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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Amali Just not getting over a break up
  • replies: 7

hi all, I am just wondering how normal it is to still be grieving the loss of my relationship. It's been 10 months since the sudden break up. I have completely cut him out of my life, I constantly wonder how he is going and worry about him. I am alwa... View more

hi all, I am just wondering how normal it is to still be grieving the loss of my relationship. It's been 10 months since the sudden break up. I have completely cut him out of my life, I constantly wonder how he is going and worry about him. I am always looking for him everywhere I go, I'm so terrified of bumping into him I sometimes avoid going out. I freak out and feel sick to my stomach whenever I see a yellow car because I think it's him. I have obsessive thoughts about the break up, lately I have felt an enormous amount of guilt. His mother passed away 3 years ago from cancer and I replay that over and over in my head. I still feel so connected to him and his family even though they are no longer part of my life. I wonder when I'll ever stop feeling this way. i broke up with him because he constantly lied to me and let me down, we were both devastated but I was crying all the time and realised he was causing me more pain then joy. He was my first love and I just can't see myself with anyone else. The pain is not only emotionally but physically. I'm tired, achy, headaches, anxious, up set stomach all the time. I'm wanting some relief. I've had counseling in the past. I just want to over this and find a happier place to be.

Dagget Truama, finances, relationships, jobs...how to destry your life in one easy step
  • replies: 6

About 12 months ago I had a bit of a crisis. To provide context, my wife and I were together 12 years and had, what I thought was a great relationship, we had just recently moved into the second house we built and money was no issue, my job was secur... View more

About 12 months ago I had a bit of a crisis. To provide context, my wife and I were together 12 years and had, what I thought was a great relationship, we had just recently moved into the second house we built and money was no issue, my job was secure and well paid and I was due for a years extended leave and all was under control...then I was accused of a criminal act. As a direct result my wife left me (only contact was by a text message), and I am now being sued for pretty much everything I have, i was and still am fear for my job as if the allegations come to light I will lose it, and remain overcome with guilt, remorse and shame along with everything it entails. Approximately a week after the event, I decided that enough was enough and there was only one solution. I could not live with the shame of it as it was something I had was so against my own character. I could also not live with the thought that my wife now thought I was a such an awful person that the only response was to run away and never contact me again. I also could not think of any way that there could be a positive outcome. As a result of those actions, I was hospitalised twice and received a range of crisis mental health treatments. It should be noted I sought treatment before implementing the final solution but I still could not see an outcome. Indeed the only thing that kept me going was the thought that I could not leave the animals as nobody would look after them. Since then I have been in constant contact with mental health professionals which have managed to keep me here and to assist in resumption of normal activities. Indeed I have even managed to very recently find a new partner. Recently, a request to help police with their enquires has caused a bit of a relapse, I am now afraid of the previous scenario repeating itself with the added stress of job loss, financial loss and loss of my home. Indeed it would appear that the fears I had then are now all coming true. I have spoken to mental health professionals who, while praising my recent comping skills and progress just seem to saw the same empty things. To be honest I am afraid now I have stopped listening to them as my thoughts remain highly negative, I cannot shut off the feeling of being destroyed, and despite reassurances that it will be better eventually have this feeling that it would be best if it ended now while I am still a good person.

guest154 Please help ... my heart is always aching and my stomach dosent stop churning!
  • replies: 2

Hey everyone I need help. I'm in my very early 20s and got married now with a 3 month daughter. My husband and I are very happy together .. Unfortunately I'm not happy with his family. When my husband first came to ask for my hand I met his mother an... View more

Hey everyone I need help. I'm in my very early 20s and got married now with a 3 month daughter. My husband and I are very happy together .. Unfortunately I'm not happy with his family. When my husband first came to ask for my hand I met his mother and sisters ... and all I felt was stabbing pains in my stomach. When we were engaged I used to always message his mother and always maintained my respect. Ever since I got married it's been going down hill. She always complains that I don't call and she dosent like to see messages from me even if I call 3x a week it's no enough. If I don't go over much she gets upset and being over 3x a week isn't enough. She once came over crying saying my son loves you more than me, if you told him to do something for you he will do it and not for me. I got blamed for my husband's weight. And my mil embarrassed me in front of everyone and said why my husband's shirt wasn't ironed. She gets mad when I don't stand next to her in the kitchen asking her what she's cooking. She told me she wants her son to tell her make me my favorite dish. When I was 9 months pregnant we went to the south coast with my inlaws and stayed in the same apartment room and she got mad why I didn't clean and cook . And I was in excruciating pain it felt like i had a bowling ball between my legs. She's so manipulative. My Sil messaged me saying I'm the reason because of her mother's depression. My fil told his other son that I'm dirty and my husband comes back home to open legs and where did his son find me from. My Sil shows me silent treatment I tried talking to her she completely turned her her face the other way. I'm fed up with it cry every night. He humiliated me my fil in front of everyone and said to me "do you thinki was born yesterday your too touchy about everything and what your mil tell you" My mil had photos of me and her on fb she took them off and started attacking me on fb with quotes and put up little films of a lady getting married to a man and the man neglects his mother My fil and mil think I've got their son wrapped around my finger. My mil complained once when I went for a walk and wondered where did I go because she thought her son wouldn't let me which he had no problem with. My sils are such bias people! Please help me I'm in tears and need advice.

