Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Lonely22 I hate myself
  • replies: 5

I'm pathetic, I pray and pray for things to turn around with my social life, I mean I'm 22 and never had a relationship. I've had so many opportunities in my life, girls that I had every opportunity to be with, make friends, especially coming out of ... View more

I'm pathetic, I pray and pray for things to turn around with my social life, I mean I'm 22 and never had a relationship. I've had so many opportunities in my life, girls that I had every opportunity to be with, make friends, especially coming out of primary school, then it all turned bad. I thought it would fix itself, only to have my social skills, innocent, young physical appearance leave me. Now I'm alone, and haven't a friend in past 4 years. I meet potential friends enough I suppose, probably 4 or 5 a year I really see myself with, but it never works out b/c I hate who I am, my appearance, communication skills, I'm so introverted I can never hold up a conversation, let alone initiate one. I just can't stand myself right now, the past 6 days all I've wanted is to see this girl I like, and convince myself that I could talk to her, have meaningful conversation and ask her out... I mean this is someone I haven't seen for 3 months, probably only 2 times this past year, and I prayed to God laboriously for just one chance, and wouldn't you know it I just saw this person, by chance, by gods blessing, and I took it for granted, I just couldn't bring myself to approach her, but I couldn't have asked for a better scenario to do so, and u couldn't even do that. I'm so shy, I'm so ugly, why would she even like me... Taking not accepting friend request on FB is indication she not interested, that's why I just have no confidence whatsoever, even if I did, I'm a loner w nothing to offer, people my age, they want socialising and happiness, fun, I just don't have any to offer. I hate myself more than ever right now, nothing is helping, no one wants to be with Me, nobody has proved me otherwise, I take more and more antidepressants, any anxiety medication, none of it helps, and I can't kill myself b/c I'm Christian and obviously right now is so difficult but I don't want an eternity of this hell, I'm just so afraid of being a 30, 40 year old with no friends, no social life or relationship, living on an average income alone, I see people like this every week and I never want this, but feel like there's nothing I can do to turn things around without surgery or something, God can only bless me to a point, like today where I have an opportunity to make a friend, but I let it go and now I don't deserve gods help, why should God help me when I ignore blessings and oppottunities.

gloria10 Longterm friendship over
  • replies: 4

I've been noticing my depression/anxiety has been a bit affected lately, due to the fact that a friendship that I had for 12 years suddenly seem to change overnight and I had a tough call to end it completely when I wasn't ready. (I had to do this fo... View more

I've been noticing my depression/anxiety has been a bit affected lately, due to the fact that a friendship that I had for 12 years suddenly seem to change overnight and I had a tough call to end it completely when I wasn't ready. (I had to do this for my health) I thought writing my thoughts and sharing how I feel may help. I was penfriends (wrote emails) with someone for a long time, normally sending emails once a week, although this naturally changes a bit when things get busy. He is married but its always just been a friendship and we'd say simple things like 'how has your week been?' or 'have you got any plans for the holidays?' Very basic stuff, but we have also met a few times and I even went to his wedding. For me it was only friendship though. I think I am just baffled that when he got a new job things seemed to change over night and this isn't like him. He used to be a very caring person and always made an effort and then it was like he just gave up on a friendship when this new job came in. Could it be greed? Putting his job first to get to the top? I dont feel I can talk to my mum about it either as she says 'what, you're still friends with him?' like my friendship shouldn't matter. I am considering seeing a psychologist as I think it would help and I just wanted to know if there's any advice for dealing with these things in the mean time. Im going to try exercising this weekend and I find singing helps me deal with emotions too, but any other advice would help too.

j88 Who do I choose?
  • replies: 9

Hello, after having my 1st child 4 years ago I was diagnosed with post natal depression and have dealt with it ever since. I have suspected I have always had some sort of depression since I was young. I feel like I'm going down hill fast again. My mu... View more

