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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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camilla Husband is depressed, left.
  • replies: 6

My husband and I have been together 8 years. He is the most loving, gentle, kind-hearted man and never cruel. He suffered depression as a teenager (was institutionalised after suicide attempts), and 4 years ago he left me - after a bout of depression... View more

My husband and I have been together 8 years. He is the most loving, gentle, kind-hearted man and never cruel. He suffered depression as a teenager (was institutionalised after suicide attempts), and 4 years ago he left me - after a bout of depression, but we went to couples counseling and were reconciled a few weeks later. While it was sad and I was hurt, there was no acrimony between us. I have always been sincerely supportive of my husband’s depression, which ebbs and flows, more than anyone in his life. Other people in my family suffer depression, and I have lived my life taking care of him sometimes more than myself, and being genuinely happy to do it. I am the closest person he has had to him in his life, and he only started going to therapy for the first time in a decade mid-2013 after he had an episode and I encouraged him to seek out professional help. We talked a lot, at his pleasure, about his feelings and mindset without pressuring him to talk, and he said he was feeling a lot better. We had being trying to have a baby and I said we should stop until he felt more confident about us and his own life. After he started therapy this year, he asked if we could try again and buy a house, as those were really things he wanted. He asked me to trust him, and told me (every day) that he adored and loved me. He told me I was his emotional guardian and things were looking better. A few months later, he left - telling me he wanted to move to the bush and never have children. He wasn’t acting like himself, he was telling me I was a horrible person, with no values or moral compass, and that I was too materialistic. He said I couldn’t change into a better person and that he never wanted me in his life again. He was showing no empathy, making no eye contact, and it was really confronting for me to see. I told him it was going to be OK, and we would do whatever he needed to feel better. He told me he wasn't depressed, that I was the problem, and that he never wanted my help again. The next morning he went to therapy, and came home and told me it was over because I was a bad person and he didn’t want to give me anything anymore. His parents called me frantic that he was having an episode again, after such a long time, and we communicated with each other every day about what was happening - we were seeing the same behaviours that were so unlike him. He didn’t care that I might be pregnant and had no place to live as a result of his actions. He went away for a month, camping, and came back and wanted to talk. He told other people he wanted to reconcile with me. We spoke a couple of weeks later and he said he “went crazy” when he left, but it wasn’t an episode and that there was nothing for him to work through. He said he was sorry for being cruel, but he didn’t want to work on the marriage. I feel he has determined the marriage is what’s made him so unhappy, and that while that obviously may be true, it's also possible that he is not dealing with his depression. Going to therapy myself, I have come the realisation that we really did have an open, honest, caring marriage where no one was trapped into a certain way of life and all doors were open. That’s not to say it was perfect - of course not - but it was certainly emotionally healthy and loving. I am still very worried about him, though I accept that he doesn’t want me in his life any more. His friends told him that he should leave me because I don’t deserve to be messed around, but I don’t feel that is their business, or that they understand his history of mental illness. I feel they encouraged him to run away (away from his family and support network), when they should have communicated with me, or his parents, so we could all try to work together to take care of him. I feel his therapy has not been very helpful, and would like to encourage him to try another therapist or style of therapy. As that’s not my job anymore, I’m finding it hard to let go of caring for him, obviously loving him, and of course finding it incredibly hard to take care of myself at this time. Don’t know what to do… I feel terribly guilty I have not gone after him - that even though I believe my presence is making things worse, that it’s my fault he is so sad, and that I’ve been a terrible partner to him.

Becca91lou Clingy and want to feel myself
  • replies: 2

I am 22 and live on my own near my dads street all my friends live back in my home town. i moved due to work. I have always been a strong girl until about two months ago. My dad (who is my world, my main person) fell ill at still a young age and was ... View more