Matsuflex Loving a girl outside of existing relationship...Causing huge mood swings
  • replies: 4

Hello everyone, This is my first post here - I've been struggling with this for a few months now, so figured it was probably time to ask for a bit of advice. I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about 5 years now. Things have always bee... View more

Hello everyone, This is my first post here - I've been struggling with this for a few months now, so figured it was probably time to ask for a bit of advice. I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about 5 years now. Things have always been smooth sailing, and I always considered myself to be deeply in love with her. Towards the beginning of the year, however, I started having an existential crisis of sorts - I was about to turn 26, but I wasn't (and still am not) where I want to be in life. I started thinking about all the things I want to do before I hit 35-40, and started having a very vague sense of panic that I was going to achieve anything before that happened. My girlfriend is in her 9th year of university and will be a dentist by the end of the year, and the fact that she will only be licenced to work in Australia was compounding this fear of being tied down. A couple of weeks later, this new girl started at my work, and we immediately hit it off. It was literally like she could read my mind, and was telling me EXACTLY what I wanted to hear with regards to achieving things in life (career-wise, adventure, family, etc). She had moved to Brisbane from Perth to be with her boyfriend whom she met travelling, but her relationship was failing. I spent the next few weeks thinking pretty long and hard about things, and ended up telling my long-term girlfriend that I needed some space (not to immediately pursue something with this new girl, but to actually contemplate my life goals etc), while the new girl had done the same thing in her relationship. Sure enough, the new girl and I ended up having a bit of a fling, but neither of us had completely severed ties to our previous relationships. She ended up going for a weekend back home in Perth, where her friends/family convinced her to get back with her boyfriend. After she broke the news to me, I felt completely numb for days. I was so furious, but at the same time I knew that this was always a possibility. Fast forward a few months, and my long-term GF and I are trying to work things out and get things back to normal (with the added intention of being more adventurous, plans to travel etc). However, I am still deeply, hopelessly infatuated with the new girl, and my moods are hugely dependant on how things are going with her, rather than my GF. I feel like a real scumbag for treating my GF this way, but at the same time I feel so depressed that I don't have a future with the new girl..

Cumulus Building a Shark Net
  • replies: 1

I only have 17 friends on FB and met them all in life. This guy knocked twice. I ignored him first time, then the second time, I asked him if we had met. He said he was a musician and we friended in 2007 about a creative project, and he then sent me ... View more

I only have 17 friends on FB and met them all in life. This guy knocked twice. I ignored him first time, then the second time, I asked him if we had met. He said he was a musician and we friended in 2007 about a creative project, and he then sent me all the messages to validate this. He later admitted he had met me on dating site…so he had been keeping me on file enjoying my portrait profiles. From April we shared music tastes, projects, philosophy, and then photos as kids of the 70s, struggles with depression and mental blocks. His honesty made me feel safe to talk about my struggles with mental illness. He slipped once, and was overtly sexual, sensing discomfort, he called to clear it up. Next day sent me photos of him with his daughter. I knew he was authentic with his name, as he posted images of his band in the studio which had computers with current dates, and his mates would comment using the name he gave me, and he would call me. I had no reason to worry, but I was becoming very reliant on him. Though always talking about how busy he was, he was in contact with me nearly 24/7 for hours. I’d wake up to a good night text with kisses, and see at 1 or 3am, he had liked and commented on every post I put up. The slippery slope started when I had a serious set back losing my job in May- he jumped right in to PROTECT me from myself - the seduction game started. I asked him several times if we could meet. He said he wanted more time to enjoy me, and he felt it in best interests for me to wait. I said we needed then to stop the intimacy - he became belligerent and said I had made that up in my head - he spoke to me like he would his Aunt and Daughter. Calmly, I sent him all the intimate messages, and sensual photos he had sent me (generally after a powerful counselling self love session). I did not enter an argument – just showed him the facts. My carer then became my abuser - I was an IDIOT, other women did not complain, he did not respond to expectation and and he didn’t want an ‘ugly feminist lesbian’, he wanted a vibrant sexy woman. My response - if he wanted a vibrant woman why was he pursuing a sick woman? He has been blocked - but I was left shocked - I was LOVE BOMBED. I’ve locked all my photos and removed portrait profile photo. I have changed privacy settings so only friends of friends can request to join my site, and I’ve locked down my FB page. It is a sad and dangerous game that man is playing.

