Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Boogz I hate Christmas and everything that goes with it
  • replies: 3

I lost my Husband a couple of years ago, I thought things would get easier over time and that I would have developed coping strategies to get through difficult times, sadly it seems I havent. Feeling very isolated and like I dont 'fit in' anywhere. I... View more

I lost my Husband a couple of years ago, I thought things would get easier over time and that I would have developed coping strategies to get through difficult times, sadly it seems I havent. Feeling very isolated and like I dont 'fit in' anywhere. I have no Parents, no children and a lot of friends who say they will be there if I need anything.......... they're not

Charlie90 Help and advice needed! Im stuck.
  • replies: 5

Ive been in a bad olace this year - with my oartner and 3 yo daughter. My partners dad died in december last year and he really struggled, went through sooo much and dealt with emotions.. we moved to his mothers house out of town to help her with the... View more

Ive been in a bad olace this year - with my oartner and 3 yo daughter. My partners dad died in december last year and he really struggled, went through sooo much and dealt with emotions.. we moved to his mothers house out of town to help her with the house and its been horrible. Apart from the fact that im the new live in maid, this woman spreads rumors aboit me and says horrible things behing my back every chance she gets... ive ignored it. I have felt very diwn this year which i thought was normal, with my depression and anxiety just with everything thats gone on this year. Ive been at uni for two years and have one more year to go. Was supposed to start prac next year which would mean id have to move an hour away from my partner and live there through the week and come home weekends. My partner wasnt happy and said that if i did that them it would be over. We fought about it alot - his issue was that he would have to drive on weekends because i dont have my license(i jad a bad accident when i was young and im scared, but am gainimg confidence again. Im 26. It got tk the point where we fought so much i had to quit. Now i am so depressed its hard just to live. I cry everyday and feel worthless. When we fight he calls me names all the stuff that makes me self esteem worse. I literally just beleive everything he says now. I have no friends or family around anymore and i feel so alone. I sit in this house all day trying to keep busy but secretly hating my self for once again failing something i try. I was really good with my course and it made me feel so good about my self. Ive never felt this low before and im starting to think my lartner is controlling- the thing is in a way i know the stuff be says and does is wrong but i dont teust my self thT im right to actually speak up. I feel u need to vet away from him and i have tried before but he always convinces me otherwise. He drinks everyday and is usually drynk at night time. He can become agressive if i bring anything up that i want to discuss, never hit me but has smashed all my things and does things like if i go see my mum he cancelled my keycard so i didnt have any money. Please help im so stuck and dont know what i should do

NL25 relationship worries
  • replies: 7

Hi guys, This is my first time posting but i just need some advice. I don't want to talk to my family/ friends about it as I don't want them to think badly of my relationship or think I'm not happy in it when I am. Ive been with my boyfriend for almo... View more

Hi guys, This is my first time posting but i just need some advice. I don't want to talk to my family/ friends about it as I don't want them to think badly of my relationship or think I'm not happy in it when I am. Ive been with my boyfriend for almost 2 year (1st jan). It started off a casual for about 4 months before it became offical. From then on we were super strong, I felt so loved and cared for, there was constant communication and even though we were both busy with uni and our jobs we always found time to see each other, i felt like he would do anything for me and like the most loved girl in the world. 9 months into our relationship my boyfriend went overseas for uni exchange for 4 months. This was planned before we met and at one point he didn't even want to go but I didn't want to hold him back and I knew it would work out and that we would stay strong. While he was away we decided that I go over and meet him and travel around Europe together for a few weeks. I had the time of my life and fell even more involve with my boyfriend and felt like we were a strong as ever. However as soon as we got back I felt like he was being a little distant. I put it down to him not seeing his family for 6 months and also feeling a bit lost with not having a job or going to uni anymore. 2 weeks after we got back he broke up with me. I was devastated and it came as a complete surprise to me. We didn't talk much during the breakup but did occasionally and after 2 months we got back together. I feel like even though I wanted this more than anything I made it really clear that I only wanted to get back together if this is what he really wanted. and him not just coming back to me because it was easy or a quick fix. We have now been back together for about 8 months and it is good, I just feel like it hasn't gone back to how it was. I am still head over heels in love with him and want to spent as much time with him as possible like i did at the beginning of the relationship however I feel like he doesn't as much. I never used to worry or feel anxious about anything but now I find my self crying over the fear of him breaking up with me again or the fear that he doesn't love me like he used to. I have spoken to him about his and he says he loves me and wants to be with me, its just that other things are his priority now. I know relationships evolve and the honeymoon period ends, I'm just not sure if I should be worried or if I just need to relax and have trust in us.

