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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Humby I know I did the right thing in breaking up, but ...
  • replies: 6

After being in a relationship for nearly 2 years, and after several recent splits and get-togethers in the recent past, I have finally made the final move and kicked out my partner from my home and from my life. I met this woman on an online site , a... View more

After being in a relationship for nearly 2 years, and after several recent splits and get-togethers in the recent past, I have finally made the final move and kicked out my partner from my home and from my life. I met this woman on an online site , and she had just recently moved from Victoria to the NT. Early in the relationship she seemed very, very keen. Then soon after started making regular disappearing acts to go exploring, or to stay with friends as she was tired and overworked. However, I never got to meet any of these friends, and later on they had apparently left the NT and were now gone for good. Odd events included flowers arriving at her work, and a text message of a suggestive kind that was apparently just an in-joke with a work mate. Things settled down once I actually said she could stay at my place and live with me. Even then, she was always a bit secretive about her past, and her actions and behaviour at times erratic and easily ranging from deep love statements to fits of rage at the drop of a hat. More recently after a nasty fight and throwing her out of the house, found out that much of her past as she had told me was fabrications. And even as we had been trying to patch the relationship, also found out she was still active in dating sites and strongly denying it when confronted with the evidence. Further found out when digging for answers that while in the early stages of the relationship she flew interstate with another man and booked a hotel for the weekend, and once again when confronted with this she just made more and more convoluted excuses. The reality is that I know the relationship was never going to work, she drove a deep wedge between my friends with her lies, she was manipulative, and a compulsive liar. The thing is, that when things were good they are great, and intimately it could be fantastic. But at the end of the day I was living in denial and trying to keep a lie alive. I know I have done the right thing, but the mix of hurt, betrayal, loneliness and longing for something that should have been are intense and at times overwhelming. Anyway, right now just keep dipping into that well of darkness and even more so when trying to sleep at night. She was attractive, charming, helpful ... but also compulsive liar, manipulative, and a fake. I know I did the right thing, but the hurt is strong and not sure out to make it go away. I am nearly 50, and I truly did think for a while she was the one.

Magyarok What it means to be a single father?
  • replies: 4

Hello All, The current situation with my wife is untenable and i am on the verge of leaving. I have tried so hard to make things work but with very little reciprocation of effort from her. I feel like an empty shell of a person, i feel sick in the st... View more

Hello All, The current situation with my wife is untenable and i am on the verge of leaving. I have tried so hard to make things work but with very little reciprocation of effort from her. I feel like an empty shell of a person, i feel sick in the stomach. I feel as though i have done everything that i can without being met half way. It is very obvious that her interpretation of working things out is different to mine. She has double standards - what she considers acceptable for herself is certainly not acceptable for me. I would rather be happy and single than to continue to endure this situation. However we have a beautiful 5 yo daughter i love her so much and she loves me. She needs me as much as i need her. I am her primary carer and her rock. I can't bare the thought of not being with her or of being a part time father. It would not be fair on her but it is also not fair on her to see me as an empty miserable shell of a person. I can't see a way forward in my marriage but any decision i make needs to be deeply considered - for my daughters sake! I just want to hear from other single fathers and their experiences and what it means for them. Thank you in advance Kind Regards Dave

Linda1818 No trust into my boyfriend - due to his past
  • replies: 3

Hello, I have a very unique situation where my boyfriend of now 9 months is very loving and supporting but I distrust him through out of our relationship due to his past and fact that he had many prostitutes and betrayed his last gf. after he told me... View more

