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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Melncoly Empty Nest??
  • replies: 3

I'm feeling so sad, lost and it feels like my soul has been crushed...again. I'll try not to go off on a tangent but I will also start from the beginning. My daughter moved from Perth to Sydney 6 years ago when she was 12 to live with her father. Thi... View more

I'm feeling so sad, lost and it feels like my soul has been crushed...again. I'll try not to go off on a tangent but I will also start from the beginning. My daughter moved from Perth to Sydney 6 years ago when she was 12 to live with her father. This broke my heart as I had been the sole parent to her for 8 years. We had a great life, but then I met my now husband who is amazing and right from the start my daughter held a grudge against him as she had never lived or shared her time with anyone but me. Life got tough, she started lying to her friends and making up far fetched stories about our life to everyone. We tried so hard to help put her on the right track, but in the end she made the choice to move to Sydney to live with her father and his family where she completed high school, completed a part time tafe course that has her qualified in childcare, had a casual job while at school, had a school formal and got her driver's license. All of these things as a parent I had to experience from across the other side of the country. It was hard not being there to be apart of her teenage life. We spoke regularly on the phone and became closer even though we were so far apart. She came back to Perth for holidays a handful of times, but holidays are always better than "real life" Things started to get tough for her at the end of last year and to cut a long story short, she made the choice to relocate back to Perth for a fresh start. YAYYYYY!!! My "little" girl was finally coming home. My husband, but more so me were over the moon!! We've had just over 3 months with her and this week she told us she's moving back to Sydney in a weeks time. She says she's not happy here, she's working casual at a supermarket, she hasn't made any friends and hasn't landed a childcare job that she so wants to have. I'm heartbroken and cannot believe this is happening again. I feel I haven't had enough time with her. My heart hurts so much, I feel like a apart of me is dying, my soul feels shattered and I don't know how i'm going to get through this...again. All I want is for her to be happy but i'm not ready to say goodbye.

Evie_ Advice on Repairing a parent / child relationship Please
  • replies: 2

Hi For 2.5 - 3 years I have been in a divorce and settlement. It has all the ugly bits of a relationship breakdown. The sad casualties of this is our children. My ex-husband and I have parent orders now its equal share. But due to the age of my eldes... View more

Hi For 2.5 - 3 years I have been in a divorce and settlement. It has all the ugly bits of a relationship breakdown. The sad casualties of this is our children. My ex-husband and I have parent orders now its equal share. But due to the age of my eldest, this child can choose to stay where they would like. I have haven't spoken to my eldest since these the separation. My ex is in the martial house. I text every week, and email regularly but I never get any replies. I keep the messages light hearted, just reminding them that I'm here when they are ready. I cant prove that there is other contributing factors, but I doubt the proper support is offered in terms of our reconciliation. Many milestones have been missed for both of us. I have some reassurance that my child is doing ok at school, and they are safe and well looked after. The child can walk past me at school, and is able to ignores me, but I feel the sadness. I found letters tonight, our relationship was always so good. Most days it's pushed down so I can get on with things, but tonight it's not. Has anyone had a similar situation. What did they do to repair their relationship . How long did it take for them to come home. My child is in year 12, they will be gone in a few months. Free to explore the world. Our time as parent and child has been cut very short. I hope this doesn't haunt them later too. Do I need to fight harder for my child or is waiting the only way forward. Eve

Bjh95 Feel like giving up on being a mum
  • replies: 2

I always had a certain imagine in my head of how I wanted to be as a mum. I pictured myself being this nurturing mother who would have a lot of time and patience for whatever may come with having a baby. But what I pictured I would be, I am far from ... View more