MissPA1 Husband acting strangely
  • replies: 7

I need some help figuring out if my husband is depressed or just over me. Usually he is quite happy go lucky & nice to me. We have a good relationship. (No kids, married 7 years,together 11, in late 40's. He's a bit possessive but nothing major. Abou... View more

I need some help figuring out if my husband is depressed or just over me. Usually he is quite happy go lucky & nice to me. We have a good relationship. (No kids, married 7 years,together 11, in late 40's. He's a bit possessive but nothing major. About two months ago he became quite fed up. Wouldn't really talk to me, quite rude to me, turning away from me. I had family visit during this time & they noticed the change in him. Over several weeks I tried to talk to him about it, eventually getting fed up with him which led to me withdrawing affection. Two weeks ago I tried to talk again. Said I felt he was down & wanted to help. What ensued was a long argument about how he was fed up with everything, me, his job (we work together we have a small business together) life etc. He gave examples of what was wrong all of which were things I was or wasn't doing for him. Some valid-some not. He said he didn't see the point of us going on as we were so unhappy. I pretty much persuaded him to stay & arranged for him to go away for a week with his brother. He called me during that week quite happy & chatting like nothing had happened so I thought it's going to be okay, we can talk about it and sort it out when he comes back. He came back on Sunday & I decided to clear the air, have a chat about what happened and how we go forward. That did not go well. I got a lot of why are you bringing this up again-you had to go and ruin things. We have done nothing but row since - actually I've sat there crying asking what can I do to fix this-while he has told me how awful our life is &points out the things I do wrong. The reason I am writing in the forum is because in our arguments he has said repeatedly, "I have nothing to look forward to". Which is making me worried that he is depressed. And the things he accuses me of are dumb, like I didn't say goodnight to him and that is typical of how awful I am so he can't see a future for us. We are now barely speaking and I'm not sure what to do. If this is him just wanting out then fine, I'll cope, But first I need to ask - could his behavior be linked to depression/anxiety or is he just being an ass. I don't want this to find later that he was ill & I didn't help him. The obvious questions of course are is there someone else, drugs, etc - I just don't see it because as we work & live together we pretty much always know where the other is. Thanks in advance for any advice offered

Fullsp Married with little to no intimacy.
  • replies: 1

Hello, I've been married for 15 years and with my wife for 17 years. Have 2 children 12 and 14. Nothing too uncommon with that What I have an issue with is the lack of intimacy in my relationship. We don't go to bed together, rarely hold hands or kis... View more

Hello, I've been married for 15 years and with my wife for 17 years. Have 2 children 12 and 14. Nothing too uncommon with that What I have an issue with is the lack of intimacy in my relationship. We don't go to bed together, rarely hold hands or kiss n cuddle. I happen to be a man who likes getting cuddled! And virtually no sex. This has been going on for a few years now and I don't know what to do to change it. I've spoken to my wife about how I feel to have an open discussion with her rather than bottling things up but she uses the classic exuses of being 'too tired' 'stressed with work' or just wants to 'relax'. Lets tackle the tired part first. She stays up every night watching tv for 4 to 5 hours so if she was really ttied then she would come to bed earlier but then she would have to fend off any attempt I might make to cuddle and kiss or instigate intimacy. It is always me who does this and I feel so rejected every time she knocks me back. Work stress. Yes I get that at times too but it doesn't stop me wanting to spend quality time with my wife. Even if it was just to lie in bed and talk that would be an improvement. Desire to relax. Yes I would like that as well. I've said many times to come to bed earlier and we can give each other massages with no strings attached but her desire to relax is just linked to watching tv, window shopping on the iPad and on all her social media sites, Facebook, instgram, twitter etc. The lack of intimacy in the relationship is definitely the elephant in the room with us. She just thinks I'm over reacting and over thinking things. She often refers to me as 'worse than a woman'! Sorry that I'm an emotionally aware male who has feelings!!! Any ideas of how or what I can do to change this situation? I was thinking of couples counseling in the New Year to see if that helps. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

