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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Emski Depressed and getting to the point of uncertainty
  • replies: 5

I' ve been battling depression for the last 13 years, I never thought I had depression until I saw my doctor. I was bullied from grade 5&6 all the way through high school. At first I thought and was convinced that I was the problem because I wasn't s... View more

I' ve been battling depression for the last 13 years, I never thought I had depression until I saw my doctor. I was bullied from grade 5&6 all the way through high school. At first I thought and was convinced that I was the problem because I wasn't sure why I'd always end up with no friends, then I came to realise I was being bullied because people didn't like me.I grew up in the eastern Suburbs of Melbourne and ended up moving to the West when I was 11 (this is when my depression started) I hated that we moved as I lost all of my friends. When I started at my new school I made friends although I was shy at first, not long after I was picked on by a girl who I thought was my friend, this then spiralled as she told the other girls not to like me. Most people thought I was a rich little kid as I always had nice things, and without sound like an idiot I was actually a pretty cute little kid, fair hair, tanned skin etc, as a result jealousy would always come into play. I never went around acting like I was better than anyone and I certainly wasn't, all I wanted to do was fit in.As a result of the bullying I decided to leave high school and start working so I got a full time job. I made friends with some great people who I adore. Few yrs later I ended up changed jobs. I kept in contact with a few girls who I loved very much, one of the girls became my soul mate, we would talk every day. I opened up to her and told her my life story, she too went through depression. She even dragged me to the doctors once as knew that I was troubled, a few years later she ended up killing herself, I had no idea this was even on her mind as she always seemed so happy (I do this too.. put on a happy face when deep down it hurts).Having lost my only true friend I didn't know what to do, I ended up in a car accident (hoping it was the end but it wasn't, I even closed my eyes and relaxed). I got addicted to pain killers and started drinking alcohol. My life was a mess! I was even living on my own so no one was able to see the state I was in. I then turned to illegal drugs.Today I am proud to say that I'm clean, I'm not drinking or taking drugs, I've been trying to get my life back on track but I often question why I'm even bothering, what do I have to live for? this crosses my mind on a weekly if not daily basis. I have no friends, people think my life is perfect but it's not. I don't even feel like I belong to my own family.Not sure where to go or what to do..beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

whitesdream Recently separated and so scared of being alone
  • replies: 2

After 18 years together I split up with my partner about a month ago. The whole thing is very difficult to explain in a few words, but I will try. I’m a very emotional and caring person and all I want in life is to be happy and to be with someone tha... View more

After 18 years together I split up with my partner about a month ago. The whole thing is very difficult to explain in a few words, but I will try. I’m a very emotional and caring person and all I want in life is to be happy and to be with someone that cares for me as much as I care for them. I have little self confidence and suffered from depression right through my teens and mid twenties. I haven't suffered from the depression much for more than 10 years expect from dealing with a fairly serious chronic back issue. The problems that lead to me leaving my partner basically stem from my emotional needs and her not being in touch with her emotions at all and, though she is in many ways a very caring person, the way she shows it is very very limited. After years of my affection being ignored or not reciprocated, plus her work taking precedence over almost everything, I was left feeling very lonely and unloved in the relationship. I just couldn’t handle it anymore and decided it was time to move on. Its been the hardest thing I’ve ever done, I’m so scared of being alone and I constantly question whether it was the right thing to do. I’ve now moved out, leaving an amazing home, nearly all my belongings and my cats and am living in a pretty crummy rented place with a fairly small room as my space. My moods/feelings are very up and down and some days I struggle a lot, feeling very lonely and depressed. I try to keep as busy as possible to keep my mind off the bad stuff. The only thing that is keeping me going right now is having met a beautiful and caring girl, who I’ve been seeing pretty much since splitting with my ex. She makes me feel things I never thought possible and things seem to be going fairly well, though my recently ended long term relationship and my somewhat excessive enthusiasm for her are freaking her out a bit. When I’m with her I’m completely happy, but as soon as I’m away from her, I’m straight back to feeling extremely down and depressed. She’s going away for 3 weeks in October and I’m really scared how I will handle this time alone. I’m so paranoid that I’m going to mess things up with her and if I end up alone I'm very scared that I will slip into a severe depression and won't have any will to li

RedRebecca Absent grandfather.
  • replies: 4

My husband of 32 years left me 7 years ago. It was so unexpected that I am still sad about it after all this time. Since he left there are now 2 grandchildren which he is not in touch with. I can't stop feeling such strong feelings of sadness when I ... View more

My husband of 32 years left me 7 years ago. It was so unexpected that I am still sad about it after all this time. Since he left there are now 2 grandchildren which he is not in touch with. I can't stop feeling such strong feelings of sadness when I see other grandparents with their grandchildren. He would have been a wonderful grandfather as he was a wonderful father.

