Infidelity, uncertainty

[neroben1991]

I've been together with my girlfriend for roughly 6-7 years, recently I discovered that she's been seeing someone else since April this year.

What startles me is when I confront her (even though I have evidence) still acts if everything is fine, claims she's in the right and claims she's not doing stuff behind my back. I haven't spent time with her in over a year, I miss her and really love her. Everytime we try to spend time together something always comes up on the day we try to, the constant excuses on her end is frustrating and making me lonelier day by day. She has been away for a week and going home tomorrow and I want to confront her about how I feel and get her to tell the truth, fix things and start seeing each other more.

 But I know she'll continue to deny the infidelity side of things, I wish she would just come clean. She's blocked me on facebook, Steam and the only way her and I talk is either via text or calling each others phones. I've been anxious, stressed and depressed about this for a long time and it's taking a toll on my studies for uni. I feel lonelier everyday, I can no longer sit at home because my mind is constantly thinking about the issue and I no longer enjoy things, except running an event I host once a month. I go for a walk but it only provides temporary relief, I try to catch with friends but majority of the time they're busy and don't want to.

 I have organised to see a counsellor at my uni in the coming weeks, but I'm able to cope and no longer can deal with this weight on my shoulders.

[Paul]

Hey neroben

Really glad you've reached out and shared how you feel. It does seem like you're getting the raw end of the deal here.

Not spending time with each other for a year, being blocked on facebook and steam and being lied to. No wonder you're feeling the weight on your shoulders!

I wonder if it's time to consider whether her actions are of a loving girlfriend or something to let go of.

You mentioned that you miss her and you're lonely. It really sucks feeling like that. I'm a bit like you in that if I miss someone or feel lonely the same thing happens - stress and anxiety and feeling depressed.

In the past I've had to make the decision to let go of something that was a source of pain which would cause pain anyway. The thing with this is that after the decision and some time with the pain it started to lift.

I'm not saying to break up with your girlfriend but I am wondering if you are worth more than being shut out of all but one communication method by someone you're supposed to be in a relationship with.

In your post you describe no longer enjoying things, feeling lonelier, and feeling like you can no longer deal with things. Keep holding on for now neroben, the chat with your counsellor isn't that far away. 

There's lots of resources here on the beyondblue website and if you need to talk to someone there's the 24 hour number to talk it through with someone. That's on each page on the website. It's at the bottom of this page.

I feel for you because it's really tough. Try to take things moment by moment for now and just look after yourself, do your favourite things.

Take care

Paul