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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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leela19 Sister committed suicide, nephew terminal illness diagnosis and 6 months postpartum
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, This is my first time posting and I am not sure where to start or even if it should be in this forum or in parenting. 2016 has been a year from hell for me... I had my first child in March, with a very traumatic late stages of pregnancy ... View more

Hi everyone, This is my first time posting and I am not sure where to start or even if it should be in this forum or in parenting. 2016 has been a year from hell for me... I had my first child in March, with a very traumatic late stages of pregnancy then a traumatic labour and delivery where both she and I were at risk, but in the end both came through OK. My husband and I then muddled through the newborn stage, as you do and fast forward to June when my bub is 3 months old and we found out that my nephew has been diagnosed with severe Duchane Muscular Dystrophy. So we now know that he is unlikely to live past his mid twenties and will end up being a full quadraplegic before then. I have been focusing on trying to be there for my brother and his wife - Not to mention my 4 year old nephew... Soon afterwards my daughter became unwell, we had no idea why but in the end needed surgery - which had to occur whilst my husband was overseas so my step-dad came to help us during that time as she recovered. My husband was back in the country for three days when the unmentionable happened and my big sister committed suicide... I had to support my entire family through the time, arrange the entire funeral, support her young children and husband, write the eulogy and try to hold everyone together whilst my bub was still recovering herself. At the funeral, my biological father and step-mother caused a massive scene and to cut a long story short - We have now fallen out and I will never speak to them again... So I feel as if I am also grieving any possible relationship with my father... I then became unwell - landed myself in hospital, had to suddenly stop breastfeeding in order to recover and returned to work 3 weeks ago. I was thrilled to go back to work, as a bit of an escape - but then I found out this week that a promotion I should have automatically be appointed to, I am not even being given an interview - presumably because I just had a baby. It has been the final straw and I now am officially not coping. I am booked in to see the GP later in the week to discuss post-natal depression but I don't even know if it is depression or just my whole world crashing down around me. I don't know how to grieve - to actually try to deal with my emotions. At the moment I am just focussing on keeping on going... Has anyone else had everything pile up like this? I just want to know that one day life will eventually return to normal and maybe one day I can feel better...

Shadow750 Really Need Help/Advice....Mentally being torn apart
  • replies: 8

Hi.I’m an only child at 55. I lost mum in March and then 3 weeks later my mum’s brother who I may have been closer to than my father.So now there is dad, he is 92 and physically well and living alone. But, he needs me and I have a family and work ful... View more

Hi.I’m an only child at 55. I lost mum in March and then 3 weeks later my mum’s brother who I may have been closer to than my father.So now there is dad, he is 92 and physically well and living alone. But, he needs me and I have a family and work full time. I cannot always be available. I feel like I’m depressed, torn, confused and just feeling guilty…..I knd of dont even know really how to express how I feel. I feel I have all these competing obligations but in all this there is no time for me. I pay all dads bills, am executor to the estate of mum and my uncle I try to see dad twice to three times per week and call him daily. But he says he’s bored, or all he’s done is watch TV each day and so I feel guilty or maybe a powerlessness over my situation. Selfishness comes to my mind....can I and should I do more ? Dad and I were never really close but he now needs me. I have tried to organise home help but he doesn’t want it. I’ve suggested community groups where they take you out for a few hours but he’s not interested. As an only child all the burden falls on me. And I feel like I have to please my wife, my dad, work and it’s just too much. Am I selfish ? Am I just whimping out ? Am I just whinging ? I do know all this mental anguish is a negative. I dont want to sound like a victim here but the competing interests make life hard. I dont think I have depression but sometimes I just want to scream out STOP, this week is mine all mine to do what I want. I've been trying to do this since mum got sick with dementia so maybe about 10 months I've been trying to juggle these balls. With mum now gone it's intensified or maybe I've made it intensify within myself. I really am confused and have decided I need to get counselling, there’s no point talking with those who know me because they have a biased view and need to speak with somebody that sees me as a blank canvas. Any advice would really be appreciated. Thanks for reading this.

Ryansmum Family Affairs
  • replies: 1

My son has admitted to an affair during his wife's pregnancy, he feels he is no longer in love with her. He is devastated and of course so is she, especially as their new baby is only a couple of months old. The affair isn't as much of an issue as hi... View more

My son has admitted to an affair during his wife's pregnancy, he feels he is no longer in love with her. He is devastated and of course so is she, especially as their new baby is only a couple of months old. The affair isn't as much of an issue as his no longer being in love with her. At the moment the only people involved are my d-i-l's family, my other son and his best man. I have suggested he contact Beyond Blue or another form of counseling as this needs to be dealt with as well as possible for everyone. Even if there is no reconciliation chance. Any tips?

