separation for a month from wife feeling depressed

[James85]

Hi Guys,

second time here.... thought everything was fine and me and my wife worked stuff out. small insight of my relationship 1 year of courting(zero touching just getting to know each other) 6 years together, 2 years married. last year i entered depression due to working 12 hours a night monday - friday and comin home and trying to get the energy to clean the house. my wife works as well. i told her i'm depressed and i don't know why she told me "what have you got depressed about" and that i'm just weak so i dropped the matter. she continually blames me for everything and bringing up stuff i did in the past (no cheating or stuff like that} just things i say without thinking. she rings me and complains about her work saying it my fault that she has to work and regrets moving out from her permanent housing trust house and she was on disability support pension for depression and didn't have to work, so this is my fault as well. the house is messy, my fault. washing wasn't hung even though she said she would do it, my fault. everything is my fault. now i just say to her when she forgets something or drops something i say sorry because i believe it's my fault.

the worst part is i still love this woman. she moved out 1 half weeks ago to her sisters, but we talk everyday and talk for hours. but she doesn't know what she wants to do. she continually tells me she doesn't want to live anymore and that she's bored. i told her she needs to see a doctor and she told her sister i said that and i copped it from her, she goes "ohhh its nothing you did it's all depression is it?" sighh... 😞 again its all my fault.

i'm refusing to take anti D as it makes me feel emotionally numb of everything and i can't feel any happiness, i just feel blank. is there anything i can take naturally to only take the edge of the miserableness?. i'm taking executive B stress formula but i don't know if its working.

i know i should just jump ship on this woman.. but i just can't give up on her as i NEVER give up on anything in my life i will fight to the end. i told her that i will not stop pursuing her and the only way i would stop is if you cheat. and she only said a month break as she can find herself but she still calls me, i don't cell her. aaah i don't know any help would be greatfull

[Starwolf]

Welcome back James,

I'm sorry this hasn't been working out. What you describe sounds like a toxic relationship which is taking its toll on both of you. It seems it may be complicated by mental/emotional issues on both sides.

Wanting to give it your best shot is commendable. Only to the point where it degenerates so far that it becomes harmful to you both.

Have you tried counseling ? It is often helpful to have a qualified outsider facilitate communication. Of course this is only possible if both of you agree to participate. Difficult if one is adamant that the blame lies entirely with the other as this standpoint does away with the need for discussion.

I suggest you google Relationships Australia for useful tips. Researching Narcissistic relationships and inter-dependent relationships may also shed light on what you are up against. The fact you say you know you should jump ship on this toxic relationship but won't do it points to a discrepancy between what you know should be right and what you can actually do...another source of stress.

Your wife may need medical attention but if she is in denial, she won't be easily influenced. When face to face conversation becomes too difficult, writing down your feelings and concerns in a letter can help. It can be edited as much as necessary and be read/re-read at leisure. It also avoids emotional outbursts and interruptions.

I wish you both all the best.

[James85]

thanks starwolf,

the thing is when things are going great it's fine we have everything in common. but when she gets stressed she just pushes everything onto me like it's my fault. i have been on lifeline when i hit my lowest it helped a bit. she refuses counseling saying she's been down that road and she got nothing out of it. ican tell you exactly how i feel i feel nothing she rings i just don't care i think she has just pushed my limit of patience and i have switched off. but when i see her in person i'm happy to be around her so i am confused.