Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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nzks17 Dumped by boyfriend, worried about his mental health, mine not doing so good either....
  • replies: 1

Hi all, I was recently dumped by my boyfriend very abruptly. I'm feeling awful. I knew something wasn't right with him, I suspected depression, he had quite bad mood swings and I never knew what to expect - it was hard on me. When he was good, I had ... View more

Hi all, I was recently dumped by my boyfriend very abruptly. I'm feeling awful. I knew something wasn't right with him, I suspected depression, he had quite bad mood swings and I never knew what to expect - it was hard on me. When he was good, I had a great time with him. I was going to talk to him about it but he broke up with me in a cold-hearted manner before I could and just told me to leave. I have since told him that I am concerned about him and tried to encourage him to seek help, told him that I would be there for him if he wanted me to be but he just told me not to message him anymore. I am still concerned about him. Despite how he has made me feel, I still care about his wellbeing (I accept he doesn't want to be with me anymore and I have no motive to change his mind) - is there anything else I can do? I don't want to be pushy. This whole thing has had a really bad impact on me. Since it happened I can't sleep and I have no appetite. It was a shock for him to behave in such a way towards me. He had recently told me that I made him happy, but then said he's better off alone without anyone. It has triggered feelings of hopelessness, anxiety and depression in me. I felt them anyway, but this was the final straw that "toppled" me into feeling awful. I have been somewhat ignoring my depression and anxiety over some time now, although I have been seeing a psychologist which has helped. I'm now wondering about some medication to help me, as I have a lot of other things going on in my life at the moment/pressure on me. Does anyone have any advice for me, as someone who is nervous about medication? Perhaps the worst feeling for me at the moment is loneliness. I would love to meet a long term partner to share my life with, but it just doesn't happen for me. I put myself out there, I date, and I meet men, but nothing ever lasts the distance. I don't force things or put pressure on things to be something that they're not. When I'm feeling good, I'm a happy, bubbly person. I feel I have a lot to offer someone, but it doesn't happen. I end up feeling lonely, quite a lot. I try to make sure I exercise and do things I enjoy when I can (I have a lot on so sometimes I don't have time/energy), to ensure I stay well, but sometimes it's awful coming home to an empty house and not having anyone to talk to about my day. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with loneliness? Thanks very much.

Timtam494 Single and sad
  • replies: 4

Hi, This is my first time writing on here but I need a little extra help right now. For the last 4 years I have been dating and trying to find someone wonderful for me but it just never works out. I met a great guy this year and I really thought this... View more

Hi, This is my first time writing on here but I need a little extra help right now. For the last 4 years I have been dating and trying to find someone wonderful for me but it just never works out. I met a great guy this year and I really thought this was going to be a great relationship. But 8 months later he ended things with me and again I find myself heart broken. This time is different though. This time I think I have really given up, I keep thinking this is all too hard and I am just getting hurt all the time. I want to be open to meeting people and open to allowing myself to take chances but I just don't know if I am strong enough to keep doing this. I also have this overwhelming feeling of sadness and anxiety following me everywhere I go. I am very lucky and I have many people around me who are always by my side and always there for me when I need them but I wish I had the inner strength to support myself and to be more confident and independent and believe all the thing other people believe about me. Feeling so lost! Thank you for letting me post and vent, this is a wonderful forum for getting things out.

Odysey1977 Not sure what to expect
  • replies: 4

Hi All, To be honest, I'm not sure what to expect from venting, if anything I feel like a "a-hole" just voicing it out loud, but here is my story. I am married, have been for 6 years and have a disabled daughter who will be 7 this year. I also have a... View more

