Dealing with everyday trauma
I am a 26 year old female living with mom and siblings. I am from a Pakistani nationality. Reason I am stating that is to explain the reason behind why everything has happened (e.g. abuse to women is a cultural norm in my culture).
I come from an educated family but they have backward mentality. I have been living with my mom. There is a long story behind it. I had suffered from Depression, Anxiety and ADHD symptoms since a child (aged 10 etc). I happened to be the child who would be average in studies. My parents are divorced and my entire family treated me like crap. My mom abused me since 10 years and called me whore, prostitute and slut. My siblings bullied me by saying I am a nobody, worthless, useless etc This impacted on my studies
I have a Certificate IV in Laboratory techniques and an undergraduate degree in Psychology. Currently I am studying Masters of Teaching in Early Childhood and Primary (However, planning to take off Primary). At this stage, because I don't have a job, my family basically hates me and treats me like a rag. My mom physically and psychologically abuses me from time to time. So, does my sister. They tell me to go find assistant jobs atleast and when I do try and let them know, they say "Why assistant? when you can get an ECT teacher job?" and when I say "Ok I will apply for that" They say "Oh my god! No way you will be able to do that properly!" At the moment I have no clue what they want. Then go around calling me mentally ill. Another reason they believe I am mentally ill apart from still studying fulltime at 26, is due to not getting an arranged marriage. They want to marry me off so that I am not socially a burden for them. They want me to pick anyone and get married. I do not wish to as I do know the inner dynamics of how relationship should work to be successful. Unfort I believe there are certain elements to a relationship such as passion and intimacy to keep it going. Arranged marriage is a big risk, and I am not sure how having this belief makes me mentally deranged?
Please note I suffer from severe depression and panic attacks and not on medication. Med don't work for me but I workout 2 hours a day to keep going for next day.
Anyway, these days my mom has been severely abusing me. I have no idea what to do? Should I apply for homeless shelter? Should I get a job first and wait for a while (as it is hard to find one in Sydney quickly) whilst handling their abuse? Any other ideas?
Thank you for reaching out to us:) It sounds like you have been going through a really difficult time and for quite some time. It must be awful to have the people who are your family treating you so badly and not being supportive of you. It is wonderful that you have done that much study and I can appreciate as a undergraduate that you have to be quite stable, intelligent and disciplined and focussed to succeed. So this to me suggests that maybe alot of the way you are feeling is environmental stress. I can appreciate that in your culture there may be different values and I have seen this become a problem for quite a few people so this is something you will need to decide for yourself. I would suggest if you are at uni to talk to the uni counsellors/ welfare whoever they have and they can support you through this, they usually have information about accomodation and solutions and resources. It sounds to me like you can do anything you want to do so perhaps be proud of how far you have come and know that you can succeed at whatever you choose. I will give you our line 1300 22 4636 and Lifeline 131114. Our BB line is good for resources and a chat, I am sorry I don't know much about the shelters but BBlue line or lifeline will. It would be worth seeing a GP and being checked and seeing if you can have medication or at least maybe a referral to a professional you can talk to, this should be covered by medicare. Again if its counselling you need, uni should be able to help as well. I really do feel for you, you deserve to be treated better and respected. So first things first, you have to decide if you will stay there or if you will get work and move out ? or if you will go to a shelter, they can be stressful although sounds like you are stressed anyway. Try to get to see a GP and talk to GP and or uni about counselling so you have someone to talk to regularly about all of this. Also know that we are always here you are not alone. We hope you can keep in touch and let us know how you go. Best Wishes Nikkir x