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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Syd74 Where do I start
  • replies: 6

I was 39yrs old when I started my first relationship,first time out of a job in 20yrs & 2yrs into the scariest most evil drug addiction-meth. I'd known this girl for many years & when I was unemployed she gave me money,put food in my fridge, done for... View more

I was 39yrs old when I started my first relationship,first time out of a job in 20yrs & 2yrs into the scariest most evil drug addiction-meth. I'd known this girl for many years & when I was unemployed she gave me money,put food in my fridge, done for me 10 times more than anybody in my life. Apart from my mother who physically worked harder than many men picking pineapples for yrs while me & my brother were just down right terrible fowl mouth menaces, this woman gained my respect & love. But now 3yrs later still smoking that crap my gf is & was battling with depression. I'm struggling with my addiction but it's nothing compared too what my girl is going thru,she is so screwed up its terrible. I'm not goin too give up on her even tho we're not married or have kids but I have tried too forget her but I can't & never will. This girl has had some bad luck but in the last few yrs I see it as "depressions luck"geez she keeps setting herself up for a big fall,it's so infuriating too watch or more so hear what happened after only because I'm not involved. I want too leave this small town which she never left her whole life with her & be nomads around Australia. Is that gonna help I don't no?

BunnyMuffin Dealing with the anger
  • replies: 23

Hi There, My partner & I were together for almost 10 years. Long story short, we met in London, he then moved to Australia to be with me and I (not we or even him...just me) spent the rest of relationship basically dealing with his immigration status... View more

Hi There, My partner & I were together for almost 10 years. Long story short, we met in London, he then moved to Australia to be with me and I (not we or even him...just me) spent the rest of relationship basically dealing with his immigration status. Working holiday visas, defacto visas and finally citizenship. Our physical relationship ended about 3 years ago due to his emotional issues surrounding his relationship with his mother and abuses he suffered as a child/teenager. I wanted to leave him but didn't feel I could due to the fact that he has no one is this country besides myself and my family. I encouraged him to seek help and he finally saw a counselor. After 3 sessions he came home and told me that his counselor thought he had abandonment issues. My reaction was to tell him that I would never leave him. Right after his very next counselling session a month later, he decided to end the relationship. He wanted to remain friends and he wants to remain a part of my family. He told me that he no longer looks at me "like that" and that he has been getting "urges" which I took to mean sexual urges. He also told me that he and his counselor had formed the conclusion that he may never be able to sustain another long term meaningful relationship due to the abuses he suffered. For the last 3 months I have been OK with that until I saw his profile on Tinder. He has also stopped seeing his counselor because they decided that he "no longer needs help and that he seems fine now he has ended the relationship with me". I feel so much anger towards him, my days are full of rage. I don't love him, I don't want to be in a relationship with him but he remains my best friend. I want him to still be my best friend but I can barely look at him let alone be around him. Yet, I miss him when he is gone. I am carrying around so much anger towards him. I feel like my whole life for the past 10 years has been completely consumed by him and his needs and now I have just been thrown away like I am nothing. I feel like everything he said to me during the breakdown of our relationship was a complete lie and I can longer trust him. When I try to tell him how I feel all he can do is focus on how my words hurt him and he can not see things from my point of view. I just want to feel normal again. I have lost so much weight that people comment on it every single day. I feel like I have no one to talk to and I am on the verge of angry tears all the time.

p_lifter Breaking up / depression feelings rising
  • replies: 3

Hey guys, I'm starting to feel really down about myself. I'm finding that I am getting really bored, looking for things to do and just looking to fill the void of a recent partner. I don't really have any friends and I don't talk to people other than... View more

