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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Kobi Dating and depression
  • replies: 1

Hi Everyone, I'm new to this forum and am hoping for some advice. I've been separated for 5 years now. My husband cheated on me when I was pregnant. I stupidly remained in the marriage however he then left the day after our eldest daughter was diagno... View more

Hi Everyone, I'm new to this forum and am hoping for some advice. I've been separated for 5 years now. My husband cheated on me when I was pregnant. I stupidly remained in the marriage however he then left the day after our eldest daughter was diagnosed with autism. He also told his friends he was separating with me before telling me. Since separating I have suffered with depression and low self esteem - no one knows as I'm able to hide it when I'm with friends and family. I've been in a couple of brief relationships since but they usually fizzle out as I think they find me not interesting or unattractive once they get to know me. I'm at the point now where I don't believe I will ever find love because in 44 years no man has ever loved me. I'm absolutely lonely and need advice - has anyone ever met anyone when they are depressed (and in reality hates themselves)? Im back on tinder after not dating for a year and have a date planned for tomorrow but I'm wondering if I should just cancel it until I hopefully one day feel better about myself? thanks you!

Phoenix1976 Feeling so alone
  • replies: 15

Hi all, First time poster. I suffer from major depression, and have been on and off meds for a number of years. I had been in a long term lesbian relationship with someone who has their own incurable disease. The first few years were really hard as s... View more

Hi all, First time poster. I suffer from major depression, and have been on and off meds for a number of years. I had been in a long term lesbian relationship with someone who has their own incurable disease. The first few years were really hard as she was having problems with her illness. We got through that, but I always thought she didn't love me, and would leave me when someone better came along. It was a rocky relationship. 2 years ago we broke up, my depression was a problem, my anxiety and insecurities were also a problem. We stayed living together with her paying me rent. I have a large mortgage, we have a number of animals together, and just after we broke up I was made redundant. My job was a major contributing factor to the depression, and I have never wanted to go back into that industry again. I have been working casually since, in a job I like, but one that doesn't pay enough. She has now found someone new, and will be moving out in a few months. Everything has just hit rock bottom. I am so stressed about not being able to pay the mortgage, about feeding the dogs, about everything, but most of all our friendship is now in the toilet as well. She's seeing her new girl most nights a week, I feel so very very alone. I have friends but none of them are close. I've pushed them away, lashed out at them, and lashed out at my ex. I have ruined just about every good friendship I have had because of this hideous depression. I don't want to be unhappy, but I make everyone around me unhappy. I have so many regrets, I could of communicated with her better, could of saved the relationship, or atleast tried to work it out, but I didn't. I am just so unmotivated to do anything. Looking after the dogs is a struggle, I do it, but it's hard, and I keep looking at them thinking they would be better off with someone else, but they are all I have. I don't want to lose them too. I don't want life to be so hard, it's not what I would even call a life, I am just going through the motions. In the past 2 months I have lost about 10 kg as I am just not eating. I don't want to spend money on anything as I will need every dollar I earn to pay the mortgage. I just don't know where to begin in getting better. Most of all, I really miss the support I was getting from my ex, I don't have it anymore, and I feel so alone.

Munkygurl13 Feeling unlovable
  • replies: 3

I am 43 and have Bipolar. I have had a number of relationships none lasting longer than 3 years. The last relationship was in 2010. I have lots of friends and family that love me and support me. But when it comes to relationships I feel unlovable. I ... View more

I am 43 and have Bipolar. I have had a number of relationships none lasting longer than 3 years. The last relationship was in 2010. I have lots of friends and family that love me and support me. But when it comes to relationships I feel unlovable. I have a lot of males friends that care about me and the guys that I am interested in end up being friends. I just cannot find that one person who can love me for who I am. I don't go out searching for love, I don't need someone to make me happy, but I do want to find someone who is a friend and partner. I am unemployed but take care of my self and have had to move back home with my parents for a while to save paying rent. I don't have any children as never in a relationship long enough & now I have endometriosis. I feel as though when guys hear these things they never actually try and get to know me or else they feel sorry for me. I don't want someone to feel sorry for me or feel like they have to look after me. I can do that myself! I just want someone to love me.

missbeckz My psychologist told me to leave my partner
  • replies: 7

I am seeing a new psychologist for my anxiety. After two sessions she came to the conclusion that I have a controlling mother in law and my partner does not put me as a priority in his life (she hasn't met him or had him participate in any sessions).... View more

