Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

sad-artist Boyfriends never home
  • replies: 3

Me and my boyfriend moved in together 3 months ago we've been together for 4 years. He works all day 5 days a week , I work casually at night 3-4 nights. I don't do much during the day I'm an artist I'm 19. So I wait for him to come home. A lot of th... View more

Me and my boyfriend moved in together 3 months ago we've been together for 4 years. He works all day 5 days a week , I work casually at night 3-4 nights. I don't do much during the day I'm an artist I'm 19. So I wait for him to come home. A lot of the time he will go hang with friends or go home to his parents rather than come home to me. And on the weekend we will make plans but he always cancels to hang out with his friends,tells me to pick him up early then tells me he's getting a taxi home and doesn't get home till 3 am. Take this weekend for example. I had work and he told me to pick him up from his friends when I finished but he ended up coming home really late. We were meant to do a day trip on the Saturday but he woke up too late then he had a 50th lunch . And Saturday night he's out with friends again. All the while ignoring my texts and phone calls, never asking me if I wanna go out or hang out with them. I am taken advantage of I'm tired of always being alone waiting for him to come home. Im tired of having other people in his group asking me to go out and him not even thinking of me. I'm sitting here alone in our flat like every other weekend crying watching snapchats of him being out. I'm lonely and I've asked to be included but I dunno maybe he just likes having me stuck in our tiny flat by myself. I'm miserable

jaz83 Brother having serious delusional symptoms - need help on how to assist
  • replies: 2

Hi, My 30 year old brother has been doing odd security jobs and very limited social life (no gf/friends, avoids family). Recently he lost his job and is in financial distress. He seemed depressed and was spending any money he had on alcohold and mari... View more

Hi, My 30 year old brother has been doing odd security jobs and very limited social life (no gf/friends, avoids family). Recently he lost his job and is in financial distress. He seemed depressed and was spending any money he had on alcohold and marijuana. Recently when I push him to clean his act and get a job he has started a new delusion where he says that he is working with CIA under the MKUltra program and is a hot shot secret agent. That everyones life including his is in danger and that he has been spending all this time protecting family. Hence he cant do any other job. This might sound funny but he is dead serious and gets very agitated when I and my sister start poking wholes in his theory and ask him to give evidence. It has now gotten to the point where he starts randomly picking on people on the street and starts acting aggressively towards them sayin that they are involved in mind control and hypnosis and that he needs to protect people. He is unable to function in a normal work environment because I believe he keeps thinking about MKUltra and mind control everytime he is in a social context with people. I dont want to diagnose him but it sounds like he has some sort of schizophrenia where he completely believes his alternate reality. However, any hint of going to see a doctor or psychiatrist takes him into an unhinged rant saying that we are under mind control and that we have no idea how stupid this idea to visit a doctor is when he is out saving the family and the world. Any ideas on what to do in this situation. I wont to reach out to him before it gets worse.

Bell07 Lawyer that has lost her way
  • replies: 3

Hey there, For the past three months I have really been struggling. I have recently moved in with my boyfriend and since then I have become extremely depressed. He is in debt (about 80k) and keeps asking me for money when he is short. When he goes ou... View more

Hey there, For the past three months I have really been struggling. I have recently moved in with my boyfriend and since then I have become extremely depressed. He is in debt (about 80k) and keeps asking me for money when he is short. When he goes out to the shops he will spend money that he can't afford and wastes money on rubbish. Then once he has spent all of his money he makes it my problem to support him because he gets paid monthly. This stresses me out because when he does this I struggle to pay my own bills. He is also really selfish. I feel as though I spend half of my time doing things for him around the house, from cooking, to whatever and he is never grateful. I am a Lawyer and I work long hours so when I get home I feel drained from working and having to attend to him. When I clean up, he leaves things everywhere and even makes out like I am crazy when I ask him to flush the toilet (mind you he is 35). Also, when he is home, he watches copious amounts of TV and is constantly on the internet. I feel so alone even when we are in the house together. When I talk to him about how I feel lonely he manipulates me by telling me that I have mental health issues or that I am 'crazy'. He spends about 8 hours a day on the weekend watching TV and about 4 hours on a weeknight. One day I was sick and I got upset because he didn't offer to take me to the doctors and when I came home I found him in bed playing on his phone. I was upset all day because of this and he says to me, "I know what will make you happy, how about we go out and you buy me a Christmas present" (I was so disgusted). Right now he is in England (despite the financial issues). I tried to end the relationship before he left but he convinced me not to. He said that he would contact me every day but he has not. I don't know what to do. I feel as though this person has taken my light away and that I am slowly dying inside. I tried to quit my job three times last week but my employer did not let me. I just can't deal with the stress and pain that this person causes me. How can I approach this situation? ​