Hey guys, I'm starting to feel really down about myself. I'm finding that I am getting really bored, looking for things to do and just looking to fill the void of a recent partner. I don't really have any friends and I don't talk to people other than my family (my sister and I are really close). I have no issues socially interacting with new people, making friends or catching up with acquaintances, I'm just finding that I have no friends that would do that for me and ask me if I would like to catch up. It's always me making the effort and I never get invited out... so I always feel lonely. I think I've narrowed it down to my ex partner, I'm currently writing this late at night and this would be our time spent together (she was super busy so we would always hang out at night) and now she isn't here I just feel so bored like I mentioned and that I have no purpose to fulfill (we were working towards moving out to the country). I miss her alot and I always want to talk to her but I don't want to invade her bubble since she doesn't want that with me anymore. I guess I'm just struggling coping with the loss of a lover and a best friend again and I'm finding it really hard to keep my mind straight. I think I've annoyed her enough telling her how I feel and what I want from her that I just shouldn't talk to her. I'm a powerlifter so i exercise frequently, I work, I play video games, but nothing is taking my mind off any of it and I just sit there and dwell playing the video game or mid set at the gym. Each day that goes by I'm just getting more and more into a slump and no matter how much i talk about it with my parents or my sister it just feels like it is getting worse and I feel like the more I write the more my tone is changing and I'm really scared of falling back into what I was a couple of years ago when I was really depressed because I had a relationship end the same way and I don't know what to do anymore... to fix these recurring feelings and relationship issues.

changeisneeded dealing with an unmedicated bipolar spouse
  • replies: 11

Hi All I'm new here and would like some advice on how to deal with my partner of 30 years with bipolar. I have BPD but I'm currently on anxiety medication and quite happy to see a therapist again but he wont let me, he's an extremely private person a... View more

Hi All I'm new here and would like some advice on how to deal with my partner of 30 years with bipolar. I have BPD but I'm currently on anxiety medication and quite happy to see a therapist again but he wont let me, he's an extremely private person and because he has been abusive to me I feel he doesnt want that brought up but he says that therapy only feeds the BPD mind and its no good for me - thats another issue. Currently I have an issue where I hit rock bottom, having dramas at home and work. I have no family (disowned them due to childhood abuse) and have found my way out of the darkness and then it starts again. I cant say exactly what was said if he knew I was posting - well he wouldnt be happy about that! Basically things have been good ok for a few weeks and yesterday I stuffed up. I brought up something that he has told me prior not to as it triggers him so I realise it was my fault there. I dont know why I brought it up was just an automatic thing. I apologised as soon as I did it but it just made things worse. Now he is constantly putting words in my mouth saying by what I said means that I hate him etc and I never compliment him on his looks (which is true) and only bring negative things to his attention about him. So now I'm getting a rant of how ugly I am, how fat I am, I must be the fattest person around, anything cutting and cruel he can say. I am handling it better than I used to due to increase in meds probably but I'm worried about going home tonight after work. As I left this morning he was just yelling vile and hurtful things to me - I dont respond at all which is really hard for me with BPD. Sometimes that works for me and sometimes its like he will keep going until he pushes me beyond my limit and I crack and then he will have go off about that. Its like he needs to get it out of his system and I dont know if this is coincidence but it happens monthly. Often I think "wow" is it a full moon and no its always half and it happens at this time every month just about. I dont know if its me as he blames everything on my BPD since I was diagnosed and his issues have faded into the distance and when I do bring them us he gets extremely angry and abusive so I dont bring it up anymore for my own safety basically. I know you will probably say I should leave but I do know that my issues have caused some of this but not all of it. How do you handle someone who is in a rage and doesnt let me walk out the room to calm down?

