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Pregnant and lost.

Community Member
I googled mental health support and this came up so I though, I've nothing to lose by reaching out. I am 6 months pregnant with my first child and am caught in a very unhealthy cycle of dishonesty and manipulation with the father of my baby. Telling me he wants to be a family and will tell his ex partner that it's over between them, but the day never comes. He has a son with her too and I understand the connection they have and him struggling to let go, but it has been ongoing for too long and has beaten me down to an unrecognisable mental health level. A level that frightens me. I understand a lot of people will have judgement and opinions of "just leave him, he sounds like a drop kick" but I really am struggling on how to do that. I don't want my son growing up with a role model relationship like this, but I also want my family together and don't actually know how to let go, which might sound silly. I suppose I am sharing this because I don't know what to do, how to do it. I'm looking for support, or people with similar stories. Any kind of help I would be really grateful for.
2 Replies 2

Community Member
Melly you say "unhealthy cycle of dishonesty and manipulation" so you are aware of what you are dealing with. This man has got you pregnant while still in a relationship, with another woman who has a child by him. He obviously knows the facts of life, yet he did not care enough to protect you from pregnancy with the social & economical risk of having a baby alone and unmarried. How will you support yourself and the baby? Who will pay the rent and bills while you are giving birth and settling into life with a newborn baby afterwards? Who minds the baby while you go back to work? Or do you go on the Sole Parent Pension 30% below the poverty level? These are cold hard facts of life that face a woman raising a child alone. I know because I raised all my children alone due to unfaithful abusive husband who had no sense of responsibility. You know in your heart that a man who will cheat on his partner and risk losing his relationship WHICH INCLUDES HIS CHILD...IS A BIG RISK. Will he do the same again, cheating on you? YOU BET! You obviously have doubts or you would not have written in for advice, Critical thinking (ability to make decisions) can often be hard if we lack confidence in ourself. This guy is not helping you, because he is not giving you what you need in a relationship. RESPECT, trust, honesty, monogamy, stability, a future. Talk is cheap, judge a tree by it's fruit, actions speak louder than words. Don't spend years hurting and hoping that he will change. I tired that, I tried to be a loving forgiving wife over and over again, and make the relationship work, but all you get from an irresponsible and deceitful man is more deceit and more heartache.

Stay strong, look after yourself and your baby. All the best for the future.

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Melly,

Congratulations, I am also pregnant at the moment (3 weeks to go). I have had a similar experience with a blended family and step children and I personally think it is one of the hardest parts of navigating through modern relationships, it can be really complex and emotional but also extremely rewarding.

It can also be really overwhelming being pregnant for the first time and especially when you might need your partners full support now more than ever? Have you tried any type of relationship counselling? if your baby's father is willing to try something like that with you at least its a start and it could also assist you both with communication later on when you have a child together