FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Announcement Icon
You can win one of three $200 gift cards. Complete our survey by 5pm, 30 June 2024 AEST to enter the draw. Your response will be anonymous so you can't be identified.

Mental health at rock bottom, how to address falling out with only close friends now?

NotRealNameOfCourse
Community Member

I guess I'll start with a bit of a backstory on myself to set the picture:
I'm at an all time low right now, on the verge of just giving up after gritting my teeth for years. Have had PTSD since I was a child (27 now), but only recently diagnosed as such (always been depression/anxiety diagnosis). None of the 10+ anti-depressants I've been put on have had any real effect, so am now on a ketamine trial. Doesn't seem to be helping but haven't started a consistent daily dose yet either.

The scenario:
Broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years last June, but stayed living together with her and her sister. We stayed close friends, despite her emotional abuse and manipulation tactics during the relationship. However in February, the sister went on holiday to their home country, and during that time my ex girlfriend started acting really cold and would leave the house for 5~ hours after work each day. Used to be really warm and touchy (pinching, playful wrestling etc). I just assumed she had a new bf and was too shy or didn't want to hurt me to tell me about it.

Sister returns about 3 weeks ago. She too is now cold despite having the same close friendship up until that point. I make a joke, literally word for word the same sort of "shit-giving" joke we have had back and forth in the past. She instantly became angry and resentful over it, then started ignoring me for a week. After that week the same thing happened again on Friday with a different joke (an even lighter one, that again, we had used in the past), and her sister followed suit with the ignoring.

I have no idea why they have both become cold and overly-sensitive all of a sudden. There was no changes in my behaviour, no changes in medication (wasn't even on anything at the time, and ketamine trial hadn't started yet), but they insisted I changed and those jokes were "not funny" and never had been said before. They have now deleted me on Facebook and had their family delete me as well. I had a good relationship with their brother-in-law, but he also removed me. They told me we are not friends anymore and that they want to buy me out of the house so I can disappear from their lives.

The problem:
It's driving me insane not understanding why this has changed. I can't think of any rational reason for this 180 reversal in relationship other than they want to distance me to bring a new bf into their family? They were my only 2 friends, so now I just have ketamine to help me forget my life. What is this?

7 Replies 7

blondguy
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi NMRN

Welcome and good on you for having the strength to post too!

Please dont beat yourself up if people disappear as friends. Ive had mental illness for 35 years and take my meds and have regular therapy to work with the meds. I understand the pain you are going through

I also found myself 'losing' friends but I myself didnt over magnify the reasons why. Facebook can be a minefield of a place if a person has anxiety/depression as its not a supportive environment. When my anxiety was chronic I couldnt stand getting dumped as someones friend..It really hurt as our self esteem is already low because of the depression/anxiety.

Can I ask how your counseling went the last few years? I saw a psychiatric nurse who insisted I see him every week for six months....He gave me most of my life back. I still take a basic AD just as platform on which I can heal further with ongoing counseling.

The meds are never a fix all. They just let us function and heal better using a therapist (frequently)

I really feel your pain. There are many kind people on the forums that can be here for you 🙂

Please let us know how you go

my kind thoughts

Paul

Doolhof
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi NRNC,

Sounds like you are in a bit of an awkward and unfortunate situation. Have you tried talking to the sisters about why everything has been turned around so much? Is it possible to ask for a meaningful chat with them both to sort this out or at least so you can have some answers.

If you were to leave, do you have somewhere you can go? Would it be possible for you to afford another place and to start again with new house mates?

Relationships are never easy. It is a shame everything has turned on its head so to speak.

Hopefully you will be told what the problem is so you know where you stand and why.

From Dools

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hello NRNOC, it's a shame that it has led to a situation which has now become awkward for you, but as you have a share in the house then you can decide whether or not you want to sell, or perhaps you could buy them out, but I'm not sure that's what they want.
R/ships change over time as we decide that it's time to move on, we can't stop that from happening, we mature, and our needs change which could be quite different to how your partner feels, however when it does happen it's a shock to one of you who still believes that you could work out any problems, but it can be a big ask, because it means that you both have to change, but this virtually impossible.
I don't think that it would be a good for the two of you to live under the same roof, so problem after problem will occur with too many arguments, which may draw her family in, so either you sell, she sells or you get a border in.
From reading your post it does seem as though there could be another b/friend, and to try and remain intimate partners won't work, she has now moved on so you need to decide what you want to do. Geoff.

Thank you Paul, appreciate your response. I've never had any luck with therapy unfortunately, the first lady I saw came across as if she was treating me as a 10 year old child (when I was 18 at the time) which made me too uncomfortable to even consider opening up to her.

Second one I saw opened with the line "You're probably wondering why I charge so much right? It's because if I don't you people wouldn't appreciate the the time spent here so it helps you if I charge more". I didn't go back to him.

Third one was good, but it was a one-off evaluation I had to undertake to be enrolled into a drug trial. She treated me normally, didn't judge etc. But I wouldn't be able to afford to keep seeing her outside of that evaluation.

Fourth (and current) is strange. He comes across as if he is constantly testing me "So anything in particular you'd like me to prescribe for you?", I don't feel as if any progress will be made, but the drug trial is his so I have to stick with him.

Thank you Dools. I've tried asking, but it always comes back to the "you changed, not us" line as the reason. I might be depressed but I know I'm not crazy, my personality is the same as it always has been! Unfortunately both of the sisters are heavily on the emotional/illogical side when it comes to any discussion, they will refute anything regardless of the logic or reasoning you present with it.

They have offered to buy me out of the house I bought with the ex (still under mortgage). The amount they offered is in their favour obviously by about 5 - 10k give or take. I've accepted it just to get free, but they won't have the money ready for another 6 - 8 weeks.

I can handle the break-up, as much as it pains me knowing she is with other men now, but what I can't handle is the sudden loss of friendship with her entire family after an "amicable break-up" where we had originally remained in good terms. It's driving me crazy not knowing why they both suddenly decided that they need to kick me out of their lives and try to make me look like the crazy one in doing so. I can't comprehend why their personalities did a sudden 180 and now years of friendships are lost with no change on my side.

Hi Geoff, thanks for being frank. They have agreed to buy me out after I refused to help them sell the house. I wasn't trying to maintain an intimate relationship, we had remained friends for about 9 months prior (when we broke up June 2016 till know) to this sudden loss of friendship.

Up until this point everything almost felt the same except the intimacy was gone. We were still making jokes, having meals together, watching TV shows together etc, everything was the same except no kissing or sex. Which come to think of it was most days of the last year of the relationship anyway... Then it all suddenly stopped out of nowhere. No more playful jokes or bumping into each-other, no more eating out together, no more being in the same room as me. That is the part that is keeping me up at night trying to figure out why everything went from pleasant to being strangers.

hello NRNOC, I can really relate to the loss of being in contact with the rest of her family, because when my wife divorced me then all my connections with her brother ( one of two) and her sister and fmily who we always looked after as they grew up suddenly stopped, but we all got on so well with laughs good times etc just stopped, and then I was to be replaced by my ex's partner who was older and had everything that my wife hated in me, could never understand why this happened.
My in laws were great people to associate with, bar one brother in law, and at a funeral they were so pleased to see me.
This was so upsetting although I know I could have still kept in touch with them but thought that it wouldn't be appropriate.
I still see my ex and nothing has changed between us but we could never live with each other again.
It's going to take you awhile to get back to how you were and feel, but if someone else just comes by then it will all be forgotten, but I feel for you so much and understand all the pain you are suffering from. Geoff.