Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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PinkDiamonds25 I'm pregnant with a history of mental health issues and my partner is a hoarder in denial.
  • replies: 5

Ok, I really don't know where to start here and I'm terrified about being judged for being so stupid.I've been with my boyfriend for 5 yrs this December,he is a nice guy,he's caring, has a good job and I beleive that he loves me, my son (from a previ... View more

Ok, I really don't know where to start here and I'm terrified about being judged for being so stupid.I've been with my boyfriend for 5 yrs this December,he is a nice guy,he's caring, has a good job and I beleive that he loves me, my son (from a previous relationship) and our unborn child.I'm 23 weeks pregnant.He's perfect for us, other then two major issues.1-He is really bad at managing his finances-eg, he earns a really good wage and has 2 mortgages,one he really couldn't afford(when you look at the facts off paper)but he wouldn't listen to me when I advised against the purchase.He wants to renovate it as an investment property,he did get it cheaper then market price but it is in need of a LOT of work which he doesn't have the time or money to do.He's owned this second house for 2.5 yrs and nothing has been done to improve it.The electricity bills,gas bills,rates,mobile phone bills ect are all on payment plans year round because he doesn't manage his finances.He takes out loans, credit cards and redraws on the mortgage to buy things that aren't necessary as well.point 2- I think my boyfriend is a hoarder, he keeps buying rusty old cars.He has around 55 cars laying around the yard and the yard at the "investment property" he names them all with women's names?He's very defensive when I ask him why he doesn't get rid of some of them. He plans to restore them all which isn't realistic. we can't enjoy the house or yard anymore due to the cars,it looks like a wrecking yard at both houses and neighbors have put complaints in to council.partner buys stacks of random things online and at op shops and has filled the 5 bedroom + 5 car garage house that he lives in and is filling the second property as well.When I confront him about the issue he complains that the house isn't big enough-he's only 1 person! I've moved out as he cant financially provide for us (although he says he can) he's always scraping for money, can't prioritise and my son and I end up living on struggle street with nothing. We struggle to buy groceries,clothes,pay for medical expenses.It almost meets the criteria for financial abuse.I've tried to convince partner to see a psychologist but he's dead against it-says that he doesn't have a problem and says that I'm the problem because I have diagnosed anxiety/depression.I'm really at my wits end.This baby is due in February, we all want to live as a family but I don't think it's safe to raise kids in this environment. he won't afford child support.

Livv Unable to move on from ex
  • replies: 11

Hello, I am new to the site I have been really struggling with the end of my first serious relationship at a time when i needed him the most. So my boyfriend of 2 years went away on a guys holiday with a few of his single friends. While he was away, ... View more

Hello, I am new to the site I have been really struggling with the end of my first serious relationship at a time when i needed him the most. So my boyfriend of 2 years went away on a guys holiday with a few of his single friends. While he was away, a family member that I was very close to passed away very suddenly and unexpectedly. I rang him from the hospital and he was as supportive as he could be over the phone. That night he went out partying and cheated on me. I was trying to contact him while he was with the other girl. The next day I knew something had happened but didnt know what, he wasnt due to return home for another 2 weeks. eventually he told me what had happened and then for the next two weeks he made me think we could work it out. As hard as it would have been, i knew i loved him with all my heart and would be able to get past what he did. He had never done anything like that before and he was honest with me about what happened. When he got back, he came around and ended things with me straight away. He told me that he still loved me but just couldn't be with me any more, that he now has a whole new perspective on life. He then said things like he was only with me out of loneliness. I feel so stupid for thinking he loved me. I feel so used, but i cant let go. I still love him and want him back. I feel like it was all my fault. The last few months had been difficult for me, i don't have anything stable in my life, due to the nature of my work, which can also be very confronting at time. I know i had been down and complaining about things a lot to him and i feel like i drove him away. I know that there is no change of us ever getting back together - he straight up told me that. Since the break-up i know he hasn't given me a thought, but i cannot stop thinking about him. Ive tried to keep busy, but nothing seems to be working. Its been months and im still as cut up about it as i was at the time. To make things worse, a family member that had been supporting me through everything, has now been hanging out with him, introducing him to her friends and posting pictures of her in his bed. I dont want to cause any family trouble but I dont know how to deal with any of this. Would greatly appreciate any advice! Thank you!