I am 22 and live on my own near my dads street all my friends live back in my home town. i moved due to work. I have always been a strong girl until about two months ago. My dad (who is my world, my main person) fell ill at still a young age and was in hospital for a month and one week. Within the first week of being in hospital my toddler cousin died from tragic circumstances. I was still being the strong person for dad but my cousins funeral really got to me, my family's howling, his mum running for the tiny coffin and dad attended the funeral on medication and temporarily collapsed and I caught him - kind of his approx 80kgs heavier than me. The next day when visiting my dad in hospital, when it came time to leave, I started to panick and had a panick attack every 15 mins for 4 hours in his room. This had never happened to me Before. The nurses and psychologist at his hospital tried to help but they realised I was not safe to go home and there was no sign of me calming down. I was sobbing then laughing then really angry then numb and quiet and then repeat whilst banging my head and digging my nails into my skin. The hospital called an ambulance and took me to an intensive psych ward. I ended up having to stay for 2 weeks and 2 days for 'observation' it was awful. Upon discharge i was told i had no psychotic illness and what i experienced was a temporary mixed emotive state due to truggers. When I got out I had severe side effects to medication and luckily had my amazing GP got me off them straight away. Anyway to the point - I was with people every day who were looking after me in the ward and when I got out I had no support none even from the man I was in love with. So I went to my home town for 6 days where I stayed with other family who were home 24/7 (ps: I normally live alone). When I got home and dad was out of hospital I thought things would be back to normal but I hardly see them as him and his wife are always busy and when I visit I get extremely anxious that I know I have to go home and I just want to stay I'm now anxious and depressed every night I just want to be around someone always and nights and mornings are the worst. I never used to be clingy and "need" people but I do I seriously want someone to be by my side 24/7 I want to get back to normal! Apart from all the issues I just don't want to feel so dependant to be dramatic I feel like I'm dying from a broken heart in so many ways. How do I enjoy my own company again or feel safe away from others I don't know if I'm scared ill loose someone else

JoelD When life turns upside down
  • replies: 6

I'm 34, had been married 7 years, fell in love with another woman. Separated, sold my house, quit my job, travelled to the other side of the world to be with this woman - things didn't work out now I'm back home living with my parents with no job, no... View more

I'm 34, had been married 7 years, fell in love with another woman. Separated, sold my house, quit my job, travelled to the other side of the world to be with this woman - things didn't work out now I'm back home living with my parents with no job, no wife, no home, and no reason to live other than my 4yo daughter. What do I do? I used to work as a high level health professional and today I humiliated myself by handing in a resume at Coles...

snafu99 I was going to move to America to be with her
  • replies: 2

Hi beyondblue, I've always wondered about this place, but I've been too scared to phone up because I'm shy. I started writing a Journal the other week because it just feels better than bottling it all up, and my friends just think I should "man up". ... View more

Hi beyondblue, I've always wondered about this place, but I've been too scared to phone up because I'm shy. I started writing a Journal the other week because it just feels better than bottling it all up, and my friends just think I should "man up". Here's my story if anyone wants to read along. My name is Dylan, I'm 28 and a very sensitive introvert. People say I am good looking but I don't agree and I have low self esteem. I have been suffering from Insomnia which lead to depression. I have done sleep studies, tried different remedies but to no avail. I just went on living. I have a dead end job that doesn't give me that much satisfaction but the pay is OK. I feel like Edward Norton in Fight Club, tired everyday. I had been single for 2 years until I met a beautiful American girl when I was travelling in 2012. I went to stay with her in her city for 3 days and after that short period of time we decided to continue the relationship long distance. 3 months after we met in USA she came to Australia. That time I spent waiting in the airport for her plane to land was the greatest feeling ever, especially when she came through those doors. She only spent 2 weeks here because of her working commitments. It was a great 2 weeks I introduced her to my family and we had a blast exploring some of Australia and getting to know each other on a more deeper level. After this short meeting, she headed home and we figured out what to do next. She liked Australia but not enough to move, so I decided I would quit my job and go and test the waters. I went to live there for 3 months, I couldnt work in that time but I had saved up enough money to cover the cost of me being there. I got on exceptionally well with her family and her friends. We had a few fights and sometimes we discussed the thought of me heading home early, but we got through it. So 3 months had passed and I boarded a plane back to Australia, still in a relationship. Things were going as great as could be expected. We had a new plan, I returned to work and knuckled down saving money again. Basically the only way I was going to be allowed to stay longer than 3 months in the country is if I got married and this was a notion we had talked about at lengths. Over the past few weeks I noticed a changed in her tone. I let her do whatever she wants, I guess I'm a pushover. She goes to all these festivals all over the place. I knew her ex was going but I let her go anyway. She was with him for 5 years before she met me. And her enjoys festivals as much as her, I don't really like them. She started becoming short with me over conversations, and I asked her what was wrong. She explained she didn't know if she loved me anymore or if it was because she had forgotten what it was like when I was around. I said she wasnt like this before she went away, but she said she'd been feeling it for a few weeks. I did a bit of facebook stalking and I noticed some recent activity between her and her ex-boyfriend. She never told me that she didnt love me anymore, she just said" I don't know, I'm confused how I feel". Anyway, we broke up and she keeps on saying "I think its for the best of us". I can't stop beating myself up over why this is happening, other than she connected with him more on a deeper level. I continued trying while I was in Australia, sending flowers and other reminders. I keep blaming it on my depression, because I was sometimes not the greatest person to be around. I don't go looking for relationships, I feel too self concious, the last 2 just kind of fell into place from a chance meeting. I tried to commit when my last relationship ended. I ended up being rushed by ambulance as I texted one of my friends and told them what I had done. In my closing statement, I just want to say that I am not sure how I can bounce back from this. I know my situation pales in comparison to pretty much everyone elses problems but I can't stop feeling this way, I feel hopeless. This was going to be my new life.

