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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Paddles93 Broke up with a girl I still love. Need advice to help me help her
  • replies: 5

I have recently broken up with my girlfriend of 16 months. This was a decision not made lightly. To give you an idea, she struggles with depression and anxiety. Has done for her whole Teenage/adult life. She works in hospitality on minimum wage. Livi... View more

I have recently broken up with my girlfriend of 16 months. This was a decision not made lightly. To give you an idea, she struggles with depression and anxiety. Has done for her whole Teenage/adult life. She works in hospitality on minimum wage. Living out of home and putting herself through University. She is a beautiful 21yo who I fell deeply in love with very quickly. I had only just come out of a 7 year relationship with my high school girlfriend for 4 months before I met her. Straight away we clicked and before I knew it we were madly in love with each other. Long story short, I very recently broke up with her. I had been feeling myself drifting away from our relationship. Lacking the commitment and motivation needed in a relationship. She has recently started seeing a psychologist who has started teaching her mindfulness. She soon started thinking that something may be wrong in our relationship but was having a really hard time understanding if it was her illness or if they were real feelings. This had a massive amount of impact on my decision. I felt it was unfair to let her treatment and well-being suffer due to my own personal problems. So I decided I had to end our relationship. She was in total shock and absolutely devastated. This decision I made was extremely difficult to make. I am not coping very well with the choice I have made. I really need some advice. Have I done the right thing? As much as I wish I could be able to be the man she deserves and needs I just couldn't be that. And that breaks my heart. I know she will be taking days off work dealing with the break up. As I mentioned, she struggles to make ends meet as it is. Is it out of line to somehow try and help her financially some way? Whether it be gift voucher to help her get to and from work or buy groceries. The way it ended was very emotional and I feel I wasn't able to express everything I wanted. All I want to do is see her and chat with her. But I know that this is probably not what she needs so soon. How long should I give her the space she needs? I still love this girl with all my heart and I believe I have made the right decision but I really don't know what to do.

Guest21213 Blindsided by return to ex
  • replies: 6

I had been with my partner for about a year. We met through friends and he had separated from his wife 6 months earlier. We hit off immediately. Personality and attraction wise. His situation was complicated as divorce and custody hadn't been finalis... View more

I had been with my partner for about a year. We met through friends and he had separated from his wife 6 months earlier. We hit off immediately. Personality and attraction wise. His situation was complicated as divorce and custody hadn't been finalised so he had his kids week on week off. Not wanting to compromise custody arrangements, we thought it best to keep it under wraps so was only able to spend every second week together. I accepted this and i even appreciated my own time. Plus we spoke on the phone for hours and he messaged me daily. He was unlike anyone i had ever been with. He was open with feelings and we talked about everything. Plus the physical attraction was amazing. Whole package. Was still wary as had been burnt before and was concerned that after 20 year relationship he had never had time to have fun and be by himself. Even said if at any time he wanted to do so, to be honest with me. He assured me he wanted to be with me. After a while i relaxed and was the happiest i had ever been. He was amazing and the relationship was perfect. He even told me he loved me. I thought id finally found the one. A couple of weeks ago though, he started being a little distant. Cancelling on me etc. I went away on a holiday and found him hard to contact and slow with replying to messages. When we did speak, he said how much he missed me. I obviously asked if everything was ok and he said yes and that he was just having issues with the ex. When i got back i couldn't wait to see him but he cancelled on me again. I again asked what was going on and eventually got a text saying we could only be friends. I was shattered, both by the msg and by the fact that i didn't even warrant a face to face conversation. When pressed for an explanation, he said i was becoming too attached and that we were incompatible. This was so not true as he was always the one to tell me how he felt and we had so much in common. We met for coffee and when i asked for a better reason he said that he had been in contact with his ex gf from 20 years ago and that they had feelings for each other again. I am devastated and am struggling to cope. I don't understand how he could go from i love and miss you to someone else. I can't eat or sleep or stop crying. It physically hurts. My friends and family are sick of hearing about it so went to the gp but no help. When not crying, i feel like everything is pointless and i feel numb. The thought of him or i being with someone else makes me sick.