I am seeing a new psychologist for my anxiety. After two sessions she came to the conclusion that I have a controlling mother in law and my partner does not put me as a priority in his life (she hasn't met him or had him participate in any sessions). Her conclusions were partly spot on especially about the mother in law, and she was correct in saying this is where some of anxiety stems from. I was happy we figured out where some of anxiety stems from...now to work on strategies. We didn't work on any strategies. She told me I have two options...stay in the relationship, suck it up and watch my mental health decline further....or end the relationship to save my mental health. as you can imagine I was in shock. I never thought to end my relationship. I'm happy and I love him. I argued with her and justified that I love my partner and want to fix things. But hearing my mental health will improve if I let go was too good to hear. I was confused and didn't know what to do. I love my partner but I need help with my mental wellbeing. I also have the mentality that when someone is "broken", you don't throw it away, you fix it. I just didn't understand that someone advised me to end my relationship. Seemed a bit over the top, especially when we hadn't try any other strategy first. when I left the session I was hysterical. I stayed at my parents that night. They said my psychologist was putting things in my mind and days before seeing her I was perfectly fine mentally. I had a huge meltdown where I hit myself, ripped my hair out and threatened to hurt myself. I haven't had a meltdown like this in 5 years. i guess my question is....can psychologists tell someone to end their relationship? Only after two sessions, without hearing more about my life and relationship and without hearing my partners side of the story. She did have some truth behind it but she didn't seem to respect my wish to work on it rather than giving up after 6 years together. my partner and I spoke about everything. Things are good but what my psychologist said is still playing on repeat in my mind. any advice would be greatly appreciated.

jillybeans Family drama
  • replies: 8

Hi I'm new here. Have suffered depression on and off for many years. Seems to be triggered by my family's dislike/hate of my husband. Been together 23 years. I have never been able to stand up for him and I have to admit he has some irritating featur... View more

Hi I'm new here. Have suffered depression on and off for many years. Seems to be triggered by my family's dislike/hate of my husband. Been together 23 years. I have never been able to stand up for him and I have to admit he has some irritating features and has said some pretty awful things about my family. Now my daughter aged 30 won't speak to him because of things he said to her. It is breaking my heart. Have tried to leave him lots of times but never able to stay away long. It has caused a major rift in my family. My family think he is controlling. He has loved me endlessly and I've put him through so much but I do sympathise with my family - he has been at odds and awful to them on occasion. I am so torn I just don't know what to do any more. He has had enough. It makes me so depressed but again I blame him, not my family. We are both worn out. I should say my daughter lives interstate. She is quiet like me but refuses to put up with my husband's treatment any more. He made her less than welcome (she lives interstate) and he says it's her attitude to him that's the problem. I've tried to leave because I see no other way, the pressure is enormous. However, my brother especially is supportive of me and believe I will only be happy if I can get him out of my life. I am seeing a counsellor next week but in the meantime I am so depressed about the whole situation and can't seem to stay on one track in how to solve this mess. Any suggestions greatly appreciated.

___4 I've lost the spark and romance. What do you suggest I do?!?!
  • replies: 1

So basically id like some advice on how to go about improving my current relationship with my partner. We have been together for some years now and we hang out quite often but with recent struggles with my own happiness I'm starting to lose the spark... View more

So basically id like some advice on how to go about improving my current relationship with my partner. We have been together for some years now and we hang out quite often but with recent struggles with my own happiness I'm starting to lose the spark & the romance I had. We barley have sex anymore. Our friendship group thinks we act like "just good mates" (which is true, they're not a huge pda person which I'm trying to adapt to still but I think that's also what's made me so cold towards them in a romantic feel. That they won't show it so I need to get back at them and not do it to them also, public or private ). I love them with all my heart and can't imagine life with out them. They're a huge support line for me and encourage me to do my best everyday but I'm so cold to them lately. I don't feel like myself and feel we're not in a good place but it's my attitude towards the relationship that needs to change but I find it difficult to. I hate the "just friends" thing and that really upset me hearing our friends think that but they only told me that, not my partner and I feel if I bring it up my partner will only say "well I do love you, you know it too but you also know I don't show it much around others but I show it to you" etc etc. and I know they do love me, I love them. But I can't help but feel so cold towards them quite often lately and it's not healthy for any of us as my partner will just think it's due to work struggles or something but it's about him but it's my fault.. Sorry for the ramble I just needed to vent..

