Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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easypathishard Married with children... but want to leave my husband and finally be true to myself.
  • replies: 8

I've identified as bi for a long time but I'm starting to wonder if I'm a lesbian or, at the very least, bi but more attracted to women. I've been with my husband for 10 years and we have two young children. Most people know I'm bi but I'm starting t... View more

I've identified as bi for a long time but I'm starting to wonder if I'm a lesbian or, at the very least, bi but more attracted to women. I've been with my husband for 10 years and we have two young children. Most people know I'm bi but I'm starting to accept that I don't think I will ever be happy in this marriage with my husband. But I'm terrified to leave him and come out. Mostly because of the damage to my family. And to him. I love him so much but this just isn't the right place for me. I think I've always known deep down but have been in denial for a long time. I'm more physically and emotionally attracted to women. The only way I can have satisfying sex is to pretend that I'm with a woman. I've been lying to myself for so long. I don't have a job at the moment and my children are 3 months old and 2 years old. Where do I even begin to start this new part of my life? I'm so scared but I know that staying in this marriage any longer is a worse plan. I have never felt deeply connected to my husband. I love him but he is not connected to his feelings and is so logical and practical - he is wonderful but I need a feeling brain to connect with. I'm also in love with my lesbian au pair but that's a whole other story. She is going back to her home country in a few weeks and has a girlfriend so, regardless of her reciprocal attraction, that whole situation is messy and not going to go anywhere. I know deep down I invited her here so that I could make myself finally face the truth, one way or another. She has been by my side for the last 5 months and has been a great guide through this messy process. I should also mention I have a history of anxiety and depression (including PND) and suicidality and although this new understanding of my sexuality is unnerving and frequently makes me wish I was dead, I also feel like I'm more alive than I have been in a long time. I know I need to live for my children but I'm also trying to live for the life I deserve. I deserve to be happy. And I keep trying to remind myself that if either of my children were in this situation, I would hope they would have the support and confidence to leave an unhappy marriage that will never go in the direction they need. Okay, enough rambling. Please share your thoughts with me. I feel so alone and lost in all of this. And awful. I wish I had had the guts to follow the right path for me earlier in this life. I chose the 'easy' path but the easy path is hard.

SydneyKat Husband says he doesn't love me
  • replies: 14

Hi, I have been with my husband for 18years, the last 7 married, recently he told me he met someone else (he says he only emotional) and that I don't make him happy and he doesn't love me. I never foresaw any of this. Yes we have our ups and downs bu... View more

Hi, I have been with my husband for 18years, the last 7 married, recently he told me he met someone else (he says he only emotional) and that I don't make him happy and he doesn't love me. I never foresaw any of this. Yes we have our ups and downs but I always thought we worked through them. I am willing to work on issues he identified (and I also raised some too afterwards) but he says he just wants to be alone , runaway live under a rock , he says he doesn't want to fix our relationship but I do. I have have anxiety and stress gets to me a lot so when things happen in life I do get in state and he sees some aspects of this (I have been hiding a lot of emotions from him) he doesn't see full picture of what's going on. Recently I have been going through depression (this incident and earlier this year with work changes) . Since he told me I have been working on myself, being more aware of what I say and do in order to improve issues he identified with me, but no changes in him. We enter yo counselling once and that was bad and now he won't go try a different one. I stated a mental health plan on my own. He had also spending more time with his mother which concerns me, feels like them against me. So in general I feel so sad, lonely, hopeless, angry at him, destined for being a single mum forever ( one child and I will be 40 soon and I feel without a chance for another child). I don't what to do , I have apologised and asked for forgiveness for when I have been snappy In the past (but he doesn't remember or think he has his bad points) but he won't forgive or open up it feels like he just blocks and says he doesn't love me and doesn't want to try but a few weeks ago he was willing to try (not sure what changed). He still lives in the same house and bedroom but he won't kiss or make love . I want to work on improving our relationship and am doing what I think I should but I don't think he even resides or cares. I don't know what to do I just cry a lot . I hope with time he opens his heart again and comes back to me (and our little family) again , futile and tears ...,

littledove A CHEATER'S CRY FOR HELP
  • replies: 11

Hello everyone. Some of you might have read my posts on the "Separating from the Other Woman Thread" which was started up by MallowPuff. I am in need of some insight and tips if anyone can help. I am married with 4 children. Over the years I have fel... View more

