First Date Advice

[Lonely22]

Hi, I'm a young man seeking advice on dating, specifically first dates. Areas of interest include suitable location ☕️, environment, time of day ☀️, attire 👕 and conversation topics to alleviate awkward silence 📝.

You know I think I'm more concerned about going on a first date than asking a girl out, even relief if I'm rejected. Please help me overcome this fear

Thank you! God Bless

[white knight]

Hi lonely,

If in any doubt make your date laugh.

Attire- wear what you personality dictates. Bright colour for energetic for example. Drab browns and greys are uninspiring.

If you go to an activity eg a sporting event make sure it isn't all fun. You need to get to know your date by serious conversation

Ask questions. Your date will want to know you are interested in them

Blow your date away with a hot air balloon flight.

If you like your date tell them. "I love your humour"

"I like your face, its cute"

"I like animals too'

Be yourself.

At the end if your date say

" if I was lucky enough that you agreed to a second date...what kind of date would you like the best"?

Make your date the subject if your interest not making yourself the centre of attention.

Tony WK

[SubduedBlues]

Yes color is important, but then you also need to choose colors that match your personality. Have a google on "colors and personality chart"

To help make that connection, have a google on "nlp mirroring exercises" -- whether you are out on a first date, or just building new friendships or business relationships, this is good stuff to know

The key advice pieces I can give you are:

* the little things, details, are important. If driving, clean your car; she'll notice the dirt that you don't see.
* dress to impress is more that the color, it is also wrinkles, matching, event appropriate, etc
* notice her shoes! if you think you might know why she has chosen those shoes, compliment her on her choice. If you have no idea why she chose those shoes, ask her why she chose them.
* some surprise destinations are cool, but if going ballooning, you might want to say we'll be doing something outside where it could be a bit windy. She probably wouldn't be all that comfortable wearing a sundress that'd be easily blown up... she'd be more worried about a potential wardrobe malfunction than genuinely listening to you. I guess, I am saying give her some idea as to how to dress for the day/evening.

* If nothing else, this is critically important: make a list of potential conversation topics. the worst thing that can happen on a date is to have nothing to talk about. If you find yourself running out of discussion topics, you can go to the loo and have a look at your list. it's a date saver.

let us know how you get on

SB

[Zeal]

Hey Lonely22,

Are you going on a date with the girl who lives near you and you've known for a while?

Wearing clothes you feel comfortable in is important. Showering just before the date is a good idea, and wearing deodorant of course. You don't need to wear cologne if you don't want to, but if you do, don't use too much. Brush your teeth right before the date as well, and consider carrying mints.

It's a good idea to think about whether you two will split the costs of dinner (or whatever you decide to do) or if you'll offer to pay for her. Make sure you have enough money to cover whatever activity you're doing or place you're eating at, plus a bit extra in case you do something extra afterwards. Have good conversation starters: travel (past, present and hopes for the future), movies, books, friends, funny stories (not crude though) etc.

Ask her questions about herself and listen attentively to what she says. Sometimes when people are nervous, they don't listen to the answers. If you're nervous or do something clumsy, make light of it and show her that you aren't afraid to have a laugh at yourself. It's important not to take yourself too seriously - everyone makes mistakes. Turn off your phone or switch it to silent during the date. Checking your phone may look rude or suggest that you're not interested. It's also important not to put yourself down.

If you've had a good time, tell her this at the end of the date.

Good luck, and post back if you'd like to talk further 🙂

Best wishes,
Zeal

[Just Sara]

Hey again Lonely Man!

Nice to see you're moving on from confidence issues to 'doing' the doing. Yay!

So many good ideas above. My offerings for a first date are;

Protect yourself - Choose venues moderately inexpensive so not to evoke money as a prime focus. (Lack of, or over indulging) Make sure you can afford to pay for both as she may expect this without notice. If she continually talks and asks about money, this is an indicator of 'intent'. You have an obligation to yourself first!

Live music venues can be enjoyable- but sit to the back of the room to avoid conversing problems due to noise. If someone took me to a Jazz room on our first date, I'd be in my glory. Find out her likes and dislikes while getting to know her...make notes. (Especially if she has allergies to foods!)

Don't apologise for everything - women like confidence; very sexy! 'Fake it till you make it!'

Looks aren't everything - If you had a choice between an insensitive 'model' with foul language as a backdrop, or a plain Jane with a kind smile, intelligence and style, which would you choose? (btw...a lot of women have this credo as well!)

Open and closed questions - Asking "Do you..." for instance, will get a yes/no answer. Beginning a question with what/where/when etc is much more effective when making listening your priority. Give her the chance to open up. It'll also give you a chance to get to know who you're with.

Back to front confusion - If she's the quiet one struggling for words, sit closer to the music to begin with until you're more confident.

I so wish you well hun!

Sara xo

[Lonely22]

Zeal,

i don't have a date yet! I just want to have an idea of what to expect, what my intentions are before I ask a girl out, it may give me more confidence. You always give great advice to me, can I ask first date ideas for someone I don't know anything about and rarely see, that is intimate, does not conflict with my social anxiety, but also doesn't come across as 'weird' or 'creepy' as a first?

This girl you mentioned, I can't see a future with. I mean growing up my lack of confidence was (and I'm certain of this) mistaken for disinterest, arrogance, uncaring. You know I was thinking the other day it might be a good idea to write a letter (yes, again with the letters) explaining how I was all those years ago and ever since. Do you think this is a good idea, even to a girl currently in a 3 year relationship?

Sara,

thank you for the advice, the detail is helpful for someone as inexperienced as I am. Jazz room, I hadn't considered this, but I like it! Less demanding than conversing over coffee. I get so nervous and find myself apologising for everything, I'll keep this in check. When you say if the date mentions the expense, what do you mean by an indication of intent? That she would feel guilty not paying for herself, and I'm only obliged to pay my share? ​

[Lonely22]

WK,

Compliment. everything! Especially less pronounced than others is suggestion. Great date idea, not readily available, hence why it's so awesome. I think I may be innately uninspired. Colour for inhibited? Haha. Thanks, I'll let you all know when I actually ask the girl out.

SB,

awesome advice! I'm definitely not in a position to wear anything with a lot of colour and excitement, that's for sure.

Surprise destinations, that's a terrific idea, maybe a picnic as well, that would be nice.

notice her shoes, I'll definitely remember this! Make an effort to mention shoes and hair, usually nice to begin with.

[Just Sara]

To answer your question re intent; it's rude to talk about money at the best of times anyway, but if you find a girl whose focus is on this subject, take notice as she may be a 'gold digger'. Unfortunately they exist...on both sides.

Unless it's discussed first, going dutch shouldn't be a foregone conclusion. Be ready to pay for both so you're not caught with a bill you can't pay...embarrassment plus!

As for shoes, don't forget she'll be looking at yours too! They reflect a person's character to some extent...clean and stylish is good. Definitely no runners or work boots!

Please keep the 'why's' to a bare minimum. These may be taken as picky or judgemental. Accepting her as she comes, is a key component of relating. Don't you want this from her?

Well done lonely man! We're here for you...cheers from the crowd "Yay"

Sara xo