Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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SweetMan Relationship troubles- switching girl
  • replies: 4

Hey all, I've got to know a girl for a while. Then she started dating someone else. We still caught up as friends. She is now single and we have been on a date and spent a few perfect days together and talk about being together and dating and going o... View more

Hey all, I've got to know a girl for a while. Then she started dating someone else. We still caught up as friends. She is now single and we have been on a date and spent a few perfect days together and talk about being together and dating and going on a second date. Recently she has come out and admitted she has 2 personalities and her psychologist doesn't know about the two. Also she said she has anxiety, depression, schizophrenia and a few other problems. She also said I'm the first to ever notice her two personalities and that it effects to our relationship. It's never effected her relationships before. Her true/real personality that loves me, only wants to be with me and finds me the most sweet handsome man. Plus she talks about never wanting to give me up or loose me. The other one she pushes me away, doesn't want to talk and she goes out having sex with multiple guys. We spent the morning together for a bit as she was sick and she told me I looked after her so well right down to the little details. She told me I'm one of a kind and never wants to loose me. Tonight she has switched and become very distant. She didn't even acknowledge when I said today was so perfect getting to look after her and it made me feel so special inside. Even thlugh earluer she couldn't stop saying how perfect it was. She ignores some of my questions and seems very distant. I love her very much and want to be with her and when she is not switching she wants the same. She has told me this face to face and in texts. What can I do in these times where she switches and what can I do to support her without pushing her away? How do I cope with this as well? It's a challenge I want to take on because I love her to pieces. Not because I want to help her but because I love her very deeply like she does with me. Has anyone else experienced this, is a person who switches and where can I get professional help on this so I can help and support her in the good and hard times?

Mushroom1up Advice/tips on breaking up and my communication struggles
  • replies: 7

My relationship has terrible communication on both sides but I think I really struggle to open up. I have been unhappy in my relationship for multiple reasons and I need to talk to partner about it but I just can't. I have been putting it off for age... View more

My relationship has terrible communication on both sides but I think I really struggle to open up. I have been unhappy in my relationship for multiple reasons and I need to talk to partner about it but I just can't. I have been putting it off for ages. I think because I hate confrontation and because I am dreading the consequences of ruining the relationship and our lives. I know couple counselling is an option but I think i am past trying to save the relationship. Everything from the years that I have let go is now piling up. The thing is he thinks everything is amazing and he is so happy and I am feeling miserable and he doesn't realise. it's so confusing that he is so oblivious to how I feel. I don't have anyone close to me I can talk to about how I am feeling. No best friend and I feeling l like my mum and sisters would judge me and say I told you so. We have been together for nearly 6 years. 2 months ago we bought a house and got engaged. I am in so deep and I don't know what the f I am doing. The day after he proposed my grandma passed away. This really messed me up I think because I was meant to be happy but I was so sad. I had to go to work and smile about the engagement news while few people knew my grandma had passed. That was really hard. And I kind of wish I didn't have to do that. I feel like I may need to see a psychologist or counseller but I have been procrastinating about going to the doc to get advice on what I need. I feel silly asking for a mental health care plan because nothing bad or traumatising has happened to me but I feel like I need some kind of life advice on how to communicate and feel self confident. Do people do that? Also I have been thinking about how I would talk to him... when he gets home after work I would say everything then give us a week of space. I don't have any friends or family in this city so I need to get a motel or air BnB which is another stressor for me. After the week I guess I would have to move into a separate room in our house til I can find some where to rent. We have 2 dogs as well, I don't want to split them up but I know I couldn't bear to leave my dog. I cried in the car on the way to work today. This happens a few times a week. its getting to the point where I just want to run away but I know I can't do that, its just ridiculous. I am just in a panic and need to vent and maybe need some opinions or tips from people who have been in a similar situation or tips that can help me communicate.

Zoe1010 Help! Everything is crashing down around me after baby
  • replies: 1

I don't even know where to start! My hubby has 3 kids, I have 2, and together we have a brand new amazing baby boy. I adore him. But the juggling act of a blended family is too much now, I once used to cope so well, now I feel like I'm utterly failin... View more

