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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Teags83 My husband suffering major depression
  • replies: 2

My husband and i have been together for over 15yrs he has suffered major depression many years was treated. He decided to decrease medication as he wanted of them is now on on slow realese tablet. The Last 3 months have been quite hard due to we deci... View more

My husband and i have been together for over 15yrs he has suffered major depression many years was treated. He decided to decrease medication as he wanted of them is now on on slow realese tablet. The Last 3 months have been quite hard due to we decided to sell our property and try and move into a bigger property with his mother. During this time His work got cut went downhill very quick and is also trying to support us all. I did get into a fight with his mum as he wasnt turning towards me then Told me needed space while dealing with this hard situation didnt no if he loved me anymore. We have 2 beautiful girls so i left him as didnt think to be in a heathly space at the time we have had many arguements over the yrs. He doesnt want to see me gets so much aniexty the thought of me and stress in everyday life i still love him and want to be there every step of the way im worried that this depression and aniexty is the end of our marriage.

james1 Obsession
  • replies: 1

Hello, Hoping to get tips with this from anyone who suffers from the same thing. So one of my things is I get unhealthily obsessed with people. I am not exaggerating when I say I will want to marry someone within minutes of chatting to them if I find... View more

Hello, Hoping to get tips with this from anyone who suffers from the same thing. So one of my things is I get unhealthily obsessed with people. I am not exaggerating when I say I will want to marry someone within minutes of chatting to them if I find something I like about them, no matter how small. And because it's obviously not reciprocated, I freak out when I start feeling like they don't like me as much, which happens to be all the time (again, for obvious reasons - we've only been talking for 10 minutes). Thankfully I have enough self control -not- to actually stalk them in person and tell them everything, but the urge is very much there. I've raised this previously with my psych, and she wanted me to observe my own behaviour while dating. There was one girl with whom I thought I was actually controlling it pretty well. But then with this new person, she basically pointed it out to me and I hadn't even recognised just how much I'd become obsessed already. So that was a bit annoying. So yeah, I'd love to hear from people who do the same and what you do to control it Doing my usual hobbies including exercise doesn't seem to work because it doesn't take my mind off enough. And yes, I do dream about them too which makes it even more confusing because I start confusing reality and dream. James

Woolly_Bush Big time struggles
  • replies: 3

Okay I feel this might be long. Ive been in a relationship for 7 years with my female partner. We are an all female couple. We have generally had a good relationship with a lot of love and fun. Her sister has been sick with cancer for a large proport... View more

Okay I feel this might be long. Ive been in a relationship for 7 years with my female partner. We are an all female couple. We have generally had a good relationship with a lot of love and fun. Her sister has been sick with cancer for a large proportion of our relationship. In the last two months her sister has really started to get sick and has been given two months to live about a month ago. My partner has really shut me out a lot from how she is feeling and has turned to posting on online forums for support and help with the grief and also some issues she has with depression, anxiety and body image. I recently tried to find these posts because I was so worried about her that it was making me sick. I wish that I hadn't gone in search of it because I found out some things that she was hiding from me. When I asked her about a few things (in such a way that gave her the opportunity to be honest with me) without telling her I had seen what she wrote, she lied to my face about a few things. I have since told her that I want her to feel comfortable enough to share things with me about she feels however she is of the opinion that there are some things she thinks we should keep separate and that she shouldn't have to share every thought and feeling. This has really put a dent in my trust of her. I've told her that in a relationship I really need for there to be honesty and openness but she doesn't agree. She also thinks I'm selfish for wanting to discuss these things when her sister is dying. She's continued to discuss issues in our relationship in a public forum to which I now feel I have no other choice but to do the same. As a result of this shutting out I've confided in a friend but also now have confused my feelings for this person. Im starting to now see holes in our relationship and possibly our future and a misalignment of values. How could all this happen in response to a distressing situation and how could I not have seen it earlier. I feel so stressed about it all and so unsure what I want to do. It feels so distressing that I just want to leave the relationship. I'm sick and I feel so weighed down from such a long time dealing with this pending event. I feel like all the life and my emotion had been sucked from me and feel a bit like the easiest thing to do is to just go missing. I know this is irrational but I'm feeling quite distressed.

MisterM Trying to work out why I got so angry at my best friend
  • replies: 6

I was at his get together yesterday and I misunderstood something he said from what I perceived caused him to get frustrated judging by his facial expression and reaction. This made me go all quiet and feel hurt. I sat in the kitchen of his place on ... View more