Hello, after having my 1st child 4 years ago I was diagnosed with post natal depression and have dealt with it ever since. I have suspected I have always had some sort of depression since I was young. I feel like I'm going down hill fast again. My mum is recovering from breath cancer where she needed a mastectomy, chemo and radiation which was really tough on her and everyone in the family. As a special celebration of everything she has been through we wanted to take her away to the one place she has always wanted to go, to santorini. Unfortunately my husband can't come as he has to work. Originally I thought he was fine if we all went and I took our children without him. As it's coming to the booking stage now he is has gotten terribly upset saying numerous reasons why I'm being selfish wanting to go without him and how he would never do that to me. I just need some outside perspective. My family is desperate for me to come as everyone is going but my husnand is also in a terrible way and I'm afraid of what's going to happen. I am desperate to go to but don't want to hurt my husband. I can't please my family myself and my husband all at once and I'm going into a dark place. I know it doesn't make sense but I feel like hurting myself, im not eating and can't stop crying. I just don't know what to do

Nickname_8FAC1CCC-38FC-4C Girlfriend or carer?
  • replies: 5

I am in a relationship with a partner who has depression. It has been two years since we got together. He is a naturally introverted guy and ever since we met it has always been me leading us to do things, it was even me who got us together. But the ... View more

I am in a relationship with a partner who has depression. It has been two years since we got together. He is a naturally introverted guy and ever since we met it has always been me leading us to do things, it was even me who got us together. But the past year and a half has been bad as he has been going down hill. I feel like his mother nagging him to take his medication (he is only back on meds as I suggested he needed support from them), to book an appointment with the psychologist. Whenever I try to talk to him about it and how I feel not supported he puts a wall up and shuts down. It feels like I am living with a zombie and I am no longer attracted to him. I am in the middle now between being his girlfriend or his carer. He doesn't have any friends anymore and no support from his family. I dont know what to do. I have spoken to a counsellor and she says I need to decide if I continue in the relationship and be his carer or his girlfriend or end the relationship - but I always put others first and I am so afraid of ending it for some reason. I dont want him to have no one. Helllpppp.

Sahm88 So lost.
  • replies: 8

I don't know if I'm writing this to get feedback from others, or just to get it off my chest. Im 28, 6 months ago I was dumped by the guy who I thought was my one. He had been my best friend for 4 years, partner for 2, friend for 8. I found myself li... View more

I don't know if I'm writing this to get feedback from others, or just to get it off my chest. Im 28, 6 months ago I was dumped by the guy who I thought was my one. He had been my best friend for 4 years, partner for 2, friend for 8. I found myself living in a different state with no where to live and spent 6 weeks sleeping on couches of friends I had made at work. Convincing myself that it was a rough patch and he would change his mind. He didn't. He ended things because he felt like he couldn't give me what I need and because he thought I was so miserable living away from our friends and family. He has PTSD after serving overseas so he had really withdrawn from me and shut down emotionally rather than talking to me. i feel so embarrassed that I still feel as heart broken as the day it ended. I still feel like I have a massive hole in my heart and I miss him every day. Ive just moved home and found my own unit. Currently its minimally furnished until I can save for more (I left with what I could fit in my car). I spend a lot of time by myself because I can't afford to go out and do things. He sends me money often. Maybe because he cares and feels like it's the only way he can be there for me at the moment, or maybe I'm thinking into it to much. At work I'm the happy go lucky girl. But I think there's only one person who sees how much I'm struggling and on the weekend I think I successfully ruined my friendship with her. People keep pushing me to go on dates or "hook up" with someone, but I'm not interested in anyone else. I cry each night and I'm so lost. I thought he was going to propose and instead he dumped me 3 days after our anniversary. He says he doesn't want this to be forever, but now I feel too hurt to let anyone near me again. i feel so pathetic for still feeling this way, for still loving him and making excuses for him. I have so much guilt over things that happened in the start. I think that contributed to the break up. I can't forgive myself. I was seeing a psychologist before I left, but now I live alone I can't afford it. I don't know how to be the happy fun confident girl that I used to be and I'm petrified of being alone or without him. It breaks my heart that I lost my best friend and my boyfriend at the same time. I'm the only one of my friends who isn't married and/or has children and they're all younger than me. I just don't know what to do or how to move forward or how to wake up and think that today might actually be a good day.