Breakingheart Am I depressed or just hurting
  • replies: 4

After a 33 year relationship with 28 1/2 years of that being married, it is now over. Things have got to the point in our relationship that cant be fixed, we are financiallly strapped after my ex husband not working for 8 months, so as a result we ar... View more

After a 33 year relationship with 28 1/2 years of that being married, it is now over. Things have got to the point in our relationship that cant be fixed, we are financiallly strapped after my ex husband not working for 8 months, so as a result we are separated but still under the same roof, he is in a different room and there is no form of relationship physical or emotional. This is the hardest thing I have had to deal with. Throughout our time together he has suffered major depression and I have been there to support him, love him and pick up the pieces, I pretty much raised our 3 children on my own. I was always there, who was there for me, no one asked how I was coping, how are you feeling, when cracks started appearing in my wall I quickly rebuilt it so my inadequacy and worthlessness could not seep through. As a result of me hiding my feelings for so long our physical, emotional and closeness suffered immensely, I take ownership of a lot of it but after a lot of self reflection It cant just be my fault but he just says we are both to blame but wont talk about or own his part in this mess. At the moment I don't sleep, I hate nights as the darkness closes around me and my mind thinks all sorts of weird, disparaging and horrible thoughts. Am I just sad or am I becoming depressed, my ex mentioned it and I "laughed" at him, I am seen as the strong one, I have an ability to put up a ,facade but my god I am hurting on the inside. Am I so controlling because of my past, my parents separated when I was 11, I was touched by my step father but never said anything to anyone and I have always had very low self esteem. He has sunk into the depth of depression again but has sought relief and emotional support in a third party involved in our separation, that is hard and hurts me but I know we are over and it has nothing to do with me. So I guess my question is am I just sad and hurting or are things getting the better of me and I am sliding into some form of depression?

Timmy_B Trying to move on
  • replies: 11

Hi all, just trying to reach out and get some helpful advice on my relationship situation. My wife and I have been married for the last seven years but been together for about 16 years. We have 2 children 5 & 3. We have separated and this is the seco... View more

Hi all, just trying to reach out and get some helpful advice on my relationship situation. My wife and I have been married for the last seven years but been together for about 16 years. We have 2 children 5 & 3. We have separated and this is the second time as the last time was 12 months ago. She asked for the seperation the first time and I asked for it the second however I did it for her as leading up to it she really closed off from me and had a look of death in her eyes towards me. She would not talk about it and I told her I just wanted to see her happy and not hurt her anymore. It has been about 5 weeks now and we are being amicable as we want to do the best for the children, I am living in the studio down the back and she is in the house with the kids. The kids stay in the studio with me sometimes. I support her as much as I can with bringing in the sole income and helping with the kids. I am really finding it hard to move on, I am grieving the loss of my wife and it is effecting me in the way I am parenting as I just feel sad when I am with the kids and as we are still parenting together I see her a lot and it is really hard as I crave that connection we once had. I am also finding it difficult on the sexual level as I am still sexually attracted to her. I am mixed up at the moment and just want to find a way to move on. Not sure what to do? how do you stop loving someone you love and care for? she has told me that she loves me as the father off our children and that she misses me, but I know it is for the better that we both move on in our life journey as we have just grown in different directions. How long does it take to get over your love for your wife when you decide to do life apart? what are the big challenges going to be? Tim

Zooeys24 An Aching Heart in Need of Some Help
  • replies: 7

Hello Everyone, I'm new here and am in need of some help. I just got over the ugliest breakup of my life. I've always been prone to anxiety and depression but this is the worst I've ever experienced. About five months ago (I know, not even that long)... View more