tashi I cant cope with some bad news!
  • replies: 11

Im a 19 yearbold female. Right now ive got many issues of my own that im just coming to terms with an only just in thr last daybor so ive started to seek some sort of help (ie this website). Last night my father whom I don't live with anymore amd who... View more

Im a 19 yearbold female. Right now ive got many issues of my own that im just coming to terms with an only just in thr last daybor so ive started to seek some sort of help (ie this website). Last night my father whom I don't live with anymore amd whom separated from my mother when I was young (im still very close with him) I found out his now girlfriend is dying of cancer and that hes moving over the other side of the country to take care of her and her 12 year old daughter. I don't know these people at all ive met them twice but im grieving for my father as his heartbis broken but I dont knoe how to feel . Am I more upset that his leaving his family over Christmas for another family. Or that hes goings to raise this girl as a family when he couldn't do that for me or that his girlfriend is dying. Or am I being extremely selfish to be thinking about myself

oldy1 My son seems to hate us
  • replies: 6

we are a pretty close family but my son has decided he doesnt like us any more and even hates us all most of the time he wont talk to us so we get our information (very sporadically) from his wife. We, his mum dad and five brothers sisters and partne... View more

we are a pretty close family but my son has decided he doesnt like us any more and even hates us all most of the time he wont talk to us so we get our information (very sporadically) from his wife. We, his mum dad and five brothers sisters and partners dont know what to do - I am trying to give him space but honestly I have no idea what I am doing with this. Is there anyone out there who can give me some guidance? I love him dearly and if staying away will help I will do it but its breaking my heart and I am so lost

ks99 i have been cheated
  • replies: 2

i have been cheated and ditched by someone i really liked. I dont have any social life and no family here in Australia. I met this person couple of months ago and he was really nice initially but now he has started ignoring me. We used to chat throug... View more

i have been cheated and ditched by someone i really liked. I dont have any social life and no family here in Australia. I met this person couple of months ago and he was really nice initially but now he has started ignoring me. We used to chat through emails most of the time and met few times as well. I seem to be addicted to his emails. He has stopped sending me now. I feel empty from inside now. Not sure what i have done wrong that he is doing this to me. This is really annoying and frustrating. Not sure how to deal with this emptiness. There is feeling of anxiety all the time. Heart racing and strange feeling which is really killing. I know its just been 2 months but still i think my loneliness made me attach to that person in no time and now i just want to stop thinking about him but just not happening. I dont have many people around me but since this thing has happened hate everyone around me. Dont feel like talking to them. It feels like that they are laughing at me. Can someone please help me to get out of this thing. This feeling is really making me feel miserable and depressed

Sektor3105 Separated from Wife - Struggling to Cope
  • replies: 2

Hi guys. Well in a nutshell a few months ago I separated from my wife. We'd been together for 8 years, married for 3 and had our fair share of ups and downs like any normal relationship. We'd been trying for children for nearly 5 years and to no succ... View more

