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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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ndsie89 i left my husband for someone else- and regret it
  • replies: 2

i was with my husband for 7 years only married for 1 , we have 2 girls together and towards the end of our first year of marriage I can't tell if I was bored, lonely or un happy - but I started searching for someone else. eventually I left him for th... View more

i was with my husband for 7 years only married for 1 , we have 2 girls together and towards the end of our first year of marriage I can't tell if I was bored, lonely or un happy - but I started searching for someone else. eventually I left him for the guy I am still with now and my husband tried for months and months to get me back and I kept leading him on saying I want him back to but I never get back with him. now I am just depressed. can't get out of this headspace of regret and guilt and I feel sad all the time, can't look forward to anything in my life because I feel like I made this big huge mistake that I can't fix. I don't know what to do. I feel terrible for what I did but I think I mustve done it for a reason so do I want him back or not? I don't know what to do to get out of this way of thinking. He has a new partner now and they seem super happy , I can't be happy for him. I am just a mess.

Familyman1 My wife won't acknowledge there is an issue
  • replies: 7

Hi there, I'm new to the group, I am mid 20s, married, 2 children and a mortgage, I'm feeling the worst I have for a long time , mentally I am begging for help but I can't push myself to go get help , I think it's because I always seem to bottle thin... View more

Hi there, I'm new to the group, I am mid 20s, married, 2 children and a mortgage, I'm feeling the worst I have for a long time , mentally I am begging for help but I can't push myself to go get help , I think it's because I always seem to bottle things up inside. My wife and I are arguing a lot lately as she says I don't commit enough and I never want to do anything as a family , that's not the case I do but I get extremely nervous around crowds , or a lot of the time I'm deep in thought or just mentally drained, but I can't seem to make her understand that I am listening I don't think she gets how I feel she just seems to ignore me when I open up about things and brush it off as if I haven't said a thing .. What can I do so we can be on the same page as she is very hard to talk to about this !! Thanks

theRealJohnSmith96 Lonely. Full of Anxiousness and Regret.
  • replies: 7

Hello, I'm 23 and have never been in any sort of intimate relationship with a girl. I'm a very anxious person and as a result, am quite passive and slow to react to my feelings. For the past 6 months I've been crushing over this girl at work. She is ... View more

Hello, I'm 23 and have never been in any sort of intimate relationship with a girl. I'm a very anxious person and as a result, am quite passive and slow to react to my feelings. For the past 6 months I've been crushing over this girl at work. She is new and I never thought much of her at first. However overtime as I've gotten to know her, we became good friends and I found myself falling for her. Because of my anxiety I was never able to straight up tell her how much I liked her or ask her out. We'd talk a lot during our shifts together. I would try to drop in some hints about my feelings, and eventually I found out that she was also single, and had been her whole life. The problem was that we only knew each other because of work, and with the sort of environment we were in, it never felt like it was an appropriate time to tell her anything. Everyday I came into work, thinking of ways to ask her out. I ended up choking and failed every time, going home feeling depressed. A couple months passed and I maintained the same sort of relationship with this girl. We talked and flirted, then I'd fail to ask her out. Eventually a good opportunity came up and we met outside of work. I ended up confessing to her. Telling her I loved her. She told me that it wasn't a good time for her..... that she had been seeing someone else. She told me that she had feelings for me too, and that if I had asked her out earlier, she would have said yes. She told me that we could only be friends and to this day, we still are. Last week, she asked me if I wanted to go get dinner with her sometime. I of course misinterpreted her and thought of it as a date. That her previous relationship didn't work out well. So I bought new clothes and even got a new haircut. When that day came we spent the whole night talking about relationships..... we spent the whole night talking about her boyfriend. At this point I feel completely "friend-zoned," and despite the way she acted that night, I still had a really nice time. I don't know what to do. There hasn't been a single day in the past 6 months where I haven't thought about this girl. I keep falling in and out for her, and whenever I see her at work, I always get depressed. I don't want to quit work or lose her as a friend. I'm filled with regret of not asking her out sooner. The regret of what could have been. I feel very lonely. I don't have any friends to talk to this about and fear that I'll live out my life alone. Please help.

Kirb86 Tarnished friendships and marriage
  • replies: 3

Would like to get some advice on how to get back on track. I suffer from depression and believe I have a drinking problem. The last time I drank I tried to kiss my bestfriends husband and have now tarnished our relationship as well as mine and my fia... View more

Would like to get some advice on how to get back on track. I suffer from depression and believe I have a drinking problem. The last time I drank I tried to kiss my bestfriends husband and have now tarnished our relationship as well as mine and my fiancé's relationship. I have decided to stop drinking but the pain I've caused because of my drinking remains. I have gone downhill and feel like I'm back to square one when I was first diagnosed with depression. I can't eat or sleep. My fiancé and I have a daughter and I feel like I can't take care of her the way I should. My work is suffering which is not good as I've recently bought a home and don't want to put my job in jeopardy. I miss my friend's and I feel ashamed of my actions. I feel devistated that I have hurt my fiancé and I feel lost.

