Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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lonelyheart101 Struggling to deal with the loneliness
  • replies: 16

I'm very new to this, so here's some background. I'm in my mid-30s, smart, career-driven/successful, fit/active, likable and down-to-earth. I recently moved interstate for work so it’s just me here with no friends or family. I am experiencing a crush... View more

I'm very new to this, so here's some background. I'm in my mid-30s, smart, career-driven/successful, fit/active, likable and down-to-earth. I recently moved interstate for work so it’s just me here with no friends or family. I am experiencing a crushing loneliness from not being able to find a relationship. I have been on countless dates over the past few years and have failed on every occasion in getting the girl to agree to a second encounter. I don't know what is wrong with me. Our evenings are always good (no issues with confidence). We share laughs, engage in two-way conversations, and even flirt a little. In fact we often end up agreeing to a second date. However the next day is when I receive the rejection msg/call (I had a great time, but I don't think this will work out...etc). I have read countless tutorials on dating and followed the usual advice. But after the latest failure I am really struggling to deal with the rejection. While I'm not an adonis, I like to think I'm good looking. I would even settle for a friend, just someone I could do simple things with. I feel like the world is passing me by and losing hope of ever finding happiness. I can barely look up anymore when I walk, seeing a couple walk by is a constant reminder of my loneliness. People often complain about the devastation of relationship heartbreaks. But I believe never being in a relationship is a more painful feeling of death by a 1000 cuts. I am not a big believer in fate though I do believe love finds people, not the other way around. Maybe god never intended for me to be with someone. If that is the case, how can I make the hurt go away and accept my fate? I guess wanted to believe that it is possible for someone out there to love me, and that I wasn’t meant to live a life in isolation. Thanks for hearing my rant. I have no one else to talk to.

Dadoftwo A marriage lacking energy
  • replies: 8

I've been married to my wife for nearly 13 years, and before that we were together for 10 years. Right now it feels like I'm living with a stranger, a flat mate rather than a life partner. We have two kids, 10 and 7, and a lot of our energy goes into... View more

I've been married to my wife for nearly 13 years, and before that we were together for 10 years. Right now it feels like I'm living with a stranger, a flat mate rather than a life partner. We have two kids, 10 and 7, and a lot of our energy goes into them. So much so that it feels like there's no energy left for each other. It feels to me like we don't talk about anything except the kids. Other than that, we've got nothing. I desperately want to connect with her, but I don't quite know how. She is almost always tired from work or other activities, and just wants quiet time, staring at the telly mostly. I feel incredibly frustrated and sad. I'm trying to reach out, but I feel I get very little in return. I tried to suggest a weekend away together recently, but she says she wants to spend time at home. We're hardly ever physically intimate with each other - perhaps once every 3 months, if that. I just don't know what to do. She insists she loves me, but in this state, and with the (lack of) response I feel that I'm getting, I'm not sure how I feel about her. Thank you for reading this far - if you have any suggestions, they'd be most welcome.

Rural_Dad I'm a broken soul
  • replies: 2

I wanted to live my dream in the country with my wife and 3 kids. After 12 months my wife had to return to work for us to survive, earning more money then me as the farm had more problems then we thought. We have been together for 22 years and I will... View more

I wanted to live my dream in the country with my wife and 3 kids. After 12 months my wife had to return to work for us to survive, earning more money then me as the farm had more problems then we thought. We have been together for 22 years and I will turn 40 next year. I was then placed in the at home dad roll which I loved for 18 months and then it all turned to shit. The cooking ,the cleaning etc, my wife had to travel so was out of the house from 6am - 8pm and away for training in weekly blocks. My wife and kids and my dog moved out on fathers day due to my alcohol abuse and depression. 80% of the time I would only see the bus driver at the bus stop. I was a healthy happy men broken, I cant deal with how I got to point the of suicide. I've tried twice and been in hospital for 2 weeks at a time 1 having a tractor run over me and being air lifted to hospital. I'm am contact with counsellors but this time of year is crap. I have to find a job after being self employer for 3 years , a job, a car and have been cut of with heath insurance and money. She just doesn't get it. I no I have a trigger and am scared I can feel it coming

Nick1230 family controlling my life
  • replies: 10

Hi I'm having family issue with my mother and grandmother they both like to make decision and if I say no and I decided my own decision on what best for me and they get angry and they try to force it and not letting me to speak and to give them an re... View more

Hi I'm having family issue with my mother and grandmother they both like to make decision and if I say no and I decided my own decision on what best for me and they get angry and they try to force it and not letting me to speak and to give them an reason why I made this decision and they do not want to listen. Cheers Nick

Boogz I hate Christmas and everything that goes with it
  • replies: 3

I lost my Husband a couple of years ago, I thought things would get easier over time and that I would have developed coping strategies to get through difficult times, sadly it seems I havent. Feeling very isolated and like I dont 'fit in' anywhere. I... View more

