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*embarrassing post* obsession with a book!

Community Member

Help. I've developed an unhealthy obsession with a book called 'The Rules' and it must be OCD  but I can't seem to stop thinking about it and letting it ruin my life 😞

I'm a person who already takes things way too seriously at the best of times and I already fell crazy enough about this so please don't make me feel worse.

But years ago my sister bought this book called 'The Rules' when I was only 16 and I was already developing this habit of taking things literally.

I looked up to my sister way too much and thought I had to copy every little thing she did and she encouraged it by always telling me stuff I did was "right" or "wrong" which didn't help at all. But that's another story in itself.

But anyway the book is a self-help book that basically tells you what to do and what not to do in the 'dating' phase of a relationship. Don't get me wrong, some of 'The Rules' are pretty logical and valid like 'don't call or message him' which I'm sure most of you ladies out there would agree makes sense? The whole premise of the book is that if a guy isn't texting or calling he's just not that into you. So don't text or call him etc.

But (don't ask me why or how this has happened) somewhere along the way in the course of my young naieve life I have started to take other parts of the book way too seriously and let them ruin my life. For example, the rule, "Don't open up too soon"; "Don't tell him too much"; and "Be mysterious".

These 'rules' are said to make a man find you fascinating and want to marry you. So even though I know they are just a guide, my OCD kicks in every time I'm on a date / in the early stages of a relationship / and I cannot seem to "let them go".

It has gotten so bad that it has seriously affected my communication and my ability to relax / be myself / form an honest, meaningful connection with the guys I go on dates with / when in a relationship.

Now, deep down I rationally know they are affecting the way I live my life. But despite this, I just CAN'T stop holding back in fear that I'll lose my future husband if I don't follow them. All because of this stupid book (coupled with my OCD).

Please help me see what I can do to get over this weird obsession, and just be myself on dates?


3 Replies 3

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
One word of advice burn it throw it away don't follow what the book is telling you to do u need to listen to ur heart and ur intuition and what that is telling you. To help you be more in tune with urself u may need to engage in some soul searching this can be achieved in many ways usually being in a quiet space and just reflect on u ur life ur likes and dislikes silence is the key to the answers y r looking for in life. This isn't going to happen overnight u will find once you begin to understand ur inner self more it will become a part of ur every day life xxx i hope this helps in some feel free to keep posting here xx take care of yourself Venessa

Community Member

Start by burning the book

There's also no harm in talking to a professional about it. That's what I would do if I were worried about something like that. You've conditioned yourself to follow "The Rules", now you have to practice unlearning them and just being yourself. If someone is truly into you they see past all of that stuff. The key is not to be disappointed if things don't work out, just move on. No need to follow rules. Make your own rule "no more rules"

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Gemini

Thanks for having the strength to post....and good on you!

You are not insane...in any shape or form.

Apollo has given some great advice above with 'burning the book'. You are a smart and pro-active person that many guys would find attractive. (You have a lot to offer)

You are also a good communicator. Follow your heart...not a manual. (with respect to your book)

There are no rules in life Gemini...Your heart will let you know...(and any guy you meet will see you for yourself)

Kind thoughts 🙂