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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Ren88 I need a reality check!
  • replies: 2

Hey guys this is pretty random and may seem silly but I really wanted to get some insight on this situation as it's been an issue for quite some time and gives me anxiety !! I'll try keep it short. i married a man from a different religion and my mot... View more

Hey guys this is pretty random and may seem silly but I really wanted to get some insight on this situation as it's been an issue for quite some time and gives me anxiety !! I'll try keep it short. i married a man from a different religion and my mother was never happy about it so I played down how much he was really into his religion and so on like it wasn't an issue they've clashed in the past about this religion issue and it ended up in my husband hating on my mum for a long time because she gave him a piece of her mind on his beliefs which she definitely shouldn't have done. Anyway since then I've tried keeping them away from each other and get so nervous if anything to do with religion comes up. Anyway my husband has something at home which represents his belief and I've actually gone to the extent of not letting my family come over because I don't want them to see ! It's crazy right? Anyway today she came and went to the room and i think she saw it and I know it seems so stupid and I feel stupid saying this but it actually is making me so anxious! Someone tell me how silly I am and give me some balls!

Elizabeth CP Dealing with friends & loved ones when they do or say hurtful or unhelpful things
  • replies: 13

This thread is about dealing with those situations when friends or familydo or say something which triggers negative reactions in us. This is not about dealing with bullies, abusers or other toxic people. With toxic people we need to stay away so it ... View more

This thread is about dealing with those situations when friends or familydo or say something which triggers negative reactions in us. This is not about dealing with bullies, abusers or other toxic people. With toxic people we need to stay away so it is a different situation. My example: Yesterday we were discussing a proposed camping hiking trip. My husband suggested we get up early & head off on the hike by 7am & implied this would be a good time to set off each day. This comment set off a very negative reaction. I replied that he was being very unfair as it was putting too much pressure on me. Even worse was the internal dialogue feeling I was failing in meeting my husband's wishes and feeling useless because I knew I wouldn't cope with the pressure. When we were younger & both fit & well holidays were crammed to get the maximum out of each day. Now I am left doing all the planning, driving, navigating, packing, cooking cleaning & watching out for my husband to ensure his safety as he is blind & has other serious health issues. He wants to do as much as possible before he gets worse & can't get out. Having to do everything means I get tired & I can't afford to push myself too far otherwise I will fall in a heap. My question is what are some strategies to cope with those situations like this one were a loved one says something which really upsets you even though they didn't mean to. Perhaps others could share their situations so we can learn from each others ideas

Olive912 Broken
  • replies: 6

Hi everyone I have been happily married for 2 years well that's what I thought I found out yesterday that my husband was on a adult dating site and was talking to others he swears it was only talking. He has depression and says he did it to feel vali... View more

Hi everyone I have been happily married for 2 years well that's what I thought I found out yesterday that my husband was on a adult dating site and was talking to others he swears it was only talking. He has depression and says he did it to feel validated by someone other then me that he just wanted to chat to people that don't know him. He said it started a few months after our wedding as he was scared that I would leave him eventually because of his depression. There was no meet ups just online chat. I however feel broken like our marriage meant nothing I feel cheated and angry. We have booked into marriage counselling but I just feel like I can forgive this and work it out. Does anyone have any advise for me

Andy21 Relationship With Overseas Girlfriend - Is it worth it?
  • replies: 5

hi guys. So a little bit of background. I'm Australian, my girlfriend is Canadian. We met overseas a few years ago when travelling separately and became good friends. She came to Oz for a working holiday and during this time our relationship develope... View more

hi guys. So a little bit of background. I'm Australian, my girlfriend is Canadian. We met overseas a few years ago when travelling separately and became good friends. She came to Oz for a working holiday and during this time our relationship developed. We're a couple now, living together and have the same bank account (for renting reasons). Anyway, she has been struggling bad here. She has a job she doesn't like, as well as she's struggling to make new friends. She admits to "not being herself" and is getting depressed. I feel guilty as all hell because she made it clear she's staying cause of me. I have tried to make it better with her, but she keep freaking out (every fortnight or so) and constantly picks on new things (mentioning she wants kids in 5 years, when she previously disliked the notion of kids, worried about visa rules with us, struggling to get over a female friend I have who I have purely platonic relationship I have). When I speak to her to reassure her that everything will be okay, she calms down, gets jolly again. And the cycle repeats. She will be going back to uni in Canada at the end of the year and I have elected to go with her, as I'm at the stage of my life where I am over my job, need new experiences and so forth. So I have told her so, but she still freaks out. I have told her before to go home if she doesn't feel right, as I understand where she is coming from. But she changes her mind and decides to stay because of her love for me. So I'm stuck on what to do. And it is starting to bear down on me. I'm beginning to feel if it all worth it. I really do love her and I'm over the mood when I'm around her, but I don't know what to do when she breaks down all the time and freaks. Any help would be great guys!

ifallintofantasy Relashionships
  • replies: 4

Dose anyone have advice on handing family, i have depression. my relationship with them has been strained.