I lost my Husband a couple of years ago, I thought things would get easier over time and that I would have developed coping strategies to get through difficult times, sadly it seems I havent. Feeling very isolated and like I dont 'fit in' anywhere. I have no Parents, no children and a lot of friends who say they will be there if I need anything.......... they're not

Charlie90 Help and advice needed! Im stuck.
  • replies: 5

Ive been in a bad olace this year - with my oartner and 3 yo daughter. My partners dad died in december last year and he really struggled, went through sooo much and dealt with emotions.. we moved to his mothers house out of town to help her with the... View more

Ive been in a bad olace this year - with my oartner and 3 yo daughter. My partners dad died in december last year and he really struggled, went through sooo much and dealt with emotions.. we moved to his mothers house out of town to help her with the house and its been horrible. Apart from the fact that im the new live in maid, this woman spreads rumors aboit me and says horrible things behing my back every chance she gets... ive ignored it. I have felt very diwn this year which i thought was normal, with my depression and anxiety just with everything thats gone on this year. Ive been at uni for two years and have one more year to go. Was supposed to start prac next year which would mean id have to move an hour away from my partner and live there through the week and come home weekends. My partner wasnt happy and said that if i did that them it would be over. We fought about it alot - his issue was that he would have to drive on weekends because i dont have my license(i jad a bad accident when i was young and im scared, but am gainimg confidence again. Im 26. It got tk the point where we fought so much i had to quit. Now i am so depressed its hard just to live. I cry everyday and feel worthless. When we fight he calls me names all the stuff that makes me self esteem worse. I literally just beleive everything he says now. I have no friends or family around anymore and i feel so alone. I sit in this house all day trying to keep busy but secretly hating my self for once again failing something i try. I was really good with my course and it made me feel so good about my self. Ive never felt this low before and im starting to think my lartner is controlling- the thing is in a way i know the stuff be says and does is wrong but i dont teust my self thT im right to actually speak up. I feel u need to vet away from him and i have tried before but he always convinces me otherwise. He drinks everyday and is usually drynk at night time. He can become agressive if i bring anything up that i want to discuss, never hit me but has smashed all my things and does things like if i go see my mum he cancelled my keycard so i didnt have any money. Please help im so stuck and dont know what i should do

NL25 relationship worries
  • replies: 7

Hi guys, This is my first time posting but i just need some advice. I don't want to talk to my family/ friends about it as I don't want them to think badly of my relationship or think I'm not happy in it when I am. Ive been with my boyfriend for almo... View more

Hi guys, This is my first time posting but i just need some advice. I don't want to talk to my family/ friends about it as I don't want them to think badly of my relationship or think I'm not happy in it when I am. Ive been with my boyfriend for almost 2 year (1st jan). It started off a casual for about 4 months before it became offical. From then on we were super strong, I felt so loved and cared for, there was constant communication and even though we were both busy with uni and our jobs we always found time to see each other, i felt like he would do anything for me and like the most loved girl in the world. 9 months into our relationship my boyfriend went overseas for uni exchange for 4 months. This was planned before we met and at one point he didn't even want to go but I didn't want to hold him back and I knew it would work out and that we would stay strong. While he was away we decided that I go over and meet him and travel around Europe together for a few weeks. I had the time of my life and fell even more involve with my boyfriend and felt like we were a strong as ever. However as soon as we got back I felt like he was being a little distant. I put it down to him not seeing his family for 6 months and also feeling a bit lost with not having a job or going to uni anymore. 2 weeks after we got back he broke up with me. I was devastated and it came as a complete surprise to me. We didn't talk much during the breakup but did occasionally and after 2 months we got back together. I feel like even though I wanted this more than anything I made it really clear that I only wanted to get back together if this is what he really wanted. and him not just coming back to me because it was easy or a quick fix. We have now been back together for about 8 months and it is good, I just feel like it hasn't gone back to how it was. I am still head over heels in love with him and want to spent as much time with him as possible like i did at the beginning of the relationship however I feel like he doesn't as much. I never used to worry or feel anxious about anything but now I find my self crying over the fear of him breaking up with me again or the fear that he doesn't love me like he used to. I have spoken to him about his and he says he loves me and wants to be with me, its just that other things are his priority now. I know relationships evolve and the honeymoon period ends, I'm just not sure if I should be worried or if I just need to relax and have trust in us.