BethOK Coming to the end of a relationship
  • replies: 6

I have been with my partner for 3 years. We have 2 kids. Im 19 and hes 21. Things have been rocky for the last few months, hes suddenly had a change of heart and has told me that hes to young for this kind of commitment. Hes told me he doesnt think h... View more

I have been with my partner for 3 years. We have 2 kids. Im 19 and hes 21. Things have been rocky for the last few months, hes suddenly had a change of heart and has told me that hes to young for this kind of commitment. Hes told me he doesnt think he wants to be in a relationship with me anymore and that he didnt know if he still loves me. I can feel hes being distant and isnt showing much affection or anything. We said we'd give it one more try over the next month to see if anything changes. But i feel like hes already made his decision and that is to end it. I dont know how to come to terms with this. I love him so much and have only ever tried and tried for this to work. The thought of not having him in my life is killing me, its breaking my heart. If this is going to be the end how do i deal with it? How can i make this easier for myself? I need to be strong for the kids but all i want to do is cry. This is someone i thought i would marry, this someone who told me they would never leave me. He says that if we do break up and after a couple of months if we still have feelings for eachother than it might work out then. But to me its like he just wants to have a couple of months where he can go out every weekend and get with other people and then come back to me when hes done and bored. Im not a very strong person when it comes to this kinda of thing, im emotionally and mentally weak because of the love i have for him. I dont want to cry every day and night and i dont want to keep feeling like im never enough and something is wrong with me. Please help? I dont know how i will ever get over something like this

Asha1 From lovers to exes, to best friends, to acquaintances
  • replies: 1

Hey everyone, My best friend and I used to be lovers for a short period of time. 4-ish powerful months. We ended it a year ago for various reasons, despite still being in love with each other. We went back to being very close best friends. We had the... View more

Hey everyone, My best friend and I used to be lovers for a short period of time. 4-ish powerful months. We ended it a year ago for various reasons, despite still being in love with each other. We went back to being very close best friends. We had the same amount of contact as a couple just without the physical contact. It hurt and I was so guttered when we broke up. The reasons are too confusing to explain. For 2-3 months straight I was depressed. I slept all of the time to escape the way I felt inside. It hurt us both but we didn't know how to fix anything. I pulled myself together. She was still in love with me and knowing that eased the pain. We'd somehow found a way to remain best friends through the pain. We were in this stable state for about 5 months. 6 months ago she told me she wasn't in love with me anymore. I was guttered. The pain of the breakup was previously swept under the rug by how much attention we still gave each other. Over time, those 5 months, she was getting over me when all I was doing was fixating on how much she was still in love with me, despite not being together. This is when the heartbreak really started. I've accepted the fact that we will never be that way again - together. But I still feel the same way, just without the expectation of anything. So I've been managing. I knew that if I didn't accept it I would lose her as my best friend altogether. Neither of us wanted that. Over the last 3 months she's been pulling away without realising. She talks less, the conversations are vague. She's been busy but she's always found the time in the past. I know she still cares but the communication is still so poor now. I'm in pain with it because this is all I have left now. My strong friendship with her is all I have left. I don't have any other close friends. She no longer feels the same need to talk to me, as I do her. She seems to be satisfied with conversation of acquaintances. I've asked her about the change and she doesn't know how to explain it. She hasn't meant for it. All she could say was "I don't know what to say. I think I have changed." I miss her. I feel broken. Lonely. I can't handle anymore changes. Instead of running when she told me she wasn't in love anymore, I found a way to cope - and she wanted me to find a way - because we both wanted to remain close best friends. But now I feel like I'm really losing her altogether. I don't know what to do. The thought of my life without her in it feels empty.

sad-artist Boyfriends never home
  • replies: 3

Me and my boyfriend moved in together 3 months ago we've been together for 4 years. He works all day 5 days a week , I work casually at night 3-4 nights. I don't do much during the day I'm an artist I'm 19. So I wait for him to come home. A lot of th... View more

