Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Flames So confused
  • replies: 2

Hello! I'm hoping to get some advice.. my first marriage ended in divorce. We had a child who was 1. He cheated for 12 months with a girl and left for her. They are still together 6 yrs later. I remarried quickly. I great guy who I love deeply. 3 mon... View more

Hello! I'm hoping to get some advice.. my first marriage ended in divorce. We had a child who was 1. He cheated for 12 months with a girl and left for her. They are still together 6 yrs later. I remarried quickly. I great guy who I love deeply. 3 months ago I asked him who he chats to on his phone (text messaging). I knew it was a girl from his work but I asked anyway. He literally stood up and told me he's moving out. i couldn't afford the rent so I've packed up my two kids (one to each husband) and moved in with my nan two hours drive away. I've had to leave my job. Shortly after the break up we went on a family holiday which had been booked for 6 months before we split. He spent most of his time texting her. Now he's making an effort. He visits and does say he want to try to get back together. Duting the week he doesn't talk to me. He doesn't ask how I'm setting in here. Seems like he has nothing to talk to me about. I am so paranoid about his "close" friendship with this girl it's driving me crazy. I don't know anyone here, I have no job and all I really have left is my kids. I'm lucky that I have them but I think I've let them down being from a broken family. My son has seen me dumped twice now. I don't know where to go from here. I want to be with my husband again but his relationship is eating me up.

Clues_Of_Blue Growing up cold
  • replies: 24

I've mentioned in my other thread that my parents weren't the warmest of people. I'm not saying they didn't care at all, but they were so, so bad at it. They modelled a lot that made the rest of the world seem alien to me. It was only toward the end ... View more

I've mentioned in my other thread that my parents weren't the warmest of people. I'm not saying they didn't care at all, but they were so, so bad at it. They modelled a lot that made the rest of the world seem alien to me. It was only toward the end of their marriage that they were fighting a lot. Other than that, I have few memories of seeing the two of them together. When they were, there was no real love there or affection. One kiss I saw, or two, between them - and that perfunctory at best. Significant signs of any kind of emotion other than the odd burst of anger between themselves or toward my siblings and I were virtually non-existent. I was talking to my sister today about our upbringing. Neither one of us could remember a single hug from our mother, or any kind of touch at all, really. Nor could I remember a hug from Dad, though my sister was less sure. He played with us on occasion, but was usually working. We saw a lot of his back, in essence. When I think on it, I don't really feel much of anything about it. It's a curiosity, but I think something that did a lot to shape the way I am. It wasn't until well into adulthood that I really understood that affection was a thing of importance to people outside of courtship. It seemed weird and alien receiving a hug from a friend. Relationships seemed like the only appropriate place for touching, since the media loves shoving all that kissy goo goo stuff at us and a lot less of the apparently normal affection between friends and family on other levels, and I had no experience with that sort of thing myself. I only had a couple of friends at school when my folks were still together; sisters, and their parents were quite affectionate... I honestly thought that was the abnormal thing, and it wasn't how things happen for most of us. It seems strange to say this, knowing I have clinical depression, but I detach from emotion very easily. Though my gut may be churning and my face wet with tears, my mind is in the middle of it saying "What the...? I didn't authorise this." I'm constantly analysing, calculating, observing, and separate from what's going on. I keep wondering if this is simply my personality or a product of my upbringing. Perhaps a mixture of the two. My siblings turned out so differently to me. I'm not really sure of the point of my ramble, here, other than to say it's not a cry for sympathy. I guess I wonder if others have been through the same, and how they turned out as adults.

Lea1 My adult son......
  • replies: 12

I have a 21yr old son whom has been in trouble since early teens. He has in the past committed crimes, spent time in jail, self harmed done drugs and cannot hold down a job. He has anger issues and when confronted with any situation he doesn't like f... View more

I have a 21yr old son whom has been in trouble since early teens. He has in the past committed crimes, spent time in jail, self harmed done drugs and cannot hold down a job. He has anger issues and when confronted with any situation he doesn't like flies off his rocker. His anger has always scared me. My husband and he dislike each other and so I have been a referee for years. We've spent countless hours and thousands on phycologists but nothing has worked. He lays about all day staying up all night. He has moved in and out of home several times. I am so tired he makes me think aweful things just so I no longer have to deal with him anymore. My husband is away alot sometimes for months and I've raised 2 boys a majority of the time alone. He blames everyone else for his situation and problems, nothing is ever his fault. My husband just gets angry calls him lazy and wants to kick him out. I don't want my son living on the street and that is where he will end up as he has nowhere else to go. Centrelink won't give him money due to him living at home according to them his father earns too much. I am also responsible for my elderly grandmother and disabled 65yr old uncle whom thank goodness have care homes where they are safe and warm. My sons constant problems with life in general have got me down in the past almost to suicide. beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:8.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:107%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

