Relationship and family issues

My Parents Can't Accept My Boyfriend of 2.5 Years

replies: 3

Hello, I have been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years and we are both 19. He is very respectful of me and we love each other. A major issue that has been constant in the past 2.5 years of my life is that my mum won't accept my boyfriend. It is for a num... View more

Hello, I have been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years and we are both 19. He is very respectful of me and we love each other. A major issue that has been constant in the past 2.5 years of my life is that my mum won't accept my boyfriend. It is for a number of reasons: 1. His parents are lesbian 2. He is not from the ethnic background my mum would like my boyfriend to be from (he is Australian). We come from an Italian ethnicity, and my mum likes people who are Italian, Asian, South African, and others she approves. 3. His family isn't as well-off as ours 4. She thinks that what he is studying now is going to mean not enough money in the future and therefore we will be "counting our 5-cent pieces to pay bills" if we end up together forever 5. He"just doesn't suit me" My mum and I will get into arguments about these things on a regular basis and it hurts me so much because my mum and I are very close and I can feel it slowly chipping away at the relationship we have. She said that if we end up together she will never accept it. She comes up with excuses like "she wants me to be free because I am only 19", and I am apparently "stuck in a rut" with this person because he is my first boyfriend. But she has never said these things to my sister because she approves of her boyfriend (who is Italian and has a very well-off family), so why would she need to "be free"? Because my mum approves? I do not feel trapped in my relationship like my mum convinces me that I am. I hangout with my friends and I study and have my own hobbies just like he does. My mum has made me feel very guilty by saying "look at all of the things I do for you", in other words I am not grateful for all of the things she has ever done for me because I have fallen in love with someone who she doesn't approve of. This gets to me terribly, and for the whole 2.5 years it has been on my mind and gets to me. It's stopping me from doing uni work & being a positive person. My happiness has been deteriorating and I am becoming less like myself. No matter where I am or what I am doing, I may be on holiday overseas, I may be having fun with my best friend at an outing, I may be laughing with my boyfriend, but this feeling caused by my mum simply not accepting my boyfriend sits within me all. the. time. and it definitely stops me from reaching my full potential of wellbeing. I have talked to my mum many times but it always ends bad. Oh and I do not dare tell my dad my bfs parents are lesbian! Please help me.

Cheated on

replies: 5

Hey folks i recently found out my wife cheated on me about 3 years ago and im truly devastated and I don't know what to do we have a 2 year old son together and he's the only reason why I haven't left yet I know for a fact she cheated on me and yet s... View more

Hey folks i recently found out my wife cheated on me about 3 years ago and im truly devastated and I don't know what to do we have a 2 year old son together and he's the only reason why I haven't left yet I know for a fact she cheated on me and yet she still lies to me I know within myself I can't trust her ever again and I can't stay I've tried to make a go of it but I'm scared that if I stay I will resent her and that's not fair on our son

Relationship anxiety over partners ex-girlfriend

replies: 3

I've been going out with my boyfriend for 5/6 months now. I know it doesn't sound like a long time but we hit it off right away and really love each others company. We both love each other a lot, he treats me well and respects me, we are even moving ... View more

I've been going out with my boyfriend for 5/6 months now. I know it doesn't sound like a long time but we hit it off right away and really love each others company. We both love each other a lot, he treats me well and respects me, we are even moving in together in a couple of months. The thing is he is still extremely close to his ex girlfriend of 7 years. They live a few streets away from each other so they regularly hang out, both in a group and alone. She suffers from depression and borderline personality disorder and my boyfriend is her support in moments of crisis, which have been increasing since I have came into his life. In my past relationships, my anxiety and thoughts have caused trouble and I am trying to not let them ruin this one. When my boyfriend and I are together he gives me no reason not to trust him, he reassures me I will always come first, and tells me this is just something he has to do. I am ok with everything when we're together but once I am alone my mind goes into overdrive about the possibilitity of feelings still being there. At the moment it's even harder because we have to do long distance for a few months for my work. I feel like an awful person for feeling this way, as she is obviously needs support. Her safety is obviously much more important than my insecurities. I am trying to brush it off when he tells me he was over at her house but my insides curl up every time and I'm left anxious for a few days after (difficulty catching breath and dermatillomania). He does know it makes me uncomfortable. I know it's also good he is actually telling me what's happening but my insecurities override any reassuring signs. Will this get easier over time or should I confront him and tell him how it is making me feel? I'm not sure where to get advice as friends just tell me it's wrong he is spending so much time with an ex partner, but it's hard for many to understand the mental health situation.