Sue78 Marriage issues in first year of marriage what do I do?
  • replies: 7

We have been together for over 3 years...2.5 years of absolute bliss later we got married in January this year. In April problems started from what seemed like a very harmless argument. It got to a point where he started to backchat about me with his... View more

We have been together for over 3 years...2.5 years of absolute bliss later we got married in January this year. In April problems started from what seemed like a very harmless argument. It got to a point where he started to backchat about me with his friends, yell at me to get out of the house during arguments and abandoning me when I'd get ill. I started getting anxiety attacks and while he was supportive then..he also started relating it to complete madness since my father has BPD. His mother kept inviting him but left me out. His father tried to be supportive but he was told off. My mother lives overseas and she tried to reason with him he would not listen. He started taking advise from 3 very toxic women and one of them kept egging him to divorce me. The other called me a 'bat shit crazy jealous woman'. And the 3rd told him not to have kids with me cos they would turn out 'just like' me. He lapped these things up. Where I was his best friend and confidante, I became the butt of all jokes. Since my efforts to chat were not working, we started counselling. It kind of worked. We went to our honeymoon in June and once we got back we seemed to get back to normalcy finally. A couple of months were fine. Then troubles started again. This past 1.5 months he has pulled out of interstate weddings and other social plans. He stays out really late...working 7 days on his business and refuses to find any..and I mean any...time for me. He openly now talks ill of me. His mother has openly said she wants me gone. He refuses to go to counselling now. He is a stranger and I don't know what to do. I have now been diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression. I have just started a course of anti depressants. I am wondering if anyone has anything that would help me make sense of this situation. I have pushed his buttons too....but while I am objective re advise I receive, he is too influenced by his controlling passive aggressive mother and toxic, dysfunctional friends. I feel locked out....I just want the man I knew to return. He has acknowledged that his stress levels are a 9/10 and his anxiety is through the roof. What can I do? Is there any hope?

Proper_Etiquette Coping with loss of wife and kids
  • replies: 6

Hi, this is my first time on here and I think I just needed to express all this. I have 3 kids. The eldest 12yo boy isn't biologically mine but I have always treated him like my own son as I have been with him since he was 2. I also have an 8yo daugh... View more

Hi, this is my first time on here and I think I just needed to express all this. I have 3 kids. The eldest 12yo boy isn't biologically mine but I have always treated him like my own son as I have been with him since he was 2. I also have an 8yo daughter and 2yo son. In January 2015 my wife told me she wanted a divorce. I had been struggling with anxiety at work and had been distant. It was also my birthday that day. She and the kids left a few weeks later, moving a half hour away. I struggled to talk to my kids on the phone and see them due to the fact I was so crushed. I worked hard on this and after a couple of months I was seeing the kids at least a couple of days a week and (I think) being a good dad. We agreed I would pay for full time child support for the 2 children that are biologically mine, even though I was financially supporting them when I had them. It worked out to be more than if I paid for all three if I declared when I had them. She was initially happy about this arrangement. I waited for a year before deciding to date again, I had been trying to get back with the ex but even when I did I still had that hope in the back of my mind that someday our family would be whole again. As soon as she found out I was dating someone, she immediately started going out with the only non work friend I had made since living in QLD. A few weeks ago she decided I wasn't giving her enough money for child support so threatens me that she will keep the kids from me if I didn't start paying child support for all 3 kids, at full time custody rates. I refused; I have been giving her extra money the whole time whenever she needs it to the tune of at least 2-3 thousand dollars over the last year. I can't even afford to fix the broken windscreen on my car even though I earn plenty. Because of this, she now has made plans (without mine OR my children's consent) to relocate back to NSW. I can't take holidays that often and can't afford to travel that far numerous times a year. By my calculation I'd probably only see them once a year. So the kids think I don't want to see them which is untrue. She has taken all my money so I can't even afford a lawyer. My kids were the only thing keeping me going after the divorce. I feel like my toddler is going to forget who I am. I feel so hopeless right now. I have no support up here, no family and the only friends I have are colleagues (a very boys club environment). It feels like I am just keeping my head above water.

