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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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g2015 Brother in prison, Mum depressed?
  • replies: 3

Hi all. I’m after some advice to help with my Mum. I’m not sure if she is depressed but I know she’s definitely not the same as she used to be. 10 years ago my brother was arrested and sentenced to 22 years in prison. Obviously a huge shock to our fa... View more

Hi all. I’m after some advice to help with my Mum. I’m not sure if she is depressed but I know she’s definitely not the same as she used to be. 10 years ago my brother was arrested and sentenced to 22 years in prison. Obviously a huge shock to our family. I won’t say what he did but you may be able to work it out based on the time he got. There is a lot to the story which I won’t go into here, not relevant for now. In the first few months of my brothers arrest/prison time etc a lot of Mum’s friends and family distanced themselves and “cut her off” in the end which didn’t help. Mum and I have stood by my brother and will continue to do so until he is released. In the early days, counselling was offered for us but we, at the time, believed it wouldn’t help and we could get through this ourselves. Mum had not many friends and even now the couple she still has don’t know about my brother because she fears that telling them would drive them away too. I tell her if they are really your friends they won’t but that doesn’t help. I on the other hand have had the opposite. None of my friends have turned their backs on me so I can’t understand what Mum has been through. She keeps telling me that “I don’t understand the way she feels because I’m not a parent” and ok maybe I don’t know what she’s been through as a Mother of a Son in prison but I’m trying to. I have dealt with this a lot better than Mum, I slowly got used to the fact my brother wasn’t around anymore, even though we still see him regularly, write letters, phone calls etc. I’ve been with my partner for almost 7 years and married for 2. Mum more or less refuses to even acknowledge my Wife, she never asks about her, never sees her and shows no interest in our lives together. This makes us sad, angry and annoyed but I desperately want to help Mum past this. She doesn’t see any problem and every time I bring it up, try to talk to her about it she gets defensive and angry and pushes me away. She thinks I’m overreacting and being stupid. Mum doesn’t see my wife as I said, she saw her once last year and so far once this year but she basically ignored her. I confronted her about it and again she didn’t see a problem. In her mind I think she believes that she has “lost” one Son already and now she’s losing the other one (me) because I’m still living my life, carrying on and she isn’t. I could go on but I’ll stop here. Thanks for reading, any advice/help would be greatly appreciated.

JMZ Deciding to Seperate
  • replies: 6

Hi, Im 40, been married for 14 years and have 2 children. My relationship with my husband has never been real good. We have had many ups and downs. There has been abuse (both kinds) and I have repeatedly forgiven him. We have been in and out of thera... View more

Hi, Im 40, been married for 14 years and have 2 children. My relationship with my husband has never been real good. We have had many ups and downs. There has been abuse (both kinds) and I have repeatedly forgiven him. We have been in and out of therapy which only helps for a while until there is a breakdown again. There are so many problems I don't know where to begin. We both have NO family support at all which is the main reason why it has been so hard to leave. I have no one to turn to. I have almost left 3 times but when it come to the crunch I stayed, too scared to be alone and have a lonely life for my children. I used to talk to my friends but they all back away so I cant talk to them at all, or they tell me to just leave. I have some money but at the moment my husband is unemployed, he is not motivated to look for work and not motivated in much really. I feel like I am failing my children by staying with him. He does not treat them well at times either. Then other times he can be amazing with them. I have low grade depression and anxiety. My grandfather, uncle and brother all committing suicide. My husbands family hate me and they say I am the cause for them not speaking to us. I feel like I want to be happy and I want my children to have a happier life without the arguments between parents. We have tried and tried to make it work but always after a few months there is another argument/incident. I know I need to find a house but how does one go about leaving? What if I do it and the regret it? What if my children are worse off? Lots if what ifs! Not sure who to turn to or where to go for advice but feeling over it all and depressed with no self esteem.