I don't even know where to start! My hubby has 3 kids, I have 2, and together we have a brand new amazing baby boy. I adore him. But the juggling act of a blended family is too much now, I once used to cope so well, now I feel like I'm utterly failing. I have had anxiety for 10 years, I am medicated, my son was born having withdrawals from my severe anxiety mediation during pregnancy, and was in special care for a week. I will never forgive myself, though I know I needed my medication. I was half moved into a house when we got home finally from hospital. My home is so big now that I can barely keep up with housework! Washing!!!! Oh the washing!!! The last week I feel like I hav really fallen apart. My husband is amazing and I love him so much, but I feel so lost all the time and I know he doesn't deserve this. I am spacey, drained, tired because I am up all night and can't sleep. He works really long hours and here I am complaining when he finally comes home. I cry all the time because I feel like I'm loosing control of things I would usually be on top of. I've been taking my moods out on my husband and I know he doesn't deserve it. I feel like the worst mother as I can't even bring myself to make a bed some days the exhaustion of fatigue gets the better of me. I WANT help. I can't feel like this forever. I have recently doubled my medication to what I used to take pre pregnancy in hope that will kick in soon and help me mentally. I have suffered for over 10 years with this condition and it really is my everyday life now. I don't want to tell anyone about how I'm feeling as they will only think I'm seeking attention or I'm worried my children will be taken from me. I am embarrassed. I have only just told my husband what I've been going through and my son is 12 weeks old. I've felt this way since he was 5 weeks. I am terrified of loosing my husband. I don't want him to think that I'm crazy or have lost my mind. He seems really supportive however and said he will attend therapy sessions with me. I don't know where to turn to for help, or who helps in my area. I don't want to feel this anymore I want to be better but because I've suffered for so many years I think I've just come to terms with the fact that I'm going to be crazy my whole life and I'm not even 30 yet : ( I'm lost, confused, stressed, tired, distant, empty, and I just want to be the best mum I can be.

shyla95 My Dad is depressed but I don't care? Am I a horrible person?
  • replies: 3

I'm 21 years old, living with my parents. Earlier this year my Dad quit his job out of the blue and earlier this year my Dad got diagnosed with depression and anxiety and has been taking antidepressants. Since I started my teens I have always dislike... View more

I'm 21 years old, living with my parents. Earlier this year my Dad quit his job out of the blue and earlier this year my Dad got diagnosed with depression and anxiety and has been taking antidepressants. Since I started my teens I have always disliked my Dad immensely. Growing up he has always been loving and caring towards me and never did anything to hurt me and yet I just absolutely hate him. I feel like our personalities just don't mix that well. Reasons I don't like him are he's a slob and one of the most laziest people I know. He doesn't clean up after himself, he farts in the middle of us eating dinner, he takes a dump and doesn't flush the toilet after. When he shaves, he leaves all the little trimmed hairs in the sink without cleaning up. His room is absolutely filthy - it is the most disgusting thing you will ever see in your life. Throughout my life, I am always the one who has to clean up after him. I spent an entire day cleaning up his room one day. There was months old food under his bed rotting away, like 30 dead cockroaches in the closets. I clean the shit stains he leaves after he uses the toilet, I clean the dirty dishes he leaves behind. He doesn't help around the house at all. I have talked with him numerous times about this but he continues with this behaviour. He tries to spend time with me and tries to talk to me but I always distance myself from him. I can't stand being 1 metre away from him. When he hugs me or touches my face, I feel extremely uncomfortable, uncontrollable angry and feel like clawing my face off but I just grit my teeth, smile and hug him back. I then proceed to wash my face 100 times. His personality is extremely unlikeable and always avoid talking to him but when he does talk to me, I smile and pretend to be interested in what he's saying. I would move out but my Mother is very ill and with both of my parents not working, I live with them to support them financially and also with chores around the house and when I heard that my Dad has been battling depression for the past 2 years, I did not have an ounce of empathy for him. I feel like he deserves to be depressed because of how much I hate him. He sits in his dark room all day, moping around, drinking alcohol, depressed but I don't even care. Sometimes I feel happy that he's suffering with sadness and this makes me feel guilty that I take pleasure in his suffering.

Lightbeam Overwhelmed!
  • replies: 9

Hi! I'm not sure even where to start right now.....but here goes! I first posted about 6 months ago about reaching the end of my tether trying to support my now ex-partner. Just after posting, my whole life unravelled when I discovered he was leading... View more

