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Ask you out girl

Community Member


how do you prefer to be asked on a date, and in what circumstance? depending on your relationship with the guy, you're friends, just met, don't speak very often?

Obviously by email, Facebook etc. are out of the question for most, but what should 'he' say to you?

Also, how about a hand written letter? Not so much a love letter, but just expressing interest and a desire to get to know you more... Could this be an option for someone you rarely ever see, and don't have opportunity to speak to?

I appreciate any advice here

21 Replies 21

Community Member

Hi Lonely22,

I think it is really sweet that you are putting so much thought into this. I think that you should let this lucky lady know that you are interested, I think any medium is ok, but a handwritten letter is the most genuine/thoughtful.

Perhaps just address her really casually at first so as not to put any pressure on her, just something like 'I was thinking about you and would really like to get to know you better. I'd love it if we could catch up sometime for a coffee and a chat.' and then see if she responds... I guess if she doesn't, she is not interested but if she does (and hopefully she will think it is so sweet to have a handwritten letter that she will!!) then you have an opportunity to see how things go.

If you do get to go out casually/as friends at first, and you feel that you would like to progress the relationship, maybe the second time you go out you could just say 'I would like to take you out as my date to dinner/a movie if that is ok with you' and then if she says yes, then I guess that means she understands that you are interested in her romantically... more than just friends...and she must feel the same.

I guess overall just be yourself and even let her know that you were unsure how to approach this, she may feel uncomfortable about these things too and letting her know how will help her understand you better and bring you closer together... If you try to seem too suave or use some awful 'pick-up line' it may come across 'sleazy', so it is better to just be yourself.

I hope it works out well,

Good luck xo

Sandy centre
Community Member

Dear Lonely22

What a lucky lady!! I think to start with send her a a casual letter as you suggested and just be yourself.

I think being more casual is the best way to be because otherwise you may scare her if you come across to strong.

All the very best

It is really lovely that you are making such a big effort!!


Community Member
I know I'm not a lady, but I'd look into Dr Robert Glover. He's known for his book "No More Mr Nice Guy". If you go to his website there's some useful podcasts he does on dating. Download a couple and see what you think. His approach is very direct, but it makes a lot of sense because you cut through a lot of the BS "is she into me?" rubbish. He's really into setting the tone and taking the lead. Hence why dancing lessons is a great way to boost your confidence and practicing to lead. I can't comment on the dancing because I'm terrible and really should try lessons......all the best

Community Member

Hi Lonely22,

I like Boo1986's suggestions.

I guess it depends on the girl you're interested in as well as your current relationship with her. But keeping it casual (if you were to go ahead with your letter writing idea) as Boo1986 suggested might be a good start.

You will probably do this anyway but, above all, be respectful in your writing as well as in your general approach towards any girl that you're interested in.

All the best 😊

Dottie x

Community Member

Thanks Boo1986,

That actually gives me a lot of confidence reading how nice you think my effort into this is! I don't have friends to consult, so I truly appreciate your input.

Yes, a letter. A few sentences. I want it to be meaningful. I have a book on writing love letters, but as you said, I'll keep it casual. I really hope she feels the way you do about the idea.

I was thinking I could wait until I see her next, give her the letter and ask in person, but would it be a better approach to send the letter? I don't see her very often at all.

You're absolutely right, I was thinking that I'll say how unsure of myself I am b/c I don't see her very often. 😊

God bless!


love the name btw! Your comment made me feel very confident in myself, and it's nice of you to consider my efforts lovely, I don't feel this way often and I don't want to ruin it.

Merry Christmas! 🌲

Apollo Black,

not a problem AB. I appreciate all the help I get! Im downloading a podcast right now. I volunteer at a library, practically live in the self-help section right now. Dr Glover will be perfect, hopefully.

You know, I'm not a leader, not in my nature. But it's something I need to improve, especially when it comes to relationships!

Thanks pal!


Thank you for the advice, you know it's difficult to keep it casual when you feel so strongly, and want to make the best effort you possibly can. But you're right, I don't want to come on too strong.

once again, I appreciate your always offering support on these forums, this is my means of social consulting and it's helping me.

Hi Lonely22,

I'm happy to hear back from you and your thoughtfulness comes across in your replies.

Yeah, it's hard to keep it casual when you have strong feelings for someone. I guess the good thing is if you're letter writing, you can edit it as many times till you're happy with it.

I'm glad posting on threads is helping. Feel free to post whenever you need to- we love hearing from you.

Take care.

Dottie x