Losing my soulmate

replies: 4

Hi all, another of these cannot sleep at all days and trying to put down my thoughts and fears. i have been with a girl for almost exactly 4 years. We met when she was not in a great space (eating disorder) and i knew i had to and wanted to help. She... View more

Hi all, another of these cannot sleep at all days and trying to put down my thoughts and fears. i have been with a girl for almost exactly 4 years. We met when she was not in a great space (eating disorder) and i knew i had to and wanted to help. She was 20 at that time but a very mature 20. I was 37, yes 17 years the senior. She moved straight in and we became absolute soulmates-we are both sensitive and emotional people. We never fought, could finish each others sentences and thought exactly the same - almost always. I have experienced love in the past but this was different, this was bigger. A willingness to die for the other was absolute. There was never a bad moment and we lived happily for 4 years. The ongoing issue was that she was keen to do something with her live but often too afraid or giving up too easily. Now we were overseas at our country of origin - we spent a good week and half apart at each others home cities and when we flew back to australia she confronted me with the unbelievable - she wanted to go back home - start a degree and i could not be part of that as she needed to prove that she could do this by herself. Once having made that decision we have been talking for days - some productive and others just crying on both sides. I feel i have been used as the guya to help her get back on her feet and now that she is better she can move on. She has been as much in love as i have there is no doubt and she still loves. I am / have lost my soulmate and it feels as if i have lost a partner and child at the same time (not that i would know the latter). She just couldnt go on not doing something for herself that she could be proud off. I am falling - still falling and hope i dont hit the ground in terminal state of mind

Chat about dealing with children with behavioural issues as a single parent

replies: 2

Hi Everyone, I'm struggling, I always struggle but I'm feeling quite overwhelmed of late. I'm a single mum with 3 children, son aged 9.5 with ASD and ADHD, daughter aged 8 with ADHD and a son aged 6 currently undiagnosed but also unsure of future. It... View more

Hi Everyone, I'm struggling, I always struggle but I'm feeling quite overwhelmed of late. I'm a single mum with 3 children, son aged 9.5 with ASD and ADHD, daughter aged 8 with ADHD and a son aged 6 currently undiagnosed but also unsure of future. It's always waves within the family, waves of good waves of bad. I've just started the NDIS ball rolling to get help for my eldest who has extreme anxiety. My daughter is an absolute handful and I'm worried she's becoming a 'mean girl'. I myself suffer from major depressive disorder and anxiety. I'm medicated, and mostly I'm ok. I've had my very very very bad patches but this year I turned a corner and for the most part I've done really well. But at the moment I'm feeling it creep up again and I just feel so tired, so stressed and so useless. How do you all cope with it?

When your loved one loses their longterm therapist

replies: 5

Hello, I have found myself here, hoping anyone can shed light on their personal experiences or is a health professional that has gone through this before. In short, my partner has had the same therapist for around 8 years. Due to some family issues h... View more

Hello, I have found myself here, hoping anyone can shed light on their personal experiences or is a health professional that has gone through this before. In short, my partner has had the same therapist for around 8 years. Due to some family issues his therapist has had to move interstate. My partner leading up to this time was obviously very worried and upset - losing his torch of the last 8 years. It has ended up creating issues in our relationship. I have had short term therapy many times in the past, and me not being able to understand how big the situation is for my partner has caused a huge crack for us. Hand on heart, it's not me being unwilling, i just don't know how to support him. I have tried my best to explain, and offer the support I can. I love him very much - and I can also see a change in his character. He is quite depressed. He is also not sure now whether our relationship is best for him, and he has said it himself, this situation was a massive red flag. I want to understand more, so I can be more useful. I am totally devastated. I love him very much, and we have a great relationship. But this has just changed everything. I just wanted to also add he now has a new therapist, but it is very early days and his new therapist is overseas for another month. Thank you!