Hi! I'm not sure even where to start right now.....but here goes! I first posted about 6 months ago about reaching the end of my tether trying to support my now ex-partner. Just after posting, my whole life unravelled when I discovered he was leading a double life with another woman. As this was not the first time he had done this, this was a deal breaker for me. Uncovering the web of lies & deceit have been absolutely heartbreaking as I start to realise that the person I loved for 7 years (friends for 15 years) has been messing not only with my emotions but also my head. He has never addressed his mental health issues (despite my support) & I can't see that he honestly ever will. I am out of the relationship & it has been a clean break (not living together, no kids together) but the recovery process is now what I am really finding challenging. I have always been a positive, resilient, independent & self-confident person but I just feel that my soul has been crushed. I struggle with anxiety (his lies have put me in a position where I was subjected to harassment from an unknown source, I suspect a number of individuals were involved). His angry outbursts still haunt me & I wake up some nights completely stressed out from silly little nightmares. I feel like I am constantly on alert waiting for him (or this other woman) to do something to taunt & humiliate me...these are nearly 50 year old "grown ups"! I feel like I have been cast as a central character in a soap opera, a role I never even auditioned for!!! I am trying so hard to get through each day by putting on my brave face & not participating in the drama these people create. What hurts & what I struggle with is his lack of apology or even acknowledgement of his below par behaviour, of course, none of which is his fault. He is so completely absorbed in himself that he fails to see the damage he has inflicted on me (and there are other ruptured relationships among family too). I am surrounding myself with good supportive family & friends, making self care a priority & have had a couple of counselling sessions. I find venting here helps. Open to any suggestions to help me get through this! Lightbeam xx

starlight86 Feeling lost in a relationship
  • replies: 7

I'm quite new to this forum (My first post) Recently, I have been feeling quite lost and uncertain with my future... I'm currently in a relationship with my partner of 4 years and we are/supposed to get married next year in June. He is my world and I... View more

I'm quite new to this forum (My first post) Recently, I have been feeling quite lost and uncertain with my future... I'm currently in a relationship with my partner of 4 years and we are/supposed to get married next year in June. He is my world and I love him very much but there is one problem... Cultural difference is causing a conflict between us. He is Australian born with Greek background and I am Australian. I do not get on with his family; they and I have very different ideas. There were recently a fight between my partner and I arguing over wedding guest list because I do not want a big wedding whereas he does. I tried to comprised with him by asking if we could have a medium wedding. We agreed on this till he went over to his parents house and they emotionally blackmailed him saying that he should have 'respect' for his family. He then came home and decided that he wanted to make his mum happy instead of me by inviting extra 50 people. We were fighting over this for a couple of months until one day he decided to stand to his parents and told them that he should respect me too so the guest list is sorted out. Since this incident I have been having doubts about my future (My partner being influenced strongly by his parents affecting us long term). I have been observing his behaviour lately and I note that he is very stubborn; he wants to do everything his way and not comprising with me with the things I want in life. For example, he wants to live no more than 30 minutes away from his mum for the rest of her life and for us/ our future kids to visit his family once a week. I feel as if I have no say in this (I have no support as my family are living in another country). My main concern is that I will become very unhappy in the future if things are done his way. His mum is very controlling and I'm worried that she will brainwash my partner's mind by telling him what to do with ours and kids lives instead of listening or putting me first as he depend on his family a lot and trying to please them. I always get really anxious when entering or leaving a relationship and in this case I am over analysing what the future will bring. Currently, I'm thinking that I am 30 year old and may not be able to find another guy and time is running out on starting a family. Any experiences? How can I resolve the 'lost' feeling? I feel stuck not knowing what to do. I have tried talking to him but he doesn't understand my perspective.

novictim1 Finding out your the other woman
  • replies: 3

When I met this guy, he was my boss at work, we got drunk at work function and hooked up. He then told me afterwards he had a partner. I was angry and we were just friends after that. He told me they were over, and he even tried moving in a couple of... View more

When I met this guy, he was my boss at work, we got drunk at work function and hooked up. He then told me afterwards he had a partner. I was angry and we were just friends after that. He told me they were over, and he even tried moving in a couple of times but we taught a lot because I was insecure deep down about this woman I guess. It was on and off for a year and a half. I have been a rape victim, it took me three rounds of court to get my attacker in jail, who was my uncle. My father was my best friend and died suddenly and horribly in hospital losing his brain and all his functions, my grandmother also died horribly after a stroke, I'm emotional and depressed and have anxiety issues. He knew this. But he continued to love and support me with his own issues. He had an ex wife with four kids with a terrible divorce and depression. His brother suicided over drugs so we connected on a deep level. He got promoted and travelled all around Australia, and every month we'd go halves on flights and I'd visited him. He came back last week to her place to get the last of his things he said and then move to a friends place. I ended things because we were fighting again, he would ignore me for days at a time and never let me in on important things in his life and I felt I deserved more. I found out from work mates he'd fallen and hurt his leg and needed surgery, so I went to the place to see if he was okay, he was not there, she was. She told me they were together the whole time sleeping together and I was just a nusciance. It was like a freight train straight to the chest. Why drag me on for a year and half with I love you and words and tell her it was just sex? She sends me intimate spiteful emails and I don't know what to do. I can't believe that someone so genuine would lie and do this? My friends saying I told you so, and choose wisely next time is not helping.

