Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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BethOK Trust and Anxiety issues in relationship
  • replies: 3

My partner has shown reason in the past to not trust him. When i do trust him he lets me down. Im to scared to trust him cause i dont want to get hurt. We have tried taking baby steps to build trust e.g. him going out for a few hours with friends but... View more

My partner has shown reason in the past to not trust him. When i do trust him he lets me down. Im to scared to trust him cause i dont want to get hurt. We have tried taking baby steps to build trust e.g. him going out for a few hours with friends but it always fails on his end because he cant keep to his word and he is easily influenced by friends especially when intoxicated. Also when he drinks too much he doesnt know what hes doing and wont rememberthe next morning either and this exact thing his happened before where hes found out a week later that he had been unfaithful to me. So because of all this and my anxiety over it i dont let him go out with his friends unless I'm with him. I know thats unhealthy and it has gotten worse since we've had kids. Sometimes it feels like the kids arent a priority to him. He has said we would be better apart but we continue to stay together. I cry about this a lot especially when i think about losing him and being alone. I have family to turn to but i have no close friends that i can go to for extra support. We are both young (19 & 21) and have been together for 3 years and i feel like I've learnt to depend on him to much that now i dont know how to be independent and on my own. We do love each other and both don't want our family broken up. How do i learn to trust and get over my anxiety?

Seals101 Family no longer supportive - Possible jealousy?
  • replies: 3

Hi, I was always the black sheep in my family. I was rebellious and didn't pursue my education as far as my siblings did. I was also the one that was always getting into trouble. Now that I am grown up my life is going very well. I am the only one of... View more

Hi, I was always the black sheep in my family. I was rebellious and didn't pursue my education as far as my siblings did. I was also the one that was always getting into trouble. Now that I am grown up my life is going very well. I am the only one of my siblings to own a house and it's almost paid off. I have a well paying job, great friends and recently started my own family. I feel now that things are going very well for me that my family no longer listen or are supportive. For instance when my first child was born she was very sick and nearly died and my family weren't there for support nor did they respond when it's brought up in conversation. I feel that basically anything in my life that i bring up in conversation is ignored and if it isn't ignored they only have negative replies. It's like they don't want to know me or about my life. The negative replies are usually when I am telling them something happy and exciting that's happening in my life which makes me think there is some kind of jealousy happening. I have reached the point that I don't discuss any of the success in my life with them anymore due to the negative remarks. I feel I am the one in the family always caring for everyone else and helping them with their problems, which really is the only time I can connect with them now I want my family to be more involved with my children (Grandparents and Uncle/Aunts etc). I see other new mums getting so much support from their families however my family don't and it saddens me. I have tried talking to them about how I feel and they only half listened. I received a nod and "That sounds great" but it became apparent when wanting to spend the extra time with them that they weren't really listening. I now don't know what to do as I don't want to push it with them. I am expecting my second child soon and would love my family to be more of a part of my life. Should I just leave them be and accept them how they are or should I try to connect with them more?

Outdoorsgirl My husband has not spoken to me in 4 days and it's killing me
  • replies: 38

On Saturday morning my husband bs I had an argument. I was getting ready to have lunch for my birthday with my girlfriends and he stopped as I hopped out of shower wanting to be intamate. I said I couldn't because I was running late and he persisted ... View more

On Saturday morning my husband bs I had an argument. I was getting ready to have lunch for my birthday with my girlfriends and he stopped as I hopped out of shower wanting to be intamate. I said I couldn't because I was running late and he persisted to try to pursued me. I was angry he didn't listen to me and I said "stop putting your needs first" this trigger him to say that this is happening far too often (it's happened once before) and I should be putting him first not my friends. He said that if this keeps happening he is going to find get a girlfriend, someone who want to have sex with him. This really hurt me and I yell at him and shut myself in the bathroom sobbing. He followed me in and swore at me. I didn't go to lunch I was too upset and he went out for the day. He came home and got really dressed up and went out, he didn't come home until 1am.things have been a little tough in the last three months - we just had a baby and I'm struggling with his expectations of me keeping the house clean and caring for our child. We have fought a lot over silly things like me leaving glasses outside or not picking things up in a timely manner. It's making me start to hate maternity leave and want to go back to work. Except that I love my baby so much and she makes me happy when I'm with her.I don't know how to talk to my husband he keeps swearing at me when I say we need to talk about this. I am so sad and lonely and it's only been 4 daysany advice is appreciated

KiraRain 21, single, broke and now a mum...
  • replies: 3

Hi, i recently had my beautiful son just before turning 21. I haven't had any problems with depression since I was 14 and my parents had just separated, but I started feeling incredibly lonely and upset while I was pregnant. I was assured this was qu... View more