Jay95 Mum very sick in hospital - feeling confused.
  • replies: 2

My mum, who I have never had a good relationship with is currently in the intensive care unit. I've never had a very good relationship with her with issues surrounding, domestic violence, abuse and neglect. So obviously our relationship is quite bad.... View more

My mum, who I have never had a good relationship with is currently in the intensive care unit. I've never had a very good relationship with her with issues surrounding, domestic violence, abuse and neglect. So obviously our relationship is quite bad. Despite her ability to manipulate me into her abusive behaviour, we're still in contact, no matter how hard I try to get away she won't leave. Mum is a heavy drug user and always has been. I've never gotten along with her so having her in hospital is so confusing to me. Nobody wants to see their mother in hospital but look at what she's done to me! This same thing happened with my Dad last year, he died. Such a confusing time. It's like being in two worlds, you want to cry because your parent is in hospital fighting for their life, but you sort of want to cheer because your free from the pain they caused you. I sound like a horrible person but you have to be in this position to know what I mean by cheer and the relief you feel.

Milly89 I feel so lonely and don't know how to make new friends
  • replies: 3

Hi, This is the first time I have posted anything on here, so here I go! i believe that I have suffered from some form of depression for many years now but have never done anything about it. 2 years ago I left my hometown and moved in with my boyfrie... View more

Hi, This is the first time I have posted anything on here, so here I go! i believe that I have suffered from some form of depression for many years now but have never done anything about it. 2 years ago I left my hometown and moved in with my boyfriend at the time, we have since separated. I now live alone and find myself feeling very lonely and upset a lot of the time. I notice this is worse when I get home after visiting my family back home. I have always struggled to make friends, especially as I've gotten older. I only have one friend where I live now and no family. I have tried to make new friends but I lack the confidence to just put myself out there. i have a job that I really like but most of the time I just want to give it up and move back home so I am closer to my family. I just find myself to be sad and miserable a lot of the time. I always feel jealous of my brother and sister who seem to be able to make friends with anyone they meet, they both have heaps of friends that they are always socialising with and just wish I could be more like them.

weapingtears Hit rock bottom!
  • replies: 9

Seven years ago i had the unfortunate luck of finding out my wife had cheated on me while away on an event. While it was a depressing and extremly hard time ( I think i was frightned of what could happen if we parted), i got over it and moved. While ... View more

Seven years ago i had the unfortunate luck of finding out my wife had cheated on me while away on an event. While it was a depressing and extremly hard time ( I think i was frightned of what could happen if we parted), i got over it and moved. While she promised not to go on this event again. At some some stage in the next yea i was home feeling unwell with the kids while she went up the road for drinks for a friends send off. An hour become hours and eventually she arrived home and i could smell it on her. She confessed she had been with someone. Again in fear for myself i guess i let it go and moved on. Now to be fair to her here. This is where I now did something stupid. I think out of spite hurt i dont know. She found out and i thought she was going to leave me, it neally killed me. Eventually we passed over that and a couple of years went passed uneventful. She went away to do a course for five days but tweaked my concern was when she wanted to back for a refresher course a few months later. I was worried! Two days later i receive a call from an irate "wife", she had found text meassges on her husbands phone and when quizzed said they (my wife and him had intimate encounter). Again my heart sunk like the titanic, but again i was scared of what may happen if i didnt let it go. Slowly we have got back to some sort of normal life until two years again my wife wanted to go back to the "Event". I agreed but but my concerns very clear and she assured me nothing would happen etc. To my best knowledge nothing did she was very loving with texts etc pics and phonecalls for the two week period. As we were under the pressure financially last year she did not attend but went again this year. Now she was very cold from the minute she left, barley spoke on the phone to me ignored most of my messages and two days before she come sent me a message and says oh at the end of the month there is no money left.... I fear she has gone a had an affair again while away and blames me for our financial situation. As iam a primary producer our income is all and sometimes nothing. We have fought for the last few days she hasnt come near me since she returned. She is hiding her phone messages from me which i suspect are from "someone". Last night she says she wants it over she cant be here anymore! Iam devastated for me but for our two children who dont deserve this to happen. I just dont know if i have anything left........