Me and my boyfriend moved in together 3 months ago we've been together for 4 years. He works all day 5 days a week , I work casually at night 3-4 nights. I don't do much during the day I'm an artist I'm 19. So I wait for him to come home. A lot of the time he will go hang with friends or go home to his parents rather than come home to me. And on the weekend we will make plans but he always cancels to hang out with his friends,tells me to pick him up early then tells me he's getting a taxi home and doesn't get home till 3 am. Take this weekend for example. I had work and he told me to pick him up from his friends when I finished but he ended up coming home really late. We were meant to do a day trip on the Saturday but he woke up too late then he had a 50th lunch . And Saturday night he's out with friends again. All the while ignoring my texts and phone calls, never asking me if I wanna go out or hang out with them. I am taken advantage of I'm tired of always being alone waiting for him to come home. Im tired of having other people in his group asking me to go out and him not even thinking of me. I'm sitting here alone in our flat like every other weekend crying watching snapchats of him being out. I'm lonely and I've asked to be included but I dunno maybe he just likes having me stuck in our tiny flat by myself. I'm miserable

jaz83 Brother having serious delusional symptoms - need help on how to assist
  • replies: 2

Hi, My 30 year old brother has been doing odd security jobs and very limited social life (no gf/friends, avoids family). Recently he lost his job and is in financial distress. He seemed depressed and was spending any money he had on alcohold and mari... View more

Hi, My 30 year old brother has been doing odd security jobs and very limited social life (no gf/friends, avoids family). Recently he lost his job and is in financial distress. He seemed depressed and was spending any money he had on alcohold and marijuana. Recently when I push him to clean his act and get a job he has started a new delusion where he says that he is working with CIA under the MKUltra program and is a hot shot secret agent. That everyones life including his is in danger and that he has been spending all this time protecting family. Hence he cant do any other job. This might sound funny but he is dead serious and gets very agitated when I and my sister start poking wholes in his theory and ask him to give evidence. It has now gotten to the point where he starts randomly picking on people on the street and starts acting aggressively towards them sayin that they are involved in mind control and hypnosis and that he needs to protect people. He is unable to function in a normal work environment because I believe he keeps thinking about MKUltra and mind control everytime he is in a social context with people. I dont want to diagnose him but it sounds like he has some sort of schizophrenia where he completely believes his alternate reality. However, any hint of going to see a doctor or psychiatrist takes him into an unhinged rant saying that we are under mind control and that we have no idea how stupid this idea to visit a doctor is when he is out saving the family and the world. Any ideas on what to do in this situation. I wont to reach out to him before it gets worse.

Bell07 Lawyer that has lost her way
  • replies: 3

Hey there, For the past three months I have really been struggling. I have recently moved in with my boyfriend and since then I have become extremely depressed. He is in debt (about 80k) and keeps asking me for money when he is short. When he goes ou... View more

Hey there, For the past three months I have really been struggling. I have recently moved in with my boyfriend and since then I have become extremely depressed. He is in debt (about 80k) and keeps asking me for money when he is short. When he goes out to the shops he will spend money that he can't afford and wastes money on rubbish. Then once he has spent all of his money he makes it my problem to support him because he gets paid monthly. This stresses me out because when he does this I struggle to pay my own bills. He is also really selfish. I feel as though I spend half of my time doing things for him around the house, from cooking, to whatever and he is never grateful. I am a Lawyer and I work long hours so when I get home I feel drained from working and having to attend to him. When I clean up, he leaves things everywhere and even makes out like I am crazy when I ask him to flush the toilet (mind you he is 35). Also, when he is home, he watches copious amounts of TV and is constantly on the internet. I feel so alone even when we are in the house together. When I talk to him about how I feel lonely he manipulates me by telling me that I have mental health issues or that I am 'crazy'. He spends about 8 hours a day on the weekend watching TV and about 4 hours on a weeknight. One day I was sick and I got upset because he didn't offer to take me to the doctors and when I came home I found him in bed playing on his phone. I was upset all day because of this and he says to me, "I know what will make you happy, how about we go out and you buy me a Christmas present" (I was so disgusted). Right now he is in England (despite the financial issues). I tried to end the relationship before he left but he convinced me not to. He said that he would contact me every day but he has not. I don't know what to do. I feel as though this person has taken my light away and that I am slowly dying inside. I tried to quit my job three times last week but my employer did not let me. I just can't deal with the stress and pain that this person causes me. How can I approach this situation? ​