LonelyMiss My husband moved out and I'm so alone...
  • replies: 4

I just feel so alone.... He has been my companion for almost 10 years. We have been married for only a few months and he decided to move out only a couple of weeks ago. He said he didn't want to be with me anymore that our relationship was toxic and ... View more

I just feel so alone.... He has been my companion for almost 10 years. We have been married for only a few months and he decided to move out only a couple of weeks ago. He said he didn't want to be with me anymore that our relationship was toxic and that he has been so very unhappy for years..... The signs were all there, the distance, the frustrations, he even told me countless times that it wasn't working and I just ignored it. I didn't want to admit there was something wrong, that things needed to change, I didn't make an effort and now he is gone, and I am so very very alone. We are still together just living apart, going to reassess our relationship at the end of the year, but is it too late? Has he already given up? The nights are the hardest, I am in our apartment, our home all by myself. I have my good moments and then I have some really bad times too, especially at dinner, eating alone and crying myself to sleep. People keep telling me that some space will be good, a chance to discover who we are as individuals, to gain some perspective and to get some me time. But why is it that I feel like his life is going on as usual, that he is coping completely fine without me and I am stuck all alone. I don't know what to do, how to cope.... He has been my everything for years and now I have nothing but lonely nights wondering what he is doing and why he hasn't called. I just want to know if he still loves me, if it is worth making an effort on our relationship, or if I should start moving on. I just want to be happy again, to stop feeling so alone.... Any words of wisdom would be amazing!

TFiend My Girlfriend Sleeps With Another Man
  • replies: 12

My girlfriend has father issue, please keep in mind she's a victim also. Her father kept cheating on her mother, hit her and I can tell that she's always looking for a father figure in her relationship. To be exact, she's looking for rich and powerfu... View more

My girlfriend has father issue, please keep in mind she's a victim also. Her father kept cheating on her mother, hit her and I can tell that she's always looking for a father figure in her relationship. To be exact, she's looking for rich and powerful men. Man who can give her material wise and stamp the bright future on her forehead. I believe she's never realized it, but everyone around her can see her needs, her craving for that. She even had an affair with her principal when she's in senior high. Now we're in relationship for 2 years and, yeah, she's getting much better since she's with me (her brother said it to me). She's 24 right now and I'm 29. The problem is, I'm far from the figure of a father she always wanted. And I worked so hard to be the best for her, I did everything I could to give her what she needs, to make her happy. And now we're in LDR, she takes her master study abroad and unfortunately she met this 55 y/o guy who appeared like a prince charming on a white horse in her eyes. She came honest with me that they already had sex. I feel powerless, humiliated, small and no use to live. Worst than someone spits on your face. Please help me I' m so depressed right now, I know her so well and she did that because of the issue she has. We were happy and very loyal to each other. Please help me, I love her so much. beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

SubduedBlues I need to find a bigger rock!
  • replies: 7

These past couple of days I have had to approach a most frightening subject with my teenage children: the breakdown of the marriage between their parents. This was difficult as I didn't want to portray their mother as the guilty party (even though I ... View more

These past couple of days I have had to approach a most frightening subject with my teenage children: the breakdown of the marriage between their parents. This was difficult as I didn't want to portray their mother as the guilty party (even though I wanted to continue with the marriage). Actually I did want to, but doing so wouldn't have done my children any benefit ... so I chose not to. Thus I gave them a watered down version. I said we are struggling, that their mother is having a break whilst she works out what she wants to do. In the meantime I am just weathering the storm. I'm hoping that this approach will be a little easier for them to adapt to, vs saying that their mother just decided to quit. I'm sure I've done something to make staying an undesirable option for her, though for the life of me I haven't a clue what I did. But it has to be there. People don't just leave for the heck of it; do they? Also the kids maternal grandmother is coming up for a visit in Sept. I don't think my wife has said anything about the breakdown to her mother yet. So it will be an interesting week when the mother-in-law and departed wife are back in the house. It's as though the wife is not even considering the impact her actions are having on me or our children. I think she's acting quite selfishly. But do I stoop to her level and refuse her welcome, or rise above and accept her back into our home? Even if just so she can pretend to her own mother? My girls are in two minds on this one. All of our kids are all over 16, so there's unlikely to be any custody battles. But they'll still need to decide where they want to be. This is just so messy and all too hard. Sometimes surviving those life threatening illnesses sucks. Sorry, I'm just feeling the blues tonight. I need to find a bigger rock to crawl under-- hope and despair keep finding their way to me. D'

BigGingerCat Thoughts are overtaking me...
  • replies: 2

Hello to whoever reads this.Let me start by telling you about me... I have always been a strong person, witty and funny too. I have been married once already and am 2 1/2 years into my second marriage. I am 33 years old. Last year I questioned my sex... View more

Hello to whoever reads this.Let me start by telling you about me... I have always been a strong person, witty and funny too. I have been married once already and am 2 1/2 years into my second marriage. I am 33 years old. Last year I questioned my sexuality because of something that happened to me at gymnastics when I was 12 by an older guy and until last year, it had remained a secret.My current wife is amazing - the most amazing person that I could have ever asked for, but... I have taken her for granted too often. Thought that our lives together revolved around me. What I wanted and not making her feel special enough.Tonight as I sit here and write, I am shaking, yes it's cold, but my emotion is overtaking me. My wife is overseas teaching and we have had little contact since April. I have been seeing a counsellor since April and I thought that I was at a point last week until yesterday.Facebook is an interesting beast. My wife has decided to 'hide' her relationship status from Facebook and last night I made a comment on one of her photos "Beautiful photo wifey x" - she has deleted it. I am a wreck. trembling. Left work early. Crying... a blubbering mess in fact. I want to crawl into a hole and die. I love my wife soooooooo much. I don't want to breath without her. I don't want to be without her. I don't want to smother her. I am lost. I don't know what to do.I don't know what I want from posting this.

