Heartbroken by same Libra man twice
Hi everyone. How do I get over a second rejection from a man I've been in love with for 15 years? 15 years ago he was seperated from his wife, we were passionately involved, and he asked me to marry him. I was so excited. But, he couldn't go through with it and went back to his wife for the sake of his son. Fast forward to the last year - he is now divorced. I went crazy, thinking I could rekindle our love and pick up where we left off, and although he still has feelings for me, he doesn't want a relationship. And he says he has feelings for a number of others. We have been intimate again and I thought this was the start, but when I asked if there was a future for us, he shut me down. I'm devastated all over again.
How do I move on and stop thinking about him every minute of the day? How do I accept that we will never be together?
Hi Jilted. Unfortunately, if he doesn't want to commit, there isn't much you can do. He sounds as though he doesn't want a relationship anyway. If he is 'playing the field' as the saying goes, you are wasting precious time trying to get a commitment. You can't force someone to love you when they obviously don't want to be that committed. The longer you try to 'force' yourself on someone who doesn't want you in the same way, the more hurt you're going to be. You're going to have to accept he isn't the one for you and try to move on with your life. I hear your pain, but I also know you're going to get more hurt by persisting. I'm sorry you are hurting, I actually understand more than you realize. He may eventually come back when he wants to settle, but for now you need to accept he doesn't want a relationship and move on.
I'm so sorry that so much of your life has revolved around a man so unworthy of your love. Dear one he has been clear please don't punish yourself any longer, you deserve so much more. While you hold on to any thought that this may happen one day you stop other lovely relationships coming forward. How could you ever trust a word this man says to you. His history shows you how little he really cares for the people, he doesn't its all about him. He did a good job of stringing you and others along. Don't spend to much more time this master manipulator he doesn't deserve your thoughts or care.
This place you are at is just awful, grief for things planned, loved and memories.
What if instead of concentrating on what is lost you write a couple of lists? Firstly write down all the things you don't / didn't like about him. Secondly write about what you can now do happily with your life free of his disruptive and selfish influence. Just a thought...
This is just moment in time. You will get there, every day will get a little better then one day you'll realise you haven't thought about him for ages. What do you do that makes you happy? Read, see a movie, talk to friends, do it all. Keep reaching out, come back and chat anytime, there are a lot of people on here who have shared your experience and will be happy to chat.
Here's a warm hug.
Thank you so much - everything you say makes sense about him being selfish and stringing people on. I needed that fresh perspective because I only see him as wonderful and now unattainable - and I feel not good enough for him now. But I also think he's missing out on someone that could have been fun and loving in a way that he hasn't had before.
I'm trying no contact and failing miserably, but I guess I will get better if I distract myself.
You are also right that I will hurt as long as I persist. I'm trying to be just friends, but I think that I will hurt whenever I hear how great he's doing, and how many friends he has and I'm not part of any of it.
Thanks again - you have helped me a lot today.
Hello again Jilted,
Thank you for the feedback.
I so know how hard this is, been there. No dear one he doesn't deserve you. You are a wonderful, intelligent woman who deserves a fulfilling loyal partner to build a happy life with.
With this man you would never truly be at ease. Relationships have to be based on respect and trust, neither would seem to be possible with this man. He is not able to be a friend, don't try. I get it, we all do it... it doesn't work. It's a sad trap to fall for. He has proven over along period of time that he is not worth your time, don't waste anymore of your life on this one.
What friends? Really you believe that he has true friends? He may be able to fool some of the people some of the time, but, you know him better than that don't you?
Block his number, delete his contact details from everywhere, do whatever it takes, cancel your Facebook page. Be brutal, be clear, you are a strong amazing woman that deserves so much more than to be treated with such disrespect. Don't be sad get angry at this man that treated you so poorly.
You will feel better and you can do this every baby step helps.
Hi Jilted. Unfortunately, you can't be friends with someone like him. He won't appreciate your genuine friendship because he is false. No matter what you may think, that he has many friends, even lovers etc. I doubt very much he has anything like that as he would have to be prepared to give in order to receive. Friendship/relationships are two-way streets. He is definitely one way - his way. Wednesday gave you some valuable feedback re: fb, and deleting any details of him. In time you will meet someone who will treat you with 100% love and respect. Settle for nothing less. Friendships are true and unconditional, as is love.
Hi Jilted. You're missing his company, so putting up with his fly-by-night attitude is better than being without him. Do you really want to continue being hurt by him, he is not capable of being what you want. His feelings centre on his own happiness. He is only interested in the next conquest. Once he has what he wants from the next girl he meets, he will soon tire and move on. Sorry to be so blunt, but you never were exclusively 'his', he was never 'yours' either. You deserve better, please forget him and don't worry about him. I hear the pain and sadness, but to pursue him means more of this.
It takes time to get over a relationship, you're hurting, your self esteem is low and your emotions are raw.
This a man has has let you down constantly for a long time. Don't do this to yourself he is playing a nasty game with you. In a sense you have been in an abusive relationship and have learnt to behave in accordance. Its okay we all fall in traps, but its good to see things from another perspective. Can you see the abusive pattern in your relationship the good times followed by the bad times, followed by the honeymoon period, and repeat?
How about writing that list I mentioned of all the things that you didn't like about him and/or your relationship. e.g not having a committed relationship, his lies, his narcism and so on?
Age is just a number at 46 you have a long life left, please don't allow this man to continue to treat this way, you are worth so much more. Once you put him out of your life you will have space to find a lovely new relationship with someone that you deserve and who deserves you.
You can do this, every baby step helps.