Dealing with an alcoholic & depressed dad

replies: 9

Hi all, I am a 32 year old married guy looking for some guidance regarding my father and his drinking. Over the last few years it has become unbearable for my mother to live with him and their relationship is very cold. Her tolerance for his drinking... View more

Hi all, I am a 32 year old married guy looking for some guidance regarding my father and his drinking. Over the last few years it has become unbearable for my mother to live with him and their relationship is very cold. Her tolerance for his drinking has gradually declined since the loss of my brother to suicide over a decade ago. She wants to leave, and I too want to distance myself from him as the worry is taking a toll on my well-being, effecting my job and marriage. But I don't know if leaving and creating distance is the right thing to do to someone in his position. What makes this complicated is that he may suffer from depression. He goes to the doctor frequently about it, is on depression medication and will soon start seeing a psychiatrist. However he has not mentioned to the doctor his drinking. I am by no means an expert, but after so many years experience and watching his thinking and judgement deteriorate, my mother and I believe the core issue is his drinking. He does not accept he drinks too much, and any speak of it causes him to go into extreme frustration and distress. He refuses to see a group therapist or take any action related to his drinking. The reason my mum hasn't left yet is that he is very dependant on her. She feels guilty knowing that he will struggle without her, and he will stay home and drink himself to death. On the other hand, he is damaging and refusing to consider myself and his wife in his actions. From what I have read, the 'right' thing to do in this situation is to remove ourselves and let him come to a realisation, even if that means letting him fall further. Does his depression change this? Any advice would be great. If I'm confident I am taking the most constructive action, whatever it is, that alone will be a load off my shoulders. Many thanks,

Endless loop of loneliness and depression

replies: 12

Hi guys, I just thought I'd share my miserable existence with anyone who cares. Many people on this forum talk about being depressed and their partners/spouses/friends noticing them. Man, I only wish I had some friends or partner to rely on. I'm a 28... View more

Hi guys, I just thought I'd share my miserable existence with anyone who cares. Many people on this forum talk about being depressed and their partners/spouses/friends noticing them. Man, I only wish I had some friends or partner to rely on. I'm a 28 year old man living by myself in Sydney metro. For the last approx. 10 years I have not had any real friends. Yea I have acquaintances and some work colleagues who I chat to profusely but no real friends. You know, the friends that normal people have, the friends that normal people go out with on a social setting in evenings/weekends/holidays etc. None of that. I've also have never had a partner in any romantic/personal way (can't have a love-life if you don't even have a single friend) and I don’t get along all that much with my parents/extended family. Because my parents moved a lot (not just suburb to suburb but all over the country), I never developed the usual friendships that people form in high school and then build upon later in life. Three years ago I moved out of home and settled in Sydney. However, it’s been so long since I’ve had friends that I feel like it’s such an insurmountable challenge now to catch up and have any semblance of normality in my life like people my age. I feel abnormal, depressed, lonely, with nothing to look forward to. I don’t feel like things will ever look up for me or that I will ever be happy. I look with envy at people who seem ‘normal’ – you know who actually have people in their lives who care about them. Recently I have developed a close connection with this colleague at work, dare I say, we consider each other friends and have gone out on a social setting etc together. Exactly what I thought I needed. However, rather than cheer me up this has depressed me even more. I’ve become obsessed with him and infatuated with his life. Most times of the day I spend daydreaming about him and living vicariously through him. I think he’s got the perfect life, perfect interests, perfect girlfriend, perfect social life etc and I am constantly looking at everything through a prism that involves him. I'm constantly green with envy - I feel like he’s the personification of normality and that I can NEVER measure up to him and have a exciting/stunning/cheerful life like him no matter how much I try. I feel like I’m in an endless loop of loneliness and depression. What’s the point of meeting new people/friends if I end up feeling worse? Appreciate any words/comments. Thanks

Nearly Three Years Alone

replies: 2

The title would make this sound like another,' lonely person who'll find someone', but please read it first. I finished school in 2013, having a job at a cafe part time for nearly 2 years. The owner's accountant had a daughter who began working there... View more