Hello everyone. Some of you might have read my posts on the "Separating from the Other Woman Thread" which was started up by MallowPuff. I am in need of some insight and tips if anyone can help. I am married with 4 children. Over the years I have felt lonely, bored, depressed and not supported in terms of housework and those types of things. Overall my husband is a good guy and he is a fantastic father. I cheated on my husband and he caught me about a year ago. We stayed together and tried to work it out. If I'm honest I didn't make much of an effort and I ended up cheating again with the same person. My husband found out a few weeks ago. At first he told me we were over. That very day we were due to drive from Sydney to Qld for a holiday. I had to pack the car up and take the children on my own as he refused to come. He was in a bad way. After being in Qld a few days my husband arrived. It was OK but he wasn't really speaking to me. I want to make the marriage work and provide a safe and loving environment for our children. My mother-in-law has told me that is what my husband wants as well but I have not seen any sign of that so far. At the moment we are only communicating by text. He texted me a few days ago and pretty much told me he hated me. I think he might really mean it. Every day he texts me demanding that I tell all of my family and friends that I cheated on him. He claims this will help the situation. The thought of doing that is mortifying. I am already struggling with the situation and deep depression which I am fighting every day. I have flat out refused to do it and explained to my husband that it won't help. I told him that exposing me to public humiliation and shame is not going to help with healing. I asked him to consider whether he truly believes that is a path toward healing or if painting me with the scarlet letter is more about him getting revenge. He won't listen to me he just keeps repeating the demand. I understand that if it will work out that it will be a long road and I need to be patient. My main concern at the moment is that I think my husband hates me and I'm not sure he can change that. The other concern is that there are no positive signs at all. He has not made one positive suggestion for dealing with the situation in a healing way. Couples counselling is one the cards but he just doesn't respond when I mention it. If anyone has some insight that can help I would be grateful

Happinessforall Is it me or him or both
  • replies: 4

I believe my fiancé has NPD I love him w everything I have but after 10 years of this behavior is killing me I'm 26 and so unhappy w myself yesterday he told me to kill my self, I'm a slut, I have no friends, I'm a retard, I need to get help, I have ... View more

I believe my fiancé has NPD I love him w everything I have but after 10 years of this behavior is killing me I'm 26 and so unhappy w myself yesterday he told me to kill my self, I'm a slut, I have no friends, I'm a retard, I need to get help, I have communication problems and I'm at my lowest I am definitely not a slut we have a son together, I have never even thought of cheating I'm very much all for loyalty in any kind of relationship/friendship, I'm not a retard tho I will admit I'm not very good w decision making at the moment my head is truly all over the place but I feel it's from the way he's getting into head telling me this, and why? Why does he hate me? ( his exact words) I always done the right thing, I don't give him a hard time about anything I let him have his guts nights out and I ask for nothing please is it me? I understand we both probably need counseling but he said it's not an option I just don't know how to help him when no one can help me

redgirl-blackdog how do i handle different beliefs
  • replies: 10

Hi, just wondering if anyone has some hints to help me when I have to see religious friends/family who tell me god only did this to test me or if I believe he would help me. I had religion shoved down my throat all the way into my teen years and alth... View more

Hi, just wondering if anyone has some hints to help me when I have to see religious friends/family who tell me god only did this to test me or if I believe he would help me. I had religion shoved down my throat all the way into my teen years and although I don't believe, I still respect other people's right to. The boys & I went to my ex sister-in-law's b/ day & she was pretty full on in saying the whole pain/ depression/anxiety "deal" could be solved with prayer. I've tried to tactfully explain what's going on, and she quoted the bible and told me she was my friend and was there for me. How do I tell her thanks but no thanks without hurting her feelings. She wants to start the friendship again, her hubby passed 6 yrs ago & I don't remember either of them being religious, so I'm not sure what to say or do. Any suggestions appreciated thanks

redgirl-blackdog daughter moved back home , not going well
  • replies: 4

I just really need to vent.I'm in constant pain & although I love my daughter I'm sick & tired of her s#!+ My 19yo daughter moved out after an argument in March &stomped off to her fathers. After yet another argument with him about keeping her room t... View more