Gill1989 My insecurities are affecting my relationship
  • replies: 2

I have been with my partner for almost 5 years now. We have spoken about marriage plenty of times throughout the past couple of years, but were always waiting until we were a bit older (we are just 24 now). I finished school and studied a typical bus... View more

I have been with my partner for almost 5 years now. We have spoken about marriage plenty of times throughout the past couple of years, but were always waiting until we were a bit older (we are just 24 now). I finished school and studied a typical business degree at university, but have always been highly creative, and my life dream would be to work for myself in a creative field. However, coming from such a conservative family I didn't really think of it as an option. When I met my partner, he was that person who worked freelance in a creative field and it just inspired me so much. Thats what really drew me to him. He was what I wanted to be!!! ANYWAY, my mum recently asked me whether I thought we were "right for each other". She said "you are obviously best friends, and are committed to each other, but I don't want you to marry someone you are not 100% sure on. I am not sure if you are both the perfect person for each other". Now I am so paranoid. I love my partner so much. I can be around him 24/7 and never get sick of him. In fact, I love being around him 24/7!! I think he is honestly one of the coolest people I have ever met. He is so different to my parents and my group of friends, that it can sometimes make me uncomfortable when we are in social settings, as I get worried about what they think of him. But when we are around his friends who are much more similar to him I just love watching him flourish, and sit there thinking he is the coolest guy ever. I know I overthink everything anyway, and care way too much about what other people think. Maybe my mum has picked up on me acting anxious or stressed when we are around the family together, and wonders if we should be together. BUT she doesn't see us when it is just the two of us and we get along like a house on fire. OR when we are around his friends, or other highly creative people and were are both in our elements. We both want the same things in life, and I love talking with him about the future as I find it so exciting and I just find it generally inspiring talking to him. He makes me challenge society's views of traditional ways of working and living and makes me believe I can do anything I set my mind to. (My parents are extremely traditional, and would much prefer if I got a 9-5 permanent job than being a creative freelance!) I don't know what to do. I can't stop feeling insecure about all of this and I don't know how to calm my overactive mind. HELP! Anyone been in a similar situation?

BellaCatarina Husband with chronic pain, depression, and alcohol issues has left. Please help
  • replies: 6

Hey guys, I'm looking for some direction in how to bring my beautiful husband home after he has left. He suffers from chronic pain from a serious accident many years ago, and has since had hit after hit of bad luck (half our house was demolished due ... View more

Hey guys, I'm looking for some direction in how to bring my beautiful husband home after he has left. He suffers from chronic pain from a serious accident many years ago, and has since had hit after hit of bad luck (half our house was demolished due to mould and our toddler and I had to move interstate for 4 months while he stayed and worked, then a month after the works were completed he lost everything he owned personally in a garage fire, recently he had another serious car accident). Our marriage has been suffering the past year due to miscommunication issues and his drinking (never good) has turned into a serious problem over the past two months. I've recently found out that he's also been doing cocaine, though I have no idea how often. When I found out about that he said he wanted to end our marriage (we've been together 10 years). I am absolutely convinced (as are his friends) that he is suffering from major depression, though hides it very well and flat out refuses to believe it or speak to anyone about it. He is so far from the wonderful man I married and I completely understand why he would have turned to drinking and drugs to escape his life/pain. But I adore him. I've always adored him. I'm so worried about him. I don't want him to push us away. He is pushing everyone away that tries to help and it's scaring me. I've been told there's nothing you can do when someone won't help themselves, but I don't really know what that means. Should I stand my ground and tell him I love him every day (which seems to push him further away) in the hopes that he knows I'm always here and not leaving him, or am I supposed to stop contact (as much as you can when you have a child) and let him go? I don't want to hurt him. He's been through enough. But pushing his family away is surely not going to help? Or does he need to be without us to realise he needs help? I haven't spoken to him in two days and it's tearing me apart. I don't know where he is staying. I find it hard to believe a lot of what he says at the moment because he's just not the guy I know. If there is someone that has been in a similar position, please, please tell me how I'm supposed to handle this??