I was at his get together yesterday and I misunderstood something he said from what I perceived caused him to get frustrated judging by his facial expression and reaction. This made me go all quiet and feel hurt. I sat in the kitchen of his place on my own and the hurt built up, my friend walked past me and was all cheery trying to get my attention as I was looking down, I all of a sudden got up and said to him I don't like how he talked to me and stormed out of his place and to my car. My friend ran after me, stepping onto the road as I was driving away and I pulled over and we talked it through. He said he did not know what I was angry about and didn't know what I was talking about when I was telling him why I got angry. He did have a few to drink and said he was a bit drunk. He said he loves me and wouldn't do nothing to hurt me and looked genuinely concerned. I decided to return back inside his place once my tears dried up. I was the last to leave last night. I messaged him today to apologise for how I reacted. He's upset that I would doubt him after nearly 20 years of friendship and said that I made him feel like a stranger. This has got me feeling so sad that I made him feel this way. I am regretful for my behaviour. My friend did get a bit snappy at me a few weeks ago on a night out and messaged me to apologise saying it is not okay when I said it's okay. I was thinking he's done it again and this is what caused my emotions to boil over and me to storm out of his place last night. I was also thinking, I am stupid as a person and a frustrating friend for him because of his snapping at me sometimes. I mentioned this to him last night and he said he loves me and that is not how he thinks of me. I am feeling so depressed over this and don't know what to do, haven't been able to leave my bed other than to go toilet or eat lunch today. I am fearful this will cause a rift in our friendship even though my friend assured me that it would take a lot more than that to ruin our friendship. My friend said it's water under the bridge and told me there's no need to talk about it next time we catch up. I just can't get over the guilt, the embarrassment. I have been diagnosed with depression/dysthymia, GAD, social anxiety. Is this causing this cognitive flaw and my anger? It's not the first time I've stormed off on people in anger. Did it well over 10 years ago with the same friend and two other times with my sister and my brother in law's friend.

JESSICAV My relationship ended abruptly and I'm not sure what happened to me.
  • replies: 4

Hi guys. I’m not diagnosed with a problem, but I have had a lot of issues in the last few months which accumulated and caused the end of a long term relationship. I became obsessive and I suffocated my partner with attention and constant contact. I h... View more

Hi guys. I’m not diagnosed with a problem, but I have had a lot of issues in the last few months which accumulated and caused the end of a long term relationship. I became obsessive and I suffocated my partner with attention and constant contact. I had suffered some mood swings and mood changes in front of his friends and in private which I thought had to do with me beginning to take contraceptives, but I’m not sure anymore. He told me the stress became too much and the more I thought about it, the more I realized I hadn’t been feeling myself for months and I was unhappy. I was struggling to enjoy myself. He is chronically ill and I felt a really strong desire to be his carer, I wanted to purposefully make it known that I cared. I pressured him to move out with me to the point he didn't want to anymore since its so difficult with a disability pension. I am very scared to get evaluated. My father has extreme anxiety and I am terrified something is wrong with me that I cannot fix. I am grieving the loss of my partner, but I catch myself thinking about it constantly and I have crying outbursts every now and again. My train of thought changes from “well maybe he wasn’t for me and we weren’t for each other” to “am I possibly bipolar or depressed”. We only separated this week so I guess this is normal. However I have done this in previous relationships also. I am afraid something is wrong and I’m scared of finding out. I wanted to talk to someone, see if anyone has experienced the same things. Thank you

SubduedBlues Dear John letters....
  • replies: 8

This is but one of many Dear John letters from the Vietnam era war. Though old an story, in many ways it still holds true for many of us today; particularly for us Rick's who have been deposed, dumped and discarded by one of those Becky's. Dear Rick,... View more

This is but one of many Dear John letters from the Vietnam era war. Though old an story, in many ways it still holds true for many of us today; particularly for us Rick's who have been deposed, dumped and discarded by one of those Becky's. Dear Rick, I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is simply too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm very sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you. Love, Becky The Marine, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow Marines for any pictures they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters, ex-girlfriends, aunts, cousins, etc. In addition to the picture of Becky, Rick included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies. There were 57 photos all together in that envelope, along with this note: Dear Becky, I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the hell you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me. Take care, Rick Many of us, when dumped by a loved one in, feel a need or burning desire to make the person who dumped us feel as bad (or worse) that we do. Where this may be a natural act of impulse during the heat of the moment, I really don't think it benefits us in any way. In fact, I would argue that it could make us feel worse. When our relationship ends, our perception of our own reality shifts. Each day is a dramatic change from the day before, the one that we were used to. Personally, I would prefer that the old partner were still out there on the fringe of my world as a friend (because I held the higher ground and didn't try to cut her down and make her feel bad for leaving me) -- than to be gone from my world altogether. Now I can remember the happier times we had together, and my mind is not clouded with bitterness and hatred. Now I can be a positive influence on our children and move forward with making good memories.

Anon54321 I have nothing to say
  • replies: 8

As the title says. I'm very lonely, and want to connect with others but I just find myself having nothing to say ever. I can't talk for a few minutes but then I just go blank. I have no genuine interest in what people say either, and I feel like I ha... View more

As the title says. I'm very lonely, and want to connect with others but I just find myself having nothing to say ever. I can't talk for a few minutes but then I just go blank. I have no genuine interest in what people say either, and I feel like I have lost any spark I had to having a meaningful conversation with others. How can I become interested, engaged and have more things to say? I really need help. Even this post does not convey my situation properly, I'm just lost.

