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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Butterfly86 Miserable & Alone
  • replies: 2

Hi I'm 28 years old. Have been on anti depressants for a year or two now. Thinking I may need to up them or change. I've recently got back into the dating game (since August 2013) after a long on and off type relationship with my ex boyfriend. I have... View more

Hi I'm 28 years old. Have been on anti depressants for a year or two now. Thinking I may need to up them or change. I've recently got back into the dating game (since August 2013) after a long on and off type relationship with my ex boyfriend. I have tried the online dating thing, met about 20 guys. Really thinking that its never going to happen for me, Everytime I seem to be happy and things are going great its like it just all of a sudden turns to crap. One guy i was seeing for about a month all of a sudden was no longer interested in me. I also fell pregnant to the ex of 10 years back in 2012 and miscarried. This is one thing that everyday i think about. I have dealt with the loss but will never forget. I've always wanted to be a Mummy and have a family. But beginning to think that this is never going to happen. I have come on here to just vent to people I don't know and that won't judge me. I kinda just feel a bit numb and lost at the moment.

Ritzley When will it end?
  • replies: 4

I was married to my childhood sweetheart for 24 years. 2 beautiful children, lovely house and plans for our future. My husband had been unhappy at work and quite moody with it. We had discussed him leaving his job and looking for something else. He w... View more

I was married to my childhood sweetheart for 24 years. 2 beautiful children, lovely house and plans for our future. My husband had been unhappy at work and quite moody with it. We had discussed him leaving his job and looking for something else. He went to work one day and I was concerned about him, so I called him at lunch time to check that everything was ok. That was when my life fell apart and he told me he was having an affair with a lady he met and slept with at the office Christmas party the previous year. Four days earlier we had been sitting around the table making travel plans for our 25th wedding anniversary and joking about how we would travel the world once the girls were out on their own. It hit me like a freight train. In the same phone call he told me that he was moving in with this woman, that she was his soul mate. that was 18 months ago. I've held it together pretty well. Sold the house, did the financial agreement, purchased a property, did the divorce papers, worked full time and kept my girls supported. I thought with the divorce it would finally be over and I could stop feeling so out of control and worthless all the time, but I think maybe I have been holding it all in for 18 months and now that I've finished sorting the emotions are having their turn. In the last few weeks I've struggled to get out of bed every day and I feel tired all the time. My emotions are all over the place - irritable, sad, lonely. I feel ashamed and humiliated by what he did and then angry that I feel that way and then ashamed again that I have become this wreck of a person. I cry at the drop of a hat and I that just makes me feel worse because I should be starting to feel better and I just am feeling worse each day. I am normally an in-control person and I just feel so out of control. When does it stop? I just want to stop feeling like this every single day.

SubduedBlues Where is my friend?
  • replies: 11

Growing up my family moved very often. In fact I never attended the same school more than two years consecutive. As an adult I joined the military and moved to different towns quite often myself. As a result of my nomadic lifestyle growing up, I beca... View more

Growing up my family moved very often. In fact I never attended the same school more than two years consecutive. As an adult I joined the military and moved to different towns quite often myself. As a result of my nomadic lifestyle growing up, I became quite used to meeting new people and speaking with strangers. Unfortunately I really didn't have any friends last more than a couple of years. So I suppose I really didn't learn how to make a long term relationship work until after I got married. And then it was always the hard way. My only long term friend, outside of a work colleague, has been my wife. Now she's gone. I can make short acquaintances for a couple hours, but nothing that is likely to last more than to the next time I bump into them at the next public social. No real friendship ever cones. Come to think of it, the last time anyone ever rang to ask me to participate in a social event was when I was in the military. Over 30 years ago. No one wants to be friends with someone who has issues. So any idea where someone with problems goes to meet people with problems?

Sankhata No friends
  • replies: 2

Hi, Im new to the forums. I guess Ive ended up here looking for some advise. Im not sure if Im depressed. I know I have unhealthy thinking patterns sometimes. I think Im more dysthymic which I guess is a form of depression. I practice meditation, exe... View more

Hi, Im new to the forums. I guess Ive ended up here looking for some advise. Im not sure if Im depressed. I know I have unhealthy thinking patterns sometimes. I think Im more dysthymic which I guess is a form of depression. I practice meditation, exercise and use st johns wort so I seem to be managing it ok at the moment. My main concern is a pattern I see in my relationships that has been ongoing for many years, decades in fact. I just cannot seem to maintain friendships with anyone. I end up feeling very disappointed in people. I meet people and at first I seem to click well with them then they will do or say something nasty, spiteful or thoughtless etc and it turns me off them and I go into avoid mode. I also discover quite often after Ive known someone for a while that they have issues with alcohol. For example once they start to drink they can't or dont stop and end up really legless and abusive. A nasty streak is revealed. This has happened to me often enough to make me feel like its not a coincidence and that perhaps Im attracted to these sorts of people. My father was an abusive alcoholic and Im wondering if there is something about these people that feels comfortable or familiar to me because of my childhood??? Anyway so I end up preferring to be alone because I just find people way to difficult to deal with. I cannot tolerate the substance abuse, the dramas, the egos, the petty jealousies and resentment etc etc. The problem is I feel very lonely and long to connect with people in a meaningful way but never meet people who I consider mentally healthy enough to want in my life. I know nobody is perfect and I am far from it but surely there are people out there who are on a path towards self realisation instead of self destruction. Where do you meet healthy likeminded people in this money, looks, status, alcohol obsessed society?

