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my husband had 5 one night stands in our first 10yrs of marrage

Community Member
i have been married for 28 yrs im only 46yrs old now , and have just learn 4weeks ago that my husband had slept or had 5 one night stands in our first 10yrs of marrage,, i have had my world shattered i love him and want to keep our marrage but im so brocken i dont no how to fix myself ,, i dont like feeling like this
13 Replies 13

Community Member

has anyone been thru this ? i suffer from anxiety/ clinical depression and this has not helped, how do i move on from this pain? it all came out because my daughter in law betrayed my son he gave her a secon chance as they have 2 children together , but she kept making mistacks and having affairs as she does not love him anymore so they have seperated, my husbands guilt got the better of him so he told me , altho he said he wasnt looking for another relationship , and wanted me n the children , but if thats what he wanted why 5 times??/


Community Member

Hi Rustic

i have also been in a situation where i was betrayed by my partner . i have been in a relationship for 15 years and found out i was cheated on, it tore me apart i have never felt such pain,  unfortunately i dealt with this immaturely and also did the same thing causing us to have a very toxic relationship with no trust or communication but for whatever the reason we persevered . i also suffer from anxiety and depression and this situation has made it almost unbearable to live .we have recently started couples counseling and most importantly started communicating and it is making all the difference. we have had many difficult conversation about why and how  and we both heard many things we did not want to hear but i guess we need to put all the cards on the table to get past it all. i guess the game changer for us was improving the communication and things are better now then they have ever been even though we are not there yet we are trying to build the trust and put the past behind us and we are doing this day by day we are talking and enjoying each other company again so we are moving forward.

i defiantly would give couples counseling a go, we tried a couple before we found a great one and she has opened our eyes to many things. he took the initiative to come clean and you could see this as a positive hopefully he will put in the effort to repair the damage. if you are both aiming for the same thing you will get there.

all the best

hi iamanxiety

thankyou for your responce im going crazy with pain and at rock bottom my heart is shattered , but he said he was young n thought he was missing out ,on what he didnt no they never meant anything to him but if that was the case i cant belive he did it so manytimes, yes we have st there and i needed to no about when and were ect , i act new 2 of them and one was in my bed its hard to get images out of my head , although it makes alot of things make sence i new back them just he denied it cause he new i would leave and that not what he wanted , but i want to try as were selling our home of 17yrs and building 4 hrs away were our grandchildren are so we can help out our son

oh have you had to take medication to get thru it?

Hi again Rustic

i know exactly how you are feeling and i can relate to having the images, they used to drive me insane, make me sick and would bring on anxiety. i would have so many negative racing thoughts that i just couldn't shake and they would effect me all day and night. i couldn't function and these negative thoughts and feeling where ruling my life.

In my case i had depression regardless of these events and yeas medication has helped me, im not sure if they will be necessary in your case that will be for you and your doctor to work out. what i would defiantly suggest is seeing a psychologist, i went through a couple before i found one that i really clicked with and understood my situation and together we are making progress.

We still have a long way to go but i believe it is possible if you both want the same thing

All the best


i also suffer from anxiety and depression but this has exculated it , i dont no weather to use more meds to help thru the pain or try to let it take its coarse as i dont want to supress it , lol its so hard

Hi again rustic

i think with or without meds you should not try to suppress it, it will only resurface again in the future if you don't deal with your pain and what has happened to you.

remember the meds are  going to help you as an individual but you will also have to address the relationship as a couple. that's if you want to keep this relationship going.

im only speaking through my own experience and yours may differ a lot from mine but i hope you can take something positive away from my experience.

Just a question, how was your depression and anxiety before you found out?



i had a med change and as i said my son and his wife have seperated and our grandchildren were moved away a year ago we helped bring them up for the first 6 yrs as mum had postnatal and my son had a back injury from work with several ops , so they lived with us for 4 yrs out of 6 ,it has been a long hard jorney to keep it together, there has been lots of changes and lots of loss / grief over the last few yrs , so it just guttered me and has sunk me 

hi to the both of you, and I'm sorry to interrupt your conversation, but with me it was  our marriage of 25 years where I caught my now ex phoning someone from a public phone, not once but twice, plus she didn't come home one night, at that stage I was trying to suppress my depression, hiding it, but after this I couldn't hold it down any more.

Personally I can't understand why on earth your husband would have the audacity to have 5 'one night stands', because the first few years in a marriage are meant to be exciting, where to live, how many children and doing up the house we have just bought, because back in those days it was always the plan of a couple to buy a house, the great Australian dream.

Trust is what we expect especially those first few years, and what worries me is that if and when there is an argument that he doesn't leave the house and run into the arms of someone else.

I'm sorry I seem to be putting a darker side to this story, but just offering another view and please criticise me if you want. L Geoff. x