Dose anyone have advice on handing family, i have depression. my relationship with them has been strained.

Boo1986 The end of a relationship is always hard, but I have lost all hope.
  • replies: 74

Hi everyone, I suffer from Depression and Anxiety, I take my medication and see my psychologist at least once a month. I try to eat right and exercise, and catch up with friends whenever I have the energy. I have my beautiful rescue dog to keep me co... View more

Hi everyone, I suffer from Depression and Anxiety, I take my medication and see my psychologist at least once a month. I try to eat right and exercise, and catch up with friends whenever I have the energy. I have my beautiful rescue dog to keep me company and encourage me to keep active. I really try to battle against this problem, but it seems the harder I try, the more it ends up hurting. I recently put myself out there on a dating website and got to know some wonderful people. There was one I was particularly interested in and we started dating. Everything was going so well and I felt so happy for once. Yesterday he broke up with me. I am shattered. It took so much courage for me to sign up for online dating and to let him in. I guess I just want to hear from others that there is hope, that love exists. I would really love to hear from people that have had positive experiences and can help me fight my demons. The depression tells me to give up, that it's not worth it, that it's better just to be alone than risk getting hurt. Usually I can try to control my thoughts and not let the depression take hold but I am really struggling right now. I'd really love some positive words to try to push back all the negatives in my mind. I just can't see the positives right now. Any help would really be appreciated.

Bookworm_Betty Pregnant, depressed and hating my mother-in-law
  • replies: 7

Hi I'm new here. I'm currently suffering perinatal depression and am feeling worse than normal today thanks to my mother-in-law. Unfortunately, she lives with us (granny flat out the back) and is a drinker. She's pretty unpleasant most of the time, b... View more

Hi I'm new here. I'm currently suffering perinatal depression and am feeling worse than normal today thanks to my mother-in-law. Unfortunately, she lives with us (granny flat out the back) and is a drinker. She's pretty unpleasant most of the time, but is particularly bad when drunk. Yesterday, my three year old and I were outside painting. My daughter's hands were covered in paint, so I told her she needed to wash her hands with the hose before going inside. She ignored me and started going inside so I yelled her name. Obviously, the mother-in-law heard this, so she wandered out and decided to get involved. As my husband was bringing my daughter back outside to wash her hands, my mother-in-law screeched at my daughter "You bloody well do what you're told!". My husband told her to back off and so she screeched at him that he is too soft on our daughter. My husband told her to go away, and she responded with the famous "Well, I live here too!", to which he replied "That doesn't mean you have to get involved in our parenting". She then yelled at him that our daughter was a disobedient child. A very similar situation occurred again this afternoon, with her barking at our daughter, telling her what to do, and when my husband told her to leave us alone, she just continued to argue. The whole situation has left me feeling very miserable. I have started thinking about leaving my husband just so I can get away from my mother-in-law. I Feel so trapped though, because we have our three-year-old daughter together and I am also currently 7 months pregnant, so if I left, I don't know how I could survive financially. I feel like we can't even use the backyard to play in etc. because she is out there and hears everything we do. It has also gotten to the point where, if my daughter is throwing a tantrum at the the back of the house, I try to move her to the front so my judgemental mother-in-law doesn't hear and feel she has the right to get involved. I simply don't know what to do. Whenever I have tried to speak up for myself and be assertive towards her, it has caused even more problems because she then spends weeks sulking and manages to have some kind of effect on my husband so that he expects me to apologise. I am at my wits end

nic15 Can't keep going like this
  • replies: 1

Hi, I'm posting this as I'm not sure I can keep going the way I am at present. My partner had an acute depressive/psychotic depressive episode last year and was hospitalised twice within 3 months. We spent a lot of time apart while he was getting tre... View more

