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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Jameson Relationship problems
  • replies: 3

I've been with my partner now for 7months (same sex relationship) it started out really well. I couldn't believe how happy I was. Now things have changed slowly over the past few months I've noticed some narcissistic qualities about him. The relation... View more

I've been with my partner now for 7months (same sex relationship) it started out really well. I couldn't believe how happy I was. Now things have changed slowly over the past few months I've noticed some narcissistic qualities about him. The relationship now isn't fair and is quite one sided. I get abused each day get called names just to point out he's never physically hurt me. when I do get upset and come to him after an argument usually I get told to grow up. He makes me feel worthless at times and I do not know how to react anymore. I don't feel like the same person that I once was. In some ways I'm better for the relationship and in other ways I don't really know what's happening to me. He will apologise after arguments and say sorry for calling me names, but it keeps happening. I'm scared somewhat of how he will react if I need sometime apart just to get myself right. Him having these narcissistic qualities worries me as I'm not sure what he'll do next. I just don't know why to do next

Jaffa92 Can anxiety cause higher levels of jealousy??
  • replies: 2

I recently started dating a guy and things were going great and he was acting like he wanted to be with me (even inviting me to meet his family) until we slept together and I started thinking that he was going to leave. I projected so many nervous an... View more

I recently started dating a guy and things were going great and he was acting like he wanted to be with me (even inviting me to meet his family) until we slept together and I started thinking that he was going to leave. I projected so many nervous and anxious feelings on him and pointing out the smallest changes which would have pushed him away. I got jealous of his female friends and could tell he found that confronting and told me he wasn't looking for anything serious. I wasn't this jealous with my ex, can my new diagnosis of anxiety be creating more jealousy.

melissam76 Not sure what to name this
  • replies: 2

My fiance and I are along with our 5 year old daughter, joined my partners mother and step father as assistant managers in a business. We relocated from the city to the country and nearly 4 years on, my life is not too good. My mother in law have nev... View more

My fiance and I are along with our 5 year old daughter, joined my partners mother and step father as assistant managers in a business. We relocated from the city to the country and nearly 4 years on, my life is not too good. My mother in law have never had a close relationship as such ( unlike the relationships she had with my fiances brothers's partners, extremely close) but in saying that I truly thought that we were friends. 12 months ago, I found out that her and my sister in law were trying to find dirt on me to get rid of me. I did see this with my own eyes. I was heartbroken, shattered, devastated to the point of having a breakdown and had to see a psychologist to help me thru. It almost ruined my relationship with my fiance, and broke our little family. But we got thru. I continued to work with her, as hard as it was and tho each day has been tough I have survived. Until reccently when I applied to have a month off work to plan our wedding, which didnt happen. MIL I believe was not happy about the wedding so jumped on me taking too much leave and appointed a safe work consultant to draw up work contracts ( I am the only employee and another young girl who is leaving in 2 months) anyway, our contract cleaner approcached me about her contract, I said that I wasnt familiar with them and she should speak to my partner who handles the payroll. that night I told my fiance the cleaners concerns, printed out her contract for him to read, he wasnt interested so i tore it up and thru it out. The cleaner has now gone to my MIL told her that I advised her to seek legal advice etc etc. This is not at all or even close to anything I said. So now, I am seen as trying to get the cleaner on my side and build an army against my MIL. This is not true, I am at my wits end. My fiance doesnt believe me and I'm scared Im going to lose my fiance and my family is going to fall apart. I dont know how to handle this or what to do, I feel like I'm at breaking point and Im so scared

Lonely22 I hate myself
  • replies: 5

I'm pathetic, I pray and pray for things to turn around with my social life, I mean I'm 22 and never had a relationship. I've had so many opportunities in my life, girls that I had every opportunity to be with, make friends, especially coming out of ... View more

I'm pathetic, I pray and pray for things to turn around with my social life, I mean I'm 22 and never had a relationship. I've had so many opportunities in my life, girls that I had every opportunity to be with, make friends, especially coming out of primary school, then it all turned bad. I thought it would fix itself, only to have my social skills, innocent, young physical appearance leave me. Now I'm alone, and haven't a friend in past 4 years. I meet potential friends enough I suppose, probably 4 or 5 a year I really see myself with, but it never works out b/c I hate who I am, my appearance, communication skills, I'm so introverted I can never hold up a conversation, let alone initiate one. I just can't stand myself right now, the past 6 days all I've wanted is to see this girl I like, and convince myself that I could talk to her, have meaningful conversation and ask her out... I mean this is someone I haven't seen for 3 months, probably only 2 times this past year, and I prayed to God laboriously for just one chance, and wouldn't you know it I just saw this person, by chance, by gods blessing, and I took it for granted, I just couldn't bring myself to approach her, but I couldn't have asked for a better scenario to do so, and u couldn't even do that. I'm so shy, I'm so ugly, why would she even like me... Taking not accepting friend request on FB is indication she not interested, that's why I just have no confidence whatsoever, even if I did, I'm a loner w nothing to offer, people my age, they want socialising and happiness, fun, I just don't have any to offer. I hate myself more than ever right now, nothing is helping, no one wants to be with Me, nobody has proved me otherwise, I take more and more antidepressants, any anxiety medication, none of it helps, and I can't kill myself b/c I'm Christian and obviously right now is so difficult but I don't want an eternity of this hell, I'm just so afraid of being a 30, 40 year old with no friends, no social life or relationship, living on an average income alone, I see people like this every week and I never want this, but feel like there's nothing I can do to turn things around without surgery or something, God can only bless me to a point, like today where I have an opportunity to make a friend, but I let it go and now I don't deserve gods help, why should God help me when I ignore blessings and oppottunities.

