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I don't want to be lonely but don't want to see my friends either

Jacksgirls
Community Member

Hi, 

i don't know how many people feel this way, but it really is holding me back..

i want to see my friends all the time but somehow I manage to make up excuses not to.. I don't know why I do this and I hate the fact that I do...

if anyone has any advice for me or does the same please I'd love the chat...

3 Replies 3

sadgirl57
Community Member

Hi jacksgirls,

 I think you'll find a lot of us relate and the best thing I could say would be is don't stress about it too much. You're obviously depressed and so you can't help you don't want to go out get them to come to you perhaps, but in the mean time just try to have things at home you like doing whether it's music, art, cooking. Just try to do things (not binge watching Netflix or anything haha) you really enjoy to lift your spirits and know that when you feel up to it you'll do something. Tell you friends this, tell your friends exactly what you said to us and tell them you need some support, you'll discover your real friends. I only see my friends once every 3 weeks but when I do it's so much fun and then I'm exhausted for 3 weeks until I build up my strengths again. I only have like 5 friends now because of not going out but they're my real bros that know and love me despite barely seeing me. Just try not to over think it and make it one of the many unnecessary things you worry about (as we do). I'm sure you have enough on your plate, don't think about it, just do. Look after yourself, eat well, be open to people, exercise and do what you love.

Take care,
Sadgirl57

HeathenStar
Community Member

Hello there Jacksgirls!

I am astonished to find another afflicted with what I term loosely "the wishy-washies". Thank you for posting, it lends a little ease to my heart to know I am, and you are, not alone with this debilitating condition.

I too am a gregarious person, and really enjoy and cherish the few good friendships I have been able to nurture. Up until recently I have battled my depression alone and in silence. A good friend, upon noticing my withdrawal from socialising, buttonholed me. With the greatest respect for my feelings they simply asked me point blank if I knew that I was showing little interest in engaging with them and the world in general. I have to say because of their display of empathy and concern I was, firstly frightened of losing their respect,love and friendship, secondly I had to be honest with myself and admit to withdrawing and thirdly relief welled up inside me and I wept openly and completely came to pieces. My friend, patiently allowed me to gather myself and asked a question I had never pondered, "Do you know the definition of insanity?" they asked. I was instantly on guard, ready to go off in indignation. I saw a tear in their eye and instead of ranting I stopped myself and, I feel, because of their concern for my feelings earlier, had to ask if I had upset them. No, was their response. Confused I asked why the tears, I don't understand. She simply said to me, "I have been waiting so long for this situation to occur that I am as relieved as you and these tears are because I too, suffer from depression and have been helped by my talking to good friends. By allowing them to see behind the veil, and understanding that avoiding contact is not what I truly wanted, they were able to put aside their belief in a lack of interest on my part and see there really was something happening within my psyche that made interacting painful, embarrassing and difficult." I was beside myself as this was exactly the feelings I was experiencing.

So, the answer, to their question is."The definition of insanity is repeating patterns of behaviour over and over and expecting different results." A simple answer I realise, but scratch the surface of the feelings you may be enduring and recognize that maybe you too are repeating behaviours. I am not saying you are insane only that the repetition and expectation is. I try every day to face this, and try to find a different approach. It helps. Please try. Thank you again for being so brave.

Hi HeathenStar

I know this post was from a couple of years ago but i just came across it & wanted to let you know it brought me to tears (although thats not that hard at the moment!) It is so beautifully written and exactly my story.

I have been suffering in silence for about 6 months and only recently a close friend did exactly the same thing for me. The fact that someone noticed & was brave enough & cared enough to ask astounded me.

I now have 4 friends that know about my feelings but they are a great support. As I'm sure you know it is a constant battle with lots of ups and downs. But i have looked through these forums before & have never read one as spot on as yours.

I hope you are still on this site. You seem to have wise words for people going through this awful illness. Thank you for making me feel less alone in this crazy world.