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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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tabab215 No ambition?!
  • replies: 2

Hi, I had a bit of an argument with my husband today and he said that it really annoys him that I have no ambition. I'm a full time, homeschooling Mum to two young children. My ambition is being the best Mum/teacher I can be. I don't see anything wro... View more

Hi, I had a bit of an argument with my husband today and he said that it really annoys him that I have no ambition. I'm a full time, homeschooling Mum to two young children. My ambition is being the best Mum/teacher I can be. I don't see anything wrong with this but he seems to think it's not enough. Opinion would be appreciated! Thanks

MissL1234 Fight with the In-Laws
  • replies: 5

Yesterday I had a massive fight with my inlaws and am feeling shattered. It was the morning after my son who's 2, it was his first sleepover I rang that morning as discussed to see where they were up to and organize to pick him up. His grandparents h... View more

Yesterday I had a massive fight with my inlaws and am feeling shattered. It was the morning after my son who's 2, it was his first sleepover I rang that morning as discussed to see where they were up to and organize to pick him up. His grandparents had wanted to take him to coffee with them that morning. I was supportive of this I had dropped off a car seat for them to use as well so this could happen and didn't ring until nearly 10am so that they would have been able to do this. If they were still out then I'd organize to get him later whatever worked for the day. I rang 8 times over the course of nearly 2 hours and couldn't reach them. My heart sank I tried not to panicky but I couldn't help but worry something had gone wrong (I've lost family members in accidents and this has made me nervous when I can't get a hold of someone) so when my MIL rang me I burst into tears she said are you upset I said yes I was just worried and she said they will bring him home. They got to my home and came in, visibly angry with me. I said why are you angry it was a mistake that you accidentally left your phone at home and I understand I was just very worried. My usually quite FIL fired at me as said we don't trust them and how dare I upset his wife and then lectured me that they have raised 3 children and know what they're doing. I tried to explain that it had nothing to do with trust or experience I had said I would call, when I did I couldn't reach anyone and over that time I started to worry. It didn't matter he got angrier and left my MIL spoke a little longer and it didn't matter what I said they strongly believe it's my fault and that I'm a terrible selfish person. I'm so hurt I cried an entire day and sleepless night. To be honest I have never felt that they were particularly rational people but after 10+ years in the family i thought that they would at least hear me out or give me the benefit of the doubt. My husband is angry and hurt but I just don't know how to move forward. This all happened in front of my son and they think it's ok I don't. I don't know what to do, any advice? I have always bitten my tongue and let snide remarks over the years go but this time was different I felt every bit of what was said and now feel as though they use emotion to control a situation.

emsbrymu Broken up because of depression
  • replies: 3

Last week my boyfriend broke up with me and I think it is because of his depression. He told me that he doesn't have any feelings for me or anyone or anything and doesnt know what to do and that I am better off without him. I wanted to tell him that ... View more

Last week my boyfriend broke up with me and I think it is because of his depression. He told me that he doesn't have any feelings for me or anyone or anything and doesnt know what to do and that I am better off without him. I wanted to tell him that i didn't believe that he no longer loved me and that I still want to help be with him and help him with his depression but i knew that he wouldn't listen. We started dating about 5 months ago and I new that he had depression because we have been good friends for a year. He tried to kill himself and ended up in hospital for a week just before we started dating. I was there for him and visited him every single day when he was in the hospital. Nobody else went to see him apart from his mother. Not his best friend, his roommate or the person he was talking to right before he tried to take his own life. I am heartbroken over this breakup and I know that he needs time to himself to sort his own life out but i feel helpless and i am so worried about him. He doesn't have a good relationship with his parents so i know that he won't talk to them about his depression, and the only person that I can think he might talk to about it is his best friend (who i've never met) and they only see each other once every week or two. I feel like I have nobody to talk to about him and i'm worried that he will try and kill himself again. We also work together on occasion and i'm not sure what's going to happen when we see each other but i feel like he will just ignore me at work. Does anyone have any advice on what i should do or what I can say to him to let him know that i'm still here? I am still in love with him and finding it hard to let go since there was nothing wrong with our relationship and I know that his depression is the reason we are no longer together.