Hi, i recently had my beautiful son just before turning 21. I haven't had any problems with depression since I was 14 and my parents had just separated, but I started feeling incredibly lonely and upset while I was pregnant. I was assured this was quite normal, so my doctors basically blamed hormones. The father of my child hates me for keeping my baby, and decided he was going to pretend we'd never met. My friends are all 21 and act so young, all parties, boys and drinking. I felt so alone. Once my son was born, I was overwhelmed with love for him. But now that it's been a few months, I'm beginning to sink. I cry myself to sleep every night, I feel so alone even though I'm never by myself. I constantly worry about money because I'm not working and Centrelink doesn't pay me much since my son isn't vaccinated. I feel like no one understands, I feel like I'm a horrible parent, I feel like I'm selfish and cruel for having a child without a stable lifestyle. I love my son, but I hate myself. I don't know what to do anymore. I've never felt this bad before, and all I want is to give my son a happy life. I don't want to regret having my son, but what kind of parent am I? I'm sad and broke, what kind of life can I give my son? I just need reassurance that I'm not the worst person in the world right now.

IGottaRun I don't feel strong enough to care for my bf again
  • replies: 4

5 months back my boyfriend of nearly 2 years was badly injured at work. It's been a hard time and very straining on what isn't that great of a relationship to begin with. He has finally been able to do things for himself but his final surgery is soon... View more

5 months back my boyfriend of nearly 2 years was badly injured at work. It's been a hard time and very straining on what isn't that great of a relationship to begin with. He has finally been able to do things for himself but his final surgery is soon and after that he will be back to square one. Not able to move much. I'll have to do everything for him for a minimum 6 weeks. And I really don't feel strong enough. I'm getting a knot in my stomach at the mere thought. None of my friends or family really like this guy and I have been liking him less and less. Not because he's injured. His attitude is really poor. He used to spy on my phone. He is jealous and I'd almost say emotionally abusive. I've tried leaving once but it didn't stick. I don't know how I'm going to live with myself though if I left him now I'd feel terrible for abandoning him. . Advice. Help. Please

Utbh Mummy to a large family..
  • replies: 7

Im new here. Im a wife and mum. I have 5 beautiful children. I'm normally a happy go lucky, fun mum. But lately everything is getting to me, I cried myself to sleep last night I don't exactly know why but i think its because I feel I'm constantly bei... View more

Im new here. Im a wife and mum. I have 5 beautiful children. I'm normally a happy go lucky, fun mum. But lately everything is getting to me, I cried myself to sleep last night I don't exactly know why but i think its because I feel I'm constantly being judged and the past couple of weeks has been one problem after another.. i know it will get better and hopefully I will feel better, it just sux right now.. anyone else with large families, that find it a little overwhelming sometimes..

sadhusband Unappreciated husband feeling depressed and deflated
  • replies: 6

Not sure if this fits best here, but here goes anyway. In any case, hopefully penning this down makes me feel better. My wife and I recently had a baby. Never really wanted a kid, she always wanted one. Shes been saying that her clock is ticking and ... View more

Not sure if this fits best here, but here goes anyway. In any case, hopefully penning this down makes me feel better. My wife and I recently had a baby. Never really wanted a kid, she always wanted one. Shes been saying that her clock is ticking and as a husband, I see it as one of my life's purpose to make her happy and give her what she wants. I gave in last year. As expected, our life has changed. I've grown to accept that change. She is currently on mat leave and I work a full time job. We've got no family support here so she takes care of the child and I do all the other things that need to be done in the household. Clean, cook, ran errands, etc. I try my very best to support her as best as I can - making sure she always has a glass of water beside her, always checking in while she is tending to the baby to see if I can help with anything, etc. Probably easy to say this and claim credit, though it's been trying and tiring lately. Today, I was out buying groceries and we got into an argument because I came back 20 min late. On my way back from the supermarket, I called her to say I was coming home and she said she'll wait for me to change baby's diapers and then push her out for a walk to which I mentioned we could go by the other supermarket to pick up her fav fruit. On my way back, I decided to drive by the other supermarket because I'd rather push baby in the park than the supermarket. Came home 20 min late and she was upset to have to wait at home for me and I should have told her that I was going to be late, so she could have changed baby's diapers instead of waiting for me to come home to change it. Got into a verbal shit fight and I started to break down into self pity and thinking that this is my first and hopefully the worst father's day (don't want the rest to feel worse than this). I teared (never done so for the last 10 yrs) and felt really misunderstood and unappreciated for all the work that I put in. Last few months, despite having tough work projects, I've tried to help as much as I could at night with the baby, at times only getting 4 hours sleep. I curl myself up in the corner on the bed (baby co-sleeps) everynight and wake up with a sore back. I didn't feel welcoming towards the baby and felt resentful because I felt baby was making wife tired and drained, but not I love baby more and more.. But what happened today brought me back to ground zero and I feel I'm breaking down, perhaps in self pity and unfortunately on father's day

PinkDiamonds25 I'm pregnant with a history of mental health issues and my partner is a hoarder in denial.
  • replies: 5