white knight CHILDREN- do you love unconditionally?
  • replies: 3

I'll try to be specific in this long torturous journey with my youngest daughter. My eldest daughter (now 25) left her mothers home at 12yo and never went back. she had been subjected to emotional abuse like I had been when I was married for 11 years... View more

I'll try to be specific in this long torturous journey with my youngest daughter. My eldest daughter (now 25) left her mothers home at 12yo and never went back. she had been subjected to emotional abuse like I had been when I was married for 11 years. My eldest has zero contact with her mother for that reason. My youngest daughter is more like her mother in nature, has adopted her behaviour and both my eldest daughter and myself have had difficulty keeping a relationship with her together. Subsequently my eldest wont have anything to do with her younger sister. I first tasted problems with my youngest when she was 14yo. Since she was 4yo she spent every second w/end with me and more time over school holidays. Then out of the blue "I dont want to see you anymore". Just like her mother she gave no reason and went silent. I endured years of on and off silence from her mother during our marriage. I was afraid she had picked up her mothers traits. The on and off again relationship started from there. As a dad I'd supported her financial over and beyond her mothers child support including a one off extra payment to cover her dental/jaw operations , a total of $14000. So there should be no concern there. It ends up a guessing game. I always prided myself to loving my children unconditionally. Up until last week it wouldnt matter what my children did to me, I would always be there for them- always. But last week at the end of a 6 weeks period of my youngest having e as a friend on Facebook then dropping e off without warning....I came to the conclusion after 8 years of this yo-yo relationship, always at her whim, that it was over. I've withdrawn my fatherhood from her. She doesnt know it yet. When she again want to come bck into my life I will ask her to explain what she wants...if it doesnt not include an apology, a recognition of her hurt to me, then there is no reason for me to chat further. eg the door is a tiny bit ajar but in reality I know her spot on her leopard skin wont change. This stance is unusual for me. How much is enough? Losing the love of a child can be heart wrenching. Many times over and it can drain you, hurt you indescribably and other loving friends and family watch you decline until you get yourself together again. There is a time, a moment that comes around when you say- no more. For many of us it is a form of survival, emotional survival, so you can more on to focus more on those that really love you- unconditionally, the way you love them..

Loz43 feeling worthless and unlovable
  • replies: 2

I was in a loveless marriage for 6 years before I had enough. My ex husband didn't feel the need to work with me to make things better, making me feel not worth the effort. Also during that time my eldest son got into serious trouble with the police ... View more

I was in a loveless marriage for 6 years before I had enough. My ex husband didn't feel the need to work with me to make things better, making me feel not worth the effort. Also during that time my eldest son got into serious trouble with the police and into hard drugs. I had to deal with all this all on my own as the ex wasn't supportive. I have been separated and divorced now for just over 3 years. I have tried dating and have dated a few men over the last 3 years and thinking some of them might be interested in a relationship but they ditched me and disappeared after getting what they want, yet again making me feel unlovable. I know the old saying of you have to love yourself before someone else can love you. I do love myself, I am a good, caring and nurturing person. I have friends and my kids love me so I just don't know what is wrong with me and that I can't find a partner to share my life with. This seems to be hindering my recovery of depression and no I don't think finding love will cure it but it will give me someone to share and lean on.

hopeless_amp_helpless I just ended a friendship with my ex but I'm not sure it's the right thing to do...I'm so confused & it's complicated
  • replies: 1

Hi guys, I just ended a friendship with my ex a couple of days ago but I'm not sure it was the right choice as he was a positive influence in my life.....I think anyway...maybe you guys can enlighten me? I'm writing to you people here so I don't cave... View more

