Feeling like a crazy mummy

[Tieara]

I have a 3 year old boy my girst bio child. I also have 2 step children 11 and 9. I have so many issues with myself and my 3 year old . I practice attachement parenting with him so i breastfeed , co sleep ect. He went into his own bed at 2 . I feed him to sleep and when he wakes ill either go into his bed or he will come into ours. Not really the problem tho. The problem is that i can not let go. I hardly leave him at home with his dad , every where i go he goes . (Apart from the gym child minding for 40 mins 5 days a week ) when he sleeps at night i go upstairs and check hes breathing alot .. even listen to his heart beat and then panic if its a littke irregular. Im so scared of something hapoening to him .. to the point i think its a little unhealthy . I mean what mum wont leave there child withnits own dad ... i need help and not sure where to get it or why im like this with our son. I even hover when hubby has him out the front riding bikes or have mini anxiety attacks ... not sure what im doing tbh

[geoff]

hello Tieara, well you really love your baby but I'm sure separation anxiety is quite common with new mum's and it also develops with the baby who always wants to be near you 100% of the time.
This has happened with my 2 little granddaughters where they slept in mum and dad's room in a cot and then in the same bed until they were old enough to sleep in their own bed.
This anxiety is part of their development, but as your child grows older and begins school this will all change, because they will be invited to go to birthday parties then they start playing sport, it will naturally change, well it has to, because you can't go to school or kindy with them, and once he makes a friend then all his attention will be on playing games with his friend.
It will slowly change because it has to, so I wouldn't worry too much. Geoff.x

[Zeal]

Hi Tieara,

Welcome to the forum!

While feeling protective and attached to your 3 year old is biological, it sounds as though the intensity and the anxiety you feel needs addressing. You sound like a wonderful Mum, by the way. I suggest you make an appointment with your doctor (GP) to discuss this anxiety about your three year old's wellbeing, and any other concerns. It's positive that you haven't mentioned problems with your step-kids. Sometimes relationships with step-children are a source of worry or unease.

This site is worth checking out: https://healthyfamilies.beyondblue.org.au/

It would be great to hear back from you.

Best wishes,

Zeal

[Dr_Kim]

Hi Tieara,

I have a different take on what may be happening to you from some of your responders. I feel you have a form of PND ( Post Natal Depression ) which is being expressed with predominantly anxiety features.

You allude to this in your post when you say you are having “mini anxiety attacks” whilst he is with his father and that you panic whilst listening to his sleeping heart rhythm. It seems there is a part of your brain that knows that the some of the ways you are responding to your son is based from a strange part of your brain that is giving kind of screwed up information .. those awful evil voices that say “ he could stop breathing in his sleep” or “he could be injured on his bike” or “ if I’m not with him , something terrible willl happen to him” . My suggestion is that the anxious part of your brain is having a bit too much free reign in your brain and “bullying” the healthy more chilled out part into taking too much notice of the anxious thoughts.

New mums do have anxious thoughts, no doubt about it. But normally the “healthy” part of the brain can overrule the anxious thoughts and push them aside. In people with either predisposing anxiety disorders or PND the healthy part may not be able to do this effectively and the anxious thoughts are just TOO strong and TOO powerful and make the poor mum a bit overwhelmed with fear.

I don’t know your background and if this style of thinking is new or old, but I strongly suggest that you
1. Call PANDA - The Post Natal depression hotline 1300 726 306 and run this past them and get more info.
2. Talk to your GP about these thoughts and get some help from a trained health professional.