The title would make this sound like another,' lonely person who'll find someone', but please read it first. I finished school in 2013, having a job at a cafe part time for nearly 2 years. The owner's accountant had a daughter who began working there too. Initially was just 'friends' with her until April 2014 when she began talking to me and I had feelings for her. We talked to each other regularly, took her out a few times…then on Monday January 12 2015 I'm walking home from Central station around 8pm. I'm a street away from her place when I see her with some other guy. The next day 'in a relationship' on fb and quit the cafe, never saying anything. Initially was just disappointed. But it's got worse over time due to several reasons. Mainly, the fact I've had no luck at finding anyone. Any women even remotely interested in talking to me already have someone (except of course the far-right narcissistic cafe owner,' No wonder she never wanted to go out with you again' - (she left day to day running of it to another person who eventually moved on and it collapsed without him, clearly only had the business, at her age, to bully staff and make out she was a 'successful business women' to her friends and others were 'dumb lefty losers'). As for the others, its that dire I was a university mentor. I had 10 women in my group and asked them to have lunch in Week 1 (part of the uni-backed program). Some said yes. Not one showed up. Another lonely lunch time. Its also how I see everyone else holding hands and there I am all alone. The subsequent flashbacks I have to that Monday night, even on odd occasions seeing her. I'm hurt and upset all the time. 'You'll find someone' 'Who? What? Where? When? How?' [crickets]. My parents even told me,' you should be happy for her'. I tried seeing counsellors but they did nothing except (see line above). I feel hurt, humiliated, shattered, incomplete (because everyone else has a boyfriend/girlfriend) and lonely - every. single. day. Tried 10 online dating sites, not one person interested. Tried Tinder, swiped 400 times, not one person interested. Last month I even texted my uncle before a flight,' at least if the plane crashes I won't have to go through another day alone'. Story of my life for nearly 3 years and seemingly for the next 60 or so (the less the better at this rate) - wondering what I ever did to deserve being alone. Disclosure: I have aspergers. I do know people but everyone has someone - including other aspies.

Marriage counseling- yes or no?

replies: 6

Hi everyone My hubby and I have hit a rough patch and I have suggested counselling. He also suffers depression and the counselor I have found can address all issues including his alcohol addiction. Hubby is more than willing to attand and is adamant ... View more

Hi everyone My hubby and I have hit a rough patch and I have suggested counselling. He also suffers depression and the counselor I have found can address all issues including his alcohol addiction. Hubby is more than willing to attand and is adamant he wants to do whatever it takes to get us back on track. Trouble is, I am terrified that this is going to backfire and that through therapy he will discover he no longer wants to be married. Am I being paranoid or is this something I already know deep down inside? It's really playing on my mind and I am torn. No counselling and the marriage may not survive or chance counselling and see him possibly grow even further away from me. I keep telling myself that I am being silly and that we've had 20 years together and he won't just throw that away but the doubt is so strong. I have told hubby my fears and he has done his best to reassure me that it won't happen but I am still terrified Has anyone else had good/bad marriage counselling experiences?

Pinned discussions

Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about

replies: 0

All discussions

My Parents Can't Accept My Boyfriend of 2.5 Years

replies: 3

Cheated on

replies: 5

Relationship anxiety over partners ex-girlfriend

replies: 3

Losing my soulmate

replies: 4

Chat about dealing with children with behavioural issues as a single parent

replies: 2

When your loved one loses their longterm therapist

replies: 5

Dealing with an alcoholic & depressed dad

replies: 9

Endless loop of loneliness and depression

replies: 12

Nearly Three Years Alone

replies: 2

Marriage counseling- yes or no?

replies: 6

Relationship and family issues

Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about replies: 0

My Parents Can't Accept My Boyfriend of 2.5 Years replies: 3

Cheated on replies: 5

Relationship anxiety over partners ex-girlfriend replies: 3

Losing my soulmate replies: 4

Chat about dealing with children with behavioural issues as a single parent replies: 2

When your loved one loses their longterm therapist replies: 5

Dealing with an alcoholic & depressed dad replies: 9

Endless loop of loneliness and depression replies: 12

Nearly Three Years Alone replies: 2

Marriage counseling- yes or no? replies: 6

Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about

replies: 0

My Parents Can't Accept My Boyfriend of 2.5 Years

replies: 3

Cheated on

replies: 5

Relationship anxiety over partners ex-girlfriend

replies: 3

Losing my soulmate

replies: 4

Chat about dealing with children with behavioural issues as a single parent

replies: 2

When your loved one loses their longterm therapist

replies: 5

Dealing with an alcoholic & depressed dad

replies: 9

Endless loop of loneliness and depression

replies: 12

Nearly Three Years Alone

replies: 2

Marriage counseling- yes or no?

replies: 6