Hi guys, I just ended a friendship with my ex a couple of days ago but I'm not sure it was the right choice as he was a positive influence in my life.....I think anyway...maybe you guys can enlighten me? I'm writing to you people here so I don't cave in and write to him coz my head is all over the place at the moment and I need to know I'm doing the right thing before I say or do anything. We haven't been a couple for about 5 years but stayed friends all this time. My depression was what made us break up, he just couldn't deal with me yelling and screaming at him and taking out all of my anger and frustration on him. We didn't 'break up' like normal couples do. I was so dependant on him that we never had that time apart from each other. I would just keep calling him and we'd meet up and hang out and I got stuck in a cycle where I would hope that we would get back together but he didn't love me anymore.....I just couldn't accept that there was no chance of us getting back together. To his credit, he did stick by me as a friend and he even helped me find alternative treatment overseas. This alternative treatment lasted for about 6 weeks and I felt amazing. I really thought I was ok with us just being friends but now the feeling has faded and reality is setting in & I'm not OK with just being friends. We did start up a sexual relationship when I came back from being overseas but then I decided to stop because I realised that having sex with him didn't mean that we were back together and that he didn't love me but I was ok then to just have some fun with him. Once I started to recognise the signs of my depression returning, I thought it would be best if I stopped contacting him coz I didn't want to put him through all the crap he had to deal with before. I emailed him to let him know that for his sake, I was going to stop seeing him. I thought it was better for him to not have anything to do with me coz I don't wanna bring him down with me and I feel like I'm preventing him from moving on with his life. I thought that I was doing him a favour...giving him a way out. I feel like I'm being selfish by keeping him in my life but he's my only real friend. I do enjoy his company but I just can't get caught up in the cycle of wanting to get back together again. It's been 2 days since I contacted him and this is the longest I've ever gone without talking to him. I hope I have the strength to stay away and let him move on with his life.

nlr enough is enough....
  • replies: 11

This is weird. i know i have a problem yet i don't know what it is. To now I've lived what i thought was a good life. travelled, great jobs and financial freedom. The world i live in now is nothing like that. I mad poor judgements in trusting people ... View more

This is weird. i know i have a problem yet i don't know what it is. To now I've lived what i thought was a good life. travelled, great jobs and financial freedom. The world i live in now is nothing like that. I mad poor judgements in trusting people in business and now have lost it all. I can live with that, after all its just money... i would have gladly given every cent i have for happiness. In the last few years I have met two women. The first one lied and manipulated me when all i did was show love, respect and honesty. She took a major piece of me when i finally picked up the courage to walk. It was hard... probably one of the hardest times in my whole life. I lost a lot of myself when things ended. I never thought i could be with someone again. Then something happened. I met a amazing beautiful soul who welcomed me into her arms and her life. She showed me how to love again and feel good, no.. great. Only two weeks ago she wrote in my birthday card, 'thank you for being a beautiful part of my life and making me so happy'.Now i sit here not even 24 hours after we broke up. I'm lost. I'm in a dark place. I'm tired. I'm really over it. I have lost the willpower and the desire to keep going. I never thought I would be this way. I thought depression was a lame excuse, when my mother first told me she was battling it i didn't believe it. Now i know what it is and I can see how destructive it is. Now i sit here as a person that can't do anything right. i feeluseless and un necessary to this world. the hurt and pain in me is not worth living with for the lack of anything else. I have no friends that i can trust, no partner to love and nothing but problems. So I ask this.. When does enough become enough? Why try and move on just to be shot back down? The darkness in my life has now consumed my mind and body. I'm sick of living on 2hours sleep, sick of the pain and sick of the hurt. I am so, so tired.....

Anthony1 Separation with Kids Involved
  • replies: 4

Hi, My marriage is ending after almost ten years. We have two wonderful kids together. The relationship has been under stress for a couple of years. Main problem has been my wife is very aggressive and wants things a certain way and in the face of th... View more

Hi, My marriage is ending after almost ten years. We have two wonderful kids together. The relationship has been under stress for a couple of years. Main problem has been my wife is very aggressive and wants things a certain way and in the face of this I retreat and avoid conflict. This is a very broad explanation of course. I have been studying at uni to become a teacher but have had to defer until things get better. My wife has already started seeing someone else and stays with him alot and the kids miss her. I have to try and get a new job so I can move out and get a nice place for my kids near their school but its so expensive. I don't know whats going to happen and my main concern is my kids and my mental health. I am seeing a counsellor and talk to friends. Initially my wife suppported me staying in our unit and continuing with uni but things change every day it seems and now she wants me to find a job and move out so she can rent the place out. Feeling lost and like life has taken a surreal turn. I just want to be set up with my kids in a nice place, but I don't feel like I have any control. I want to avoid any legal stuff and to behave like "adults" but its hard...

boilingpoint I think my mum is a narcissist
  • replies: 22

I am 40 and have just realised whats wrong with my mother, I think she has NPD. Last straw was when she picked a fight (wasn't really a fight) packed her bags while staying at my house and just left 3 days before xmas. Like I was not worth talking to... View more

I am 40 and have just realised whats wrong with my mother, I think she has NPD. Last straw was when she picked a fight (wasn't really a fight) packed her bags while staying at my house and just left 3 days before xmas. Like I was not worth talking to sort things out, left me very easily. So I have decided no contact was the way to go. Realised a grieved for a mother a never really had but wanted so much, relaised she never did really love me and never will. Though do I still let her see my kids - her grandkids? Is it fair to not let her see her grandkids though what if she hurts them too as they grow older? they are 2 and 3