Hi All, To be honest, I'm not sure what to expect from venting, if anything I feel like a "a-hole" just voicing it out loud, but here is my story. I am married, have been for 6 years and have a disabled daughter who will be 7 this year. I also have a 13 year old daughter that only wants to spend time with me as she doesn't get along with my current wife. My wife and I spend every second with her and focus on doing everything we can for her (she is mentally and physically disabled). My wife has chronic anxiety which puts a massive strain on our relationship. She barely does anything except for spend time with our daughter. Her anxiety is so bad she puts a heap of pressure on me to "work from home" which I sometimes can - but a lot of the time I have to refuse. The last few years have been extremely tough as I am a very driven person with a few personal goals I am working on, plus about to start University for the first time (at the age of 40). She is polar opposite, not driven at all (she has a photography business - but it's more a hobby as she spends very little to no time driving it). There are numerous times I come home to find nothing done, house a complete mess and have to spend the next few hours cleaning up (and watch my daughter - whom I absolutely love spending time with - I wish I had more time with her - she's my little buddy). I know this is all harsh, but I honestly feel at the end of my tether as I am tired of being the emotional rock constantly in our relationship (in fact - if anything ever happens to me and I want to share - she dismisses and complains about her day or anxiety - yet again). I really have no idea what to do anymore and I fear that I am in this relationship because of my little girl only. Are there other people out there in similar relationships? Thanks for reading.

human03 The guilt of breaking up with someone you love
  • replies: 14

Hello, I was dating my ex girlfriend now for approx 4 years in that time we broke up 4 times. Our 3rd break up was around 1 1/2 years ago. We had NC for around 8 months, I then became seriously ill and contacted her, she was amazing jumped straight i... View more

Hello, I was dating my ex girlfriend now for approx 4 years in that time we broke up 4 times. Our 3rd break up was around 1 1/2 years ago. We had NC for around 8 months, I then became seriously ill and contacted her, she was amazing jumped straight in and supported me through the 1st surgery and treatment, then things came up from previous breakup and broke up with me when I was feeling better. 2 months after I was due to have my next surgery, we got in contact again and she got back with me and again supported me through my next surgery and treatment, 6 months on and after 2 major surgeries and 6 months of treatment, which was before Christmas last year her mum got sick and other family issues on her side came up which I found it hard to support her as I was still dealing with depression and anxiety due to my illness. In November last year I got good news that scans looked clear and I was happy for a short while, but then I started to feel really depressed and worried about the future, if the illness came back and I started getting angry a lot and started arguing with her on a weekly basis. Things came to the crunch when her mum got sick, and through bad communication I didnt pick her up from the station as she said that she organised another lift, which I found out later she caught the bus, because she didnt want to hassle me as I get anxious. The day after we had a chat and she told me about catching the bus, I couldnt understand why she caught the bus. Then she said she wanted my support in a coming family event but as her ex was going to be there, I didnt want to go as this made me very anxious, she continued to preassure me and I snapped and said thats it lets be friends Ive had enough, I said a few bad things putting her down which I feel really bad about now and left. Its over a month now, and I have had news that I need more scans so the journey continues with my health issues. I have since sent her 2 emails, a couple of txt msgs to apologise and explained how sorry I was and maybe she would be better off finding someone who can truly love her and support her. Theres been no reply which I guess its good, but my problem is that I would still like to be friends, and now the guilt is killing me. I have stated counseling and the advise is that with everything I have been through and still going through I being too hard on myself and should be kind to myself, but Im struggling everyday with this choice I have made.

Celery Sad, Tired and Confused
  • replies: 6

Im new here and today feeling overwhelmed. My heart feels like cold heavy stone in my chest. I am temporarily staying with a relative as i needed to get a diagnoses for my. MI which is major depression and PTSD. Been taking AD for 5 months and i dono... View more

Im new here and today feeling overwhelmed. My heart feels like cold heavy stone in my chest. I am temporarily staying with a relative as i needed to get a diagnoses for my. MI which is major depression and PTSD. Been taking AD for 5 months and i donot feel any better. My partner of 6 yrs is thinking i am going to breeze in the door and be well again and just start where we left off. It has been suggested to me not to return as it is geo isolated with no solid MH services and i have no friends there. Also my partner uses weed but he is functional apart from being unemotional. I am at crossroads as i am fearful of the isolation but i have no way to start over again financially somewhere else. My partner has made it clear to me he will not relocate as he functions in isolation. I feel he is not concerned about me...just hopes he will get me back like i was before because this is my 3rd episode of MD and i recovered well previously but this time i feel tired and worn out and cant say thst im enthusiastic about our relationship. Is this the depression thinking or is it guilt in the background or is it the fear of not knowing how i will manage on my own. Im 58 and just feel so sad about this illness that has taken me hostage.

