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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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starlight86 Left out at work, advice please!
  • replies: 3

I feel I need to get this off my chest and ask others for opinions.. I'm deaf, I can hear quite well with my aids, and my speach is almost perfect- the downside is that most people often forget or don't realise that I don't hear well due to having a ... View more

I feel I need to get this off my chest and ask others for opinions.. I'm deaf, I can hear quite well with my aids, and my speach is almost perfect- the downside is that most people often forget or don't realise that I don't hear well due to having a great speech as well it is a hidden disability. There are limitations when you have a hearing loss. I work in a happy friendly medium sized company full time, I have been there for 2 years, I have no problems communicating with my work colleagues at work based on 1-1 conversations. However, the issue is that I have noticed that people had been socialising a lot outside of work- they're all split into different groups, i.e young Australians, mothers, Asians etc. I feel left out when I'm not invited to any appropriate events. I think to myself why do they not ask me? It's hurtful. I often see them having a good time on Facebook and I feel I should be part of it. I don't expect to be invited to all of them but a few of them would be lovely. Now, I often dread going into work and feel a little anxious as sometimes I feel that they think I'm boring due to hearing limitations and they may dislike me even though they put a friendly face at work. Its so hard for me to hear in group conversations and to act totally myself. It's hard for me to make friends. Maybe, that's why I'm left out? Put yourself into my shoes. Imagine yourself working in a foreign country only understanding basic language and just managing to get by,how would you feel in a group setting when they're speaking fast and fluent? Anyway, if I notice people laughing about something I can't say 'Hey, what is everyone is talking about?' Because past experiences responses were 'Don't worry,' which upset me and this let me down. I also don't want to annoy them by repeating 'Hey, whats happening?' So, I sit there in silence not understanding what is going on. I just wanted to feel included! However, 3 work colleagues had said 'lets catch up one day' but never took place, its always me that makes the effort, why say it if you don't mean it? I'm reluctant to talk with anyone at work because I'm not close to anyone, I feel embarrassed, stupid and people may think I am over-reacting! I don't know how to approach the situation. People describes me as having a good heart, friendly, considerate and always like to get along with people.My sister said I shouldn't worry as I have lots of friends outside of work. Advice please (Feel silly writing this)

tking90 Work Relationship gone south
  • replies: 2

I am a 26 year old male having issues with myself and a relationship I had formed in the work place. We started out 6 months ago by sleeping together after a drunken night out but then continued to see each other after woods. After a couple of weeks ... View more

I am a 26 year old male having issues with myself and a relationship I had formed in the work place. We started out 6 months ago by sleeping together after a drunken night out but then continued to see each other after woods. After a couple of weeks she explained to me that she was not looking for anything serious as she had come out of a relationship previously and wanted to enjoy life. I took a couple steps back from how fast paced things had come between us and this not did sit well for her, as she came to my house one night crying and begging things be normal. After that things somewhat became normal again but I became a bit of a dick at times and would always say little things to get a reaction but she genuinely seemed to care about me but the whole "not wanting anything serious" really played on me as she seemed to wanting the best of both worlds. Until just before I left for Europe which I had already booked before I met her we ended up having a fight over nothing and I ignored her at work when she tried to say goodbye as I was hurt from everything. When in Europe I tried to talk but then we ended up having another fight due to her stating "we were never in a relationship so you can see whoever you want" So I ended up deleting her and blocking her on all forms of social media to cut all contact and did not speak for 6 weeks. When I got back to work we tried to mend things but I kept hearing from staff how she had told them "He blocked me off all social media because he was upset that I did not like him as much as he liked me" which really burned me because I felt it was quite equal for the most part. So for the last 3 months that I have been back, it has been an on and off again friendship, but whenever I would feel down I go into a shell and ignored her as it was how I dealt with things in life. This embarrassed her as this was at work and I admit it was not nice as I can be very cold when upset or angry. After so much effort and back and forth she did always try and make sure we were friends and in each others lives even though I was trying to push her out of my life at times even though I actually never wanted that, I wanted to be with her. Then once things had finally gotten good as far as we thought at work, We had another work function where we ended up getting extremely drunk and sleeping together again even though I was trying to do the right thing and back away, I gave in as I wanted it as much as I thought she did.