gloria10 Longterm friendship over
  • replies: 4

I've been noticing my depression/anxiety has been a bit affected lately, due to the fact that a friendship that I had for 12 years suddenly seem to change overnight and I had a tough call to end it completely when I wasn't ready. (I had to do this fo... View more

I've been noticing my depression/anxiety has been a bit affected lately, due to the fact that a friendship that I had for 12 years suddenly seem to change overnight and I had a tough call to end it completely when I wasn't ready. (I had to do this for my health) I thought writing my thoughts and sharing how I feel may help. I was penfriends (wrote emails) with someone for a long time, normally sending emails once a week, although this naturally changes a bit when things get busy. He is married but its always just been a friendship and we'd say simple things like 'how has your week been?' or 'have you got any plans for the holidays?' Very basic stuff, but we have also met a few times and I even went to his wedding. For me it was only friendship though. I think I am just baffled that when he got a new job things seemed to change over night and this isn't like him. He used to be a very caring person and always made an effort and then it was like he just gave up on a friendship when this new job came in. Could it be greed? Putting his job first to get to the top? I dont feel I can talk to my mum about it either as she says 'what, you're still friends with him?' like my friendship shouldn't matter. I am considering seeing a psychologist as I think it would help and I just wanted to know if there's any advice for dealing with these things in the mean time. Im going to try exercising this weekend and I find singing helps me deal with emotions too, but any other advice would help too.

j88 Who do I choose?
  • replies: 9

Hello, after having my 1st child 4 years ago I was diagnosed with post natal depression and have dealt with it ever since. I have suspected I have always had some sort of depression since I was young. I feel like I'm going down hill fast again. My mu... View more

Hello, after having my 1st child 4 years ago I was diagnosed with post natal depression and have dealt with it ever since. I have suspected I have always had some sort of depression since I was young. I feel like I'm going down hill fast again. My mum is recovering from breath cancer where she needed a mastectomy, chemo and radiation which was really tough on her and everyone in the family. As a special celebration of everything she has been through we wanted to take her away to the one place she has always wanted to go, to santorini. Unfortunately my husband can't come as he has to work. Originally I thought he was fine if we all went and I took our children without him. As it's coming to the booking stage now he is has gotten terribly upset saying numerous reasons why I'm being selfish wanting to go without him and how he would never do that to me. I just need some outside perspective. My family is desperate for me to come as everyone is going but my husnand is also in a terrible way and I'm afraid of what's going to happen. I am desperate to go to but don't want to hurt my husband. I can't please my family myself and my husband all at once and I'm going into a dark place. I know it doesn't make sense but I feel like hurting myself, im not eating and can't stop crying. I just don't know what to do

Nickname_8FAC1CCC-38FC-4C Girlfriend or carer?
  • replies: 5

I am in a relationship with a partner who has depression. It has been two years since we got together. He is a naturally introverted guy and ever since we met it has always been me leading us to do things, it was even me who got us together. But the ... View more

I am in a relationship with a partner who has depression. It has been two years since we got together. He is a naturally introverted guy and ever since we met it has always been me leading us to do things, it was even me who got us together. But the past year and a half has been bad as he has been going down hill. I feel like his mother nagging him to take his medication (he is only back on meds as I suggested he needed support from them), to book an appointment with the psychologist. Whenever I try to talk to him about it and how I feel not supported he puts a wall up and shuts down. It feels like I am living with a zombie and I am no longer attracted to him. I am in the middle now between being his girlfriend or his carer. He doesn't have any friends anymore and no support from his family. I dont know what to do. I have spoken to a counsellor and she says I need to decide if I continue in the relationship and be his carer or his girlfriend or end the relationship - but I always put others first and I am so afraid of ending it for some reason. I dont want him to have no one. Helllpppp.