Stephjacobs Adopted by a family member
  • replies: 2

So my mum died when I was younger and my dad isn't present in my life. I now live with my auntie and uncle, brother and three cousins who are 6, 9 and 11. I'm moved in at the beginning of this year. I love my life and I have everything I could ever h... View more

So my mum died when I was younger and my dad isn't present in my life. I now live with my auntie and uncle, brother and three cousins who are 6, 9 and 11. I'm moved in at the beginning of this year. I love my life and I have everything I could ever have wished for. I have a great social life but something isn't right. Whenever my cousins look through old photos of them before we came to live here, I can't help but feel like my brother and I have intruded. even though they adopted us I feel like we've ruined their lives because they had plans to renovate the other end of the house where our bedrooms are and they had plans for holidays which were cancelled because of The cost of accomodating 7 people. What do I do? I know if I tell them they'll deny it but I have an overwhelming sense of guilt because I know they would be happier without us even if they don't show it

Dadage57 My Children dont want me
  • replies: 9

I have a daughter 30 and son 25... I have been so very close with son as he worked for me for 10 years, son has depression and recently I found out he was abusing pills etc . He is a gym junkie and hid this from everyone. I found out but what has hap... View more

I have a daughter 30 and son 25... I have been so very close with son as he worked for me for 10 years, son has depression and recently I found out he was abusing pills etc . He is a gym junkie and hid this from everyone. I found out but what has happened now is that he has divided a wedge through the whole family and I am now the bad person who is taking all the flack over this. He hates me as his fiancé, my Daughter and I have never had the "best" of relationships also has nothing to do with me.. I feel everyone out there hates me all over this. All I have is my wife of 7 years who loves me dearly as I love her but the separation with my 2 kids kills me. I wrote daughter a letter the other day explaining everything to her but she's ignored it and still doesn't contact me. I feel so low and although I'm a guy 57 I cant hold back my tears every day, as not having my kids in my life is destroying me. My son has since quit working for me and I am just not coping. I don't feel that I am suffering with depression I am suffering with hurt, heartache and upset. Its been 3 months since I have seen daughter and my year old grandson. My son has asked me for time to get his head around his issues But I feel I have lost both my kids. I've never been separated from my kids like this before, my ex wife has nothing to do with me but she sees the kids a lot.

Carolyn_Rae Bipolar 2 and hereditry melancholy
  • replies: 3

Hi My name is Carolyn and I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 and hereditary melancholy and it such a relief and it makes soooo much sense. I've been on anti-anxiety medication every day since February 2016. I never thought that I would say this but I nev... View more

Hi My name is Carolyn and I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 and hereditary melancholy and it such a relief and it makes soooo much sense. I've been on anti-anxiety medication every day since February 2016. I never thought that I would say this but I never thought that I would ever find an 'answer'. Some days are easier than others. Even though I'm on medication, there have been periods (spanning for up to 4 days), where I slowly spiral down into a numbing depression. I get scared each time because I'm worried if I'll be able to cope with this years from now. I guess it doesn't help that my boyfriend has his own issues (PTSD, depression, anxiety - ex-Australian Navy). He has started doing it less but he used to speak to me like I was one of his Navy workmates (which didn't sit well with me). Until a couple of weeks ago I let it be known that I don't want to be treated that way. He has since changed his behaviour (in a good way), however due to his own personal issues, he has his 'moments' as well. He is disappointed that I only have my Learners Drivers Licence, (I've had driving lessons and aren't good at it - this doesn't stop me trying though). However, as I'm not going about getting my Drivers Licence 'his way' he get's angry at me. I used to take this to heart but I'm slowly not doing this anymore - call it self-preservation. One example is my pay has to go into the my credit union account given that I'm an employee of this particular company. Every fortnight I transfer my pay out of my employee bank account and into our joint account. My boyfriend get mad and angry that my pay hadn't been transferred into our account. As it turns out there was a problem with the internet banking - my money came out of the account but it hadn't yet been transferred into our joint account. I explained this to my boyfriend and my pay eventually went into our joint account. I'm slowly getting stronger (emotionally) and I'm not sure how I can make sure that I'm healthy and to be there for my boyfriend (with PTSD, depression, anxiety). Regards Carolyn