my husband had 5 one night stands in our first 10yrs of marrage

[rustic_charm]

i have been married for 28 yrs im only 46yrs old now , and have just learn 4weeks ago that my husband had slept or had 5 one night stands in our first 10yrs of marrage,, i have had my world shattered i love him and want to keep our marrage but im so brocken i dont no how to fix myself ,, i dont like feeling like this

[rustic_charm]

hi geoff

i no icant belive it eather he is a very good looking man and weomen use to crave him, we were younge with 2 small children and ran a bussiness so it was very stressful , not that that is an excuse , i use to argue with him as he would leave me home to look after the children while our bussinness partner and him would go out drinking and unning a muk , it happened when he went away for work , so he wouldnt get caught , altho after the last time he did it i had my veryfirst breakdown couldnt cope with working all the time looking after 2 kids finances ect , thats when he realised what he was doing to me . althou he said he was never looking for anything else he had what he wanted all at home , he said he did it as he thought he was missing out on some thing ,?/ how do you cope with your depression ?

[geoff]

dear RC, thanks so much for replying back to me, and from what you have said it must have been so tough for you, and such a struggle to try and understand what on earth was going on.

For him to go off and have, you know what with another girl, is absolutely so demanding, and should never have happened.

I don't know whether his origin of where he has come from allows this, but here in Australia it's forbidden, and excuse me if I am wrong about his origin, but there are many issues that you are missing out on, and that he hasn't provided for you, and I'm not talking about having intimate moments here.

How do I cope with getting over my depression, thankfully I have overcome depression some 11 years ago, but I still have relapses, as I am still prone to getting it, just as everyone who has suffered from this illness is.

It is never easy as we have to have our wits about us, but for you the problem now is that you yourself have to del with it, and this means getting help, so please get back to me so we cn talk some more. L Geoff. x

[rustic_charm]

thanks geoff

yes he is aussie and yes it was 5 different times with 5 different women 2 of wictch i no and yes i was very strong back then to cope  with everything but that was a good life compared to my life and childhood , so i thought it to be ok , now i no the truth it makes heaps of sence and he is filled with guilt and remorse , he nos half of my depressionand aniety problems he has made much worse but we dont no how to move on i can forgive but not forget , i just cant sleep eat and am gutted just want these feelings to end 

[geoff]

dear RC, your son is in the same position as you and how devastating all of this is for the both of you, I don't know that long term any relationship or marriage can ever survive or ever overcome this when it happens, because the trust with you knowing that it could be happening just won't go away, so his loyality to you is debatable.

What happens if there is no sexual relations between the both of you for say, 2 months, because of certain circumstances, then what is he going to do, I think I know, and I think that this is something which is going to hang over your head.

If you like you can google this 'can move on but can't forget', where it has many websites to open of people who have been in the same situation.

My point is yes you can move on but you are dragging this enormous chain behind you, which always reminds you of what has happened.

This will only stop if you cut the chain and let him go.

I know that there will be many issues that need to be sorted out, but we can talk about that tomorrow as I start early and about to log off.

Please have a look at that site and have a think about I am saying, and perhaps write down your thoughts so that you can remember them tomorrow.

I really want to help you as much as I can, so I will talk to you tomorrow. L Geoff. x