MissPA1 Husband acting strangely
  • replies: 7

I need some help figuring out if my husband is depressed or just over me. Usually he is quite happy go lucky & nice to me. We have a good relationship. (No kids, married 7 years,together 11, in late 40's. He's a bit possessive but nothing major. Abou... View more

I need some help figuring out if my husband is depressed or just over me. Usually he is quite happy go lucky & nice to me. We have a good relationship. (No kids, married 7 years,together 11, in late 40's. He's a bit possessive but nothing major. About two months ago he became quite fed up. Wouldn't really talk to me, quite rude to me, turning away from me. I had family visit during this time & they noticed the change in him. Over several weeks I tried to talk to him about it, eventually getting fed up with him which led to me withdrawing affection. Two weeks ago I tried to talk again. Said I felt he was down & wanted to help. What ensued was a long argument about how he was fed up with everything, me, his job (we work together we have a small business together) life etc. He gave examples of what was wrong all of which were things I was or wasn't doing for him. Some valid-some not. He said he didn't see the point of us going on as we were so unhappy. I pretty much persuaded him to stay & arranged for him to go away for a week with his brother. He called me during that week quite happy & chatting like nothing had happened so I thought it's going to be okay, we can talk about it and sort it out when he comes back. He came back on Sunday & I decided to clear the air, have a chat about what happened and how we go forward. That did not go well. I got a lot of why are you bringing this up again-you had to go and ruin things. We have done nothing but row since - actually I've sat there crying asking what can I do to fix this-while he has told me how awful our life is &points out the things I do wrong. The reason I am writing in the forum is because in our arguments he has said repeatedly, "I have nothing to look forward to". Which is making me worried that he is depressed. And the things he accuses me of are dumb, like I didn't say goodnight to him and that is typical of how awful I am so he can't see a future for us. We are now barely speaking and I'm not sure what to do. If this is him just wanting out then fine, I'll cope, But first I need to ask - could his behavior be linked to depression/anxiety or is he just being an ass. I don't want this to find later that he was ill & I didn't help him. The obvious questions of course are is there someone else, drugs, etc - I just don't see it because as we work & live together we pretty much always know where the other is. Thanks in advance for any advice offered

Fullsp Married with little to no intimacy.
  • replies: 1

Hello, I've been married for 15 years and with my wife for 17 years. Have 2 children 12 and 14. Nothing too uncommon with that What I have an issue with is the lack of intimacy in my relationship. We don't go to bed together, rarely hold hands or kis... View more

Hello, I've been married for 15 years and with my wife for 17 years. Have 2 children 12 and 14. Nothing too uncommon with that What I have an issue with is the lack of intimacy in my relationship. We don't go to bed together, rarely hold hands or kiss n cuddle. I happen to be a man who likes getting cuddled! And virtually no sex. This has been going on for a few years now and I don't know what to do to change it. I've spoken to my wife about how I feel to have an open discussion with her rather than bottling things up but she uses the classic exuses of being 'too tired' 'stressed with work' or just wants to 'relax'. Lets tackle the tired part first. She stays up every night watching tv for 4 to 5 hours so if she was really ttied then she would come to bed earlier but then she would have to fend off any attempt I might make to cuddle and kiss or instigate intimacy. It is always me who does this and I feel so rejected every time she knocks me back. Work stress. Yes I get that at times too but it doesn't stop me wanting to spend quality time with my wife. Even if it was just to lie in bed and talk that would be an improvement. Desire to relax. Yes I would like that as well. I've said many times to come to bed earlier and we can give each other massages with no strings attached but her desire to relax is just linked to watching tv, window shopping on the iPad and on all her social media sites, Facebook, instgram, twitter etc. The lack of intimacy in the relationship is definitely the elephant in the room with us. She just thinks I'm over reacting and over thinking things. She often refers to me as 'worse than a woman'! Sorry that I'm an emotionally aware male who has feelings!!! Any ideas of how or what I can do to change this situation? I was thinking of couples counseling in the New Year to see if that helps. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

BethOK Coming to the end of a relationship
  • replies: 6

I have been with my partner for 3 years. We have 2 kids. Im 19 and hes 21. Things have been rocky for the last few months, hes suddenly had a change of heart and has told me that hes to young for this kind of commitment. Hes told me he doesnt think h... View more

I have been with my partner for 3 years. We have 2 kids. Im 19 and hes 21. Things have been rocky for the last few months, hes suddenly had a change of heart and has told me that hes to young for this kind of commitment. Hes told me he doesnt think he wants to be in a relationship with me anymore and that he didnt know if he still loves me. I can feel hes being distant and isnt showing much affection or anything. We said we'd give it one more try over the next month to see if anything changes. But i feel like hes already made his decision and that is to end it. I dont know how to come to terms with this. I love him so much and have only ever tried and tried for this to work. The thought of not having him in my life is killing me, its breaking my heart. If this is going to be the end how do i deal with it? How can i make this easier for myself? I need to be strong for the kids but all i want to do is cry. This is someone i thought i would marry, this someone who told me they would never leave me. He says that if we do break up and after a couple of months if we still have feelings for eachother than it might work out then. But to me its like he just wants to have a couple of months where he can go out every weekend and get with other people and then come back to me when hes done and bored. Im not a very strong person when it comes to this kinda of thing, im emotionally and mentally weak because of the love i have for him. I dont want to cry every day and night and i dont want to keep feeling like im never enough and something is wrong with me. Please help? I dont know how i will ever get over something like this