Jameson Relationship problems
  • replies: 3

I've been with my partner now for 7months (same sex relationship) it started out really well. I couldn't believe how happy I was. Now things have changed slowly over the past few months I've noticed some narcissistic qualities about him. The relation... View more

I've been with my partner now for 7months (same sex relationship) it started out really well. I couldn't believe how happy I was. Now things have changed slowly over the past few months I've noticed some narcissistic qualities about him. The relationship now isn't fair and is quite one sided. I get abused each day get called names just to point out he's never physically hurt me. when I do get upset and come to him after an argument usually I get told to grow up. He makes me feel worthless at times and I do not know how to react anymore. I don't feel like the same person that I once was. In some ways I'm better for the relationship and in other ways I don't really know what's happening to me. He will apologise after arguments and say sorry for calling me names, but it keeps happening. I'm scared somewhat of how he will react if I need sometime apart just to get myself right. Him having these narcissistic qualities worries me as I'm not sure what he'll do next. I just don't know why to do next

Jaffa92 Can anxiety cause higher levels of jealousy??
  • replies: 2

I recently started dating a guy and things were going great and he was acting like he wanted to be with me (even inviting me to meet his family) until we slept together and I started thinking that he was going to leave. I projected so many nervous an... View more

I recently started dating a guy and things were going great and he was acting like he wanted to be with me (even inviting me to meet his family) until we slept together and I started thinking that he was going to leave. I projected so many nervous and anxious feelings on him and pointing out the smallest changes which would have pushed him away. I got jealous of his female friends and could tell he found that confronting and told me he wasn't looking for anything serious. I wasn't this jealous with my ex, can my new diagnosis of anxiety be creating more jealousy.

melissam76 Not sure what to name this
  • replies: 2

My fiance and I are along with our 5 year old daughter, joined my partners mother and step father as assistant managers in a business. We relocated from the city to the country and nearly 4 years on, my life is not too good. My mother in law have nev... View more

My fiance and I are along with our 5 year old daughter, joined my partners mother and step father as assistant managers in a business. We relocated from the city to the country and nearly 4 years on, my life is not too good. My mother in law have never had a close relationship as such ( unlike the relationships she had with my fiances brothers's partners, extremely close) but in saying that I truly thought that we were friends. 12 months ago, I found out that her and my sister in law were trying to find dirt on me to get rid of me. I did see this with my own eyes. I was heartbroken, shattered, devastated to the point of having a breakdown and had to see a psychologist to help me thru. It almost ruined my relationship with my fiance, and broke our little family. But we got thru. I continued to work with her, as hard as it was and tho each day has been tough I have survived. Until reccently when I applied to have a month off work to plan our wedding, which didnt happen. MIL I believe was not happy about the wedding so jumped on me taking too much leave and appointed a safe work consultant to draw up work contracts ( I am the only employee and another young girl who is leaving in 2 months) anyway, our contract cleaner approcached me about her contract, I said that I wasnt familiar with them and she should speak to my partner who handles the payroll. that night I told my fiance the cleaners concerns, printed out her contract for him to read, he wasnt interested so i tore it up and thru it out. The cleaner has now gone to my MIL told her that I advised her to seek legal advice etc etc. This is not at all or even close to anything I said. So now, I am seen as trying to get the cleaner on my side and build an army against my MIL. This is not true, I am at my wits end. My fiance doesnt believe me and I'm scared Im going to lose my fiance and my family is going to fall apart. I dont know how to handle this or what to do, I feel like I'm at breaking point and Im so scared

Lonely22 I hate myself
  • replies: 5

I'm pathetic, I pray and pray for things to turn around with my social life, I mean I'm 22 and never had a relationship. I've had so many opportunities in my life, girls that I had every opportunity to be with, make friends, especially coming out of ... View more