Sahm88 So lost.
  • replies: 8

I don't know if I'm writing this to get feedback from others, or just to get it off my chest. Im 28, 6 months ago I was dumped by the guy who I thought was my one. He had been my best friend for 4 years, partner for 2, friend for 8. I found myself li... View more

I don't know if I'm writing this to get feedback from others, or just to get it off my chest. Im 28, 6 months ago I was dumped by the guy who I thought was my one. He had been my best friend for 4 years, partner for 2, friend for 8. I found myself living in a different state with no where to live and spent 6 weeks sleeping on couches of friends I had made at work. Convincing myself that it was a rough patch and he would change his mind. He didn't. He ended things because he felt like he couldn't give me what I need and because he thought I was so miserable living away from our friends and family. He has PTSD after serving overseas so he had really withdrawn from me and shut down emotionally rather than talking to me. i feel so embarrassed that I still feel as heart broken as the day it ended. I still feel like I have a massive hole in my heart and I miss him every day. Ive just moved home and found my own unit. Currently its minimally furnished until I can save for more (I left with what I could fit in my car). I spend a lot of time by myself because I can't afford to go out and do things. He sends me money often. Maybe because he cares and feels like it's the only way he can be there for me at the moment, or maybe I'm thinking into it to much. At work I'm the happy go lucky girl. But I think there's only one person who sees how much I'm struggling and on the weekend I think I successfully ruined my friendship with her. People keep pushing me to go on dates or "hook up" with someone, but I'm not interested in anyone else. I cry each night and I'm so lost. I thought he was going to propose and instead he dumped me 3 days after our anniversary. He says he doesn't want this to be forever, but now I feel too hurt to let anyone near me again. i feel so pathetic for still feeling this way, for still loving him and making excuses for him. I have so much guilt over things that happened in the start. I think that contributed to the break up. I can't forgive myself. I was seeing a psychologist before I left, but now I live alone I can't afford it. I don't know how to be the happy fun confident girl that I used to be and I'm petrified of being alone or without him. It breaks my heart that I lost my best friend and my boyfriend at the same time. I'm the only one of my friends who isn't married and/or has children and they're all younger than me. I just don't know what to do or how to move forward or how to wake up and think that today might actually be a good day.

TLD Am I depressed
  • replies: 3

Hi I am a 22 year old male who is in a current relationship of 5 years and have 2 children. I work full time in a very physically and draining job. I come home and I'm always tired and even tired at work even though I get a solid sleep. I feel as if ... View more

Hi I am a 22 year old male who is in a current relationship of 5 years and have 2 children. I work full time in a very physically and draining job. I come home and I'm always tired and even tired at work even though I get a solid sleep. I feel as if though people are always judging me and that I am mentally drained. I don't feel good enough for her, feels like we have nothing in common. I feel very private and I can't talk about our relationship or anything. I get jealous very easily and I always seem down as in feeling like she can do better. When I get home from work all I want to do is just stay home on weekends and do nothing as it feels as if though I never get to relax, some days I feel suicidal but I wouldn't go and do anything as I think of my kids and what it would be like for them to not have a father I feel always tired, always sad and pissed off and it's really effecting those around me. I think I could have depression but I don't know what depression feels like and I don't have anyone to talk to. Is there anyone that could tell me about some symptoms

starlight86 Left out at work, advice please!
  • replies: 3

I feel I need to get this off my chest and ask others for opinions.. I'm deaf, I can hear quite well with my aids, and my speach is almost perfect- the downside is that most people often forget or don't realise that I don't hear well due to having a ... View more

I feel I need to get this off my chest and ask others for opinions.. I'm deaf, I can hear quite well with my aids, and my speach is almost perfect- the downside is that most people often forget or don't realise that I don't hear well due to having a great speech as well it is a hidden disability. There are limitations when you have a hearing loss. I work in a happy friendly medium sized company full time, I have been there for 2 years, I have no problems communicating with my work colleagues at work based on 1-1 conversations. However, the issue is that I have noticed that people had been socialising a lot outside of work- they're all split into different groups, i.e young Australians, mothers, Asians etc. I feel left out when I'm not invited to any appropriate events. I think to myself why do they not ask me? It's hurtful. I often see them having a good time on Facebook and I feel I should be part of it. I don't expect to be invited to all of them but a few of them would be lovely. Now, I often dread going into work and feel a little anxious as sometimes I feel that they think I'm boring due to hearing limitations and they may dislike me even though they put a friendly face at work. Its so hard for me to hear in group conversations and to act totally myself. It's hard for me to make friends. Maybe, that's why I'm left out? Put yourself into my shoes. Imagine yourself working in a foreign country only understanding basic language and just managing to get by,how would you feel in a group setting when they're speaking fast and fluent? Anyway, if I notice people laughing about something I can't say 'Hey, what is everyone is talking about?' Because past experiences responses were 'Don't worry,' which upset me and this let me down. I also don't want to annoy them by repeating 'Hey, whats happening?' So, I sit there in silence not understanding what is going on. I just wanted to feel included! However, 3 work colleagues had said 'lets catch up one day' but never took place, its always me that makes the effort, why say it if you don't mean it? I'm reluctant to talk with anyone at work because I'm not close to anyone, I feel embarrassed, stupid and people may think I am over-reacting! I don't know how to approach the situation. People describes me as having a good heart, friendly, considerate and always like to get along with people.My sister said I shouldn't worry as I have lots of friends outside of work. Advice please (Feel silly writing this)