Ok, I really don't know where to start here and I'm terrified about being judged for being so stupid.I've been with my boyfriend for 5 yrs this December,he is a nice guy,he's caring, has a good job and I beleive that he loves me, my son (from a previ... View more

Ok, I really don't know where to start here and I'm terrified about being judged for being so stupid.I've been with my boyfriend for 5 yrs this December,he is a nice guy,he's caring, has a good job and I beleive that he loves me, my son (from a previous relationship) and our unborn child.I'm 23 weeks pregnant.He's perfect for us, other then two major issues.1-He is really bad at managing his finances-eg, he earns a really good wage and has 2 mortgages,one he really couldn't afford(when you look at the facts off paper)but he wouldn't listen to me when I advised against the purchase.He wants to renovate it as an investment property,he did get it cheaper then market price but it is in need of a LOT of work which he doesn't have the time or money to do.He's owned this second house for 2.5 yrs and nothing has been done to improve it.The electricity bills,gas bills,rates,mobile phone bills ect are all on payment plans year round because he doesn't manage his finances.He takes out loans, credit cards and redraws on the mortgage to buy things that aren't necessary as well.point 2- I think my boyfriend is a hoarder, he keeps buying rusty old cars.He has around 55 cars laying around the yard and the yard at the "investment property" he names them all with women's names?He's very defensive when I ask him why he doesn't get rid of some of them. He plans to restore them all which isn't realistic. we can't enjoy the house or yard anymore due to the cars,it looks like a wrecking yard at both houses and neighbors have put complaints in to council.partner buys stacks of random things online and at op shops and has filled the 5 bedroom + 5 car garage house that he lives in and is filling the second property as well.When I confront him about the issue he complains that the house isn't big enough-he's only 1 person! I've moved out as he cant financially provide for us (although he says he can) he's always scraping for money, can't prioritise and my son and I end up living on struggle street with nothing. We struggle to buy groceries,clothes,pay for medical expenses.It almost meets the criteria for financial abuse.I've tried to convince partner to see a psychologist but he's dead against it-says that he doesn't have a problem and says that I'm the problem because I have diagnosed anxiety/depression.I'm really at my wits end.This baby is due in February, we all want to live as a family but I don't think it's safe to raise kids in this environment. he won't afford child support.

Livv Unable to move on from ex
  • replies: 11

Hello, I am new to the site I have been really struggling with the end of my first serious relationship at a time when i needed him the most. So my boyfriend of 2 years went away on a guys holiday with a few of his single friends. While he was away, ... View more

Hello, I am new to the site I have been really struggling with the end of my first serious relationship at a time when i needed him the most. So my boyfriend of 2 years went away on a guys holiday with a few of his single friends. While he was away, a family member that I was very close to passed away very suddenly and unexpectedly. I rang him from the hospital and he was as supportive as he could be over the phone. That night he went out partying and cheated on me. I was trying to contact him while he was with the other girl. The next day I knew something had happened but didnt know what, he wasnt due to return home for another 2 weeks. eventually he told me what had happened and then for the next two weeks he made me think we could work it out. As hard as it would have been, i knew i loved him with all my heart and would be able to get past what he did. He had never done anything like that before and he was honest with me about what happened. When he got back, he came around and ended things with me straight away. He told me that he still loved me but just couldn't be with me any more, that he now has a whole new perspective on life. He then said things like he was only with me out of loneliness. I feel so stupid for thinking he loved me. I feel so used, but i cant let go. I still love him and want him back. I feel like it was all my fault. The last few months had been difficult for me, i don't have anything stable in my life, due to the nature of my work, which can also be very confronting at time. I know i had been down and complaining about things a lot to him and i feel like i drove him away. I know that there is no change of us ever getting back together - he straight up told me that. Since the break-up i know he hasn't given me a thought, but i cannot stop thinking about him. Ive tried to keep busy, but nothing seems to be working. Its been months and im still as cut up about it as i was at the time. To make things worse, a family member that had been supporting me through everything, has now been hanging out with him, introducing him to her friends and posting pictures of her in his bed. I dont want to cause any family trouble but I dont know how to deal with any of this. Would greatly appreciate any advice! Thank you!

Missymags Depression in males and low sex drive
  • replies: 7

hi everyone, I'm new to the forum and to dealing with a partner suffering depression. He has told me his meds affect his sex drive and although when we do have sex, there has never been any issue physically, he has admitted that he plays around with ... View more

hi everyone, I'm new to the forum and to dealing with a partner suffering depression. He has told me his meds affect his sex drive and although when we do have sex, there has never been any issue physically, he has admitted that he plays around with his meds in order to have sex. we do not get to have sex much. it is hard in me as well. should I suggest going to the doctor with him to talk about this and can it be helped? I want to support him. I love him. I don't want to make things worse for him or me. But we definitely need some help. i certainly need some help to understand as well. I'm not sure what meds he is taking. in what ways can I help to make this better for us both? What questions should I be asking him? Thanks for your help