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Advice for how to move on from ex girlfriend.

Community Member

Hello there,

 So 3 days ago I split up from a girl I had been seeing for 2 months. Now I know I said she was my girlfriend in the title, but honestly I have no idea what we were officially. That's because she always had some fear of calling it what it was. A month ago after we became 'exclusive' she started freaking out and from that point I had no idea what we were in her mind. But to me it felt like boyfriend girlfriend. We did everything that bf/gf's do together. Went on dates, stayed over at each others places, texted each other every single day, caalled each other pet names. Alas she finally called it quits and told me it was over. Now I am really struggling to move on. It was only two months but it felt more like 6, I was very attached and now I have such conflicting emotions. Logically I know it is a good thing we broke up because I realised a few weeks ago that she is a very selfish and immature person. I am not just saying that because I am upset and angry with her, I truly mean it. The best example is when I admitted to her that I had been diagnosed with depression and anxiety issues. You know what she said? She said 'I don't have the capacity to deal with somones depression because I've done it before.....' like seriously wtf? She didn't stop seeing me because of it, but it certainly felt like she didn't care and I really should have just ended it then. But emotionally I just can't let go. Everything is a reminder of what I have lost and I can't stop feeling like I stuffed it up and/or should have acted differently. She actually offered to talk to me in person about it but I refused because I can't bare to see her and I ended up deleting all contact and photos of her, and now I can't help but think I should have seen her so at least I might understand and its too late now. Please can someone help me out here. What should I do to move on and not feel hopeless about the future? This whole event has no helped my depression and anxiety issues. 

2 Replies 2

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi AJ, welcome

Time, goals, hobbies socialising and sport. These 5 things can allow you to get over her easier than otherwise. Don't lie idle.

Time- several months in your case depends on the individual

Goals- careers goals, financial goals, fitness goals

Hobbies...passions...if you havent got one try finding one

Socialising- meet new girls or just hang out with friends more often

Sport- exercise, join clubs

Diverting your mind will allow it rest from your grief. Sometimes you need to implement this diversion yourself. Clarity of your situation will come easier in time

Tony WK

Community Member

Hi arthurjames, 

I'm sorry you are feeling the way you are. Emotions are uncontrollable in this situation. 

By the sounds of it I do think she has done you a favour, and not to be rude as I know there is always good sides to people (pluses).. however I think she has some of her own growing to do as if her first reaction to the statement you said to her was what you mentioned, it doesn't seem like she has time for anyone else's problems or concerns. 

Do you really want to proceed with a relationship or friendship that is already showing signs of un supportiveness? 

I always think (which helps & you should never rule anything out!) That maybe one day you will become friends, even more than that. But right now it seems like you need to go through this for your reasons and she needs to go through this for her reasons.

I understand you feel guilty because she gave you the opportunity to meet up and you declined, but I think that was a strong point for you right there.

I also think you needed that time to reflect and feeling guilty for not jumping at that opportunity is a natural feeling because part of you wants to be able to see her and work things out with her of course.

I think you give it a good week or 2 and then catch up for a coffee or however and talk things through. It may flood back emotions and open the gates again for you, but I believe you will get your answer. Not from her, but from how you will feel.

Good luck to you and stay true to yourself.

- Lou