I always had a certain imagine in my head of how I wanted to be as a mum. I pictured myself being this nurturing mother who would have a lot of time and patience for whatever may come with having a baby. But what I pictured I would be, I am far from it. Which utterly breaks my heart to pieces knowing that I am not the mother I want to be. I feel like giving up, every aspect in my life just isn't right or where I want it to be. My partner and our son are living with my dad at the moment and it's having a toll on our relationship, and my relationship with my father. I am struggling to look after my son as he is starting to throw massive tantrums and he is always on the go go go. He is very demanding and not at all placid, I find it hard to keep up with his wants and needs. I am expected by my dad to cook dinner for everyone every night and have the kitchen spotless even though my eighteen year old brother who does't work or go to uni sits on his video games and does nothing. My health is deteriorating. I have been suffering from a chronic tension headache for the last two weeks and now I have a persistent cough that has kept me awake all night for the past 5 days. I feel at a complete low, psychically and emotionally. Not to mention the amount of weight I have put on since having my son and I can't seem to shake it back off. I feel like a stranger in my once healthy body and I am so embarrassed, I don't even leave the house anymore. My partner is slaving his backside off at work so we can move out of our dads and into our own place, and I can only imagine how he is feeling having to deal with work, a restless and irritable baby and dealing with my ongoing breakdowns and episodes. I could go into more detail about everything that has gone on since my pregnancy but I wouldn't want to bore everyone with the small details. Just at the moment, I am struggling to be the mother I want to be, the partner I want to be and the person I want to be in general. It breaks my heart to say this and I feel terrible for saying it but If I had of known all the stuff that would have happened and how unhappy I would be being a mum, I wouldn't have had my son. I have thought about giving him away to someone who knows what they are doing and who is happy with themselves and has the patience and the magic of looking after a baby. I love him dearly and I want the best for my boy and being with me is not the best for him. I'm stuck.

Observer Lonely Family.
  • replies: 3

I feel that there may be an uncontrollable fracture between the members of my family. My father is of an uneducated immigrant background and never took on the emotional mantle of being a father figure. He work hard to financially provide, but lacked ... View more

I feel that there may be an uncontrollable fracture between the members of my family. My father is of an uneducated immigrant background and never took on the emotional mantle of being a father figure. He work hard to financially provide, but lacked leadership, proactiveness and empathy. My mother suffered from 10+ years of depression which she believes is derived from a mix of a stress from working full time, taking care of two young children (emotionally and physically), her husband and a resurgence of unhappy childhood memories. She is retired now, and simply sits at home watching television endlessly. She has tried starting hobbies she previously wanted to (learning french, swimming, yoga and dance; some with and without friends to go with), but she struggles to find the motivation to commit. The only thing that has remained constant is her unwavering stubbornness and pride (she refuses to be proven wrong on a lot of occasions). My older brother has become increasingly self-centered and intentionally distant in the last 5 years. He has developed a significant disregard for our parents and the rules of their household, is quick tempered when talking about any issue, refuses to acknowledge even potential validity behind of our parents opinion and has started to speak condescendingly towards them and even towards me as well. I sit in the middle of all of this, not really sure what to make of the situation. I have tried mediating between each party, but it hasn't been successful. It feels like with any form of discussion, my brother immediately gets defensive and leaves the conversation, I can't rely on my dad to have some understanding and empathy for how each person is different, and my mum 's iron headed-ness hasn't shifted but overall her mental health seems to be deteriorating. I've tried spending more time with the family as a whole, talking to them and engaging them, but I can't help but have this sinking feeling that it's not helping at all. I'm just not sure what else there is that I can do. It just always feels lonely.

Speediegon Intercontinental long distance relationship-and struggling
  • replies: 4

Well, Hi all. I thought, from reading the others, that I should give a bit of background. My partner and I had been dating for 9 months when she finally left across the globe. I didnt have any say in length of stay, as two options were given, I was t... View more

