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Am I over sensitive or do I have a problem.

Community Member
Came home from work tonight and my husband is still sick with a cold. He has been taking cold and flu tablets with codiene and pseudoephridrine. Tonight he also drank a bottle of kahlua. He is now in the shed working out screaming and roaring and I am worried. He has been passive aggressive swearing all night then suddenly nice and overly lovely again. I feel repulsed by his behaviour and he can sense it and told the kids that mummy hates daddy. In the past he has turned this aggression towards me but it rarely happens now a days and when it does it usually only verbal. But I just never feel safe when he drinks. It makes me depressed and I don't think I will ever be ok with it. Am I over sensitive? Do I need to get over it and laugh it off more as he would say? I wasn't prepared for it tonight as its a work night. Usually I have advanced notice, time to prepare like grand final day etc. how do I get over it so he doesn't get agitated with my repulsion.
2 Replies 2

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Elaria,

Thanks for your post.

Usually when I see a post where a person is married I leave it so that other people who are married and therefore have more experience reply; but I was really concerned when I saw your post.

This behaviour from your husband does not seem okay. I do not think it's appropriate that you should need to 'get over' the fact your husband is being verbally abusive, aggressive or making you feel unsafe.

This is not things that happen in healthy relationships. What you've actually described is behaviour of domestic violence. Domestic violence isn't always physical but can be verbal or emotional. You do not need nor deserve to feel unsafe in your relationship.

I really want to encourage you to have a look at this site - https://www.whiteribbon.org.au/understand-domestic-violence/types-of-abuse/

From my experience, alcohol can cause some huge issues in relationships. Feeling repulsed by his behaviour is not only understandable, but a big red flag. For example, you don't want your children thinking growing up and behaving like that is okay. Don't "laugh it off", listen to your intutition. 1800 Respect is a great start for advice. Good luck and please don't feel like this is normal for you to have to go through.