SDW Anxiety after relationship breakup
  • replies: 15

Hi, every day I think about him, memories of what we did together, why can't I see him anymore, why doesn't he want to be with me. I stare at my phone, I think I hear knocking on my door and hope it's him, I get so worked up. I am not focusing on wor... View more

Hi, every day I think about him, memories of what we did together, why can't I see him anymore, why doesn't he want to be with me. I stare at my phone, I think I hear knocking on my door and hope it's him, I get so worked up. I am not focusing on work or studies, I can't get through a minute without him being in my head, really stressed and anxious. I drive around looking for him, I call or text every couple of days in the hope he will answer. This has been going on for a month now. I am trying so many things, I loved him, i still love him. This is my first heartbreak at 39 years age and I'm not coping...........

Terri_Dactal Mother In Law causing problems
  • replies: 2

My Mother In Law was someone I really loved. I came from a rough home and when I was kicked out before marrying my husband, she took me in. She tried to make me feel comfortable and loved despite barely knowing me. However I soon noticed her severe a... View more

My Mother In Law was someone I really loved. I came from a rough home and when I was kicked out before marrying my husband, she took me in. She tried to make me feel comfortable and loved despite barely knowing me. However I soon noticed her severe alcoholism and destructive behaviour my husband warned me about. She would drink 3-6 bottles of wine 4-6 nights a week. She would draw on walls and herself before having a screaming match with her female best friend that she's lived with since divorcing her abusive husband 15 years ago. Honestly I was stupid and excused a lot of behaviour because I was desperate for love and was never taught anything but dysfunction and abuse so I settled into this new cycle. She would have my crying having panic attacks at 2am in the morning when she went on a rampage around the house drunk. A year after moving in I married her son and not long after fell pregnant. I felt myself relapsing into depression again and when considering professional help she discouraged me saying "you're going to make mistakes anyway, you can't stop it" and claimed my self harm in the past was only superficial. I told her these things in confidence as a mother figure and when it suited she threw them back at me. Ive now been doing intense weekly psychotherapy for almost a year and long story short I now see why I can't allow to live without boundaries any longer, for the sake of my son (now 1) and family I started to make hose changes. I asked politely for them not to drink any alcohol when my son sleeps over. The response was that I was being silly and my MIL claimed she would never ask someone she trusts not to drink. This is not an unusual response as I understand she is an alcoholic. She has always done things I'm uncomfortable with, like posting photos on social media of my son without asking and calling him her baby, flat out lying and never acknowledging disrespecting our parenting, pretending things she said never happened, sending me abusive text messages when she's very drunk and so on. I used to to live in fear because I needed her approval but now I understand I am safe with my husband and family. Now I'm concerned about setting boundaries but he second I started (kindly and diplomatically), I was thrown into a hurricane of silent treatment, intimidation and abuse. Im now pregnant again and am seriously considering cutting her off. Hubby has never liked his Mum. I'm so stressed! My kids don't need these values do they?

anon90 i dont know what to do anymore
  • replies: 2

I'm a young father of 2 soon to be 3 but my wife and i are having problems, i love her so much but she thinks I'm cheating on her, Saturday just past had she went to send her mother a message on fb as she was doing so she seen someone in the contacts... View more

I'm a young father of 2 soon to be 3 but my wife and i are having problems, i love her so much but she thinks I'm cheating on her, Saturday just past had she went to send her mother a message on fb as she was doing so she seen someone in the contacts and started saying that she was my gf and that i was cheating, i don't even know this person and when i clicked on it there was no messages, i tried saying that i don't know her and everything but she wont listen keep saying that they wouldn't have just come up, I'm really stuck as to what to do, clearly she doesn't trust me but i really don't know what to do or say or even how to say it (i have problems in communicating like when i say stuff it comes out completely different to how i mean) , i love her so much but shes just pushing me away, this isn't the only time its happened and it seems she finds something to fight about every weekend, to make things worse Sunday night i called my best friend to catch up and talk, i wanted to go his or out but he seemed more concerned for my wife and we ended up just staying at mine but when he 1st got there he walked past me and then into the hose and spoke to my wife, now i feel like i cant and don't want to talk to him but i have no one else. i went to work today but i just spent most the time in tears so i left. we have texted a few times today but that just seems to make everything worse now she thinks i don't want to be with her. please help

Rebecca6 has anyone lost a loved one to MND
  • replies: 7

Hi my name is Rebecca I'm 23 years old when I was 14 years old I lost my dad to motor neurone disease. I was devasted my life came crashing down around me before I got a chance to start it. Due to me being young and naive i always thought there would... View more

Hi my name is Rebecca I'm 23 years old when I was 14 years old I lost my dad to motor neurone disease. I was devasted my life came crashing down around me before I got a chance to start it. Due to me being young and naive i always thought there would be a light at the end of the tunnel that I will be able to get through this and move on but now I'm 23 and realise that it's not the case. That I will live with this pain for the rest of my life. But I'm finding it harder now. Sadly last year I lost my dad's sister my aunty to the same disease and 2 and a half weeks later my grandmother to cancer. This time i was more prepared and thought I could do this I'll be fine. But the thing is I'm not. I'm finding it hard to balance my grief and life. Like how do I continue to live my life and not let my grief get in the way of it. I have an amazing partner who I love and want to share my life with. But atm I'm trying to go through the testing process to see if I may have or pass on the mnd gene to my children. I just feel like in my short 23 years of my life I have had a lot thrown my way and just need to figure out a way to balance it all and grieve but at the same time live my life to the fullest. I have amazing friends and family but Its hard to talk to someone when they don't understand. It would be great to find people who have gone through the same or a similar experience and be able to talk and relate.