Well, Hi all. I thought, from reading the others, that I should give a bit of background. My partner and I had been dating for 9 months when she finally left across the globe. I didnt have any say in length of stay, as two options were given, I was told only 1 was offered. The relationship was on iffy grounds when she left(unsure if she wanted to keep options open). Since she left, she has realised that this is it, she made a mistake being unsure and wants to get engaged upon her return. My issue is this. We talk a few times a day (5-30 min max) and once a week we have a date night. Now I take date night seriously. If i was scheduled to perform an open heart operation on our date night, I would postpone the operation. For me, I dont feel fulfilled with the amount we chat, but she does. We dont really get passed the "fluff" of a phone call (the good mornings, how did you sleep, what are you wearing) part of the phone call before it is time to hang up. She then takes off on trips with her housemates (no chance of anything untowards happening). Im not concerned about infedelity, but rather, Im not there to join in the activity, to have a proper date. I was told that is spontaneous person, who has anxiety over planning things for fear of missing out on something, and me, a planner, realising that not having concrete plans on times to talk, and just talking when our schedules meld (which if it was every two weeks, she would be fine with) blows my mind. I plan so we reconnect as a couple. She has been gone 7 months now, and I have gone out to visit her once. I guess Im asking for suggestions/stories/advise on ways I can cope with the difference in attitudes. To allow her the ability to discover that part of the world, while I sit here, unable to share experiences with her. I feel as I am a slight burden on her. Talking to me forces her to potentially say no to something else. She is due to finish her classes in less than 70 days, and will be flying back straight away. I want her to be able to go on side trips (which are a fair few this month) without worrying about me "losing my crap" because I cant have a date night for a couple weeks, "even though we talk a few times a day" (which are all fluff). Hope it kinda made sense

mechanical_animal Best friend doesn't want to be friends anymore
  • replies: 7

Hey I recently got into a situation where my best friend and I stopped being friends. My girlfriend and I where going through a very rough time and well I developed feelings for another girl who just happened to be my best friend. I told my girlfrien... View more

Hey I recently got into a situation where my best friend and I stopped being friends. My girlfriend and I where going through a very rough time and well I developed feelings for another girl who just happened to be my best friend. I told my girlfriend and my best friend about it. My girlfriend wasn't all that upset about it. I think because I never acted on it helped in that area. Where as my best friend pretty much abonandoned us. Once my girlfriend and I finally sorted all our issues out we both decided that the other girl could be friends again with us. I managed to speak to the other girl. At first she was all for trying to fix everything between us. Then a few weeks later. Changes her tune and doesn't want to know me anymore. It's really upset me and my girlfriend thinks she is an ahole now because of it. I would love to maybe speak to her again but I think I need to get over her and the thought of us being friends again. I just feel she is just going to keep hurting me. Mentally at this stage. I ain't there yet to deal with this

Blue_Babe Hello! I'm NOT the Invisible Sister!
  • replies: 4

I understand life is busy. Everyone is juggling work & family commitments and is time poor. I guess I just feel that most of the time I don't matter as much to my siblings as they matter to me. This affects me more than they all know. I try to get on... View more

I understand life is busy. Everyone is juggling work & family commitments and is time poor. I guess I just feel that most of the time I don't matter as much to my siblings as they matter to me. This affects me more than they all know. I try to get on with my life (with my Husband) as best as I can however I still struggle with not having the quality time with my Brothers & Sister & their families that I'd love to have..I identify as Indigenous..and as all indigenous families know..FAMILY IS EVERYTHING! It is the fundamental aspect of our lives. It makes me extremely sad when I think about my family. The fact that they never visit. If I want to see them I have to go to their place. It's all one-sided and to be totally honest it hurts my heart immensely. Last weekend my Husband & I were invited to our friends for a BBQ and I had a melt-down. I'd been holding it in for far too long. It was embarrassing however..to my surprise I got their utmost respect and support. It makes me sad to think that our close friends are more supportive than my own Family. The advice that I got from our friends was that maybe I need to distance myself and back off a little from my family. I'm unsure whether this was the right advice or not. I have and always will be the most family-oriented person of the 5 of us and it is difficult for me to actually become disconnected from them. We no longer have our parents around and I don't have any children of my own..and so this makes it even more difficult for me to deal with. I just feel that sometimes I don't matter to them. It's not nice when you start feeling irrelevant. I would welcome any advice on this subject. Please share your thoughts. Much appreciated. Sincerely..Blue Babe.

