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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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shanethepain obsessive anxiety
  • replies: 2

Hi im new to this so please forgive me if ive posted in the wrong topic . Where do i begin im 40 years old i began suffering anxiety from about 15 after my mother died .ive been masking it with alcohol for the last 25 years . I was in a relationship ... View more

Hi im new to this so please forgive me if ive posted in the wrong topic . Where do i begin im 40 years old i began suffering anxiety from about 15 after my mother died .ive been masking it with alcohol for the last 25 years . I was in a relationship for 12 mths up to 2 weeks ago. I was drinking every second night .the girl didnt like it but i would get irradiated and anxious every seond night . The anxiety in the end caused me to think differently and things werent natural with us anymore .she asked me to leave third time in as many months Its been 2 weeks but im obsessing over her everywhere i go shes in my head .all day every day ,she has told me to leave her alone ,ive sent several txts over the last 2 weeks . but for some reason i keep thinking that somehow she will come around and take me back ,its consuming my mind im struggling with everyday things and feel so alone .i sent her a txt explaining i was suffering anxiety and the alcohol was just making it worse .She didnt respond which is just compounding my obsessive thoughts i feel so hopeless i just want to be normal .i know i need to respect her decision. Im booked for docs on tues and hoping he can do a mental health plan as i cant cope with this crazy obsessive thoughts .ive never received treatment for anxiety but im hoping finally getting help will fix my messed up brain

Ahsatan Please help.. I feel so trapped
  • replies: 1

I just need someone out of this situation to talk too. It's a long story but essentially i am living with a partner that I can't emotionally give myself too anymore. He came from overseas to be with me and I feel so trapped and that I can't break up ... View more

I just need someone out of this situation to talk too. It's a long story but essentially i am living with a partner that I can't emotionally give myself too anymore. He came from overseas to be with me and I feel so trapped and that I can't break up with him, I don't want to hurt him. I can't hurt him again this will be the second time in 6 months I would have broken up with him. He has bad anxiety and depression and I constantly feel his stress, it destroys me. I just want some kind of calm place to be. Work is horrible and I can only use it as a safe haven for so long without him getting upset that im not home. I can't see a way out. This is only a quarter of the story as well. I just don't know if I should post everything here. I'm starting to feel like the only way out isn't a good one.

Guest_989 Brief thought of what could have been
  • replies: 6

I have BPD and it cost me my partner of 7 years, children and house Also met a lovely woman last year spent a few months with her before my borderline broke her It wasn't until after these two, I was diagnosed and started the pathway to recovery 6 mo... View more

I have BPD and it cost me my partner of 7 years, children and house Also met a lovely woman last year spent a few months with her before my borderline broke her It wasn't until after these two, I was diagnosed and started the pathway to recovery 6 months later, I'm like a new person...the guy I was 10 years ago...carefree, dedicated, calm, relaxed and focused on all the positives in life These two ladies, there is no going back too..too much damage was done What makes me have a moment of sadness occasionally is the "what could have been?" What if I was diagnosed properly years ago, started proper treatment earlier. Chances are I'd still have my partner and daughters. It's sad for me when the what if thought pops into my head I don't ruminate on it, and I let the feeling go as quickly as it comes..but it is something that continuously rears its head My BPD coping skills learnt allow me to not let the emotional response grow and manifest into a negative reaction, but none the less it's not a nice feeling Don't really have a question, just putting my thoughts to paper I guess

Nickyall Husband not dealing with me having friends
  • replies: 4

Where to start.....My husband and I have been together for over 25 years and very early in our relationship my best friend passed away. Since then I literally shut myself off from all outside friendships (this was something I did unconsciously and I'... View more