Jellies Rebuilding relationship after anger
  • replies: 3

A while ago I moved to Canada to be with my relatively new but amazing boyfriend, we spent two months living together there, before I came back to Australia for Christmas. In Canada I was fairly depressed and lacking in purpose, which led to our prob... View more

A while ago I moved to Canada to be with my relatively new but amazing boyfriend, we spent two months living together there, before I came back to Australia for Christmas. In Canada I was fairly depressed and lacking in purpose, which led to our problems. I had a lot of particularly angry outbursts, in which I said, and did, a lot of hurtful stuff. It was very Jekyll and Hyde and caused both of us to feel insecure within the relationship. I feel like I had no control of my emotions, and tiny things would spiral into the worst arguments. I'm heading back to Canada soon and feeling less depressed but now anxiety is kicking in as I'm unsure he truely wants me to come back. He has told me he can forgive but not forget what I've said and done, and that he never knows what to expect from my moods. I'm unsure of how to repair the damage I've done and to show him I'm less angry. I'm looking into therapy and an anger management course but I suspect he'll expect instant results. Any ideas on repairing a damaged relationship Beyond Blue crew? Or will we always have this hanging over us?

Janross Separation after 16 years of marriage
  • replies: 3

Hi My name is Janet and I am going through a separation from my husband. I really need a advises on how to cope as I am a total mess right now. I am in a really difficult situation at the moment.

Hi My name is Janet and I am going through a separation from my husband. I really need a advises on how to cope as I am a total mess right now. I am in a really difficult situation at the moment.

Guest6093 New Dad/Husband Struggling With Anger Issues
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone, I'm posting here about a lot of built up anger that I have in me. Firstly, I have never psychically or emotionally abused by daughter or wife at all. How this all works is I, more times than not, build up this great big ball of anger ove... View more

Hi everyone, I'm posting here about a lot of built up anger that I have in me. Firstly, I have never psychically or emotionally abused by daughter or wife at all. How this all works is I, more times than not, build up this great big ball of anger over very petty things (such as shoes being left where they shouldn't, things not being cleaned, etc) and I sort of become furious without being able to release it. The problem is, my wife can feel the brunt of my energy and it really gets her down. The issue is, we are struggling for money as it is and I can't afford to go see anyone at the moment. I find on days that I run in the mornings that it certainly helps release what I need it to. On other days, I find myself telling myself that it's meaningless and not worth getting angry over and I do some deep breathing and it passes. However, most days at the moment I am struggling to get rid of it and as you can imagine as a new mother of a 5-month-old it is the last thing my wife needs to deal with. Does anyone have any suggestions or links or videos or meditations they know of that have helped them deal with such anger issues? Thank you in advance.

XWZsydney Depressed:In-laws keep holding my 3-month baby, I as a new mother rarely get a chance
  • replies: 14

Hi all, I am a new mother with a 3-month baby by c-section in September this year. I have been coping with taking care of the newborn by myself and finally start finding some rules. Recently, my father and mother in law come visit my family from over... View more

Hi all, I am a new mother with a 3-month baby by c-section in September this year. I have been coping with taking care of the newborn by myself and finally start finding some rules. Recently, my father and mother in law come visit my family from overseas and some of their acts really make me depressed. They have been holding, cuddling my baby all day long, from morning when I wake up, they just barge in never knock and take the baby away, when we go shopping they always insist on pushing the pram, out for dinner they hold the baby while eating even there is a very cozy pram nearby, at night my mother in law prefer to shake the baby to sleep and don't want to leave my room. So, I only hold and see my baby at night. I have been feeling very lonely and sometimes miss my bub so much. I think I can take care of my own baby and I don't need a nanny. From time to time, they prefer their old-fashioned caring style and ignore my objection. I have talked to my husband about my concern, but I am not sure if he is going to negotiate with them. What do I do? Do I tell them straight away? I don't want to ruin a peaceful relationship. Need help.