shattered__to_pieces heartbroken and lonely
  • replies: 3

Hi..so im not sure how to start...all i can say is im struggling really bad with anxiety and depression..in the last 5 wks alot of my life fell apart..the man i was totally inlove with and with for 6yrs left me for another woman and moved straight in... View more

Hi..so im not sure how to start...all i can say is im struggling really bad with anxiety and depression..in the last 5 wks alot of my life fell apart..the man i was totally inlove with and with for 6yrs left me for another woman and moved straight in with her had been 'cheating for i dont know how long' how do i get through this help pls. There is so much more to it all but i dont know if i put it all in 1 post or if i just gradually let it all out as im talking to people...i have put doing this off coz i though i was coping but im not..i also have 2 beautiful little girls involved in all this my heart actually really feels like its breaking..my brain doesnt hardly atop thinking about him and her..and im so lonely its unreal

CMF Maintaining civil relationships after being badly hurt
  • replies: 64

I was divorced with 2 kids then met someone who didnt have kids but always wanted them and still lived at home. We had a very slow growing relationship, he didn't want to commit completely for several reasons but said wasn't seeing others.he had a ex... View more

I was divorced with 2 kids then met someone who didnt have kids but always wanted them and still lived at home. We had a very slow growing relationship, he didn't want to commit completely for several reasons but said wasn't seeing others.he had a ex who still called him every week, he said they still caught up as friends and that she slept over still but nothing between them. I definitely didn't want to see others, dating is not my thing. he told me yo start as friends then if things progress you officially commit to each other, you actually say it. our relationship grew, he ever met my kids, didn't think they should be exposed to anything. he was and still is a commitment phobic. I feel like im rambling, talking all over the place - sorry I have so much on my mind. all of a sudden things just fell into place for us, it was just right and we both knew it without having to say anything, then out of the blue he accused me of infidelity. I was knocked for six! I had 2 kids, worked part time and when I wasn;t working was with him. it was ridiculous. he refused to believe me I took a week off work to sort this out he badgered and badgered me, I was not going to walk away from him for something I didn't do, then gave me an ultimatum, give him an admission or we cant move forward. I was so defeated, I couldn't take anymore of his badgering so I made up a story - YES- I gave a FALSE ADMISSION. but I had no story to back it up so I let him make up the story and I just agreed to whatever he said. the reasons I gave were valid i.e the the ex girlfriend always ringing etc( but he then denied ever catching up with her), I could have done it but I didn't. I was prepared to wait for the "official commitment" which never came. Funny thing is in my gut I knew he ws going to do something that would ruin us. we stayted together for another 12 months, neither of us could leave. he accused me the whole time of infidelity, we fought, we yelled, one day I finally walked away I found something o his phone re his ex I couldbt take it anymore and I walked away. we didn't speak for a few days then he rang and we saw each other and bang - I'm pregnant! he wanted the baby but not the relationship - just friends.he accused me the whole pregnancy of seeing someone else- seriously! we have a beautiful girl but I cant forgive him. I found more on the internet re his ex - an rsvp to a party when we were seeing each other. he denies going but cant explain it. so stuck.

Tyron Putting your spouse first.
  • replies: 9

Hi All, This is not something I usually do. I mostly bottle it up but need to get it out and this is my only form, as I have no one to talk to. I have been with my wife for 10 years and we were happy. As of the last few years. She has always put our ... View more

Hi All, This is not something I usually do. I mostly bottle it up but need to get it out and this is my only form, as I have no one to talk to. I have been with my wife for 10 years and we were happy. As of the last few years. She has always put our children and other family members infront of me. I work 6 to 7 days a week and don t ask for much at all. She doesn'ttreat me like a man or even a husband. A marriage is a partnership that is constantly being refine, for later years when the kids move out of home, so you can enjoy eachother. Sometimes I have problems expressing my feelings and it turns into an argument, even though thats not what implying. My wife puts everyone before me and this is quite depressing. It has affected my way of looking at life and I start to think, why do I bother with my relationship, only to know that Im at a defalt last. It would be nine to be put first for a change. When I try to talk about my feelings. I told that Im being silly and I need to man up and be a man. The kids are even treating me like this, as they see what my wife is doing. I love my wife and still in love with her. Not sure what to do because I sometimes think why do I bother. I feel that all Im here to do is work, eat, sleep and pay the bills. My wife contributes as much as she can financially, but it would be nice not to work all of the time and for here to get a job to help me out. I know that Im not perfect and I have flaws too. When I try to talk about issues, she shuts me down and will be in denial that she may have issues too. Im thinking of us going to our doctor and discussing about finding a Counselor. Not sure if this is the right thing to do, since we cant discuss this together. I really dont want this of take hold of our marriage. Any advice would be appreciated.