TLD Am I depressed
  • replies: 3

Hi I am a 22 year old male who is in a current relationship of 5 years and have 2 children. I work full time in a very physically and draining job. I come home and I'm always tired and even tired at work even though I get a solid sleep. I feel as if ... View more

Hi I am a 22 year old male who is in a current relationship of 5 years and have 2 children. I work full time in a very physically and draining job. I come home and I'm always tired and even tired at work even though I get a solid sleep. I feel as if though people are always judging me and that I am mentally drained. I don't feel good enough for her, feels like we have nothing in common. I feel very private and I can't talk about our relationship or anything. I get jealous very easily and I always seem down as in feeling like she can do better. When I get home from work all I want to do is just stay home on weekends and do nothing as it feels as if though I never get to relax, some days I feel suicidal but I wouldn't go and do anything as I think of my kids and what it would be like for them to not have a father I feel always tired, always sad and pissed off and it's really effecting those around me. I think I could have depression but I don't know what depression feels like and I don't have anyone to talk to. Is there anyone that could tell me about some symptoms

starlight86 Left out at work, advice please!
  • replies: 3

I feel I need to get this off my chest and ask others for opinions.. I'm deaf, I can hear quite well with my aids, and my speach is almost perfect- the downside is that most people often forget or don't realise that I don't hear well due to having a ... View more

I feel I need to get this off my chest and ask others for opinions.. I'm deaf, I can hear quite well with my aids, and my speach is almost perfect- the downside is that most people often forget or don't realise that I don't hear well due to having a great speech as well it is a hidden disability. There are limitations when you have a hearing loss. I work in a happy friendly medium sized company full time, I have been there for 2 years, I have no problems communicating with my work colleagues at work based on 1-1 conversations. However, the issue is that I have noticed that people had been socialising a lot outside of work- they're all split into different groups, i.e young Australians, mothers, Asians etc. I feel left out when I'm not invited to any appropriate events. I think to myself why do they not ask me? It's hurtful. I often see them having a good time on Facebook and I feel I should be part of it. I don't expect to be invited to all of them but a few of them would be lovely. Now, I often dread going into work and feel a little anxious as sometimes I feel that they think I'm boring due to hearing limitations and they may dislike me even though they put a friendly face at work. Its so hard for me to hear in group conversations and to act totally myself. It's hard for me to make friends. Maybe, that's why I'm left out? Put yourself into my shoes. Imagine yourself working in a foreign country only understanding basic language and just managing to get by,how would you feel in a group setting when they're speaking fast and fluent? Anyway, if I notice people laughing about something I can't say 'Hey, what is everyone is talking about?' Because past experiences responses were 'Don't worry,' which upset me and this let me down. I also don't want to annoy them by repeating 'Hey, whats happening?' So, I sit there in silence not understanding what is going on. I just wanted to feel included! However, 3 work colleagues had said 'lets catch up one day' but never took place, its always me that makes the effort, why say it if you don't mean it? I'm reluctant to talk with anyone at work because I'm not close to anyone, I feel embarrassed, stupid and people may think I am over-reacting! I don't know how to approach the situation. People describes me as having a good heart, friendly, considerate and always like to get along with people.My sister said I shouldn't worry as I have lots of friends outside of work. Advice please (Feel silly writing this)

tking90 Work Relationship gone south
  • replies: 2

I am a 26 year old male having issues with myself and a relationship I had formed in the work place. We started out 6 months ago by sleeping together after a drunken night out but then continued to see each other after woods. After a couple of weeks ... View more

