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Ask you out girl

Community Member


how do you prefer to be asked on a date, and in what circumstance? depending on your relationship with the guy, you're friends, just met, don't speak very often?

Obviously by email, Facebook etc. are out of the question for most, but what should 'he' say to you?

Also, how about a hand written letter? Not so much a love letter, but just expressing interest and a desire to get to know you more... Could this be an option for someone you rarely ever see, and don't have opportunity to speak to?

I appreciate any advice here

21 Replies 21

You don't have to follow it word for word - just take anything you think might be useful. I mean he's very direct with his approach to women, which I would find very difficult - but I guess that's what he's getting at. Guys like us are typically quite shy, and the idea is to break through that to determine whether or not there is interest. Actually, Dr Glover terms it "testing for interest". I like this because it is a staged approach, easy to follow - and it applies to meeting men and women. Therefore you can practice it everywhere and with everyone. So it would be an important tool in meeting make friends too. The other thing is that it's very important to have male friends to connect to. Easier said than done, but perhaps that's something to work on at the same time. If you are a "Nice Guy" - and he's got a test on his website...you really need outside help to work on recovery, you can't do it by yourself. I think the only actual Nice Guy recovery group is in the Eastern states, but other than that there's a trusted friend, or someone like a therapist. Anyway, I'll shut up now. Can't you just ask her out to dinner or something?

Community Champion
Community Champion

Hey lonely,

I'm not a girl as you can tell from my name, but direct and respectful always seems like a good idea. Beating round the bush just gets tiring and confusing for both people.

As for letter/in person/text/call/whatever, that's probably just dependent on the person and your relationship with them.

Best of luck.


Community Member

Hey Lonely22, I'll be thinking of you and keep my fingers crossed that she says yes!!

Merry Christmas xo


if only it was as simple as asking out to dinner, and it should be, i just hate rejection so much. I'll get over it though.

'Testing for interest' that's great... I'll look into this. You know it's difficult w this girl I rarely get to see. But from what I gather (from past meetings) she at least thinks I'm a nice person.

Definitely a nice guy, don't need a test for that, ha. I'm going to join a group of some sort, not necessarily a confidence boosting one like a nice guy group but something where I can at least attempt to 'test for interest'

thanks AB 🎄 God bless

Community Member

Hi Lonely. I like Boo's idea of the casual approach. Why don't you ask face to face? I am the sort who would prefer face to face rather than email/fb/letter. That's just me I guess. If you are on 'hello' terms, engage her in conversation, ask casually if she'd like to meet for coffee and further conversation. If you are shy and find it difficult asking, then by all means a note to ask her to join you for coffee. If you like each other after the first get together, ask her if she would consider seeing you again. She may invite you for the second meeting. Women these days often take the initiative. I'm rather jealous, you sound a lovely gentleman.


I think the key 22 is to condition yourself to not fear rejection. It's about not being attached to outcome. If you get to rejection quickly you stop wasting time. You move on. Why would you bother if they're not interested. If they're not interested who cares? That's not your fault. That just means some else, someone more appropriate gets to experience your awesomeness. So bite the bullet. Just tell her "come out to dinner with me Friday night. I'll book a table at ****, it'll be great". If she says no then that's that. Don't get upset just move on. At least you won't be stressing about her getting a letter, worrying if she's read it, yada yada.... Life is too short to screw around. Go for it, just don't take rejection to heart and keep trying

Community Member


very nice of you to say, thank you! You know ill just do both. Ask her, and then give a note, expressing how I feel, that I'd love to know her more.


you know that's the first time I've had that suggested to me. Just go ahead and ask. I mean it's something I've felt lately, just exhausted from going over scenarios, what ifs, does she like me, reading into every detail, took me 6 weeks to ask last girl, don't plan on repeating any time soon. The only issue here is only getting to see this girl sparsely, hence the note idea... But I realise that alone isn't appropriate. So I Hope to see her soon!

Thanks Every1 🎄

We tend to keep doing the same things that don't work. We all do it. The only way forward is to do it differently. Do think just do it. Just don't take it personally if it doesn't go your way. That's not your fault. And don't overthink. That doesn't get you anywhere. Action does.

I'm sorry to keep babbling on, but don't limit yourself to one option. You're investing yourself in one girl who you hardly see. Your building her up to way more than she is in your mind. Expand your options. Keep moving forward. Keep testing for interest 🙂

Hi Lonely

I hope you had a relaxing Christmas and hope you are feeling more confident about asking this lucky girl out.

I wish I had your brave manner!!

I do hope it works out for you

All the best

Sylvia x