Mary_Jane My children are all grown and gone
  • replies: 2

Hi - I am new to this. I have probably suffered from depression for most of my life but am only starting to realise it. I'm not coping very well at the moment and have started new medication which is messing with my head. My children are all grown an... View more

Hi - I am new to this. I have probably suffered from depression for most of my life but am only starting to realise it. I'm not coping very well at the moment and have started new medication which is messing with my head. My children are all grown and gone, all sons with three married and the youngest still single. I have gained a daughter-in-law and lost two sons through their marriages. I wonder what the point of it all was - having children - when you pour your life out for them and then they leave with hardly a backward glance. Thirty years of my life and now I have to find other things to do. My grandchildren are too far away and so involved in their other families that we don't see them much, unless we make the effort. Hardly seems fair. I'm tired of always being the one to make the effort. I'm wondering if I have divulged too much but would welcome some support from others who know what it's like. Regards Mary Jane

Lucy96 Stress and anxiety from dealing with a break up
  • replies: 1

Hey everyone, About a month ago my relationship with my boyfriend of 1 year ended and I havent been able to accept it and move on. I keep blaming myself for what has happened and feel guilty especially since I feel like my actions are the reason thin... View more

Hey everyone, About a month ago my relationship with my boyfriend of 1 year ended and I havent been able to accept it and move on. I keep blaming myself for what has happened and feel guilty especially since I feel like my actions are the reason things are the way they are. About 6 months ago, my boyfriend and I were rocky and I kissed someone else. I know I did a bad thing and i should have cut all contact with that other person but I didnt. My boyfriend asked me a few times if anything happened, but I denied it. Eventually once I felt ready, I came clean to my boyfriend, even though it was a few months after the kiss happened, and apologized and did all I could to make things better, but he never let it go. Instead, he became verbally abusive, continuously put me down and degraded me, and I felt like this is what I deserved. He continued to be this way for the last few months of our relationship, and because neither of us wanted to completely throw it away at this point, we mutually agreed to go on a break until we both got our own lives sorted, but instead 3 days into the break, he told me he didnt want to fix things. Even though its done now, I am struggling to let go. He seems to be having fun and to have forgotten about me, and is always spending time with another girl. This keeps upsetting me and making me very anxious. For a few weeks now, I keep getting nightmares about him being with this other girl and I wake up with my heart pounding and feeling very down. I don't know how to properly let him go, and I need help to do this. Its hard and painful seeing him move forward while i'm here feeling sad and guilty about what ive done, and I feel like i'm the reason he became abusive towards me. How do I let go of the past, and also get over my guilt? Thank you in advance for anyone who is willing to offer me advice or has had similar experiences to mine

Burco Depression over an ended relationship
  • replies: 4

It's hard to put all the detail I want to, but I'll try I’m 28yo and for one reason or another I’ve never been in a relationship, I guess I’ve always lacked the confidence to go out and been overly nice so I didn't scare them away. I hadn't been happ... View more

It's hard to put all the detail I want to, but I'll try I’m 28yo and for one reason or another I’ve never been in a relationship, I guess I’ve always lacked the confidence to go out and been overly nice so I didn't scare them away. I hadn't been happy for a long time then in December I met someone. I struck up I guess a relationship with a girl just before christmas, I was so happy I finally had someone to share my life and what I was doing and where I wanted to go with someone. She was doing some travelling and heading back to the UK (I lived there for 5 years and was thinking of going back before I met her).. everything sort of just lined up and I thought maybe it was fate.. finally life was looking better. Then it all came tumbling down and I’m devastated, its been over a month now since I heard from her and I’m still bursting into tears when I think of her. The last I heard she was talking to a mutual friend not knowing what to do and if she was going to go back home or not. She told me it wasn’t going to work out because she was in love with someone back home in the UK who had 3 kids and she never wanted to be a mum/stepmum.. I guess I was just shocked. She had told me she broke up with a boyfriend a month before she came over.. I said look I like you as a person enough to not want to lose you completely and perhaps naively said I want to be friends. Things got a bit emotional after that, I told her she was the closest thing to a girlfriend I’ve ever had.. she told me to stop being so nice and to grow a backbone.. I told her she was an alcoholic and needed to get some help.. that didn’t go down well. All I can think about is this broken girl, who’s father died when she was 14, best friend committed suicide when she was 22 and has so many personal demons that could be so much more if she only sought out the help and support from her friends/family/loved ones. I know I can’t help everyone and she needs to help herself first.. but through circumstance she came to Australia to sort herself out and met me, the most nice/giving/honest/genuine guy I could be who would have given her the world and a fresh start and I’ve just made myself look like a desperate creep who she doesn’t want to talk to and possibly ruined her trip. I feel a bit like I’ve just failed her. I opened myself up more to anyone than I ever have, and I still wasn’t good enough for her as there was someone better.

