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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Memol Getting married was my biggest mistake
  • replies: 8

Hi, I just got married less than a year ago & I constantly think that I made the biggest mistake. I hate so many things about him and the life that he has given me. More than anything else I hate his family, I hate how he misled me about how condesce... View more

Hi, I just got married less than a year ago & I constantly think that I made the biggest mistake. I hate so many things about him and the life that he has given me. More than anything else I hate his family, I hate how he misled me about how condescending, nosy and demanding they are. They think they are entitled to be part of every single decision we make in our life and they want to assure their opinion is heard and followed pronto. Yet, they feel like they have no responsibilities with anything and if they do the smallest help it has to be acknowledged and praised in the eye of everyone. I hate that he thinks this is alright. I hate that he used to tell me they are biggest spenders alive and yet during my wedding I saw the real face of each and every one of them. I hated how cheaply they celebrated my day and how they minimised their expenses in every way possible. I hate that I have invested way more than he has, in this life. I hate that he sits home scratching his balls, trying to get healthier and better while I have to slave away in a job that I hate just to pay rent and bills. And yet his arrogant family finds a way to talk about their opinion regarding how we should have stayed in Melbourne blah blah blah. I hate that they have no shame. I hate that he is so lazy. He is not trying to find a job at all. He is living his life waiting for his big break while someone else is busting her ass to pay for everything. This was not the life I expected. I keep thinking I made a mistake. I rushed through everything just coz I had a dying grandfather who wanted to see me married. I had to compromise and now I feel like it did not worth it. If I would see how lazy ass and unmotivated and useless he is I would dump him now. Instead of being stock to someone that I can barely even remember why I loved in the first place. I feel trapped. And I feel no way out. I try staying positive telling myself that it is all gonna get better when he finds a job and I get a break from this overwhelming life. But I don’t even see that happening any time soon. He’s a useless piece of shit that I tied my life to forever L . and now complication of cutting him out of my life is way worse that it would be had us not gotten married. I dunno what to do. I hate the sight of him. I don’t wanna talk to him coz his responses are more like excuses. I seriously don’t love him anymore. I have nothing left no passion no hope and no happiness. And I resent him for it every single second…

meatloaf Workplace legal action
  • replies: 12

Has anyone sued their workplace for bullying and failing to create a safe work environment and won?

Has anyone sued their workplace for bullying and failing to create a safe work environment and won?

Nala My boyfriend seems to be struggling right now.
  • replies: 1

Hi, I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year now. We live together and share some very fun and happy times. 90% of our times together are happy. The other 10% of the time I see him really down. Every day he mentions being tired and seems to ge... View more

Hi, I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year now. We live together and share some very fun and happy times. 90% of our times together are happy. The other 10% of the time I see him really down. Every day he mentions being tired and seems to get 'down' around nighttime. I know him well enough to know when something is wrong, but when I ask he always insists that nothing is wrong. I see straight through it though and know that something is up. When I ask, he covers his face with a pillow or his hands, become extremely quiet and will not tell me whats wrong. Recently I got him to open up a little more and he told me he doesn't know what he's doing with his life and doesn't know what his plan is for the next year or two. He has just graduated university so I believe this is normal, but his down times make me wonder if I have done something to upset him. When he does talk to me, it's only for a minute or two before he says 'I feel better, we can stop now' but I can tell that it's something deeper. When I got him to open up a little bit recently, he told me he feels lost and doesn't know where his life is going. I told him that this is norml for recent graduates and he then again told me nothing is wrong. I ended up walking out of the room and slamming the door because I became so frustrated that he wouldn't tell me what's wrong. Apart from these down times, he is an active, healthy and generally happy young man. How can I help him realise that he doesn't need a life plan right now (he's 21) and that things will work out? He's so lost and I can't help but feel like I've done something to make him sad. I work as a welfare worker and counsellor and would love to refer him to a guidance counsellor, but I'm not sure that he'd go. Thanks.

Struggling_with_it Confused by sudden change to custody agreement
  • replies: 3

I am just looking for some sort of advice here. Sorry if this takes a bit of time but I need to ensure you have some familiarity with the back story. My ex wife, we separated 8 years ago under the most bizarre circumstances. That is, she just came ho... View more