TheItaliansWife I am new, please be gentle..... and sorry for the long vent
  • replies: 11

Hi there, i am not sure if this is the right place to post this, but I am having somewhat of a clear moment so please forgive the word vomit. over the past 3 years my life has been imploding, at first organising my wedding, then having my wedding hij... View more

Hi there, i am not sure if this is the right place to post this, but I am having somewhat of a clear moment so please forgive the word vomit. over the past 3 years my life has been imploding, at first organising my wedding, then having my wedding hijacked by the mother and sister inlaw, then my marriage and workplace took a sharp decent at the same time. I wasn't allowed to have input on my own wedding, it still classes as my most horrible day, I love the man I married but I felt it was his families day not "our day" since then my MIL and SIL have gone out of their way to cause hurt. Everything from publicly saying I have genetic disorders, my family is violent (all untrue) to encouraging my 6 year old nephew to say sexist things to me. My husband has over the past 2 years developed anger management issues, and my employer encourages my coworkers to undermine and belittle me. It all came to a horrible head 3 weeks ago when my SIL abused me ver the phone, I had called her and extended an olive branch, she called me a humiliation upon her family, and an abomination on the earth, as well as abusive names and personal attacks and she says everyone hates me (I'm paraphrasing, happy to direct quote but it was lengthy) my husband has informed me, I am to blame. I know I have chronic health issues that are painful and made worse with stress (but not genetic) and now on reflexion, I feel I probably have an anxiety disorder. I find myself lightheaded and breathless multiple times a day. Overnight I became a clean freak, but now I can't stand to sit at a table unless all the items on the table are lined up millimetre perfect. Failure to drink 4 litres of water a day and chew each piece of food 40 times feel potentially fatal. And I'm finding myself staring into space contemplating no longer existing each night. i grew up believing if I was a good person who tried to help wherever I could then I would be of value, but now I am left feeling the world would be better if I stepped back out of it. I have tried reasoning, negotiating even bargaining with my husband for his kindness, he claims I ruin everything and yells at me each night when I return from work. I just want my husband to treat me the same way as he did when we were dating, the more this goes on the less hopeful I am that he will. he is now refusing marriage counciling, he calls it "airing dirty laundry" i feel I have been chipped away and there is not much left, weak, hollow, fragile. . Hop

Only_me Struggling and sad
  • replies: 1

Have been with my husband 21 yrs, married 4 yrs. He started his own transport business approx 4yrs ago. Have 2 girls together 18 & 19. Have fully supported him as a family but in 2007 he left us for another women,turned our world upside down. We mana... View more

Have been with my husband 21 yrs, married 4 yrs. He started his own transport business approx 4yrs ago. Have 2 girls together 18 & 19. Have fully supported him as a family but in 2007 he left us for another women,turned our world upside down. We managed to put that behind us but over the years he has left us, seems to be when life gets to hard, instead of talking he shuts off especially to me. Over the last 6 to 12 months alot of arguing. Im arguing because he is on the road and it is soooo lonely and depressing. Kids are old enough to do there own thing. We had a big blow up and i was going to move out but he told me to stay and we were doing so well reconncting and it all seemed fine. We went to a party and a women who is a married swinger was sitting on my husbands knee which i stayed calm, i only asked whats the go? Well when we got home he just yelled and told me to get out. Im waiting on a house but he has just shut down. He has had money troubles but im so sad and lost, am i fighting a lost cause. Its the worst feeling, i feel like im abondoning my family but i have put up with so much over 20 yrs but i have never given up on him. I know i need to go for my own health but really struggling.

Billy2 Wife wants to seperate for no apparent reason
  • replies: 5

Married for 19years. 2 x teenage girls. Wife has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer but will be okay. She has become more and morewithdrawn. I confronted her last week and asked her if she still loves me. She said yes. I askes are you in love... View more

Married for 19years. 2 x teenage girls. Wife has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer but will be okay. She has become more and morewithdrawn. I confronted her last week and asked her if she still loves me. She said yes. I askes are you in love with me. She said she doesnt know. Since then she has admitted thinking about separation and moving out. She is currently sleeping in spare room. I am extremely angry. She says its because when she is away with family or friends she feels a better person and more herself. We havent been fighting. I treat herexceptionally well. I do most things around the house. Her reason just sounds like crap to me. She has become very secretive which i think was because she has been thinking about this for some time ans talking to friends about her decision. She now seems relieved and is going on like eveythings ok and im losing my mind. I cant eat. I cant sleep. I am really anxious around her. Im paranoid there is someone else. I have tried to talk to her but she doesnt seem to want to make it work. I think she has made her decision and i have to except it.