Coddiwompler Mother issues - feeling confused
  • replies: 2

I will try and condense this as much as possible! Raised by divorced parents, used as a pawn, emotionally neglected and a ton of other stuff! Bottom line, my now elderly mum (80years) has lots of health issues along with a lifetime of her own mental ... View more

I will try and condense this as much as possible! Raised by divorced parents, used as a pawn, emotionally neglected and a ton of other stuff! Bottom line, my now elderly mum (80years) has lots of health issues along with a lifetime of her own mental demons due to her own childhood. I love her dearly and recognise she did the best she could as a mother and I know she loves me and my sister very much. She is now very infirm and checked out of the aged care home and into independent living. She leans of me a lot and due to my own mental health, I find it very stressful. When she went into aged care, she gifted me her car and even though I offered to pay for it she insisted I have it in payment for all I do for her. Last week I rang her to tell her I was trading it in on a brand new car, thinking she would be excited for me but she was very angry and told me to stop the trade in and she will have her car back now. I was floored at her attitude and did as she wanted. I've since dropped her car off to her (didn't see her by choice) and wrote her a letter saying I love her dearly but need a break from her as I am fragile mentally due to all the stress. I was kind in the letter and told her I would be in touch when I felt stronger. She left a voice mail on my phone saying how very sorry she is and that she loves me very much and doesn't want to lose me. My sister is concerned this has tipped her over the edge and now I am absolutely confused about what to do. If I don't take this break I will slip back into a depression, as it is my anxiety is over the top but if I stay away, mum will suffer so much, seeing my break as rejection. I would very much appreciate anyones outside view on this as I am in turmoil and that is of course making my mental state worse :-(. FYI: I am Bipolar 2, PTSD, and GAD.

J_M Ending a friendship is tough
  • replies: 8

My job pretty much dictates that I can only be friends with people in the same industry. However, sometimes, someone comes into your life and you work around it. I became friends with someone and at first, it was so great not staying at home all the ... View more

My job pretty much dictates that I can only be friends with people in the same industry. However, sometimes, someone comes into your life and you work around it. I became friends with someone and at first, it was so great not staying at home all the time if I had night shifts off. I should have known it would be a train wreck the first time she betrayed my confidence! But I put it down to a mistake and forgave her. Since then, she has broken my trust a couple more times.. I also heard reports of her speaking very inappropriately around people I know. She got arrested for being drunk and disorderly, again, around people I know, also, she can't take an Uber because she physically assaulted a driver! Through all of this, I've been supportive of her, I have some troubles at the moment and she can't be bothered to even call me.. it seems I've spent a lot of time and energy on a 'friend ' that didn't deserve it... feeling so sad right now

TheGuitarist I've given up on relationships, friends, etc
  • replies: 5

Hello, I'm fairly new but been reading lots, but can't find any threads that help. Basically, I'm male, 30 in 1 month and I feel like relationships and such are over for me. I've had one dating relationship, and that ended over 10 years ago. I haven'... View more

Hello, I'm fairly new but been reading lots, but can't find any threads that help. Basically, I'm male, 30 in 1 month and I feel like relationships and such are over for me. I've had one dating relationship, and that ended over 10 years ago. I haven't had a date since before that. During my 20s, I lost a lot of weight (140kg -> 85kg), was very outgoing despite my severe anxiety, went to lots of live music gigs, bars, clubs, all of the parties. Thing is, nobody has been interested in me, and since then my health has seriously deteriorated. I now have sleep apnea, sciatica, celiac disease, IBD, major depression, severe anxiety, and a host of complications as a result of celiac disease developing in the last 3 years. I can no longer eat 90% of food, nor any form of takeaway, it's extremely complicated to dine out, and all my friends have discarded me when my illness seriously hit me. They no longer reply to texts, mention when they're in town, or communicate on social media. I have one close friend, female (I am male) who I live with, who is in a long distance relationship. Soon she'll be moving over to America to marry her fiance (and they're great together.) When that happens my last friend will leave the country. I feel my best years are behind me, my health only seems to deteriorate further and the complications keep piling up. Nobody was interested in me in my best health, when I was honestly trying as much as I could, being the most outgoing I ever have in my life, and at the peak of my health. I fear that my best times are gone, and hitting 30 next month sort of solidifies it. I haven't had a date in 11 years, and in my vocation (IT backend programming) where it's 99% male (seriously, out of 60 employees we have 1 female), I have no chance to meet anyone. I keep looking on meetup and such to find events to go to, but none seem to be in my area (SE Melbourne suburbs) and the ones in the city I can't get to due to health issues. I can't imagine anyone wanting to get involved with me with my current severe mental and health issues, and I also feel my health will only get worse from here. I've been trying to get better for years, but it just doesn't happen. I hate myself, my body, everything. I can't develop love for myself, and consequently I can't see anyone else ever doing the same. I suppose I just needed to vent. Thank you for reading if you got this far.