Nickname88 When loved ones push you away
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, i am hoping to gain some understanding so that I know better how to support my depressed partner. I know, as a non sufferer, I will never fully understand but any insight would help me enormously. My partner has asked for me to give him ... View more

Hi everyone, i am hoping to gain some understanding so that I know better how to support my depressed partner. I know, as a non sufferer, I will never fully understand but any insight would help me enormously. My partner has asked for me to give him space so that he can get to a level of coping by himself. I am giving him the space he has asked for but I am finding it really difficult. He is on medication (dosage recently increased) and has begun seeing a psychologist. However, he has no one else in his life due to divorce and moving countries, so I am very worried and don't understand why he wouldn't want me to help him in such a difficult time. I have accepted that all I can do right now is respect his wishes but I also can't do nothing. He tells me that he doesn't want me to see him like this, he is embarrassed, that he is not a good man and that I deserve better. Do the depressed who push support away really want us to go away? What level of contact would show support and love without pushing them away further? should I wait for him to initiate contact? Why do they do it? I would appreciate some advice and thank you in advance.

speaking_out This is new
  • replies: 3

Previously confident and happy in myself and my relationship, i recently experienced so many stressors that my black cloud re-emerged and descended upon me without notice. By the time i did notice, lots of damage had been inflicted upon my relationsh... View more

Previously confident and happy in myself and my relationship, i recently experienced so many stressors that my black cloud re-emerged and descended upon me without notice. By the time i did notice, lots of damage had been inflicted upon my relationship with my partner. We have identified the problems and have agreed to work through them, but now i have unmanageable anxiety everytime i am around him. When we are apart, i feel ok (unless i'm ruminating about being with him) and when we are talking on an emotional level i am also calm, however this is not often. I love him and I want to be with him, but i'm so scared that he doesn't like me (and i can't ask again, as i've exhausted the limits of my validation seeking for the next 10 years) and is going to leave, and this triggers ideation about leaving him, if only to avoid my anxiety and overwhelming negative thoughts. I feel like i screwed up big time and that he is now only staying with me for convenience sake. I know i am being over sensitive, ruminating excessively and that these thoughts are driving my anxiety, but its making things so awkward between us and this is no foundation for working on our relationship. I feel so lost. Its just not me and its awful. I have no questions and dont need advice. I just want understanding and validation. I miss my mum.

Jessa004 Can a mans depression end a long term love for good or is there hope for us?
  • replies: 9

I really need advice I'm so heartbroken. I've been with my boyfriend for about 7 years. We have the kind of bond that seemed Unbreakable, he is my legitimate best friend in the world, I'm confident I am that person for him also. We both come from fam... View more

I really need advice I'm so heartbroken. I've been with my boyfriend for about 7 years. We have the kind of bond that seemed Unbreakable, he is my legitimate best friend in the world, I'm confident I am that person for him also. We both come from families where we don't really feel understood.During our time together we have broken up a few times With the longest time with no contact being 6 months in which he moved away to the snow in NSW (we live in QLD) towards the end of that trip he told me he had made a mistake and that he was still In love with me and he was so depressed there that he actually contemplated suicide. We have had our ups and downs but we finally were back together he told me he knew that he fully loved me and we decided to move out together with another roommate. He had his hesitations because he said he still wanted to travel and do snow seasons, it's not that I didn't want to do it too but I am a more rational thinker and I was starting to think about making a proper life and career, he seemed to be on bored with moving out and excited though. Anyway we moved out I noticed he started to get depression quite bad, he has suffered from this almost our whole relationship but now that I was living with him I noticed it so much. I'm afraid to mention this because I don't want to be judged but he also has had a bad weed addiction on and off for years, I've had my issues with it too but I'm no where near as bad as he is. I believe it broke us up once before and we promised never to get involved with it again. But it just happened overtime because all of his friends are the same way.And with his depression I think he used it to cope. He got so bad, he was on annual leave and just smoked morning til night numbing himself not leaving the house I became concerned and I started to I guess nag him about it, I told him I didn't like it and that it upset me to see him like this. I went shopping the other day and came home to him packing his bags. He told me he didn't love me the same anymore and he can't stay here he needs to go be in the snow and he's only moved out for me. He said he can't make me happy and that he doesn't know what's wrong with him. I love him so much and I'm so worried about him. He has cut everyone off including me, I don't know what to do. I'm giving him space but how long should I give? I want to support him, I know he is in a bad place. It was only a few weeks ago that we had really romantic moments so I'm really confused.