Missymags Depression in males and low sex drive
  • replies: 7

hi everyone, I'm new to the forum and to dealing with a partner suffering depression. He has told me his meds affect his sex drive and although when we do have sex, there has never been any issue physically, he has admitted that he plays around with ... View more

hi everyone, I'm new to the forum and to dealing with a partner suffering depression. He has told me his meds affect his sex drive and although when we do have sex, there has never been any issue physically, he has admitted that he plays around with his meds in order to have sex. we do not get to have sex much. it is hard in me as well. should I suggest going to the doctor with him to talk about this and can it be helped? I want to support him. I love him. I don't want to make things worse for him or me. But we definitely need some help. i certainly need some help to understand as well. I'm not sure what meds he is taking. in what ways can I help to make this better for us both? What questions should I be asking him? Thanks for your help

GuestYD Mental health condition
  • replies: 6

Hi all I was just thinking. When do you tell people about your mental health condition? I was thinking about how many dates before you tell a date initially but I'm curious broadly too, so friends etc. LC

Hi all I was just thinking. When do you tell people about your mental health condition? I was thinking about how many dates before you tell a date initially but I'm curious broadly too, so friends etc. LC

PeteL Handling a break up
  • replies: 10

Hi thought I'd give this a go. i have been in a relationship with my partner for 9 years. we both had children through previous marriages and 9 months ago bought a house to accomodate out for children. i have shared care of my two children who live w... View more

Hi thought I'd give this a go. i have been in a relationship with my partner for 9 years. we both had children through previous marriages and 9 months ago bought a house to accomodate out for children. i have shared care of my two children who live with their mother in another blended family. lots of arguments and I recently moved out. i am in so much pain, I am hardly eating, feel lonely and doubt my choice to move out. my closest confidant, my brother is 100% certain this is the right move for me but why is it so hard? im 46 and thought life would be so much easier at this stage yet the pain is immense how can I cope through this?

anonalex Sex with strangers just leaves me super depressed and lonely
  • replies: 3

Does anyone else out there get this too? no problems finding a girl to have sex with when i go out on the weekend but if i want anything more it 100% ends in nothing. Probs had over 100 different girls now but only ever been in two relationships that... View more

Does anyone else out there get this too? no problems finding a girl to have sex with when i go out on the weekend but if i want anything more it 100% ends in nothing. Probs had over 100 different girls now but only ever been in two relationships that only lasted 3 and 2 months respectively. i don't mega text anyone i don't do weird shit but i see some guys who go full creeper always end up happy with some chick they have found wtf is with this?

Cantthinkofaname1 What is the female definition of "Intimacy"
  • replies: 10

Hi all, This is my first ever post so I hope it helps. Can any females (preferably) or anyone tell me what intimacy actually means and why it is so different after marriage? My wife and I have been married for 6 years and our sex life is all but gone... View more

Hi all, This is my first ever post so I hope it helps. Can any females (preferably) or anyone tell me what intimacy actually means and why it is so different after marriage? My wife and I have been married for 6 years and our sex life is all but gone. I must appreciate that having two children over the past 3-4 years has affected her and me. However, now we are on the other side, I still have a high sex drive and she has nothing. If it does happen, it's awkward and she can't climax because there's always an excuse (I'm too sore or I've got lots on my mind). It builds to massive arguments where she says she needs more "intimacy." I contribute at work, at home and with the kids. I help her have breaks where I can. But there is always an excuse why I haven't given her the "intimacy" she needs to have sex. Im not cold hearted and I'm not an emotional expert. But there's always a problem with her having and enjoying sex. It was never like this before marriage and now all of a sudden this high level of intimacy is needed to maintain, what I think, is a fundamental part of a marriage and something that promotes connection between us. What are your thoughts?

easypathishard Married with children... but want to leave my husband and finally be true to myself.
  • replies: 8

I've identified as bi for a long time but I'm starting to wonder if I'm a lesbian or, at the very least, bi but more attracted to women. I've been with my husband for 10 years and we have two young children. Most people know I'm bi but I'm starting t... View more

I've identified as bi for a long time but I'm starting to wonder if I'm a lesbian or, at the very least, bi but more attracted to women. I've been with my husband for 10 years and we have two young children. Most people know I'm bi but I'm starting to accept that I don't think I will ever be happy in this marriage with my husband. But I'm terrified to leave him and come out. Mostly because of the damage to my family. And to him. I love him so much but this just isn't the right place for me. I think I've always known deep down but have been in denial for a long time. I'm more physically and emotionally attracted to women. The only way I can have satisfying sex is to pretend that I'm with a woman. I've been lying to myself for so long. I don't have a job at the moment and my children are 3 months old and 2 years old. Where do I even begin to start this new part of my life? I'm so scared but I know that staying in this marriage any longer is a worse plan. I have never felt deeply connected to my husband. I love him but he is not connected to his feelings and is so logical and practical - he is wonderful but I need a feeling brain to connect with. I'm also in love with my lesbian au pair but that's a whole other story. She is going back to her home country in a few weeks and has a girlfriend so, regardless of her reciprocal attraction, that whole situation is messy and not going to go anywhere. I know deep down I invited her here so that I could make myself finally face the truth, one way or another. She has been by my side for the last 5 months and has been a great guide through this messy process. I should also mention I have a history of anxiety and depression (including PND) and suicidality and although this new understanding of my sexuality is unnerving and frequently makes me wish I was dead, I also feel like I'm more alive than I have been in a long time. I know I need to live for my children but I'm also trying to live for the life I deserve. I deserve to be happy. And I keep trying to remind myself that if either of my children were in this situation, I would hope they would have the support and confidence to leave an unhappy marriage that will never go in the direction they need. Okay, enough rambling. Please share your thoughts with me. I feel so alone and lost in all of this. And awful. I wish I had had the guts to follow the right path for me earlier in this life. I chose the 'easy' path but the easy path is hard.

