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What to do when one has anxiety and the other has anxiety and depression.

Community Member

I'm recently married and 20. Im also pregnant.
I have depression, anxiety and have only recently started therapy for years of emotional and physical abuse from family, school and my past relationships. My husband and I have only been together for 10 months however the speed of our relationship doesn't phase me he is absolutely without a doubt the person I want to spend my life with. We are both trying to overcome anxiety when it comes to sex.

He was a virgin until 27 and I have been repeatedly sexually assaulted and sex was a new concept to the both of us.
I feel my depression is causing so much fear and doubt about his sexual attraction to me that I have fabricated fears that cause me to eventually break down in tears and create a worse problem than the initial one.

My husband has told me today that he is anxious when he goes to touch me sexually to the point where he just won't, we used to have sex almost every day several times a day and neither of us had problems with our anxiety or my depression. Now though I am very anxious about sex, my body, how he sees me, if he wants me at all and this anxiety is pushing me into a pit of depression that causes me to lash out. His anxiety most likely caused by my own and the depression has caused him to stop seeking intimacy with me.
Maybe we could live without sex but the thing that causes me the most anxiety is his daily attachment to porn. I knew he looked frequently I have always know we are very open about that and it has NEVER been a problem, I don't get mad I enjoy it too and we used to incorporate it into our sex life. Now I am so scared and depressed that he isn't touching me anymore but continues his interest in porn that he still wants sex... just not with me.

My previous partners have had porn addiction and cheated on me frequently so I do tend to have panic attacks at home while my husband is at work, I try to hide it a lot but now it's affecting our relationship.

My anxiety hit me like a bus, the depression has swallowed me again and I am completely lost.

One moment we were completely free with each other and held nothing back, I felt safe, sure and comfortable when having sex. Now I'm anxious, depressed, scared of failing and scared of really hurting our relationship when all I am trying to do is fix it.

Please give me any advice and help, I am desperate. We both are.


1 Reply 1

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Ustwo, welcome

I've read you post that you bravely sent us.

I cant seem to get away from my gut feeling you need the help of a sex therapist. Or alternatively, continue to attend your current therapist and see where that goes, it could lead to him or her helping you with this problem.


Tony WK