hugbear 4 months apart and I am feeling so much worse
  • replies: 8

I honestly don't know what to do. I was with my partner for 15 years and then he turned to drugs, we had a mutual friend who was the same and they are now together. So after 4 months I thought it may be getting easier, but it is getting worse. I miss... View more

I honestly don't know what to do. I was with my partner for 15 years and then he turned to drugs, we had a mutual friend who was the same and they are now together. So after 4 months I thought it may be getting easier, but it is getting worse. I miss him so much its unbearable. I am getting so much help at the moment but no one can understand the pain that I am going through. For my ex to be with this new person who is basically feral is beyond me and probably an insult. He is only after him for the money and my ex can't see this. He told me we would always be friends but like everything it has only been a lie. I don't know how to go on much longer

SubduedBlues Burning Bridges
  • replies: 21

I've been here a few weeks, and there have been a few instances, this is just the latest of many, but here goes...Normally on Monday mornings the ex-wife takes our youngest child to school, but yesterday she decided that she'd rather not. She sent me... View more

I've been here a few weeks, and there have been a few instances, this is just the latest of many, but here goes...Normally on Monday mornings the ex-wife takes our youngest child to school, but yesterday she decided that she'd rather not. She sent me an SMS message at 8:15 asking if I could take our daughter this morning, but I was already on the train to the city. Since the train was already in the tunnels, the message was not received until after we exited just before 8:30. By then our daughter had already telephoned her asking her mum where she was. Now the ex was angry that I had not responded to her text.This morning the ex sent me an SMS telling me that I need to communicate to her if I am not going to be available to take our daughter to school when she needs me to. Accused me of being bad at communication.First, why do I need to tell her if I won't be available to take kids to school on days that she normally does, just in case she decides to have a last minute day off? Second she is the one who left, so I see no reason why I should have to report any of my movements to her. Anyhow, I responded to her SMS about communication by saying "OK, but are you the pot or the kettle?" in inference to the age old saying about 'the pot that calls the kettle black'.A bit later she asked, "what do you mean?" I don't know if she did not understand the inferrence or if she could not see that her communication is perceived to as bad (or worse) than me not being available to immediately respond to her SMS messages. Whatever, I don't care. I simply replied: "Doesn't matter. I'm not interested."_______The other day I was speaking with my son; I asked if I could tell him something that he might not like. I told him how peaceful things have been about the house since his mum has been gone. "I said I would never leave her, and I didn't, she left me. But I never said that if she ever left that I would always take her back. And now that she's gone, I am not so sure that I want her to come back."I think I am just about ready to turn that corner, to take that leap, and to burn that bridge. But before I do, what am I forgetting? what am I not seeing? will I feel regret before I feel happiness again? D'

Intransigent Love at First Sight
  • replies: 6

When I came to Australia then, my plan was to work a couple-three years, build up my experience and then move back home. I never thought I would meet her. And never in my wildest dreams did I ever think that love would hit me like an anvil, but it di... View more

When I came to Australia then, my plan was to work a couple-three years, build up my experience and then move back home. I never thought I would meet her. And never in my wildest dreams did I ever think that love would hit me like an anvil, but it did. Exactly a week after I had met her we had our first date. And on that date we became engaged; and married a few short months later. And now, just shy of our silver anniversary she tells me she's out grown me; she tells me it's over. Over the years, I was expected to be friends with the men her friends married, but not vice-versa. So my friends are a few work colleagues, but nothing outside of work. No one that I would feel comfortable with in taking any of this stuff to. They have their own lives and families, they don't need to be burdened with my issues. All of the local family, is her family. My family lives overseas. Myfather died not really knowing my children, he saw them maybe 3 times when they were pre-school aged. I wasn't allowed to take the kids overseas during northern holidays; when the kids would have an opportunity to get to know my sibling's kids. Holidays like Christmas were for her family. I gave up everything when I fell in love with her. My family, my country, and a lifetime of memories with my parents and siblings, everything. What happened to what was meant to be? What happened to growing old and sharing retirement together? What happened to the future big multi-family with lots of grandchildren gatherings at Christmastime?I can't mention the marriage breakdown to anyone without starting to become emotional and teary. When I suggested we get help, she said I can if I need it, but she doesn't need any. She's done, there is no "us", it's over. I don't know what I am supposed to do. I don't know how to restart. I don't know, I mean, I just don't. Look I'm 50. I'm not fit; my health sucks. I can't be restarting now. I'm too old. My life is over. It's my kids turn to build a life; I had my chance and let's face it, somewhere along the way, I blew it.