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Marriage breakdown

Community Member
Hi I really need some advice as I don't know we're to turn anymore. My marriage broke down due to my husband joining a lot of sex sites 2 months after we were married! There been some issues in the relationship that have hurt me quite badly which pushed me away from him, I struggle to show physical emotion especially to someone that's caused pain. He kicked me out of our house because I said I was looking for another place, I didn't really want another place I was telling him that in the hope it would help us make more of an effort. It back fired and he kicked me out. The following weeks things got nasty. I found out he had planned a weekend away with a woman he hadn't known since he was a kid. When I spoke to him I wanted to sort things out, he then canceled that booking and went and made a new one at a different place so I didn't know. The next day after his night away that I didn't know about, we had a talk and spoke about getting some counciling while we're separated to see if we can salvage our marriage. It was only 3 days later that I found out by email that he spent the night with her and had lied to my face telling me he spent the night at his brothers.. Apparently he never slept with her and there is a message to prove that! I understand we were separated but it doesn't make the pain any easier. I love this man with all my heart and I struggle to know what to do now when he keeps lieing to me. I want our marriage to work as I feel like apart of me has gone when I'm away from him. The stress is just getting to much and I've found myself thinking of things I shouldn't and wanting revenge against this woman as she knew about me.
4 Replies 4

Community Member

Hi IceymOOn. You have quite a mixed bag there with hubby joining sex sites 2 months after marriage. Why did he want to do that? I also wonder why he married if he wants to play up? It sounds like he married under false pretences, which brings me back to my original question, why get married? Had you known him long before you married? Sorry to say this, but you're better off leaving him to his games. All he's done is lie, cheat and hurt you. I know you don't really want to hear that and I wish I didn't have to think it, much less put it into words, but his attitude to marriage doesn't make for a happy union. He's lying to you and everyone else he meets about his life. I understand your initial gut feeling is to beat him senseless and throttle the other woman. You say she knows about you, but what does she know? Does she know he's married and still with you, or did he tell her you're apart? If he told her you're separated, you can't really blame her for believing that. He sounds like a pretty smooth talker and not trustworthy for anyone. It also sounds as though he told her you were apart, which in essence is the truth. I feel your best course of action is to accept he is the way he is, and rebuild your life without him. No matter who he gets involved with, he isn't going to change. Unfortunately, your marriage doesn't really exist, except on paper. I'm so sorry you've been so hurt and lied to. How long have you been married?

Try not to let his actions affect the way you feel about marriage. There are some great guys out there. You deserve so much better.


white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Icey, welcome

Firstly and most importantly I endorse everything Pipsy has told you. So I wont repeat it.

People make mistakes. When you do it proves you are human and not perfect. So please, as soon as possible move on from this guy because it is guaranteed he will always cheat on you. Trust is the number one requirement of a marriage. No trust, no marriage. Now you will hear form time to time people that have accepted their spouse cheating on them and they reunite and all is good. Not likely. Its a smokescreen IMO. They never trust fully.

The sooner you move on emotionally the earlier you will ebgine to date again and enjoy the company yof other men. Then take more time to really get to know them

Tony WK

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
dear IcymOOn, what an awful surprise all of this must have been for you and a total shock, but from what you have said it's not about getting any revenge on this woman, because she has been approached by your husband, it's getting the truth out of your husband, and I don't believe that this will ever happen.
You can still love him, but you can't trust him in what he says or what he does, and to be searching sex sites after only 2 months of being married and to push you out of the house because you don't show any physical emotion must mean how he feels about being married.
He has shown no desire that he wants to be married and live his life with you, and after this short period should indicate that you have to leave him. Geoff. x

Community Member

Hey Icey

I feel for you I really do. And I know what it's like to want to hold onto something for dear life, even when you know it's no good for you. I would certainly recommend talking to a counsellor or psychologist to support you through a potential separation. It hurts like hell and I totally understand what you'd like to do to the other woman - but it may help just to feel sorry for her, because he'll do the same thing to her and likely the next person. I hope you have some supportive friends who can help you. I'm also trying to get my head around how he managed to kick you out of your house? Do you own it in joint names??