I'm pathetic, I pray and pray for things to turn around with my social life, I mean I'm 22 and never had a relationship. I've had so many opportunities in my life, girls that I had every opportunity to be with, make friends, especially coming out of primary school, then it all turned bad. I thought it would fix itself, only to have my social skills, innocent, young physical appearance leave me. Now I'm alone, and haven't a friend in past 4 years. I meet potential friends enough I suppose, probably 4 or 5 a year I really see myself with, but it never works out b/c I hate who I am, my appearance, communication skills, I'm so introverted I can never hold up a conversation, let alone initiate one. I just can't stand myself right now, the past 6 days all I've wanted is to see this girl I like, and convince myself that I could talk to her, have meaningful conversation and ask her out... I mean this is someone I haven't seen for 3 months, probably only 2 times this past year, and I prayed to God laboriously for just one chance, and wouldn't you know it I just saw this person, by chance, by gods blessing, and I took it for granted, I just couldn't bring myself to approach her, but I couldn't have asked for a better scenario to do so, and u couldn't even do that. I'm so shy, I'm so ugly, why would she even like me... Taking not accepting friend request on FB is indication she not interested, that's why I just have no confidence whatsoever, even if I did, I'm a loner w nothing to offer, people my age, they want socialising and happiness, fun, I just don't have any to offer. I hate myself more than ever right now, nothing is helping, no one wants to be with Me, nobody has proved me otherwise, I take more and more antidepressants, any anxiety medication, none of it helps, and I can't kill myself b/c I'm Christian and obviously right now is so difficult but I don't want an eternity of this hell, I'm just so afraid of being a 30, 40 year old with no friends, no social life or relationship, living on an average income alone, I see people like this every week and I never want this, but feel like there's nothing I can do to turn things around without surgery or something, God can only bless me to a point, like today where I have an opportunity to make a friend, but I let it go and now I don't deserve gods help, why should God help me when I ignore blessings and oppottunities.

gloria10 Longterm friendship over
  • replies: 4

I've been noticing my depression/anxiety has been a bit affected lately, due to the fact that a friendship that I had for 12 years suddenly seem to change overnight and I had a tough call to end it completely when I wasn't ready. (I had to do this fo... View more

I've been noticing my depression/anxiety has been a bit affected lately, due to the fact that a friendship that I had for 12 years suddenly seem to change overnight and I had a tough call to end it completely when I wasn't ready. (I had to do this for my health) I thought writing my thoughts and sharing how I feel may help. I was penfriends (wrote emails) with someone for a long time, normally sending emails once a week, although this naturally changes a bit when things get busy. He is married but its always just been a friendship and we'd say simple things like 'how has your week been?' or 'have you got any plans for the holidays?' Very basic stuff, but we have also met a few times and I even went to his wedding. For me it was only friendship though. I think I am just baffled that when he got a new job things seemed to change over night and this isn't like him. He used to be a very caring person and always made an effort and then it was like he just gave up on a friendship when this new job came in. Could it be greed? Putting his job first to get to the top? I dont feel I can talk to my mum about it either as she says 'what, you're still friends with him?' like my friendship shouldn't matter. I am considering seeing a psychologist as I think it would help and I just wanted to know if there's any advice for dealing with these things in the mean time. Im going to try exercising this weekend and I find singing helps me deal with emotions too, but any other advice would help too.

j88 Who do I choose?
  • replies: 9

Hello, after having my 1st child 4 years ago I was diagnosed with post natal depression and have dealt with it ever since. I have suspected I have always had some sort of depression since I was young. I feel like I'm going down hill fast again. My mu... View more

Hello, after having my 1st child 4 years ago I was diagnosed with post natal depression and have dealt with it ever since. I have suspected I have always had some sort of depression since I was young. I feel like I'm going down hill fast again. My mum is recovering from breath cancer where she needed a mastectomy, chemo and radiation which was really tough on her and everyone in the family. As a special celebration of everything she has been through we wanted to take her away to the one place she has always wanted to go, to santorini. Unfortunately my husband can't come as he has to work. Originally I thought he was fine if we all went and I took our children without him. As it's coming to the booking stage now he is has gotten terribly upset saying numerous reasons why I'm being selfish wanting to go without him and how he would never do that to me. I just need some outside perspective. My family is desperate for me to come as everyone is going but my husnand is also in a terrible way and I'm afraid of what's going to happen. I am desperate to go to but don't want to hurt my husband. I can't please my family myself and my husband all at once and I'm going into a dark place. I know it doesn't make sense but I feel like hurting myself, im not eating and can't stop crying. I just don't know what to do

Nickname_8FAC1CCC-38FC-4C Girlfriend or carer?
  • replies: 5

I am in a relationship with a partner who has depression. It has been two years since we got together. He is a naturally introverted guy and ever since we met it has always been me leading us to do things, it was even me who got us together. But the ... View more

I am in a relationship with a partner who has depression. It has been two years since we got together. He is a naturally introverted guy and ever since we met it has always been me leading us to do things, it was even me who got us together. But the past year and a half has been bad as he has been going down hill. I feel like his mother nagging him to take his medication (he is only back on meds as I suggested he needed support from them), to book an appointment with the psychologist. Whenever I try to talk to him about it and how I feel not supported he puts a wall up and shuts down. It feels like I am living with a zombie and I am no longer attracted to him. I am in the middle now between being his girlfriend or his carer. He doesn't have any friends anymore and no support from his family. I dont know what to do. I have spoken to a counsellor and she says I need to decide if I continue in the relationship and be his carer or his girlfriend or end the relationship - but I always put others first and I am so afraid of ending it for some reason. I dont want him to have no one. Helllpppp.