My harassing friend

[The_Possum]

I'm going through a rough patch at the moment, and gave told only three close friends I can trust.

My friends have been supportive, check in on me daily and are positive... All except one friend...

I've been friends with this person for about 15 years but she is making me feel worse and harassing me.

She calls my mobile a few times a day and when we talk it's all negative and doom and gloom making me feel worse to a point that when I hang up im literally crying.

I've taken to not picking up the phone when I see its her as I don't want to hear what she has to say. She spins my anxiety out honestly.

This just makes her call mordant more.

I put a Facebook status up saying 'sorry all my phone is in for repair please send an email if you need to contact me'

This is purely directed at her.

She still constantly rings. and when she rings she doesn't leave voicemails, messages and no emails - "it's just constant calling my phone and hanging up.

I can't tell her that she is making matters worse for me because she gets easily offended and always believed she is correct. She's always been this way and I don't have the energy for some kind of argument.

I also don't want to dissolve our 15 year friendship either.

Hence the avoidance tactic but the phone constantly ringing is driving me mad. It's all day.

Any suggestions? 😳

[White_Rose]

Hello Possum

Nice to meet you. I suggest you block her calls to your phone. You have already indicated you phone is not available, so make it unavailable. She can contact you by email or face to face.

Trying placate someone like that will never work. I know you don't want a confrontation but which is the worse choice? Allow her to constantly harass you because she believes she knows the right thing to do, or tell her how much she is upsetting you. You may find your friendship disappears and I am sorry if that happens. I would not consider anyone my friend if they indulged in behaviour of that kind.

If it continues you can take out a restraining order on her. It would certainly make her think about her actions. And yes it expect it would end your friendship. What do you get out of the friendship anyway?

May I suggest you think about these issues and my comments. Standing on the fence wondering which way to jump is totally unhelpful. If you don't want an argument, write her an email and tell her how she is affecting you, but still block her calls.

How do these suggestions sit with you?

Mary

[TBella]

Dear Possum

i have been in similar situations but have come to learn the importance of having boundaries in my life for my own well being.

A real friend will understand & accept your need for boundaries. Those who are not real friends won't, they will get offended & make it all about them - exposing the truth that they were never really your friend- it was all about them & what they needed- it's not a real friendship, it's co-dependency which is toxic.

Its ok to put boundaries in place- you're worth it!

Kindest Regards

Tbella

[The_Possum]

Thanks White Rose and Tbella for your responses.

To be honest if it were only emails when was sending to check in, I would not be as bothered, as emails you can read whenever you want, it's no confronting and you can delete them. It also doesn't interrupt your day, as you need to log in to see them. So if she was just doing that I guess I could handle it.

But the phone call are disruptive and consistent and they do distrurb my day. I could be at the park with my kids, or having some time out and there's the phone for the third time. She is a shift worker at the hospital and may finish a shift at 930pm or later and decides to call. Meanwhile I'm trying to get to sleep or put the kids to sleep. It's just ridiculous.

And when we do speak it's negative I almost feel like she is enjoying my situation at present.. Maybe I'm paranoid on that but it really feels that way.

I think you are correct in what you're both saying.

As what one of my friends pointed out, if she was really concerned and couldn't get hold of you, then you would think she would leave a voicemail or text or even an email just saying something like 'I've been trying to contact you as I'm really worried about you, I understand you might not be up for talking, so I'm here for you when you're ready'

This is what my other friends do.

It feels like she just wants to spit out horrible things to me when I'm on the phone, things like

"damn that situation is totally messed up, I don't know what you're going to do about that, thats stuffed' and then she laughs...

It's very strange from a 'friend'.

Thanks to you both for your comments I appreciate it very much

[monkey_magic]

Hey there the possum,

Hope your doing OK.

It amazes me how thoughtless, selfish,dark & obsessive some ppl can be, I mean how can u not get the msg when someone doesn't answer your calls that many times. She sounds more like a stalker than a friend.

I wouldn't bother with her. U don't need that " energy" in your life as you have more important things to take care of.

If she wants to be that dark n horrible she should try jotting it on paper and burning it, not saying it to you...

[The_Possum]

Thanks Steph

You're right I definitely don't need this kind of energy in my life right now, my hands are full.

I'm just going to ignore it for the next few days and see what happens..

Thanks x