Where to start.....My husband and I have been together for over 25 years and very early in our relationship my best friend passed away. Since then I literally shut myself off from all outside friendships (this was something I did unconsciously and I've only realised quite recently when I reflected back on my life). So the past year has seen me make many new friends and form a close friendship with my now best friend. We go to the same women's gym & I go to gym 4-6 times a week. I go to gym early in the mornings before my family wake up. In short, my husband is jealous of my new friends. I know this is different for him because he is used to having me all to himself since very early in our relationship. He has made me feel guilty to go to gym in the mornings. Whenever I want to go have a coffee with my friends, I feel like a child who needs to ask permission to go. I probably do something socially with my friends once a month. I literally get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach to even mention doing anything with my friends, especially my best friend. My husband has accused me of having an emotional affair with her. Yes I love her, but in a platonic way. My husband can have a social life and come and go as he pleases, but I have to "convince" him to "allow" me to go anywhere; have to specify who I will be with; when I will be home; co-ordinate our kids for while I am out; organise their meals while I am out; then clean up the mess when I return home. Whereas at the drop of a hat, my husband can take off for lunch with his mates and not return until after midnight. I don't want a life like that, but I don't want world war 3 just because I do want to hang out with the girls. Our relationship is not balanced. I feel like I am lost. I don't know what I want from my life but I know this isn't it. I want to be happy. I want to spend time with my friends. I love my time with my family and husband but I need more. I feel like life shouldn't be this difficult. I have lost myself and my passion while I was busy giving to everyone around me (we have 6 children). I was happy with my life but as the kids grow, they don't need me like they used to and I guess I am only now seeing my life for what it really is and I'm not sure I like it. Am I making this into something bigger than it is..... I'd love some advice on how to make my husband see I need some down time with my friends......What do you make of the situation I've described?

Isol completely isolated and lonely in the city
  • replies: 8

I suffered a life changing accident 2yrs ago at the time when I was suffering from empty nest. I am on my own with my dog(long term separatedand can't move on).. I used to fill my days but now after the accident I lost most of my career and I can't d... View more

I suffered a life changing accident 2yrs ago at the time when I was suffering from empty nest. I am on my own with my dog(long term separatedand can't move on).. I used to fill my days but now after the accident I lost most of my career and I can't do much physical activity. I aged 20yrs and moves like a 90yr old. this is hard to take at the time when aging is the most confronting. I have no friends or family support, no career or colleagues, no relationship and have someone to lean on. I have blocked my situation out during my raising kids alone. Butt now I am a empty nester, lack social contact from my job , plus my injury without anayone to help me when I was temporary disabled and still struggling to walk without pain, I felt the full force of the isolation and loneliness. I feel I am dying of loneliness and my brian is slowing down and getting demented I find myself searching for reasons to live as just existing is pointless. I was a strong person and used to find strength in getting myself out of black holes somehow, but with many thing happening to me at the same time it has finally broke me! Any advise or just lend an ear would be nice. Thanks

JARH Infidelity and the lasting effects
  • replies: 10

Several years ago I discovered my husband was having an affair (lasting 3 months), we had been married for over 30 years. I thought it was a solid loving relationship. I felt like my world fell apart, my husband cut ties with the other woman(ow) and ... View more

Several years ago I discovered my husband was having an affair (lasting 3 months), we had been married for over 30 years. I thought it was a solid loving relationship. I felt like my world fell apart, my husband cut ties with the other woman(ow) and has continued to work hard to rebuild the trust. However I feel weak for staying with him, I obsess over the ow and need to know everything about her. I know this is not healthy and only hurting me but I can't stop. I have days were I am really low and just cry, I mourn the loss of what I thought my husband and I had together. Other days I feel like I can conquer the world, My love for my children and grandchildren keep me going. I want to stop obsessing, I want to stop thinking that I'm the loser. I knew the ow. She appeared to have everything, also married (no children) attractive and confident. I feel by posting this I may be able to connect with other people who have gone through the same. I desperately want to move forward but feel in a rut.

AbandonedPanda Parable of the Abandoned Panda
  • replies: 13

I have been with my partner for more than a decade. She is my world and is the most perfect thing that exists. I adore her and am madly in love with her. I show her her everyday and do my best to make her feel like a princess. We have always got alon... View more