I am just looking for some sort of advice here. Sorry if this takes a bit of time but I need to ensure you have some familiarity with the back story. My ex wife, we separated 8 years ago under the most bizarre circumstances. That is, she just came home from a trip with her singing group and told me we need to separate, we got counselling and it all seemed good but when we got home I was told to still move out. After separation we arranged a shared custody of our two children, now this was organised around her singing (just chorus singing nothing professional) so I had access from Wednesday evening to Saturday evening every week. This worked well and suited her. We have been doing this same custody agreement for the past 8 years. Now in the last week suddenly my children do not want to come to my house and they dont want to show affection towards me. I am a very relaxed parent and when the children are with me I provide well for them but dont expect them to do any chores or any other things around the house, my ex is the opposite she expects the children to learn to be adults and basically fend for themselves within the confines of her home. This has come as an incredibly rude shock and from out of nowhere, now my children did a rehearsed speech that stated they wanted to be with their mum most of the time and only with me for every second weekend. I have devoted my entire being to my two children, everything I do and talk about is them. I adore both of them and have never been violent or aggressive towards them. I may raise my voice sometimes but that is it. How is it possible that my ex has, in such a short period of time (five days) turned my children to the point that they do not even want to cuddle me when i turned up to talk with them let alone they dont want to come to my home. I am at a total loss here and have found that it feels as though my entire heart has been ripped from my body. I am confused and very upset. My ex wife has unfortunately, and not stating this as a target, but it needs to mentioned, she has a history of mental health issues, post natal depression (7 weeks where I was Mr Mum to a baby and a 3 year old) and a couple of years ago she tried to self harm and was hospitalised again. Again I took care of the children. I am concerned that this history is a factor and could actually be putting my children at risk. Not sure what to do Your help or advice on this matter would be greatly appreciated

Jason_B Is my marriage over
  • replies: 3

We have been married for over 13 years. I love my wife very much and want to grow old together. Tonight she has said that it is over. We both come from troubled relationships. She told me that I have never put her first in our marriage. E.G. of her l... View more

We have been married for over 13 years. I love my wife very much and want to grow old together. Tonight she has said that it is over. We both come from troubled relationships. She told me that I have never put her first in our marriage. E.G. of her loyalty was to look after me after surgery. On our first year dinner anniversary, I took a call that lasted 30 mins. I regret this. The biggest mistake I am gutted by was to keep a huge financial burden, that I thought I could hide and payout without her knowing. But I cowardly told her after the birth of our first child. I tried to fix the debt issue but it took about 6 yrs to pay off. I can see when she says that I deliberately trapped her, but I never intended it to be like that. A few years later we lost our 2nd child after about 20 week mark of pregnancy. Having our first child with me and no family around I was not there for her as she had to go through the birth, seeing the blood For the loss we did not speak about it or seek counselling. She blamed herself. I tried to be there for her but I don't think it was enough. I felt I had failed her big time. Over time we had our ups and downs never really spoke about it, the only things brought up was financial, debt and not putting her first. She brought up when I was away for work. I decided to go out with work friends for the day on vespers 2 guys and 2 girls. She knows I don't like bikes and brings it up why did I go on a vesper. But she doesn't believe it was a spur of the moment day. We successfully had our 3rd child and have moved from state to state because of my work. I feel that has put extra burden on us as she has to start new friends and her family is so far away. I know I have not been her ideal husband who has made mistakes in the past and regret. But I continue to make silly mistakes according. She brought up that I have never had friends over for BBQ' she or I have never taken her to any work formal dinners in 13 years. We had a work function a few weeks ago with partners and I didn't ask her to go. I didn't want.. she tells me that I continue to not put her first in our marriage. Our anniversary present for 13th year was a lace satin black top on shorts was the wrong gift as she hates satin especially black. If I have tried to do the right things in our marriage. I know I am not the best communicator. If I do mistakes like turn right not left or lead, it becomes a major issue. I don't want to lose her. I need help with our marriage

Jane17031703 Have me or my husband got depression or some mental disorder?
  • replies: 2

Ive always been a fairly happy girl, but with a few insecurities &low self esteem. Until I met my hubby I hardly ever cried. Now I never know if he'll wake up nice &loving , or indifferent&cold towards me. I have wondered about mental issues. If I br... View more

Ive always been a fairly happy girl, but with a few insecurities &low self esteem. Until I met my hubby I hardly ever cried. Now I never know if he'll wake up nice &loving , or indifferent&cold towards me. I have wondered about mental issues. If I bring up issues he will either give silent treatment &withhold love from me or lose temper, yell, &swear. Always turns blame on me(gas lighter) This sends me in to this meltdown thing. I don't know what it is, I just lose all sense of reasoning, crying, beg him to hug&love me. I feel lowest pits of low sad All I feel when I am low is that I so much want love. I say just hug me &say nice words. Every now and then he sighs a real reluctant I love u, ur a good wife. But usually he refuses &says when u stop crying I will hug u. He withholds love from me when I'm sad. I beg for love, he just refuses. Anyway, last night I tried to discuss something with him, he literally just screamed, called me dumb and swore at me. I got sad &started crying &asked him to stop swearing at me and calling me names. He yelled it's ur fault for being dumb, then I wouldn't need to call you dumb. I kept begging he kept yelling. I got lower and lower, it felt as though he was baiting me to go lower still. I kept on saying please just hug me &show me affection, I need u. He refused &said I was having a mental attack of some kind. By this time I wonder if I was, I felt so low, all I wanted was for him to hug me &be emotionally supportive. I was crying &yelling please love me, I need you, please. I don't think I had reasoning. He said I was having a mental attack of some kind. (He always tells me that I'm sad and it's my fault, he has never said sorry in his life or cared about anything that worries me in his life, he brings the blame onto me every time) My question is am I having a mental attack, if I am what can I do? Is this all my fault? Am I not seeing things clearly? Or is he trying to control my thoughts to switch the blame onto me and tell me there's something wrong with me? I'm just so confused and have started questioning if all this time I thought he had some mental issue, maybe it was me all along & I do need help. Do I need help or does he need help or both? He refuses counseling. I cant break up with him, Im a Christian &don't believe in divorce. & I have a kid with him, I'd never be able to be away from my kid for half custody, my child needs me with him. He hates being away from me. Thanks so much

jmn251 Sudden separation, isolation from daughters, how to deal with it
  • replies: 3