Hi, I'm posting this as I'm not sure I can keep going the way I am at present. My partner had an acute depressive/psychotic depressive episode last year and was hospitalised twice within 3 months. We spent a lot of time apart while he was getting treatment with specialists and I looked after my son by myself for about 3 months. TO say the last 8 months or so have been the hardest of my life is an understatement. however, we're here on the other side and things are getting better. Only I feel like they aren't. I wake up every morning feeling seriously unhappy - I don't want to go to work, I'm horrible when I'm at work and I am constantly overly emotional with my toddler which upsets me even more. He is going through the terrible twos and constantly wines. I am trying so hard to be patient however, with the way I'm feeling at present, my patience runs out very quickly. I know I"m not the only one but I hate the way I behave towards him. I used to be such a happy person before this all happened. I haven't been intimate with my partner since July last year and before that, it was pretty sporadic. We were very happy but we've grown apart. I can't put my finger on it. I just feel so disillusioned with everything at the moment. I just don't want to wake up angry anymore and want to feel like myself again. I constantly feel as though something bad is going to happen and that I'm not doing enough. I used to have so much motivation but lately it's all gone. I don't know whether it's to do with my relationship with my partner, or myself may be a bit of both. Any advice would be appreciated. Cheers

PunksInTheGym 5 years on from a break-up and still unable to move on
  • replies: 2

In 2012 I met a lovely young lady who became the centre of my universe (admittedly a bad move) but I thought finally that I had met someone to settle down with. I had been through numerous relationships prior and was about ready to give up. Ever sinc... View more

In 2012 I met a lovely young lady who became the centre of my universe (admittedly a bad move) but I thought finally that I had met someone to settle down with. I had been through numerous relationships prior and was about ready to give up. Ever since this one failed, I have virtually done just that. We were only together for around four months. What made this one so hard in the end was distance, but I never did get a rock solid reason for her leaving me. We had an arrangement where she purchased me an E-tag for my car, so I didn't have to worry about buying a citylink pass all the time to go see her. I wasn't overly comfortable with the idea, so I made sure I spoilt her and treated her well in return for this gesture. I was working full time, and she was also, so one day/night a week was the normal catch up for us. In the end her break-up method was to come to my house and collect this e-tag. We said I love you to each other, but we could see it in each other's faces that things were not going to end well. I didn't even get through the cuddle and goodbye,drive safe before I totally lost it. Following this break-up I took to the bottle,marijuana, and shortly after had lung surgery to correct a collapsed lung I later suffered at work. Both my dogs also passed away shortly after. I've put myself through the ringer playing the blame game. And after the initial anger towards her (which I did not channel her way,but bottled) I began to really take it out on myself. After being made redundant from work I spiralled into an abyss. And only in the last 12 months have I really gained any ground, mentally and physically. I am a keen rock climber/mountaineer. I used this as my escape also and to a degree it worked. But I still have her in my thoughts, dreams and so on. She has a partner now whom she moved in with maybe a year after we broke up, but I have not done anything since but climb. Or go fishing. And most of these things have been on my own. When I go into the mountains I pick the worst days and make myself suffer deliberately. I break down sometimes out there,but quite often it happens at home randomly. Then I have to hide it. I can't contact her as doing so only made things worse, and she has clearly moved on with her life after 5 years without me. At the moment I feel as though I am at a crossroads. Do something about it now, or self destruct. Apologies for ranting, but I guess that is why we are all here. To talk about it.

usedshed Australian citizen married a 457 Visa, Centrelink rights denied!
  • replies: 7

Hello to everyone, I've been diagnosed with PTSD due to past toxic workplace bullying and harassment and I'm receiving Disability Pension support, long story. I recently married a foreigner woman with a 5 years old baby who are on a 457 Visa. We went... View more

Hello to everyone, I've been diagnosed with PTSD due to past toxic workplace bullying and harassment and I'm receiving Disability Pension support, long story. I recently married a foreigner woman with a 5 years old baby who are on a 457 Visa. We went several times to Centrelink to update the new family status, the staff automatically reduced my fortnight payment because they said now I'm married without even seeing my wife's pay slips, they also denied us any family, child and tax benefits. Something I want to ask (probably stupid) is, are we both eligible to receive DSP payments as a couple? I do understand that my wife and baby are on a 457 Visa and so there are some restrictions but my DSP was reduced due that now I'm married plus my family and tax allowances are being denied so what about my Rights as an Australian citizen? I feel like a foreigner in my country, what is your opinion/ knowledge regarding this racist and confusing (toward me) Immigration rules? Why I've a family but I may not access to my Rights? Should I still be proud of being Australian? Can anyone please give me some directions?

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