I have been with my partner for more than a decade. She is my world and is the most perfect thing that exists. I adore her and am madly in love with her. I show her her everyday and do my best to make her feel like a princess. We have always got along great and have built a wonderful life together. We've been through so much together, deaths,job stress, home stress, attempted suicide of 2 of my family but we supported each other and we got thru it. life was perfect for me.... Then in the last year, she has started getting really depressed. Always lathargic and doesn't want to do anything. I am always there to support her as her 'friends and family' are they are only there when they feel like it. I don't mind, I have got really good at locking my own issues away so I can focus on making her happy. As long as she is happy I am happy! I love her so much. Things got bad when she told me it would be easier if she ended it all. My heart broke. I was there for her And we talked it through and I was able to show her the bright side of life. She went to bed peaceful and happy and I waited till she was asleep, locked myself in the bathroom and cried like a baby. It broke me.we got through it tho and things got better and she was much happier. Then a few months ago she tells me she is not happy! She wants out. I plead with her not to throw away 10 years of good times for a few sad times. We talk and make a commitment to support eachother like we have always done. Things get better and I'm do everything I can to keep her happy while dealing with my own issues internally. Then 1 day I get home from work and she's gone. No note, nothing, her stuff is gone an I fall apart. My perfect life crumbles as I am nothing without her. My beautiful princess has abandoned me! After a decade of supporting her, this is all I am worth. I have nothing left, I'm a mess without her! I can't function without her! She's my everything. I get in touch with her and she says she needs space. I say u can have space but u can't give up on us over nothing! We are so worth it to try and fix it. She doesn't want to try! She's done. She has made up her mind and I cant change it. She chooses her friends over me, I am expendable. I beg her to try because we are so great together but she doesn't want to believe it.I adore her, she is the love of my life and I would give anything 2 be with her, she is my soulmate. Without her I have nothing. This woman has broken my heart but all I need is her.

Gabeppp MONSTER IN LAW
  • replies: 8

My MIL is staying from out of town. its fine to start with. But she has been here for over a week now and plans to stay another a week! it's too much. I enjoy my alone time and need to relax. But she is constantly fluttering around the house. Asking ... View more

My MIL is staying from out of town. its fine to start with. But she has been here for over a week now and plans to stay another a week! it's too much. I enjoy my alone time and need to relax. But she is constantly fluttering around the house. Asking me every hour of I want a coffee. Etc etc just constantly being around Every time she out stays her welcome. My mental health already strains the relationship I have with my partner. When I have asked him to tell her to leave in the past it turns into an argument and I am made to feel like the horrible person. i am just so annoyed that she thinks she is entitled to stay with us in our SMALL home for so long. We don't have kids but if we did she'd be the type of MIL to stay for weeks straight after the babies arrival. Just the thought frustrates me. But like I said I have tried to make my partner put up boundaries with no luck or support from him. Hpw to get her out? I have already started using up all the hot water in the mornings and doing other little annoying things.

startingnew i dont know what to feel or what to do..?
  • replies: 14

Hi guys im in a bit of a situation. Im not so much as jealous as I am angry about this situation and im having a lot of trouble moving forward with it. So when I was about 9 I was offerred a horse to ride as my mums boyfriend owned a riding school an... View more

Hi guys im in a bit of a situation. Im not so much as jealous as I am angry about this situation and im having a lot of trouble moving forward with it. So when I was about 9 I was offerred a horse to ride as my mums boyfriend owned a riding school and no one ever used this horse as she was suited to beginners so they offered her to me and said if I do the work with her which pretty much included rebreaking in then I could ride her and take her to horse shows and do pony club with her and she was mine to keep for as long as possible. So I worked on this horse for 6 years and had this horse almost perfect but not for beginners still as she use to buck but as I trained her up she was so trusting of me she almost seemed like another horse for other people and she hated other people riding her. I took her to pony club, beach rides, road rides and taught her how to travel on a float and came home with many ribbons even if they were 5th it didnt matetr to me. This horse was my best friend and I spent every waking hour with her when I wasnt at school. After these years though, mum and her boyfriend broke up and without a word or warning, my mum got a phone call saying that if I was to enter the property they would call the police on me. I never even got to say goodbye to her it breaks my heart every time I think about her. And my sister- her pop s the one who owns the horse so my sisters still Is allowed on the property and when she goes up there she talks about her without the intention of hurting me but it breaks my heart every single day. I havent felt the same about horses since nor have I been able to form a connection with one since then and this was 6 years ago and do you know what makes it worse, where I live the property is pretty much at the back of our house and theres abike track and every now and then I go for a walk along there ad I see her and I call her and she knows who it is I can see it in her eyes but she cant come over as theres far to much gap between the fence and where I am. Sometime I wish I could just jump the fence and go see her. I miss her so much

Taylah75 Thanks
  • replies: 1

I'm on the search for the post I posted some months ago and can't find it. I received great advice from pipsy I'm sure that's her name on here! I wanted to touch base with her and let her know that I'm doing great and wanted to say thanks for the sup... View more

I'm on the search for the post I posted some months ago and can't find it. I received great advice from pipsy I'm sure that's her name on here! I wanted to touch base with her and let her know that I'm doing great and wanted to say thanks for the support at the time as I come out of a relationship with a narcissist! If you read this would be good to hear from you and let you know where I'm at