Hi, I had to leave home, am living in share accommodation and only get to see my girls once a week. So much time all of a sudden. How do you deal with the sudden isolation. I gave up drinking to so I am doing it sober so it's very real. Any suggestio... View more

Hi, I had to leave home, am living in share accommodation and only get to see my girls once a week. So much time all of a sudden. How do you deal with the sudden isolation. I gave up drinking to so I am doing it sober so it's very real. Any suggestions appreciated.

Jayne18 Bipolar husband wants out of our marriage
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone I'm new on here. My husband is bi polar and recently been diagnosed. He refuses to take meds until he has sorted out his legal problems. He got into trouble with the law this was while he decided he wanted to move into his workshop. he is... View more

Hi everyone I'm new on here. My husband is bi polar and recently been diagnosed. He refuses to take meds until he has sorted out his legal problems. He got into trouble with the law this was while he decided he wanted to move into his workshop. he is now on bail living in a caravan in our backyard. He now wants space from us (me and 10yr old son) he recently meet a girl on Facebook who he has become involved in with this was after I got angry and told him to sort other living arrangements a angry moment I regret. He now says I've pushed him away. And he wants space I'm at my wits end. Thanks for listening

Warhorse Split family over two continents, feeling guilt and sadness...
  • replies: 7

Hello, I am new to this forum but unfortunately not new to depression and anxiety. I have written and rewritten this post several times. I am finding it hard to put into words what I am feeling and what I need to find out from the other forum members... View more

Hello, I am new to this forum but unfortunately not new to depression and anxiety. I have written and rewritten this post several times. I am finding it hard to put into words what I am feeling and what I need to find out from the other forum members. My situation - I grew up in Australia, moved to UK in 2001 to escape an abusive relationship. Met my now husband in 2003 (married in 2007). Lived in UK up until Feb 2014 when we moved to Australia. Currently 5 months pregnant with my first child Husband away in UK until September trying to set up a new business importing Australian products to UK, he has already been away for a month. Step-son (18) who did live with us has moved back to UK due to a relentless guilt campaign by his mother which devastated husband and still hurts us both. Step-son actually started saying that we had 'forced' him to come to Australia with us and that we were 'manipulative' and 'only trying to hurt[his] mother'. In actual fact we moved to Australia 2 years ago only after asking stepson (he was 16 at the time) how he felt, he actually wrote a letter to his mother asking her to give him permission to come with us...we did not ask him to write the letter. He came over on a return ticket so he could go back at any time, however he developed a fear of flying and so did not want to get on a plane. Since being in the Uk with his mother for just over a year he is now saying he wants to come back and that his relationship with his mother has deteriorated. So...what have I done. It seems I have met a man and his then 4 year old son, ingratiated myself upon their lives, manipulated them to move to Australia after being 13 years unhappy in UK. Finally I get pregnant after 6 years of trying, it seems I needed to come home to Australia for my body to be happy enough to get pregnant. Husband returns to UK. Husband is not happy in Australia, he misses his mates, the pubs and his family. Work was supposed to be easier here in Australia for qualified trades, however it has not been easy at all. We have put all our savings and a small loan into trying to make a go of a new venture in the UK. I have wanted a child of my own and to live in Australia for so long...I feel guilty for wanting to stay here and not go back to UK...I feel alone...I feel sad for husband...I don't really know what answers or responses I want to see for this post...this is the tenth try at putting it into words...

Kaynine_801 Moving On
  • replies: 10

Hi, this is my first post. I have recently broken up with my girlfriend of 6 years. I am 27 and she is 31. We started to have problems with my commitment and her desire to start a family. For the last 3 years of the relationship we just weren't worki... View more

Hi, this is my first post. I have recently broken up with my girlfriend of 6 years. I am 27 and she is 31. We started to have problems with my commitment and her desire to start a family. For the last 3 years of the relationship we just weren't working that well together. So we decided to split which was instigated by her. We have been apart for 8 weeks and we have been in some contact, but I recently found out that she is dating someone else already. I believe that she had set up this new relationship before we ended, as she had mentioned in a fight that there was someone else who was interested in her and I should watch out, and after running into them by accident she confessed that they have been dating for 3 weeks and that she had mentally prepared for our break up months ago. I feel betrayed and destroyed by everything that has happened since we broke up, that she could move on so fast where I am so lost, confused and hurt. Is this guy better than me? Did she ever really love me? I still feel in love with her and care about her so much which makes this even harder. I am coming to the realisation that I need to move on and stop playing with the fantasy of us getting back together but I'm not making any progress in moving on. Any help?