My life is about to change forever. My husband is leaving me

[Brb]

7 montys ago my husband cheated while away for work. With someone from his work that he had just met. When he came home, he told me. Those words ripped me and shredded me. But he and i decided to try and work through it.

I have tried. And the dark thoughts have improved. But when it happened he could never tell me Why? He didnt know. We have had 7 years of a loving and trusting relationship. We are best friends and i love him in a way that i know I will never feel again. This will sound arogant, and i dont mean it to be, but I know that the level of love I have for him is unique and special and very rare in life. 

2 months ago he asked me to marry him again. It was significant and showed me that we were getting past the past. We were going to buy a house and had everything ready. And then 5 days ago he told me he wanted a break. That something was broken in our relationship. Every day since this i go from numbness to hysterical crying to anger and just so much dread. We were honest and open and i even asked if he wanted to break up with me. He said no. But he hasnt been inimate with me, he cant sleep and last night when he got home from work he stayed up until 3am drinking and smoking. Very unlike him unless he is in some emotional turmoil. He had told me that he just wishes we met older, that i am perfect for him but I'm only the second relationship he's ever been in and he doesn't know who he is without me. 

Last night when he came to bed he was affectionate, holding me and kissed my forehead.and told me he had been trying to write something for me but it just wasnt right, but it was beautiful. He wouldnt tell me what it was. I asked if he would kiss me and he just hugged me and told me not to worry about him. I think he knows tthat i know what is coming. 

This morning i went to work. Cried in front of the counter assistant when buying cigarettes. But i can function around people. I left work again and now i am home waiting for him to wake so we can have this last conversation before my life as i know it is over. 

I need strength. Im not afraid of being alone. I'm afraid of not being with the one that i envisioned my life being with and all my goals and treasured moments being with. As a team. 

 I guess i just needed to let this out as i have nobody that i want to confide in and am an emotional wreck and scared beyond belief. 

Thanks. 

[white knight]

Hi Brb, a warm welcome here at BB forums

What a man he is. To stray then arrive home to tell you the truth of something he could not keep to himself. Yes he did the wrong thing, an act that could never be taken back and repaired. But I applaud him for that admission.

Would it be a case here of him knowing that his action had permanently ruined his trust with you? That he feels this crack in the relationship made by him will never be mended? and that is the reason he is troubled, stays up late and cant sometimes kiss you? And why he wanted to remarry you.?

I'm no counsellor but I'm feeling the vibes in your post that he is punishing himself to the point that he cannot stop internal self hurting...severe guilt. He needs your total forgiveness..........that's what the problem is I believe.

I have a suggestion. You tell him you want a special dinner with him in a day or two. You book a nice private restaurant. You eat your meal then you ask him to remain quiet for a few minutes. Then you tell him how much you love him. You could include among your reasons - his honesty of not holding secrets from you. It has to be an all positive speech and not mention that night he went off the rails and made a mistake.

It only takes two....to make a marriage work. Two to forgive and two to move on. Keep him, this relationship can survive if you prove to him you have forgiven him 100%. He needs you to do this.

Hope you are ok     Tony WK