I just really need to vent.I'm in constant pain & although I love my daughter I'm sick & tired of her s#!+ My 19yo daughter moved out after an argument in March &stomped off to her fathers. After yet another argument with him about keeping her room tidy, she rang & asked if she could come home, of course I said yes. I told her she need to be respectful & things had to change. Well she has been home 3 months, most of the time her new boyfriend has been staying o/n (facebook knew about him before I did) & I asked her to act like an adult if she wants to be treated like one. Even tho I've asked, pleaded, yelled & begged nothing has changed, she has reluctantly given me $20 but that's it, no help with chores or housework, not even washing the dishes in the whole 3 months. They both know jobs like mowing are extremely hard for me yet they just close the door to shut out the noise when I ask for help. She is now unemployed after quitting her chefs apprenticeship 3 weeks ago. They have had 3 takeaway meals this w/e alone & gone out for a meal & not asked me if I wanted anything. Her room is a pigsty with clothes & food scraps/wrappers everywhere, my sister tells me this is normal for teenagers (it wasn't for us) When I try to talk with her about her behaviour & what is expected she just starts tapping on her ph or says yeah I know & gets up & leaves in her car. She swears & carries on in front of my younger kids even when asked not to. The absolute worst was Friday morning when she knew her elderly grandmother was coming in 10 mins to do the school drop off with me, that she couldn't wait because she "needed" to meet a friend at the shops. My mum is dying from COPD but still comes to visit her because she won't drive 25 mins to see her Nan. I'm so sore from my neck/arm problem & depressed, disillusioned & overwhelmed with life and I've got 10yo twins to look after as well. And the dog she promised she'd look after. Sorry for the rant, I'm just exhausted, mind and body...

Safeasmilk Hurting from the unknown
  • replies: 40

Hi everyone, My name is Ben and this is my first post. I'm looking for some advice/support. I had met someone a couple of years back and we have been staying in contact via Skype. I'm not quite sure how I'd label our relationship but I have strong fe... View more

Hi everyone, My name is Ben and this is my first post. I'm looking for some advice/support. I had met someone a couple of years back and we have been staying in contact via Skype. I'm not quite sure how I'd label our relationship but I have strong feelings for her but unfortunately our distance makes it hard for anything to develop at the moment. Therefore I use exercise and working towards buying my first house as a way to keep my mind focused and to not delve into living in a fantasy world. A few weeks ago I lost complete contact with her and not sure if she has deleted me or there is a technical issue with Skype (as I have read that this has happened before) I have tried to get in contact with her but to no avail. I don't want to come across as needy or being a nuisance but the unknown thoughts are hurting me deeply as I am so confused and scared I may never have contact with her again. Just for some background on me I have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and panic a lot when things are not working. At the moment I don't feel like doing anything other then crawling up and laying in bed or turning to alcohol to help me be happy and not worry so much. I hope this isn't stupid but I do care for this person very much and it feels like this situation has taken over my life. Thanks for taking the time to read this. Ben

NarcolepticMonkey I had an emotional affair, now I have to fix it
  • replies: 3

Ok, here goes, married for 9yrs, together for 12, and basically I had an emotional affair with another woman. Its also a complicated situation. I work at the school my kids attend, and she is a mum of one of my kids friends. Ive cut all ties to her, ... View more

Ok, here goes, married for 9yrs, together for 12, and basically I had an emotional affair with another woman. Its also a complicated situation. I work at the school my kids attend, and she is a mum of one of my kids friends. Ive cut all ties to her, going to marriage counselling, seeing my psych more often, told my boss (he's been supportive in helping me), but I lied about it to my wife. I've since come clean but now she won't believe a word I say, I offer my phone for her to check, I try and talk to her, but I find myself getting frustrated when I know I need to support her. i feel stuck, and that my good intentions are constantly backfiring.

MummaBear61 Lonely
  • replies: 5

Hi guys are there any people out there that are lonely like me. . I am not look for a relationship just friends. Anyone got any advice. I have only have a couple of friends and there always too busy too talk. Please help me with any information i wou... View more

Hi guys are there any people out there that are lonely like me. . I am not look for a relationship just friends. Anyone got any advice. I have only have a couple of friends and there always too busy too talk. Please help me with any information i would really appreciate some. I am hanging on by a thread here.

Tinalea20 My 14yr old daughter has gone wild
  • replies: 11

I need advice. She goes out and tells me she will be home before dark, but comes home when ever. I get mad and remind her she is 14. She yells and tells me she missed the bus. ( all the time). I ground her. She is boy mad. I didn't bring her up like ... View more

I need advice. She goes out and tells me she will be home before dark, but comes home when ever. I get mad and remind her she is 14. She yells and tells me she missed the bus. ( all the time). I ground her. She is boy mad. I didn't bring her up like that. She comes home with love bites on her neck. I tell her they make her look cheap. She asks if a MATE can come over to hang out. She tells me he is 16 but later find out he is 19. We have a fight. She uses colourful words. Goes right off. And now refuses to go to school. That's just a little insight to what's going on in my life.