Kayza so confued and unsure...
  • replies: 4

I'm only young... (high school young) and I've noticed I always put myself in difficult situations with my love life. I find myself falling for two guys at once and getting close with them both. last year I was falling for a year 12 and I was only ye... View more

I'm only young... (high school young) and I've noticed I always put myself in difficult situations with my love life. I find myself falling for two guys at once and getting close with them both. last year I was falling for a year 12 and I was only year 8 and I also had a "crush" on a year 10... I ended up "hooking up" with the both of them and I only mean kissing when I say "hooking up" although the year 12 and I did do one sexual thing... which i finally opened up and I've spoken to my mum about. But it was all over pretty quickly and I never dated either one of them. So now I'm going into year 9 and I like a guy in my year, we started as good friends but then we went out to a party and I realised I had feelings for him but one of my best friends had recently been with him, we ended up kissing and after that it all kind of fell into place... this was last year and we are still a "thing" but not dating. only problem is I have like this family friend kind of guy and the fist time I met him I like feel in love and we go away on weekend trips together because his older sister and I are like family. but this guy... lets say his name is "James" he is going into year 12...and we barely see each other and I've told his sister I really like him but there is a huge distance between us and we both think it wouldn't work and he has recently admitted feelings for me and he was my first New Years kiss but I'm still in a "thing" with this other guy... I'm so lost and caught up in my feelings...?

Matof4 Overwhelmed in life
  • replies: 4

I love my wife we are coming up to ten years together but the last year I feel like I'm just in the way of my family we are always busy having 4 kids I feel all of my concerns of such a big family is what actually happens . And for me to even mention... View more

I love my wife we are coming up to ten years together but the last year I feel like I'm just in the way of my family we are always busy having 4 kids I feel all of my concerns of such a big family is what actually happens . And for me to even mention it I'm a kids hater . I work hard we don't have a lot of money but we are paying off a house which is something I'm proud of . My wife suffers from anxiety which I feel like Iv learned a lot and still learning the best way to support her . My wife doesn't get along with my family after they spoke to her rudely Iv chosen not to speak to them she has never been close to her Mum so we don't really have family to lean on .my wife takes on so much can't say no to work kids or friends and I struggle with her taking so much on she works from home which is an amazing help but she will then do that to the extreme of being busy it's like she can't say no to work which burns her out I try to do house work and get kids to bed and for anyone that's knows how long it takes to get for. Kids fed washed and actually asleep in bed then the days over . This is more of a vent sorry Iv never posted on these before I could go on for hours. Also she has brought up my weight abit lately which I can understand Iv been big since high school i just can't even get my head in the right frame of mind to work on it I'm not a smoker or drinker during the week just enjoy food more than I should Iv lost weight before but I feel I get anxiety kinda from my wife's anxiety is that ridiculous ? Thanks for reading my vent .

Yoda73 Over the mental health issues burden on life....lost, tired but still in love. Feel helpless
  • replies: 1

In my 40s&have been married to my wife for >18yrs.We have 3 beautiful children 16,13&8.But..my wife has obvious mental health issues&over the years it has affected our lives&driven me into depression.I'm so tired.I was a positive&outgoing person. Hav... View more