Hi guys. Well in a nutshell a few months ago I separated from my wife. We'd been together for 8 years, married for 3 and had our fair share of ups and downs like any normal relationship. We'd been trying for children for nearly 5 years and to no success. Both of us have clinical reproductive problems Southey was a huge factor and prior to us a plotting we were in the midst of starting IVF. We'd broken up last year for a whole day. Managed to work things out and things were great for about a year, up until a few months back. All of a sudden we'd become so distant. I felt like she wanted nothing to do with me, there was zero connection. We'd experienced this in the past, but this was always when she'd be getting close to a male friend. Whilst she never saw it as a problem and I never thought anything bad of it in terms of stepping outside the borders of a friendship she invested a lot of time in these friends and not us. Now for her birthday I took her and my parents and my parents away for a trip. Late during the night I'd gone to bed early, and my wife and stepdad were the last up. Now my mum claims she saw them kissing next to the camp fire, she went out caused a scene, and yeah. I trusted that they didn't. Well a few weeks after that I decided to seperatexfrom my wife. We'd be growing further and further apart, and she was investing a lot of time and energy communicating with my step dad. I said that we heading two separate paths. I'm struggling to know who I am and what my purpose in life is, and I just can't cope with this extra crap. About a month later I got an internal transfer with work and moved to Melbourne. Whilst down here, last week in find out that my ex - wife and step dad are now dating. I'd heard various rumours, but it was confirmed after I saw the photo from our House For Sale listing in the master bedroom. I confronted here about it, and she acts like it's all ok that she has every right to move on and that's she's not doing anything wrong. I just don't know what to think anymore. I don't know if this did happen or not whilst we were together, or if there was more people of the course of our relationship. As I speak now, I just feel so upset, De-energised, no motivation to do anything. Constantly feel sick, tired or anxious about something. I'm struggling to go out and do something, when I muster up the courage to go out, I'll either get to where I'm going and turn round and foreshore, or leave early during. I supposed to go to the races yesterday with friends, but told then I was sick. I honestly could not go, I felt sick, lifeless and just couldn't justify why anyone would want me there or even miss my presence whilst not. I really don't know what to do. I just feel so low. It feels like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders even though I know I dont. Thanks for reading folks.

coco123 Cheated and trying to cope with it
  • replies: 2

I wonder if anybody here had experience being cheated by your partner? How do you cope with it? Do you totally forgive and forget? I need some suggestions, please... I only have 2 relationships in my life. I have one ex, my highschool sweetheart of 9... View more

I wonder if anybody here had experience being cheated by your partner? How do you cope with it? Do you totally forgive and forget? I need some suggestions, please... I only have 2 relationships in my life. I have one ex, my highschool sweetheart of 9 years. He flirted with some ladies, I confronted and then tried to forgive what he did. He then asked for a break...telling me I was not religious enough. Haha. And less than a year later, he married someone else. Then, I met my now husband. During the first few months in the boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, I figured out he cheated on me. I found his profile on a local online dating website. He gave an excuse saying he didn't know how to delete the account. Funnily enough he was online even the day before he got busted. I forgave him. Two years later, I figured out that he met his ex without my knowledge, seen some random ladies behind my back, suggests some models to stay for free at his apartment and willing to pay half for their trips (he's a photographer), he helped a random lady to get her silly work visa into Australia and told her he loved her and all. He also gave money and gifts to some others, when he hardly gave me anything decent just second hand items. I confronted him. It was difficult time to have all these happening when I was 3 weeks away from submitting my PhD thesis. A couple of my friends helped me. I left him and stayed at female friend's place while finishing Uni. I was determined to leave him for good but a week later I went back to him because it felt odd not having him around. I asked if he can promise me he won't cheat on me again. He agreed. I have low self-esteem while he's kind of realistic but cunning person. He also don't believe in the idea of marriage. Of course, my friends think I've made a huge mistake to go back to him. Believe it or not, 2 months later we got married. We had a very small wedding. He didn't propose. I was my parents who wants us to get married. He said that was the reason why he agreed. It's quite disheartening to know that. My parents didn't know what had happened in our relationship. We've been married for 5 months now...and everytime we have silly arguments... I have all these betrayal flashbacks and feel depressed, so depressed. I try to forgive, forget, move on.... And trust him again. Honestly, I'm struggling, really struggling but at the same time I need the marriage to work.

Husky Betrayal
  • replies: 2

I recently found my wife was having an affair with one of my best friends although the both swear it was just a phone and text friendship that evolved into something more but was never physical. My wife was texting and calling him sometimes 20 times ... View more

I recently found my wife was having an affair with one of my best friends although the both swear it was just a phone and text friendship that evolved into something more but was never physical. My wife was texting and calling him sometimes 20 times a day his number was under a different name in her phone it culminated in her taking a photo of herself and sending it to him then I found the phone records so there was no way either of them could deny it. We have 3 children together and the so called friend involved is 10 years younger than us. I feel so betrayed as we've often spoke about this sort of thing and agreed on principals and beliefs. My now ex friend is also a loss to me as I valued our friendship but feel I can never talk to him again. I've decided to accept my wife's version of events simply because my kids mean everything to me and I could bear to be around them. My wife is positive we can get through this but I'm afraid that I'm only agreeing in the hope things will improve however I don't want to live the rest of my life not trusting her. Am I doing the right thing?