SydneyKat Husband says he doesn't love me
  • replies: 14

Hi, I have been with my husband for 18years, the last 7 married, recently he told me he met someone else (he says he only emotional) and that I don't make him happy and he doesn't love me. I never foresaw any of this. Yes we have our ups and downs bu... View more

Hi, I have been with my husband for 18years, the last 7 married, recently he told me he met someone else (he says he only emotional) and that I don't make him happy and he doesn't love me. I never foresaw any of this. Yes we have our ups and downs but I always thought we worked through them. I am willing to work on issues he identified (and I also raised some too afterwards) but he says he just wants to be alone , runaway live under a rock , he says he doesn't want to fix our relationship but I do. I have have anxiety and stress gets to me a lot so when things happen in life I do get in state and he sees some aspects of this (I have been hiding a lot of emotions from him) he doesn't see full picture of what's going on. Recently I have been going through depression (this incident and earlier this year with work changes) . Since he told me I have been working on myself, being more aware of what I say and do in order to improve issues he identified with me, but no changes in him. We enter yo counselling once and that was bad and now he won't go try a different one. I stated a mental health plan on my own. He had also spending more time with his mother which concerns me, feels like them against me. So in general I feel so sad, lonely, hopeless, angry at him, destined for being a single mum forever ( one child and I will be 40 soon and I feel without a chance for another child). I don't what to do , I have apologised and asked for forgiveness for when I have been snappy In the past (but he doesn't remember or think he has his bad points) but he won't forgive or open up it feels like he just blocks and says he doesn't love me and doesn't want to try but a few weeks ago he was willing to try (not sure what changed). He still lives in the same house and bedroom but he won't kiss or make love . I want to work on improving our relationship and am doing what I think I should but I don't think he even resides or cares. I don't know what to do I just cry a lot . I hope with time he opens his heart again and comes back to me (and our little family) again , futile and tears ...,

littledove A CHEATER'S CRY FOR HELP
  • replies: 11

Hello everyone. Some of you might have read my posts on the "Separating from the Other Woman Thread" which was started up by MallowPuff. I am in need of some insight and tips if anyone can help. I am married with 4 children. Over the years I have fel... View more

Hello everyone. Some of you might have read my posts on the "Separating from the Other Woman Thread" which was started up by MallowPuff. I am in need of some insight and tips if anyone can help. I am married with 4 children. Over the years I have felt lonely, bored, depressed and not supported in terms of housework and those types of things. Overall my husband is a good guy and he is a fantastic father. I cheated on my husband and he caught me about a year ago. We stayed together and tried to work it out. If I'm honest I didn't make much of an effort and I ended up cheating again with the same person. My husband found out a few weeks ago. At first he told me we were over. That very day we were due to drive from Sydney to Qld for a holiday. I had to pack the car up and take the children on my own as he refused to come. He was in a bad way. After being in Qld a few days my husband arrived. It was OK but he wasn't really speaking to me. I want to make the marriage work and provide a safe and loving environment for our children. My mother-in-law has told me that is what my husband wants as well but I have not seen any sign of that so far. At the moment we are only communicating by text. He texted me a few days ago and pretty much told me he hated me. I think he might really mean it. Every day he texts me demanding that I tell all of my family and friends that I cheated on him. He claims this will help the situation. The thought of doing that is mortifying. I am already struggling with the situation and deep depression which I am fighting every day. I have flat out refused to do it and explained to my husband that it won't help. I told him that exposing me to public humiliation and shame is not going to help with healing. I asked him to consider whether he truly believes that is a path toward healing or if painting me with the scarlet letter is more about him getting revenge. He won't listen to me he just keeps repeating the demand. I understand that if it will work out that it will be a long road and I need to be patient. My main concern at the moment is that I think my husband hates me and I'm not sure he can change that. The other concern is that there are no positive signs at all. He has not made one positive suggestion for dealing with the situation in a healing way. Couples counselling is one the cards but he just doesn't respond when I mention it. If anyone has some insight that can help I would be grateful