In my 40s&have been married to my wife for >18yrs.We have 3 beautiful children 16,13&8.But..my wife has obvious mental health issues&over the years it has affected our lives&driven me into depression.I'm so tired.I was a positive&outgoing person. Have been to a number of counsellors.Feel like I'm not getting anywhere.Lost energy to pursue.Issue is my wife has an undiagnosed anxiety or personality issue that bares it's weight down on the family.You can never please her,she is never able to sit down&relax&does not allow us to spend quality time with others.We live an isolated life.In fact for all the experiences we have had if it wasn't for my motivation it would never have happened.Her symptoms include never being able to say sorry,forgive,always blaming others.She is always very negative not wanting to go out&enjoy life.I've asked to her seek help.But she doesn't believe in this&will not accept she has an issue.In her mind it's others issue. She goes off at smallest things&is always rude in her responses&angry.She is very paranoid all the time&displays obvious anxieties.In her anger she swears a lot at me&the kids in her anger which I find unacceptable&tell her that.I am over simplifying over 20yrs of issues&hurt as I'm mentally tired¬ able to be as articulate.So I know I haven't explained my self well.I am a generally peaceful person&over this time i have become a person i do not like.I end up yelling&getting angry.In my original depressive state some years back I did something at my very lowest point out of desperation&loneliness that I regretted&which i confessed.This has always added to the mistrust&she brings it up often.I have no real close friends as I have sacrificed my social life for my family.We do not have people over because it stresses her too much&we do not share any regular close relationships with friends.I know it has affected my work as I have myself become antisocial, especially over the past 3yrs.Others treat me as an outsider in their social groups at work.I feel I can't talk with my family as I feel ashamed at the situation.I love my children so much&I'm upset that they have to experience this.I feel trapped! What can I do?I know I'm not perfect&admit this but always trying to improve.My wife does not demonstrate any motivation to resolve problems or our relationship.How can I get help for her&get her to accept&explore her issues? And through all this I love her!

Kal08 Exhausted in my relationship. Do I keep trying
  • replies: 5

My fiance and I have been together for over a year. Her work gives her long, tiring days and she often comes home stressed and annoyed. She will pick at small things like if I havent mopped the floor or the dishes arent done (even if the rest of the ... View more

My fiance and I have been together for over a year. Her work gives her long, tiring days and she often comes home stressed and annoyed. She will pick at small things like if I havent mopped the floor or the dishes arent done (even if the rest of the house is clean). I wake up with her at 5:30 every morning, make her a coffee and cook her breakfast, pack her lunch and then when she goes to work clean everything up, then usually go to work, come home, study (bachelor of nursing), then cook tea. I dont earn nearly as much as her but I pay for all the groceries which she never has to think about, pay for half the bills and put money towards the mortgage. I feel as though she doesnt appreciate any of it! We argue about small things, if I have upset her she will turn her phone off. I have tried talking through problems but she overreacts to a lot of things and it is very hard! I find myself apologising for things I havent done wrong to try and calm her down. The other day I had a friend over looking at our kittens and at the same time her sister "While I was on the phone to her sister she tried getting in contact me. I messaged her after saying sorry I was on the phone and she said "thought youd be busy, my phones flat talk later" so I said "okay babe I love you talk soon" and she got extremely mad. I ended up apologising for not ringing her (even though her phone was flat??" I dont know if i should keep trying, I love more her more than anything, but each time we argue like this I feel exhausted and dont know if i can do it again..

happilyeverafter Learning to do it on my own
  • replies: 4

So I have spent the last 2 years in a toxic relationship with someone I loved so much it hurts. This relationship quickly followed a 13 year relationship with my children's Dad. I don't know how to be alone. Some days I feel strong, but most days I'm... View more

So I have spent the last 2 years in a toxic relationship with someone I loved so much it hurts. This relationship quickly followed a 13 year relationship with my children's Dad. I don't know how to be alone. Some days I feel strong, but most days I'm in a complete state of panic! I'm so lonely and just want to be loved by someone, which causes me to go out and look. I know I'm not ready, but I find keeping my mind active and sleeping with new guys prematurely numbs the pain. I don't want to be like this, but I can't help it. I should be focusing on myself and the kids, but being a single Mum is so hard at times and I find it so hard to be alone at the end of the night.... Can anybody else relate?