Ameyj How to deal with partner smoking inside
  • replies: 8

Hi, I am experieincing relationship problems with my partner of one 1 year, mostly related to our out of synch sleeping patterns and his insistence on smoking inside. My partner is a hard working man who earns and pays for most things such as rent, f... View more

Hi, I am experieincing relationship problems with my partner of one 1 year, mostly related to our out of synch sleeping patterns and his insistence on smoking inside. My partner is a hard working man who earns and pays for most things such as rent, food, bills etc. I am a full time student so I have become used to living like this. He feels because he works hard and pays for most stuff that he should be allow to enjoy his luxuries - which mostly include smoking pot everyday, inside, and playing computer games til very early in the morning. I do not wish to control him and make him unhappy. But I am becoming increasingly affected by these habits. For instance he insists on smoking in bed and watching netflix before sleep. I on the other hand prefer sleep earlier in complete darkness, quiet and not breathing in smoke. So we go to bed, pop a movie on and I fall asleep halfway through, only to wake up an hour, later feeling grumpy that lights are still on, and joints are still being smoked. At this point we often have a fight. I think he should stop smoking inside and respect my need for darkness. He thinks he has a right to enjoy his late night smoke and movie in his own bed. All this usually occurs anywhere between 1 and 5am in the morning. He also smokes in the toilet, which has no windows only a fan, and in our bedroom at any other given point in the day, often inviting all his male friends over to game and smoke in our room. We live in an apartment and have been warned to stop smoking pot inside and the front balcony where he used to smoke, as a result now our room which has a back balcony is the only place to smoke, as he doesn’t want to risk smoking his pot outside. I have been heading to my parents house up to 3 days a week just to get adequate sleep so I can study. This takes a lot of stress off our relationship, and when I head back to our apartment we feel happy and loving to one another, but after a couple of days I’m fed up and we fight again. I love my boyfriend dearly. He is generous with me and has recently quit alcohol, after finally acknowledging he had an drinking problem. To show my support I quit with him and I am proud of how he has become a better person. We have gone through a fair bit together already, including an abortion, and despite his flaws he has shown me that he does really love and care for me and I don’t want to throw it all away. But what should I do about his smoking? How can I get him to stop?

Pat1985 Taking a break?
  • replies: 2

I've been in a relationship for just over 7 years... My boyfriend hasn't been the best in the sense that I've constantly caught him flirting with other girls (some in relationships) since we first started dating. He is adamant that he hasn't slept wi... View more

I've been in a relationship for just over 7 years... My boyfriend hasn't been the best in the sense that I've constantly caught him flirting with other girls (some in relationships) since we first started dating. He is adamant that he hasn't slept with any of them, he just likes the attention he gets when they reciprocate his flirtatious advances. In September we spoke about his flirting (for the 100th time) and he said that he will needs a break from our relationship so he can work on himself. I never told anyone about what he was doing for 7 years as I didn't want anyone to think less of him. I immediately spoke to his brother whom he looks up to as a father figure so someone other than me can hold him accountable for his actions. We have still been speaking quite often since September and I really want to make things work. Despite how much he has hurt me I really want to make this work with him, but more importantly im finding it hard to keep my emotions in check... It is such a rollercoaster ride, it has affected my work, I've lost a lot of weight, I can't concentrate on anything and because he is overseas for work at the moment I just have this fear that he is up to no good, despite him constantly telling me that he is just working on himself and trying to spend time with his work friends (one of whom is female and I know they get along quite well). He also told me last night that he still needs his space and he wants to keep things 'breezy' between us.. what does this mean? I'm really stressed and just feel helpless all the time, I'm not really one to ask for help but I'm really desperate and need some sort of coping techniques. I really love this guy and don't want to lose him... Any advice would be appreciated.

alifewasted Am I taking things too personally?
  • replies: 12

Hello, not sure exactly how to start. I am an outspoken married female. I am passionate but will not tolerate injustice and speak up. I am married to a man who presents as sweet, kind and gentle but he is actually narcissistic, scheming and passive a... View more

Hello, not sure exactly how to start. I am an outspoken married female. I am passionate but will not tolerate injustice and speak up. I am married to a man who presents as sweet, kind and gentle but he is actually narcissistic, scheming and passive aggressive. I have an adult child who holds a great deal of resentment towards me as she sides with her father. My husband always presents himself as the victim. Even if he loses his job, it's not his fault, it's mine and I am then required to work 7 days a week so we don't lose the house. My adult daughter rarely helps out and has no compassion towards me, just him. Today he decided to tell her that I was having an extra-marital affair with an 18 year old. Hmm! He then went on about the other men that I had apparently slept with. None of this is true and ironically, his lies did not bother me. What did bother me greatly though was his intent - his malicious intent to further wedge my daughter from me. I have put up with his laziness, his refusal to socialise (no one visits and no one invites us over anymore), his refusal to even visit his own family, and his refusal to come to hospital when I was rushed there with a suspected heart attack. He told the paramedics that he had work in the morning. Hmm! So I now sit here alone. My daughter couldn't care less about how I am feeling and my dearest husband just keeps feeding her more propaganda about what a horrible human I am. My daughter's response hurts me. Her father has done nothing for her as I did everything. Even taking her to friends was too laborious for him. In the past, he has hit me. No one believed me. In the past and present, he has mentally and emotionally abused me, and once again, no one has believed me. Apparently I am far too bold of a human for anyone to try to abuse. I am now a shell of a human. We have no connections to his family, my friends all disappeared as I kept having to cancel them due to his refusal to have anything to do with them, and my family are elderly. He berates me for my appearance, and when I began to start looking after myself, berated me again for spending money. My daughter is downright rude. I have no one. But I don't believe that I deserve to put up with this because of financial pressures. Dearest husband losing his job three times really set us back financially and he will go after me with a vengeance with any financial settlement. Husband is a psychopath. Daughter has ripped my heart into pieces.