Horus Dating a man that seems to suffer from depression and is distant
  • replies: 6

Hi, i have been dating a man for a few months and though a little aloof had a great connection and were texting at least every 2 to 3 days and going out once or twice a week. After a couple of work trips overseas and a prolonged flue or cold and a fe... View more

Hi, i have been dating a man for a few months and though a little aloof had a great connection and were texting at least every 2 to 3 days and going out once or twice a week. After a couple of work trips overseas and a prolonged flue or cold and a few issues at work he just changed. He started not wanting to spend time because he was not coping with all the issues that were happening especially the stress and his health. We have been seen less and less of each other and the texts were becoming less frequent. No future plans have taken place, anyways we had a special event that happened and he come and did it but was exhausted and left soon after it. He does not feel like kissing or spending time with anyone- me , his friends or family. I have been supportive but really only send photos and say hi, he texts back but seems distant. I have asked if he was avoiding me - he responded no- just not in a good place . He supposed to come to my birthday but may not make it because of a meeting, he said we could have coffee the following day if he can't make it. My question- is he just suffering from depression or trying to just move away but due to not wanting a conflict due to his depression?

SubduedBlues Thanksgiving this month and a Silent Christmas next :]
  • replies: 9

I have always looked forward to November as it brings out the best in people and being American we have always celebrated Thanksgiving, even in Australia. Thanksgiving is celebrated in both Canada and the US as a holiday dedicated to being with famil... View more

I have always looked forward to November as it brings out the best in people and being American we have always celebrated Thanksgiving, even in Australia. Thanksgiving is celebrated in both Canada and the US as a holiday dedicated to being with family and friends to give thanks for all of the blessings received throughout the preceding year. I find it more cheerful than christmas as people are all happy and looking forward to the winter solstice and yuletide traditions; whatever your faith may be. It's also one of the few times a year that I can openly show my native heritage without fear of being shunned (the avatar I use is my name in Ojibwe). I got the three kids and their partners coming here for T'giving. Got me a big ol' turkey, a pig, squash, yams, johnnycake, and all the trimmings. already baked pumpkin pies and a banana creme pie. (American pies are much better than those here, we use fruit not meat). I do miss the pheasant, caribou and rattlesnake though. Come christmastime and everything changes ... it is by far the quickest holiday celebration of the year. From the time the kids drag the oldfolks out of bed, run down to the tree and start ripping open presents. Where's mine? Give me a present? What did you get me? Why does he have more presents than me? and ... It's the wrong color. It's too big, it's too small, it's too ... /different/ or I already have one of those. or that's not what I wanted. And all the joy and merry making leading up to the big day is gone in a flash. By 9am christmas is over and it's a long boring day of everything closed... sitting cooped up in the house quickly becomes: sit down, be quiet, don't hit your sister, pick up your toys, and pieces being hauled out with the trash. Then comes why haven't you done this that or the other. The constant bickering and utter disappointments. This year, three of my (adult) children will be spending the hol's with their mother interstate; the other will be with her grandma in Oklahoma. I get to sleep in until the afternoon and spend the hols fixing the stuff that can't be done when their here ... re-oiling the staircase, re-sealing the slate floors. It's going to be the first nice quiet holiday I've had in 25 years. Can hardly wait. I'll avail myself to care for those who come to BB during what is allegedly the loneliest time of the year. Some people don't like the solitude the way I do; I use it to recharge. But I'll be about to lend a hand ... if anyone might need it. SB

Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

Ricardo2 how do i get help
  • replies: 13

I have been married for almost 20 years and have 3 beautiful kids. in the past few months i have had a bad run with work and i have been feeling down. i think it is depression but am not sure. i do not feel like doing anything with my wife and do not... View more

I have been married for almost 20 years and have 3 beautiful kids. in the past few months i have had a bad run with work and i have been feeling down. i think it is depression but am not sure. i do not feel like doing anything with my wife and do not have any intimacy feelings and it is is effecting our marriage. i have no idea why i do not feel like it any more. and i have always been a person that bottles up my feelings. i do not think that i have a good father son relationship with my 15 year old. As i do not feel comfortable talking openly with him, as my parents never talk to us when we were growing up. my wife has complained about the a number of times too. But i find that the kids here are more advanced an knowledgable that i was when i was his age. as i grew up over seas. i do not want my marriage to end as i think we have a lot to offer the kids together as mum and dad than a broken family where do i get help from