Sammy02 Coping with jealous husband
  • replies: 5

Hi I was seeking some opinions with dealing with a jealous husband. I have a male work colleague that has asked to car pool to work which I did once now my husband has demanded it stop. I have never cheated and for 27 years have deliberately not gone... View more

Hi I was seeking some opinions with dealing with a jealous husband. I have a male work colleague that has asked to car pool to work which I did once now my husband has demanded it stop. I have never cheated and for 27 years have deliberately not gone out or had many friends due to his jealously. I have told him it hurts that he doesn't trust me. Am I in the wrong for the car pooling?

Chicken82 Anxiety about sleeping next to my partner.
  • replies: 3

Hi All. First post here, but I am becoming desperate. My partner and I have been together for about 8 years. After some initial teething problems about sharing a bed I was fine for years. 2 years ago he moved out. We got back together but stayed livi... View more

Hi All. First post here, but I am becoming desperate. My partner and I have been together for about 8 years. After some initial teething problems about sharing a bed I was fine for years. 2 years ago he moved out. We got back together but stayed living apart until about 4 weeks ago. During this time he would still come and stay on weekends and holidays and I slept no problem at all. Now it is a completely different story. I am still ok on the weekends, but during the week is a nightmare. He has a "bedtime" of 10pm which I struggle with. His snoring drives me nuts. I try to sleep on the couch but I can still hear him snoring and its anything but comfortable. I have spoken to him about the possibility of seperate beds but he takes that all too personally and thinks I dont want to sleep with him. He says that if I can sleep next to him on the weekends then there is no reason I cant do it during the week. In a way I do agree, but there are less stresses on the weekends, we go to bed later, we dont have to get up for work in the morning. I am averaging falling asleep about 3.30am and have to get up at 6 and it is killing me. I dont know if anyone can help or if this is just me venting, but thanks for reading.

Icarus1964 Carer and husband
  • replies: 4

My wife of 30 years has several severe medical conditions and recently our oldest son left home to start university since then she has become very moody. I seem to be the person whom she gets mad at the most ,it feels to me as if she is pushing me aw... View more

My wife of 30 years has several severe medical conditions and recently our oldest son left home to start university since then she has become very moody. I seem to be the person whom she gets mad at the most ,it feels to me as if she is pushing me away. I know I love her and have always been faithful to her but she constantly accuses me of having an affair or not loving her anymore. I'm almost at the stage of saying forget it. But if I do I know it will be the end of me but I don't know how long I can stand being treated like this. I want to stay and I hope things will get better but sometimes I feel so depressed that I can't sleep. I am her full time carer and with her nearly all the time I am only away from her when I'm out doing errands.

bk87 Feeling disconnected from my husband..
  • replies: 1

Hi.. First time poster. I'm feeling very low lately and I dnt know what to do. Iv been with my husband for 6 years, married for 2. Things have never been perfect but I love him. I feel like I'm always having to compromise myself for him and that if I... View more

Hi.. First time poster. I'm feeling very low lately and I dnt know what to do. Iv been with my husband for 6 years, married for 2. Things have never been perfect but I love him. I feel like I'm always having to compromise myself for him and that if I don't, things just won't work. Iv only realised this is the case in the past few years. It's got to the point where I have to try n watch what I say to him to not make him angry. I feel like he would rather spend his time with his friends instead of me, and im slowly catching him out lying to me about it. I always feel like I'm put last. I feel really unappreciated and taken for granted. I feel like I give him anything and everything he asks for but never seem to get the same back. He doesn't enjoy doing spontaneous couple things that people should do.. And everytime I suggest we do or go somewhere he always says no. I'm so sick of it. He has to get his way with everything and it seems what I ever want isn't important. When his upset I'm the one he takes it out on.. Always. He speaks to me rudely, immaturely and sometimes calls me names. The more I think about this as I'm writing it making me realise how unhappy I have been. I just dnt know what to do... I feel alone.. Most the time. And as much as I hate to admit it, maybe he isn't good for me.. Even though I love him.