CB2016 New and need to talk/share
  • replies: 3

Hi - With my family I didn't think that I would need help but I can't believe how quick and hard things can change. One daughter "wants break from family" after having an inappropriate meltdown aimed at her sister. I have not been involved but have b... View more

Hi - With my family I didn't think that I would need help but I can't believe how quick and hard things can change. One daughter "wants break from family" after having an inappropriate meltdown aimed at her sister. I have not been involved but have been excluded as well - and told so in a calm and considered conversation. I am hurting so much and cannot understand how she can do this and what I have done. We 'work' together and her public show is 'normal' but there is no warmth at all and I find seeing her very difficult. I cannot talk about it to others as I hope it all goes away but the whole year has been difficult. Her sister who was her victim has tried to make contact without good response so that is hurting me too as she is having a rough time as well and needs me to be strong. I am feeling down and questioning things in my life at the moment and I think NOT looking forward to turning 70 next year so I know this is not helping me deal with this situation. I do know it happens to lots of people but I thought my family was my world and I have worked so hard for them. I'm not the Mum who talks/sees her kids every day or so and they have been very independent so it is not smothering or interfering. Obviously feeling sorry for myself.

Trying2BStrong Struggling to move past my husband cheating
  • replies: 2

My husband and have been together for 12 years we have two beautiful little boys the youngest is 9 months old. On 31/08/16 I found out my husband was having an affair online with some woman he met on a game. After confronting him about it he assured ... View more

My husband and have been together for 12 years we have two beautiful little boys the youngest is 9 months old. On 31/08/16 I found out my husband was having an affair online with some woman he met on a game. After confronting him about it he assured me it would end and he was sorry. I forgave him because I believe that it's best for our boys and I love him. over the last few months I've tried to move on forget about it. But it's always in the back of my mind. I'm having a real hard time trusting him he still plays the game and uses apps like line and Snapchat. He stays up really late playing them. On the odd occasion that he is separated from his phone I've been very tempted to look but don't know if I could cope if I found something again. Tonight it was really getting to me he's in the kitchen at 2am playing that game. I got up for a drink and he asked me why I was awake I told him I was struggling to sleep and that I wasn't in a good mind space. He hugged me and kept asking what was wrong I told him I didn't want to talk about it but he kept going. i told him I was still struggling to deal with what happened and how it bothers me that he's always playing that game and using those apps. Rather than spend time with me or sleeping in our bed. i really have no one to talk to about this because I'm so ashamed that this has happened to me. It it wasn't for my kids I would have left. I need to keep strong for my boys. He's an amazing dad and helps out around the house I just feel so unloved and unwanted. Ive asked him to come up with a way to make it up to me. I think him quitting the game and getting rid of the apps might be a start but I feel he should have done it months ago but which makes me think something could still be going on. we had a bit of a fight about it he thought we were ok and I got quite mad because I don't feel ok at all and maybe if it was the other was around he would understand how I felt that pain just doesn't go away I'm not sure what advice anyone can give me but I just can't hold it in anymore

SubduedBlues When life moves faster than we are used to, how do we slow it down?
  • replies: 16

Funny that I can talk openly about Tourette's, anxiety and my previous marital breakdown, but when it comes to being intimate with someone, I just cannot find the words that don't come across as distasteful. I have never been the successful bachelor,... View more

Funny that I can talk openly about Tourette's, anxiety and my previous marital breakdown, but when it comes to being intimate with someone, I just cannot find the words that don't come across as distasteful. I have never been the successful bachelor, or the mister right now. That kind of stuff just doesn't happen to guys like me. I am the dork, the geek, the pear shaped cast-aside. I am the one that everyone passes and no one sees; when I stand in a crowd, the crowd stands out. But yesterday impossible happened... I awoke next to someone who I have just met. Even though I felt extremely uncomfortable at the time, I couldn't bring myself sneak out and leave her to feel disrespected; so I stayed. This morning I learnt that she is a really nice person; someone worth spending time with. On departure, she gave me her phone number and asked me to call her. I have no idea what she sees in me, as I am definitely not the catch of the day. I don't want a purely physical relationship; I want one that is built on the good solid foundation of friendship. I am afraid if I call that she'll want to just be physical again. And I am afraid if I don't, I will miss out on a second chance to live again. How do I put the brakes on the physical stuff to see if a friendship can occur first? Any suggestions on what to do now would be appreciated. SB