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Just Want To Understand

Community Member

Hi there, I am new to site

I have been together with my girlfriend for just over 3 months now and while I cannot say if she has been diagnosed but is clearly suffering from something mentally. There are days are her moods are completely fine but there are other days where she is in the worst mood for the whole day or even 2 days.

While the relationship has been going very strong and off to a great start, these moods tend to make her feel the worst about herself and she tends to push everyone away from her and isolate herself or she feels that everyone is avoiding her. She continues to say that she needs supports but what support can I actually give her when I don't know how to actually support her.

She gets very stressed easily and always on the verge of crying at some points. When we talk I tend to avoid those subjects that can bring her mood to that. She has even mentioned that she hates feeling like this all the time. Like I just don't know what to do.

I have tried talking to her about her problems but won't really tell what she really feels and she won't tell me the completely everything. I have also tried talking her into going to see a professional to actually give her some help but she is very against doing that. I feel like that I am the only that could support her and even listen to her in these situations because she does not get any help from her family or friends.

But tonight, what happened was different than before, she had started to question why I want her around and that she is a burden on me and sometimes she misses doing stuff on her own because that is what she is used to. After hearing that it made me scared and worried and emotional that she might end the relationship ever soon and I really don't want it to end because I love her and this has been the best relationship I have been in even though it has been just over 3 months. She is special to me.

I just want to know what to do and what I shouldn't do. I am very confused and scared

3 Replies 3

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome,

We can't diagnose but it seems she does need help if sine type. If she won't even go to a GP what can you do? You can't make her go.

You can however go yourself on the pretenses that you want to learn how to deal with her moods. If you go alone a few times she might eventually go with you.

You haven't been together for long. This mood thing might be normal behaviour for her not previously detected.

Give her the space she craves to help sort herself out. Be supportive in trying to understand.

Remember just holding her hand and saying nothing is support in itself.

Tony WK

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hello, can I say that how she feels is not uncommon for many people when they maybe scared of having to see a doctor or psychologist, because that means there is something that she needs to sort out, in other words that she needs mental help, so that scares her.
What I would suggest is for you to click onto 'Get Support' at the top of the page and scroll down to 'Information Resources' where youcan order all the printed material from BB, it's free, but very informative about all the issues on depression of any type.
The reason why she maybe denying any help is because she may not be well informed about depression, but if she can read this booklet or even browse through it then she may change her mind. Geoff.

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Welcome to the forum!

There's not much you feel you can do when she doesn't want to help herself. She needs support but pushes people away when you have tried to communicate with her. You have done the right thing to be as open as you can with her but I know there is only so much you can until you too feel the pain in regards to rejection from being pushed away.

Be sensitive in making suggestions as she may be susceptible to anger and rage when these suggestions about her mental health arise. Avoid terminology such as 'crazy' or 'there's something wrong with you'. These things may agitate her more but keep calm and keep trying to talk to her and hopefully she will eventually realise this relationship is too, something you are willing to work on. Remember, it is nothing you have done wrong. She may have suffered a trauma in her life to make he feel she has to be defensive and ultimately, push you away or has experienced other people in her life giving her the same treatment and it is the only way she knows how to communicate herself. If you want to continue helping her open up, use this strategy. When a conflict arises or you feel you too need to air your grievance in a non-threatening way, use these steps.

1. I feel... (add a feeling) when ... happens (add a situation), Never say, 'You make me feel like a) when you do b) because this creates further blame.

2. I don't know why this is happening but... (hypothesise). Brainstorm a few things rather than making an assumption about one. This gives her time to respond and narrow down the reasoning behind her behaviour.

3. I know that your values are based around... (what are values? Does she value the time you guys spend together? Does she value trust in the relationship?)

4. The future... What I would like to happen is...(Explain what you think might be beneficial)

I agree with Geoff, maybe seeing her symptoms firsthand on paper in front of her may help her realise that she and you are suffering in this relationship because of what she is experiencing in an emotional sense.