I am a 26 year old male having issues with myself and a relationship I had formed in the work place. We started out 6 months ago by sleeping together after a drunken night out but then continued to see each other after woods. After a couple of weeks she explained to me that she was not looking for anything serious as she had come out of a relationship previously and wanted to enjoy life. I took a couple steps back from how fast paced things had come between us and this not did sit well for her, as she came to my house one night crying and begging things be normal. After that things somewhat became normal again but I became a bit of a dick at times and would always say little things to get a reaction but she genuinely seemed to care about me but the whole "not wanting anything serious" really played on me as she seemed to wanting the best of both worlds. Until just before I left for Europe which I had already booked before I met her we ended up having a fight over nothing and I ignored her at work when she tried to say goodbye as I was hurt from everything. When in Europe I tried to talk but then we ended up having another fight due to her stating "we were never in a relationship so you can see whoever you want" So I ended up deleting her and blocking her on all forms of social media to cut all contact and did not speak for 6 weeks. When I got back to work we tried to mend things but I kept hearing from staff how she had told them "He blocked me off all social media because he was upset that I did not like him as much as he liked me" which really burned me because I felt it was quite equal for the most part. So for the last 3 months that I have been back, it has been an on and off again friendship, but whenever I would feel down I go into a shell and ignored her as it was how I dealt with things in life. This embarrassed her as this was at work and I admit it was not nice as I can be very cold when upset or angry. After so much effort and back and forth she did always try and make sure we were friends and in each others lives even though I was trying to push her out of my life at times even though I actually never wanted that, I wanted to be with her. Then once things had finally gotten good as far as we thought at work, We had another work function where we ended up getting extremely drunk and sleeping together again even though I was trying to do the right thing and back away, I gave in as I wanted it as much as I thought she did.

Coddiwompler Mother issues - feeling confused
  • replies: 2

I will try and condense this as much as possible! Raised by divorced parents, used as a pawn, emotionally neglected and a ton of other stuff! Bottom line, my now elderly mum (80years) has lots of health issues along with a lifetime of her own mental ... View more

I will try and condense this as much as possible! Raised by divorced parents, used as a pawn, emotionally neglected and a ton of other stuff! Bottom line, my now elderly mum (80years) has lots of health issues along with a lifetime of her own mental demons due to her own childhood. I love her dearly and recognise she did the best she could as a mother and I know she loves me and my sister very much. She is now very infirm and checked out of the aged care home and into independent living. She leans of me a lot and due to my own mental health, I find it very stressful. When she went into aged care, she gifted me her car and even though I offered to pay for it she insisted I have it in payment for all I do for her. Last week I rang her to tell her I was trading it in on a brand new car, thinking she would be excited for me but she was very angry and told me to stop the trade in and she will have her car back now. I was floored at her attitude and did as she wanted. I've since dropped her car off to her (didn't see her by choice) and wrote her a letter saying I love her dearly but need a break from her as I am fragile mentally due to all the stress. I was kind in the letter and told her I would be in touch when I felt stronger. She left a voice mail on my phone saying how very sorry she is and that she loves me very much and doesn't want to lose me. My sister is concerned this has tipped her over the edge and now I am absolutely confused about what to do. If I don't take this break I will slip back into a depression, as it is my anxiety is over the top but if I stay away, mum will suffer so much, seeing my break as rejection. I would very much appreciate anyones outside view on this as I am in turmoil and that is of course making my mental state worse :-(. FYI: I am Bipolar 2, PTSD, and GAD.

J_M Ending a friendship is tough
  • replies: 8

My job pretty much dictates that I can only be friends with people in the same industry. However, sometimes, someone comes into your life and you work around it. I became friends with someone and at first, it was so great not staying at home all the ... View more

My job pretty much dictates that I can only be friends with people in the same industry. However, sometimes, someone comes into your life and you work around it. I became friends with someone and at first, it was so great not staying at home all the time if I had night shifts off. I should have known it would be a train wreck the first time she betrayed my confidence! But I put it down to a mistake and forgave her. Since then, she has broken my trust a couple more times.. I also heard reports of her speaking very inappropriately around people I know. She got arrested for being drunk and disorderly, again, around people I know, also, she can't take an Uber because she physically assaulted a driver! Through all of this, I've been supportive of her, I have some troubles at the moment and she can't be bothered to even call me.. it seems I've spent a lot of time and energy on a 'friend ' that didn't deserve it... feeling so sad right now