KJL ADVICE APPRECIATED VERY DOWN & NEED HELP
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone my names k. Here is a quick version of my problem. Alcohol has ruined my relationships all my life so I stop & fall off the wagon now & again. Now pain killers are the problem as I have just had an operation for cervical cancer. I have to... View more

Hi everyone my names k. Here is a quick version of my problem. Alcohol has ruined my relationships all my life so I stop & fall off the wagon now & again. Now pain killers are the problem as I have just had an operation for cervical cancer. I have to take them but I'm planning on stopping as my partner feels they are changing me & I want to get back to being addicted to excersise. We were gonna have a break cause both have DVOS from police from drunken arguments but love each other very much & want to put it in the past. My partner got accepted for housing & we broke the lease as we want to be together. He says we need to be careful for the first month or two which I know but is calling it HIS HOUSE. My stuffs there, furniture, fish etc so I agreed I would stay somewhere else for the first month & can't go to rehab as he is insecure I'll be brainwashed & meet someone. I'll be there a couple of nights a week & the first week at my mums detoxing. My mum lives with grandma as a carer & is on pills & god knows what & I can stay at my dads but he is an alcoholic & I know I will drink. My partners scared of me staying at both places but would rather know where I am & be able to come see me but him saying it's his house makes me feel like like I'm gonna get kicked out every time we argue and we argue when I voice my insecurities.

Spegel My husbands depression has ruined our relationship and Marriage
  • replies: 2

My husband was diagnosed with depression about 11 years ago. He was medicated by a Dr and didnt like the way it made him feel. He was always talking about getting off the meds but he was told by the Dr that it is best to stay on them. Over the years ... View more

My husband was diagnosed with depression about 11 years ago. He was medicated by a Dr and didnt like the way it made him feel. He was always talking about getting off the meds but he was told by the Dr that it is best to stay on them. Over the years his depression got worse and he stopped seeing his Dr.18 months ago he decided to take himself off the meds. This was a really scary time for the kids and I. His behavior was erratic and his moods were terrible. We began fighting alot more than usual and he started making threats of suicide. Often I have been scared to go into our house if he gets home before me. Our relationship has always been stressed due to his not being a 'present' father. My husband has 3 children (2 with me and an older child from a previous relationship). All 3 children lived with us. I became an instant mother of 3 the day I cam home from the hospital with my twins ans his older child was also sent to live with us while I was in hospital giving birth. This was stressful for me as my husband was very little help 'always at work or at the shops'. I was exhausted and overwhelmed and became very bitter about his lack of help and interest in his family. The years went on and things didnt change but I decided to accept them as they were thinking i wouldn't be able to cope on my own. There were some good times but as a whole my Husband still preferred to be away from the family.

Countrymusicgirl Friends and family are making me angry
  • replies: 0

Let's start off with my mum. Mum is stuck in a wheelchair awaiting 2 hips and 2 knee replacements. I work and make her lunch while my partner of 7 years takes care of her full time. My mum doesn't know I'm depressed. Why because she hasn't been suppo... View more

Let's start off with my mum. Mum is stuck in a wheelchair awaiting 2 hips and 2 knee replacements. I work and make her lunch while my partner of 7 years takes care of her full time. My mum doesn't know I'm depressed. Why because she hasn't been supportive in the past. Now there is my sister off living her life, never calls, hardly comes around because of work. She has helped with money but that's all. Im having resentment towards my sister. Now my friend. My best friend of 10 years I want her to stop- she tells our other friends how I am. If I wanted them to know I would tell them. Shes like I've told this person. Every appointment I go to she wants to know details. And if my partner doesn't ask me she turns around 'I'll be questioning your relationship' from that I have lost respect for her. And I dont know how to confront her about it. She wants me to go over seas on a holiday and shes like you should go. I made excuses really the reason why I dont want to go is because I'm going to be an crazy if i go while my boyfriend is stuck. And she is making me feel bad for it. The resentment feeling towards my sister, and my the anger and lost of respect I have for towards my friend. What do I do? I want to ask my sister to take care of mum for the day. But I'll feel selfish for asking. I want to tell my friend to back off, stop caring to much but I'll be worried that will hurt her

BunnyMuffin The Madonna Complex
  • replies: 16

Hi There, This is maybe a bit of an awkward topic but I wonder if any one has any information or experience with the Madonna Complex? My ex recently admitted to feeling "dirty" after sex. He sees me as pure and "too good" for sex. But admits looking ... View more

Hi There, This is maybe a bit of an awkward topic but I wonder if any one has any information or experience with the Madonna Complex? My ex recently admitted to feeling "dirty" after sex. He sees me as pure and "too good" for sex. But admits looking at other women for sex, but not love. He has not had sex with anyone is 3 years (even after we split up...) I am so confused by this all. We broke up over 6 months ago because he said he "didn't look at me like that anymore" and had been having "urges". Then 2 months ago he came to me crying saying he has only ever been happy with me, that he loves me and it is "just the sex thing" that is stopping him from being with me. He feels like he is throwing away his one chance at happiness. He has started seeing a psychologist about his issues but I haven't been able to find much support or advice for myself about it all. I have started having panic attacks and anxiety because of all of this. I am seeing a psychologist myself but I'd like to know if anyone has experienced this time of thing themselves? I believe it is called The Madonna Complex.