smileyk Parents want to help
  • replies: 3

I'm having a depression episode and have recently moved back to my home town but I'm finding it hard to explain or open up to my parents as their responses lately have been not helpful. reactions like "everything will look brighter tomorrow " or "wha... View more

I'm having a depression episode and have recently moved back to my home town but I'm finding it hard to explain or open up to my parents as their responses lately have been not helpful. reactions like "everything will look brighter tomorrow " or "whats the matter now!" are becoming hurtful. I would like advice on how to help them understand and support me in a healthy way. I know they love me and want to help.

Murcho Sick Sister
  • replies: 2

Hullo. My first post so I'll try and keep it pretty brief. No spring chicken, I was born in 1942 with my half sister arriving some fifteen years later.My dad died on the Burma Rd and I was raised by my Mum and grandmother. What a couple of kooks they... View more

Hullo. My first post so I'll try and keep it pretty brief. No spring chicken, I was born in 1942 with my half sister arriving some fifteen years later.My dad died on the Burma Rd and I was raised by my Mum and grandmother. What a couple of kooks they were.Mum survived on medication and Nana just suffered on with acute anxiety neurosis and acute arthritus.Rellies and friends were very sparse as was any sane family unity. It will suffice to say that our comission house was looked on as the local loonie bin. People can be very cruel and as a kid I recall gaining some credence in claiming that my grandmother was a witch. I remember a young girl once saying "he hasn't even got a father." Needless to say I grew up troubled, socially inadequate, intensely shy, and seeking a means to live. At round sixteen I was living in doss houses, drin king and near to my first consumption of drugs, an event of fortunate brevity as it scared the Hell out of me. Oh yes round this time mum had a "love child". Alcohol, numerous dead end jobs, blatant sexual promiscuity, led to my first marriage and divorce after a year. More drink, affairs, and then a de facto relationship with a married alcoholic in my thirties.( While this is all going on my half sister and mother are involved in continuing craziness and co dependency.) Anyhow afer a few years of de facto mayhem etc I decided to move out, stop the booze, and was given medication to calm me down (lol) hardly a worthy antidote and I was on the medication for over thirty years. Back to my half sister, who, to my knowledge lives as a recluse still currently taking mega doses of medication to sleep and driving me mad with highly disturbing letters and demands for help. This is paticularly annoying as she wont answer the door or phone. Mum lived into her nineties and may well have been the world's oldest doctor shopper. Bad stuff doesn't always kill you fast. I'm re married, over thirty years, managed to get a degeee, a book published, (shonky publisher) still into gym work at 75, something that may well have saved me, AA to some extent and NA. along with a lot of self help books and philsophy so it's no longer all gloom and doom. I enjoy the footy too! Still those letters and knowledge of the situation gets me really down at times. Life goes on and we can learn heaps from the bas stuff too, if we realy apply ourselves. It can take a damn long time though! Good to get that off my chest......

Jilted Heartbroken by same Libra man twice
  • replies: 13

Hi everyone. How do I get over a second rejection from a man I've been in love with for 15 years? 15 years ago he was seperated from his wife, we were passionately involved, and he asked me to marry him. I was so excited. But, he couldn't go through ... View more

Hi everyone. How do I get over a second rejection from a man I've been in love with for 15 years? 15 years ago he was seperated from his wife, we were passionately involved, and he asked me to marry him. I was so excited. But, he couldn't go through with it and went back to his wife for the sake of his son. Fast forward to the last year - he is now divorced. I went crazy, thinking I could rekindle our love and pick up where we left off, and although he still has feelings for me, he doesn't want a relationship. And he says he has feelings for a number of others. We have been intimate again and I thought this was the start, but when I asked if there was a future for us, he shut me down. I'm devastated all over again. How do I move on and stop thinking about him every minute of the day? How do I accept that we will never be together?