I think my boyfriend has depression and it's causing our relationship to fall apart... How can I help him through this??

[Kate9]

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost a year. in the past couple of months, he's been acting distant and angry at the world. i ask him how he's feeling but he doesn't know what to say. He says he just feels numb, and he's falling out of love with everything in his life (including me). I'm heartbroken and I just want to help him. He says he is fighting for our relationship and says he's just going through a lapse.

I think that he needs some professional help, but I don't know how to tell him. He acts as if everything is okay. He is tired all of the time and overcommits himself, and I don't know what to do.I'm so upset because I love him and I just want to see him happy, but I'm afraid that that means the end of our relationship. How can I be there for him even though he's falling out of love with me?

Thank you x

[BballJ]

Hi Kate9,

Firstly, welcome to the forums.

Look, trying to get someone help who may have a possible mental health concern is tricky as a lot of this and recovery has to do with the person accepting the fact the may have a mental health concern and want to work on recovering from it. You sound like you are doing a great thing by staying by his side and supporting him as many people may just break up and move on. Have you thought about possibly speaking to his family to discuss this with them if they may not be aware of how he is acting?

Have you also tried speaking to him one on one and just saying maybe speaking to a doctor just to get their opinion?

My best for you and your partner,

Jay

[geoff]

hello Kate, it's always very difficult when your b/friend or spouse shows signs of depression, because they will tend to close up in fear that they may hurt or upset you, but that happens anyway, simply because they aren't capable of wanting to talk about their illness, and what normally happens is that they want to move away to be by themselves, which might suit them but certainly worries you.
The trouble at the moment is that he is pretending to be OK, but he knows and you know that this isn't how he is actually feeling, but you won't be able to convince him that something is wrong, he will have to decide that he needs help.
If you ask him to google 'K-10 test' because it's a quick questionnarie to tell what level of depression he has, then he can take this to his doctor's, which I do suggest you go with him and maybe you can stay in the waiting room.
He has told you that ' he is fighting for your relationship', although it may not seem to be how you feel, but don't forget he's fighting depression and for him to express his love for you is not something which is easy.
You have to be open with him and if his score on the K-10 test is high indicates that he is having problems with depression, then suggest if he will go the doctor's with you, and don't forget that he may mention he is going but never makes the appointment.
Please let us know and stay in contact. Geoff. x

[Hellothere32]

Hi Kate9,

After reading your post, I couldn't help but feel the need to reply to you.

I want to let you know that currently, I am going through the same thing with my partner. The past 6 months have been a rollercoaster of emotions for the both of us. I first noticed things were out of sorts when he started withdrawing from the things he likes. I knew he needed help, but it was the hardest thing to get him to do. Until he made the decision to attend to Drs/psychologist apps, I couldn't do much else besides wait, support and love him. All while he was trying to push me away. He has finally got the help he needs on his own terms. It is not easy, but I want you to know that caring for yourself at a time like this is a must. I went and am still going through the tough times in our relationship where he pushes me away and says I deserve better. I understand that you love him and I am sure he loves you, but it's very hard for someone who is going through depression to tell you how they feel. I trust he will find the support he needs and you look after yourself, the same way you want to look after him.

All the best x