getting over it slowly. However the second is the one i wish advice on. I am due to get married to my gorgeous wife-to-be very soon, and this decision will not change as i really do love her with all my heart. we are both super excited. However over the past year and especially in the last 4 months she has been constantly rejecting my advances. Intimacy has dropped to a level i have never experienced since i was single. Now i know most of you might have the stereotype view that i need to do more around the house to help her and to romance her. But this is not the case with me. I am a hopeless romantic that loves doing little things for my partners, i do all the cooking, most of the cleaning and don't force her to do anything she does not want to do. She can hang with her friends and party without me if she wants as i dont have trust issues. I am a kind, caring and considerate person that considers everyone a friend. It all started when her work life started taking over and she worked 12-14 hour days constantly. She had a stress melt down over work but after she got over it went straight back to working the same crazy hours. She sleeps all the time, falls asleep on date nights, too tired or not in mood in mornings or is too focused on other things. We used to have a great intimacy connection. She has been working on things but in last 4 months her stress levels have decreased a little, which is good. Now last night when i touched and kissed her, suddenly i felt an instant and overpowering feeling of rejection and than anxiety kicked in. I guess i might be overthinking whether that touch will get brushed off or make her feel uncomfy. I am a very physical person and she used to like that. I just need some advice to get through this patch and how people deal with it? I want it to get back to what it used to be but i know it will take time. ps. our communication is good hence why she is trying to work on things.

GuestYD Advice
  • replies: 11

Hi all I'm a woman who has only ever slept with men. I think I'm interested in girls. It's something that keeps coming up since my teens and I tell people at times when I've been drunk. I had a dream last night about a friend proposing to me and I fe... View more

Hi all I'm a woman who has only ever slept with men. I think I'm interested in girls. It's something that keeps coming up since my teens and I tell people at times when I've been drunk. I had a dream last night about a friend proposing to me and I felt so happy. It made so much more sense being with a girl than a guy. What should I do now? Thanks LC

Quaintrelle Don't know how to keep going...
  • replies: 5

I'm 31, in a long term relationship, and 8 months pregnant with my first child (due December 23). I have Persistent Depressive Disorder (or Dysthymia), Major Depression, Anxiety and a substance abuse problem (alcohol). It has been a very difficult pr... View more

I'm 31, in a long term relationship, and 8 months pregnant with my first child (due December 23). I have Persistent Depressive Disorder (or Dysthymia), Major Depression, Anxiety and a substance abuse problem (alcohol). It has been a very difficult pregnancy and dealing with it on top of my pre-existing mental health problems has left me feeling pretty battered, bruised and struggling to cope. Then, about 2 months ago, my Mother had a severe stroke. She is only 53 and - prior to this - was active, independent and in perfect health. She has made incredible progress in terms of recovery but is never going to be the same. As such, she will likely not be able to live independently again (at least, not in the immediate future). I am grieving for the Mother I once knew and, as I prepare to become a mother myself, I feel this lost most keenly. My parents are divorced and so the responsibility for her future care falls to my sister (age 29) and I. Despite the conflicted relationship I have with my Mother, I cannot bear to see her relegated to a residential facility. We are not in a position to fund private care, so it has to be my sister and I who look after her. She is still in hospital for the moment but we have been notified that she could be discharged as early as the 11th of November so we must make plans rather quickly. The idea is for all of us (my mother, sister, partner, our new baby and myself) to move in together so we can share the workload of caring for my Mother at home. While I know that this arrangement makes the most sense, I am feeling so overwhelmed by the prospect that I am struggling to keep going. Instead of spending these last few weeks preparing for my new baby, I am snowed under with responsibility and have so much to do. My Mother is the least organised person I know, and wading through her papers so I can get her finances (etc) in order as her Power of Attorney is a mammoth and seemingly unending task. Dealing with Centrelink to try to arrange a Disability Support Pension and trying to figure out all that she will require once she is home in terms of equipment, support and services (when the hospital will tell me nothing, and the social worker assigned to her case is impossible to get in touch with) is an absolute nightmare! Honestly, I just want to run away, change my name, start again. Some days, all I do is lie in bed and cry. I feel so frustrated, so hopeless, so trapped. I don't know how to keep going. I need help.