Mikkus Ready to give up on finding love.
  • replies: 15

This is the first time I've done anything like this so.. here goes. I recently turned 40 and have never had a girlfriend. My experiences have all been terrible. I have been asked out twice by girls as a joke when i was 18 and 24. It was so humiliatin... View more

This is the first time I've done anything like this so.. here goes. I recently turned 40 and have never had a girlfriend. My experiences have all been terrible. I have been asked out twice by girls as a joke when i was 18 and 24. It was so humiliating. I shut down for a long time after that. About 10 years later i met a girl through work. Over about a year we became good friends. We went out once or twice with workmates, and after a while she told me she was in love with me. I felt the same way. A few days after that she left to go on a cruise. While she was away one of the other girls she worked with let it slip she was on holiday with her husband. This basically destroyed me. Now ive recently turned 40 and have never had a single positive relationship experience. Ive tried to go out and meet new ppl but no luck. Online dating has been a terrible experience. I havent got many people who can grasp how lonely and dejected i feel, every single one of my friends is either married or has a partner. I never even had a date. Im just ready to give up any hope that I'll find anyone. I just feel pretty worthless and am having trouble coping with it. Im sorry if this isnt clear, ive not talked about it before

Anon1984 Please help! I need some advice!
  • replies: 3

Ok so my story isn't simple and it certainly isn't short, I can only hope that you have the patience to read it to the end and offer some advice or support if able as at the moment I am feeling so completely confused, anxious, depressed and desperate... View more

Ok so my story isn't simple and it certainly isn't short, I can only hope that you have the patience to read it to the end and offer some advice or support if able as at the moment I am feeling so completely confused, anxious, depressed and desperate.... so here goes... I'm 32 and have been in a relationship with the father of my children for almost 14 years (coming up in August) and we've had 4 temporary separations in that time. Our children, 3 boys are almost 13, 11 and 9. They fun energetic children, typical rough and tumble boys. He, the boys dad (I'll call him Bob) suffers mental illness - depression and anxiety and is medicated for the depression daily. I too have suffered depression half my life and was recently diagnosed with bi-polar, taking a medication daily also to control this. I too suffer anxiety and I find it is at its peak at the moment due to the stress I'm currently experiencing. You see a few weeks ago bob and I had a disagreement, an argument or a damned barmy, what ever you want to call it resulting in my moving into a friends house for a week. After a week Bob and I had had a chance to discuss our issues and the changes that would be needed to be made if our relationship was to work. unfortunately after a week I moved back home to bob and the children to find little improvement in the said areas we would change. Im finding im extremely unhappy, I'm no longer interested in bob and what he does (which is little), I love him but I am not in love with him. i want to ask bob to move out so I can continue to reside in our home until it is sold and the seperation is finalised but I'm afraid. im so terrified. I'm terrified to tell him what I want, I'm terrified of the way he will react, I'm terrified he will make me move out and take my children from me. I need advice please, has anybody been in a similar situation, what steps do I need to take to get some happiness back into the lives of me and my children. Bob is not a physically violent man but the mental/emotional abuse he can deal out cuts just as deep. Happy to provide further details to anyone who can help me please I'm desperate and feel I have no one I trust enough to turn to

good_badays Feeling pretty lonely and depressed lately... Don't know what to do..
  • replies: 3

So this is my first post here, not really sure how to start this but I'll try and keep it brief. My partner of about 9 months broke up with me a month ago and it was my first serious relationship, in which my anxiety and relationship/trust issues pla... View more

So this is my first post here, not really sure how to start this but I'll try and keep it brief. My partner of about 9 months broke up with me a month ago and it was my first serious relationship, in which my anxiety and relationship/trust issues played a major part in that. I've been trying to cope with this in the best way I can; seeing a therapist, making plans for the future and using mindfulness approaches. But the hurt really isn't going away and while I have good moments, the bad ones are really bad. Tonight (plus the past few nights) it's been really hitting my and I don't know how to deal with this type of rejection/loneliness. I don't have any hobbies I really take part in mainly because I can't create or have much skill in anything, so apart from going on the internet, it's been pretty difficult to focus on anything else. I also have pretty bad GAD and depression when I get very anxious (not that I like using labels but just for context), so it kind of exacerbates how I feel and makes this whole loneliness feeling going around in my head. Sorry for the long spiel and if I'm wasting your time, but if anyone could help or offer advice about any of this I would be so grateful. This is really the only place I can turn to (bar my therapist who I have to stop seeing soon). Thanks for stopping by and reading.