BrokenFamily Separating from my husband who is suffering major depression
  • replies: 10

My husband of eight years has been gradually becoming someone I don't like, and I wasn't aware that he was becoming more and more depressed as the years went by. For the last twelve months or more he has been extremely stressed over everything, espec... View more

My husband of eight years has been gradually becoming someone I don't like, and I wasn't aware that he was becoming more and more depressed as the years went by. For the last twelve months or more he has been extremely stressed over everything, especially the small things that most people would shrug off. He has been unable to be happy about anything and every time he spoke it was negative. Our seven year old son felt the effects of being in dads way or too loud or simply just present it felt like. So the last week before I asked him to leave was bad. Constant fighting and playing the blame game. Then he became verbally abusive, attacking me at every opportunity and speaking to me as though he hated me. I made the decision to separate, at least temporarily so he could sort himself out. That's when he decided to tell me he thinks he's depressed. I should have recognised it myself, but I guess I was too close and didn't notice the progressive snowballing of his sadness. He begged me to let him stay, promised he would get help, but I just can't live like this any longer. I feel like the only way he will actually get serious help is if I keep strong and separate. I know if he were to move back in we would just argue, and I would lose what little feeling I still have for him after years of manipulation and gloom. But on the other hand I feel so bad for making him do this alone. He has been to an assessment and has an appointment to see a psychologist, it's only been a few days and he is doing all the right things, but struggling emotionally. He says he can't do it without me. But I can't help him because I don't want him around our son when he's like this. I want to stay apart until he has at least been on medication for a month if he needs it, I need to know he's serious about getting help and I need time to see he's capable of being happy on his own. He blames me for his unhappiness. I think I'm doing the right thing for my family, but I'm sure others may have a different opinion

CK1234567890 My partner is pushing me away
  • replies: 1

My boyfriend and i have been together for 5 months. We rarely fight, we have common interests and right from the start everything was wonderful up until a week ago. We had plans for the saturday night and when the time came to go see him, he message ... View more

My boyfriend and i have been together for 5 months. We rarely fight, we have common interests and right from the start everything was wonderful up until a week ago. We had plans for the saturday night and when the time came to go see him, he message and said he was not feeling right, had a lot on his mind and was feeling overwhelmed with the things in his life. He said he was sorry for pushing me away and didn't want to hurt my feelings but he didn't know what he was going to do. He said he wasn't sure if he wanted to be with me. I spoke to him face to face that night and he said that he wanted to be with me, that he enjoyed spending time with me and that he didn't want to lose me. We spoke via text every day during the week and i gave him space to think. He had family over this weekend, but he arranged to catch up with me sometime saturday. When i messaged him saturday i got no reply until 5pm when he said he was on the roof all day. We talked and arranged to meet Sunday at his house. I go around on Sunday to find he isn't there and he hasn't returned any of my calls or text messages. I sad in one of them that i was aware that something was wrong but we can't fix it without talking and still nothing. I am already not enjoying my job and quite a few things have gone wrong. I have felt anxious and upset all last week and today i am struggling to stop myself from crying. I feel like i dont have anything positive to focus on, because everything seems to have gone wrong at once. I don't know what i have done wrong or what i could have possibly done to avoid feeling like this, but now i'm struggling to cope. I'm terrified of being alone and i think i am in love with this guy which makes it that much more painful. I just don't know what to do and i know that a couple of weeks is hardly anything. People live feeling like this for years and i know my situation sounds pathetic, but i just can't shake the horrible, overwhelming sad feeling.