Shaolyn121 Trying to let go
  • replies: 2

Hi... My husband of 8 years and partner for 13 years left me unexpectedly in February. We had talked about starting a family and even had names picked out. He had an opportunity to further his career with a temporary rotation with his company in a ci... View more

Hi... My husband of 8 years and partner for 13 years left me unexpectedly in February. We had talked about starting a family and even had names picked out. He had an opportunity to further his career with a temporary rotation with his company in a city a couple hours away. I encouraged this and was excited for the new opportunities is was going to open up to us. After only a week there he met another woman and left me for her. To add insult to injury she has a child. He was cold and hurtful and left me with a lot of responsibility he just walked away from. He left me, my family, and friends for this new life. He was cruel, cold and refused to talk to me. We had worked so hard and talked so much about our dreams and goals and he just left to live out what we always talked about wanting with someone else. I have been devistated ever since. Memories of my life with him fill my head and will not back off. On top of my struggle with dealing with that, my mother decided she no longer wanted medical intervention for a health issue she had been dealing with and went on hospice where I took care of her and essentially helped her die. I thought my ex would have at least emailed me to give his condolences as he was a part of my family and close to my family for a couple years before I even met him. He didn't. The loss of the person I want to grow old with and the betrayal and lack of respect coupled with the loss of my mother has almost been unbearable. I try to tell myself that things will get better that this will be for the best but the anxiety and constant images and memories that my mind plays repeat in debilitating. I struggle to maintain this facade that I am OK when inside I feel like dying. I want to be able to accept and move on but I am constantly scheming in my brain how I can change things but I know I can't. It's like my brain won't give me a rest. It's been close to a year and I can't even begin to image my life without my ex. I have this unhealthy hope that he will contact me and ask that we reconcile. I get uncomfortable when I am in public and everything reminds me of my past. I am consumed by everything that I no longer havery and I am remaining stuck. it's affecting my life and keeping me from being able to let go and live my life. I am stugging with how you let go of something and someone you love so wholeheartedly. Thanks for reading...

Spearmint Fiance left me, I'm a mess
  • replies: 6

Hi, I didn't really want to post on here but I feel as though I need to now. In November, I watched my brother take his last breath in his fight against cancer, it was truly awful. At that time I had been getting ready to look for a job as I had been... View more

Hi, I didn't really want to post on here but I feel as though I need to now. In November, I watched my brother take his last breath in his fight against cancer, it was truly awful. At that time I had been getting ready to look for a job as I had been on holidays for awhile and moved back to my home town, my fiance told me not to go back to work yet so that I could grieve and he would support me. One month after my brothers death, my fiance (we were together for 6 ½ years) told me that he no longer fully loved me with all of his heart and that I don't deserve a life not fully loved. He broke up with me right then and there and I never even seen it coming, I had no idea he was feeling that way. I love him with every fibre of my being. He has been struggling with depression for the last couple of years but never wanted to get help for it. He was a mess but said he was 100% on his decision. That was 4 weeks ago. He was my rock during my brothers passing and now I feel like life has kicked while im down, I'm very stuffed up. Since he left I have had 0 appetite, I have to force food down but can barely eat much, I was already smallish but I have lost 5 1/2kgs and feel very very weak. Two weeks ago I started getting bad pain in my bladder and thought it was originally an infection, after taking antibiotics and it didnt go away, the doctor is sending me to get and ultrasound in a week. (I'm not pregnant). I feel like this is all too much. I have a great family around me which they have been my saviour and I will be forever grateful to them. I don't know how to pick my life up at this point. I'm too weak, tired and in pain to be able to work not to mention an emotional mess. My car needs fixing, I don't have the money to fix it. I don't want to feel this way anymore, but I don't want to be drugged up on antidepressants either.