Hello Everyone, I'm new here and am in need of some help. I just got over the ugliest breakup of my life. I've always been prone to anxiety and depression but this is the worst I've ever experienced. About five months ago (I know, not even that long) I started seeing this guy who kept asking me out (he was a friend of a friend and I figured 'why not' just to be nice) and it wasn't long until we really connected and started seeing each other everyday and spending every minute together. I had recently gotten out of another relationship and I wanted to not take things too seriously because I didn't want it to be a rebound relationship and I was very clear to this guy about that. But, I fell super hard. This guy seemed perfect, he seemed really sweet and we liked all the same things and I absolutely loved the way I felt around him. He told me he loved me every morning and every night and I ultimately said I loved him too, which was very hard for me to say, but I think I really did love him at the time. Unfortunately, he was still sleeping with his ex girlfriend and multiple others that I didn't know about and started to treat me very strangely. He started stealing my phone and reading it while I was sleeping, he became very obsessive and would yell and swear at me when I didn't call him back, etc. I would naturally tell him that wasn't okay and started to question if I wanted to be with him, and then he would try to be nice and say he was sorry and just a bunch of emotional manipulation. It ended when one of his lady friends wrote him an anonymous note telling him she was pregnant. He called me and said that we needed to talk and ended up locking me in his house and forcing me to take a pregnancy test. I was so confused and had no idea what was going on. We got in a huge fight and I got scared and left. I blocked all forms of communication with him because I was so hurt. However, he then started contacting all our friends making very cruel and strange things up about me, because I'm guessing he's mad because we fought? I'm in shock at what a jerk he's being and all logic tells me that I'm lucky this happened now. But it's crazy, I miss him. I sound nuts, but I've become so depressed just thinking about him and missing him that I can barely eat and sleep. I'm not sure why I feel this horrible and sad, but it's been about a month and I can't figure out how to move on from this ugly part of my life. Does anyone have any suggestions? Thanks so much.

chariot my dh works away from home
  • replies: 1

My dh works away from the family home and has done on and off for two years. He has just taken work in central Australia on a 3 weeks on 4 days off schedule. He tells me he doesn't love me anymore but we are good friends. We are seeing a marriage cou... View more

My dh works away from the family home and has done on and off for two years. He has just taken work in central Australia on a 3 weeks on 4 days off schedule. He tells me he doesn't love me anymore but we are good friends. We are seeing a marriage councillor which he wants to keep doing whilst he is away again. Honestly I am very confused. I love him and the last few years have been hard. I was left to raise 3 children on my own one of them less than a year old when he left. He stopped communicating while away and I became resentful. I asked for marriage counselling then but he refused only agreeing once he fell out of love. We have been on and off again the last few weeks which is simply emotionally draining. Our youngest child is now 3 so things are still intense for me at home. We have agreed to continue marriage counselling at this stage but he wants to be formally separated. After a 16 year relationship and 3 children theres a lot of water under the bridge. I don't know if I should continue and see if his friendship feelings turn back into love or just call it now. I want to keep trying but it's hard enough with him in the same state now he's 2 states away and mobile coverage is unknown. I'm confused. He says he wants to be separated but still wants to do marriage counselling when he's home for 4 days, he doesn't love me but thinks of me as a good friend. there is very little touching although our communication has improved dramatically since we started seeing the councillor. Thanks for reading

white knight Opposites attract- is that good?
  • replies: 1

In terms of relationships I suppose I've had around......let me see, say 6 that are over 2 years in length. Three over 5 years including my first wife (11 years), a defacto (10 years) and my wife (4 years but we've known each other 28 years) Up until... View more

In terms of relationships I suppose I've had around......let me see, say 6 that are over 2 years in length. Three over 5 years including my first wife (11 years), a defacto (10 years) and my wife (4 years but we've known each other 28 years) Up until my now wife, all partners were introverted by nature. I'm not extroverted but am "loud" according to some and outspoken. I suppose that makes me extroverted. Anyway each of those before my wife were out of synch with me on so many levels. eg Punctuality - they all left me waiting in the car before an outing, sleep- they all slept at different times of the day/night than I and thinking...this isnt easy to describe but its like they were on another planet. We could never really get our thinking to work together. All these past ladies I felt guilt for leaving them...I took on all the blame to myself. For what ever reason. Enter my wife. We did have the benefits of knowing each other for nearly 3 decades. I once match made her to my then brother in law and was best man. So I knew her personality and it was very much in synch with mine. We are at the same pace, when leaving from the house there is only one minute difference...no need to wait long, we very often think of the same thing "lets go chinese tonight" She stares at me...yep- she was about to ask me the same thing. Yet we go there only every 6 weeks or so. I suppose I realise that I used to choose the wrong girl. We should always not blame others for a marriage failure. For I was 50% of that relationship. Those ladies didnt twist my arm up my back to be with them- it was lust.So poor judgement on my behalf.But I only know this now because of my wife and how well we connect. Otherwise I would have gone to the end of my days believing I was a failure. Which leads me to my point. Every potential partner is different. We should never give up on love. We should never judge ourselves as being a failure as a partner especially if branded that by the partner we are separating from. And finally and most importantly. Children. We should never demonise the other parent to our children. This is so true even if you are demonised by the other parent. It isnt a war if you dont play the game of war. A one sided contest will one day come back to haunt the aggressor and your children will likely hold that parent to account. There is honour in doing the right thing even if that isnt apparent in the early days. Choosing a partner look for a synchronised nature with your own. Tony WK