Vidiot Why am i so stupid ?
  • replies: 7

I was married to my ex wife for 24 years, during that time she had 2 affairs that I'm aware of, she's never confessed anything more than admitting to what I knew and nothing more, we have 2 great kids together, they're both young adults now, I've bee... View more

I was married to my ex wife for 24 years, during that time she had 2 affairs that I'm aware of, she's never confessed anything more than admitting to what I knew and nothing more, we have 2 great kids together, they're both young adults now, I've been divorced for nearly 4 years now, my problem is I still can't get over the betrayal, yet I still care for my ex deeply, what is wrong with me ? I've so much doubt about so much of my time with her,yet I'm willing to give it another go, but she won't entertain that idea, which leaves me feeling even more pathetic.

Singlemum_2 Feeling worthless
  • replies: 11

Hi, partner left me at the beginning of the year we have two small children I didn't want the relationship to end but he had a drinking issue Which caused issues with us he also I believe was struggling with depression but he wasnt admitting to that ... View more

Hi, partner left me at the beginning of the year we have two small children I didn't want the relationship to end but he had a drinking issue Which caused issues with us he also I believe was struggling with depression but he wasnt admitting to that at the time. i usually deal with break ups with no contact however I do really care about him (+the shared kids) so I told him that if he ever really needed me I'd be there but that we can't be best friends ie not chatting everyday in August he came to me admitted he was struggling with depression he came and stayed with me and the kids for about 4 days and apologised he wasn't there for me when I needed him as he never believed mental illness was real until now (I struggled with anxiety and depression whilst pregnant partly because he was out drinking so much) since we have broken up I find it hard to move forward as I don't have a lot of time for me with two small kids he takes them 1 night a week (all he can do with his work) I am ok most time and unless he made considerable progress I wouldn't go back but I still sometimes struggle with the fact that it ended he was prescribed meds in August but said he didn't want to take them and wanted to stop drinking instead. He hasn't done neither he also never continued with his psychologist. through out this year he has let me down a lot just general selfishness cancelling when he was suppose to have kids last minute even if I had plans. He is a good guy and he treats everyone else really pretty good you know do anything for his mates. Its just me who he seems to have no regard for. He says he cares about me and he knows I always put him first and was very caring and good to him but we were just arguing and he couldn't handle it. He couldn't handle anything anymore (his words) I just don't know what I could of done better. And I don't know how going forward I can stop allowing him to make me feel like that.? I know you cannot blame other people for how you feel but I am doing ok until he does something that is selfish and ends with me having to pick up the slack. when I feel worthless it consumes me, I think I still have to much importance on us being on ok terms I hate fighting I have tried to understand but he just gave up on us and I really struggling with feeling like it's not something I've done wrong. We have a parenting plan. how do I keep myself protected and also any advice on how to stop feeling worthless thank you.

Kukumalu Is my ex depressed?
  • replies: 8

I really wanna to know what's going on with my ex boyfriend, and what should I do. We were about to get married 4 years ago but due to some family issue we didn't end up together. He moved to Netherland after that. for 3 years we didn't contact each ... View more

I really wanna to know what's going on with my ex boyfriend, and what should I do. We were about to get married 4 years ago but due to some family issue we didn't end up together. He moved to Netherland after that. for 3 years we didn't contact each other until this February he sent me an email and said he wanted to talk with me. I got to know he was depressed when we broke up, and had medication then. Later on we realised that for the past 3 years none of us had a serious relationship. then we were back together, but long distance. I went to Europe on July and August, we had great time together. we started to make plan to move together. He always said he was tired, he couldn't go to work, and needed some time alone. I told him if he didn't want to be with me just saying it. But every time, he would say he was tired and he needed time. On sep he broke up with me and then told me he loved me but his body was saying NO to this relationship. he told me He couldn't work, he stayed at home weeks after weeks......I didn't know that was depression, and accepted his decision. after I know about depression. I tried to contact him and offered him help, he said he was seeing doctor but didn't have any medicine. We had a few times back together and break-ups over the next two months. I couldn't tell whether he broke up with me because of his depression or he really meant it. But at end he said he had to break up with me so that he could get over the pressure and be able to eat three meals a day. Two weeks ago, he rang me. He said he was so depressed. I tried to be nice to him and check with his status almost everyday afterwards. But later on he was a bit of angry with me saying his was sick and needed to change the doctor and get medicine. I tried to avoid these words. Every time when I called him, he would say he was getting better, he went to work everyday and even went to gym sometimes, he even planned a trip to visit his friend in another city. I felt like he was ok but I wasn't. I couldn't understand why he broke up with me. It seemed I was a terrible person, his life was so much better without me.But why he asked me for help when he was desperate? I shouted at him last Friday when he was telling me the plan to visit his friend. But after the shouting he said he couldn't tell me how depressed he was, he had to do things to motive himself. Now I regret and afraid his depression may get worse. What should I do? Dose he really not love me?