M_R Seperated & now husband has a girlfriend
  • replies: 2

When i got married it really meant something to me.married 13yrs 3 children,1 not his 2 his.been in seperate homes caz he was abusive to child not his.more so verbally and emotionally.i still loved him but had to leave caz of this.he was still a big ... View more

When i got married it really meant something to me.married 13yrs 3 children,1 not his 2 his.been in seperate homes caz he was abusive to child not his.more so verbally and emotionally.i still loved him but had to leave caz of this.he was still a big part of our life & rang alot plus my house is like his.recently he dropped a bomb shell hes met someone.within a wk he took 2 of our kids to meet her and her kids. he only has our kids 24hrs wk & is taking kids most wks to hers.she also lives in my suburb.i am constantly crying.i have high aniexty & think when im at the local shops is that the women.my kids are highly demanding with there development issues which he is no help with.when driving i pass something that reminds me of him and feel like i want to throw up and then cry.i think about them having sex i think about her with my children i think about how hes doing stuff with her and her kids and never did that with me and our kids.my house is turned upside down.i tried communicating in writing but he got her to write to me caz he wouldnt say the right words.i knew it was not him as i know how he speaks & when i spoke to him he admitted it was her.i cry im so sad.i feel like a failure i feel like i was never loved by this man.he has disconnected himself.i don't know who he is.i love all my kids 1is to young to understand & the other has aniexty & scared to say something to him just incase he doesnt see them anymore.i feel like im heading down a spiral of feelings of overwhelment like climbing out of a well only to pop my head up and then to fall down to the bottom again.family is not helpful & friends are good but i feel bad when i talk about him & what hes doing to me on a regular basis. i feel so broken. he wants a divorce.

Kayaking Not sure what is going on with me.
  • replies: 6

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 3 and a half years and I just have no sexual desire towards him. I feel like I've lost interest because of his family and his friend. I've tried to talk to him about how he never sticks up for me in... View more

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 3 and a half years and I just have no sexual desire towards him. I feel like I've lost interest because of his family and his friend. I've tried to talk to him about how he never sticks up for me in situations, regardless of being my fault or not, and he just disregards everything and says that it's all made up. I don't feel like I get the emotional support I need from him. Through all of this, I just see his flaws and him being overweight, his lack of pulling his weight around the house, even though he works from home. Whenever he tries to touch me, I really don't like it and move away. He's a nice person and doesn't do anything intentional to hurt me. I'm not sure if this is normal and it will pass or if I'm depressed or something.

mechanical_animal having feelings for someone while your in a committed relationship
  • replies: 15

Hi my first post. I've been battling depression since i was 17 years old, been on and off meds for years. I am now 32 years old. I feel bad about this. I've been in a committed relationship with my fiancee for 7 years! we have a daughter that is a ye... View more

Hi my first post. I've been battling depression since i was 17 years old, been on and off meds for years. I am now 32 years old. I feel bad about this. I've been in a committed relationship with my fiancee for 7 years! we have a daughter that is a year old that I really love very much. I've had a fair bit of bad luck this year. I usually talk to people i know to help me with issues (of late I think I'm annoying people by doing this) This time however I am not game to tell anyone I know. We have this friend and I have kinda become infatuated with her she is a nice chick but i don't want to lose her as a friend or lose my missus or daughter either. I don't think I could could cheat on my missus. I just wish these feelings would go away!! If i tell my missus this. I don't know how she would take it. I love her but i am just over fighting with feelings all the time. I don't want her out of my life either. If i tell this girl how i feel then I'm sure that gets to my missus also. I just wish there was someway to turn all of this off. you know. especially when this girl is on my mind lots. it's so sad that now when I'm on facebook. I look to see her online or like something i have posted or commented on. I hope someone has some advice on what to do??? I've been trying for so long to make improvments on myself but something silly like this comes along and throws me back to square one