mezzaduck97 The End of a Relationship: How Do I Cope?
  • replies: 11

Hi everyone. This is a first for me, so thank you for taking the time to read this x My boyfriend of 9 months broke up with me 2 weeks ago in a really cruel way and it is really affecting. I moved back to uni about 5 weeks ago, after having seen him ... View more

Hi everyone. This is a first for me, so thank you for taking the time to read this x My boyfriend of 9 months broke up with me 2 weeks ago in a really cruel way and it is really affecting. I moved back to uni about 5 weeks ago, after having seen him that weekend. Everything was fine and we were so happy. Then he started working more and talking to me less, which was understandable. Then he just cut off all contact with me. Ignored all my calls and messages. I was so worried that maybe I had done something wrong, or that something bad might have happened to him. So after 3 weeks of no communication, he sends me a message saying he is no longer 100% committed to me anymore and never wanted a relationship with me. I was heartbroken. I made him call me so we could talk about it, and we both cried. He said he was sorry and that he didn't want to cut me out of his life. I was way too upset to say anything, so he promised we would meet up at the end of the week when I came back home for holidays. After that he never spoke to me again. Unlike his word, he had completely cut me out of his life. I am so heartbroken and I have never felt this way in all my life. I am so hopelessly in love with him and am unable to comprehend what happened between us. I have no closure which makes everything worse. My personal life is also suffering. I haven't slept properly in weeks, my mind racing about him whenever I close my eyes. I can;t stand being in large groups of people now, and I don't to spend time with friends, but at the same time I don't want to be alone. I think about him every second of the day, and I feel numb to the rest of my life. I have cried more in the last couple weeks than I have since I was an infant. So what I want to know is how do I move on? How can I stop myself sinking into this deep dark hole of sadness all the time? I am concerned that this may affect my relationships and schooling. Please help if you can x

kdr country couple
  • replies: 6

Hi everyone. I am new to this. My wife and I have moved from the country to Perth and are finding it hard to make friends. But aside from that, I am in a darts team and have my work to keep me busy. My wife is my main concern. She is very quiet and s... View more

Hi everyone. I am new to this. My wife and I have moved from the country to Perth and are finding it hard to make friends. But aside from that, I am in a darts team and have my work to keep me busy. My wife is my main concern. She is very quiet and suffers from depression and anxiety. All I want in life is for her to have a female buddy or 2. We live in the Swan Valley area. any ideas? Any other lonely females in the area. Trying to google lonely brings up dating and singles websites. Nothing for simply lonely people. We are in our 50's, healthy and friendly.

Kates17 Hi, this is my first post! Newbie!
  • replies: 2

Hi! im not really sure where to start my story. I was in a relationship for a few years, and although it seemed happy from the outsiders looking in I was very unhappy and my ex was very controlling and emotionally abusive (even if he didn't think so)... View more

Hi! im not really sure where to start my story. I was in a relationship for a few years, and although it seemed happy from the outsiders looking in I was very unhappy and my ex was very controlling and emotionally abusive (even if he didn't think so). It was very hard to remove myself from that relationship but when I did he seemed to be ok with it... until I met someone else. And then i went through I rough time with constant harassment via mobile, ringing me all day and leaving voicemails. Sending threats to my new partner, posting nasty things about me on social media and then even sending explicit photos of myself to his mates and my new partner. I reported all of this to the police, although he then forced his way into my home, and threatened my life and my daughters. Once I was given an intervention order I stopped hearing from him. I was happy that it was over, although it wasn't really. I get scared being at home alone, I worry I will run into him in public, I panic every time my phone rings. And I sit up at night crying. I think maybe it affected me more than I first thought. its hard to talk to friends and family about this as I feel embarrassed and feel I am over reacting. any advice or support is greatly appreciated! Thank you!

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