Hello, I have a very unique situation where my boyfriend of now 9 months is very loving and supporting but I distrust him through out of our relationship due to his past and fact that he had many prostitutes and betrayed his last gf. after he told me about his past, everything changed, I started to get jealous, overly alert and always looking at him if he is looking at other women or not. it got so far now that I am suffering from anxieties and insomnia and cant cope with everyday's life. He was in school of philosophy where he has been thought no sex before marriage. So by the age of 27 he broke out and started to visit many different kinds of adult services for the period of 3-4 y until he met me. I am very decent woman and always wanted a decent man. He is very good to me and has been very supportive until now he threatens to leave me every time I have a distrusting thought and it increases my anxieties and I have helath issues due to it like no sleep and depression. I am wondering should I leave him and it is valid because I cant cope with the thought of him doing it in the past or maybe doing again at some point in his life with me. I am very confused, I love him very much but is it enough to keep the bond and solid future? He is ready to leave me because he started to get angry at me (verbally) every time I express my doubts. He cant stand this anymore and I seem to not be able to change my view about this brothel thing. I don't know what to do. It is a life changing decision and I don't know what price to pay, heart break and losing him or my health and trying to get it under control. but is it possible to get it under control or should I trust my instincts??

Gaiablue Totally lost
  • replies: 1

I can't stop thinking about my ex! He played me for 3 years, cheated and used me! He is already moved on with someone else, and I'm here feeling so depressed everytime I see his happy photos on social media, I feel like I can't move on... The problem... View more

I can't stop thinking about my ex! He played me for 3 years, cheated and used me! He is already moved on with someone else, and I'm here feeling so depressed everytime I see his happy photos on social media, I feel like I can't move on... The problem is that he is flatmate of my best friend, so I know everything he does with this new girl and it hurts that my friends have this life with him and I'm all alone... I feel replaced, I can't go to parties o any events cos I know he is with her and everyone is telling me to get over it! That I'm just doing a big drama and I need to let go.....

kiss_revenge scared that there's no hope and got no one to turn to.
  • replies: 3

I usually don't open up about the things that concern me and usually keeps my problems to myself but I feel like I'm holding too much inside me now and it's getting to the point where it's becoming too much for me. I starting feeling depressed about ... View more

I usually don't open up about the things that concern me and usually keeps my problems to myself but I feel like I'm holding too much inside me now and it's getting to the point where it's becoming too much for me. I starting feeling depressed about 3-3 and a half years ago and really started to wonder what was the point in going on anymore. I've always been a quiet guy who's keep to myself but as I've got to be a little older I really am struggling to see the purpose in life. I've always prided myself on being a good guy and unselfish, but everything I seem to do in life always seems to be the wrong choice. I'm 30 years old now and I've sort of let life go by in the past few years where I'm a the point of hating my job, having no partner and reallylosing interest in life. I felt at my worse about this time 3 years ago and I really started to consider ending it. I wanted a career change, someone to love and start to enjoy life but everything I did up to that point didn't go right. I met someone around this time who was also going through a difficult part in her life. She saw I was struggling and offered to help me. And through the two of us going through this terrible parts in our lives we actually became really close friends. We became really close and I helped me a lot to start having a purpose to life and I felt I was an important part of her life too. We were so close that we became the closest of friends and it was so important to me at the time that she was there with me and we were that close. unfortunately when and a guy and women become that close it goes even further. It ended up becoming more than just friends, but at the time it felt so right and we both chose that. We found each in difficult times but it was always complicated and could never be the true romance straight away. As time went on she decided she didn't want to go down that path because she said that when she's with me it reminded her of her worse time in her life and didn't want to be with me because if this terrible thing never happened to her then we would never have been. So it was life she was taking a positive out of something bad that happened to her. Which I totally understand. But unfortunately I ended up experiencing the true romance of falling in love with my best friend. She wanted to still be friends but since has started dating someone else. She says she wants to date someone that doesn't know what she went through and wasn't a part of that part of her life. beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

K1988 I left him...and now i regret it
  • replies: 3

Hi, I am a 22 year old girl, my boyfriend is 32. We met 1 year ago and he was my first. My parents disproved of him based on social class, background, his past. But i went ahead and moved in with him because my parents said leave or stay home and don... View more

Hi, I am a 22 year old girl, my boyfriend is 32. We met 1 year ago and he was my first. My parents disproved of him based on social class, background, his past. But i went ahead and moved in with him because my parents said leave or stay home and dont be with him. I felt it was right to be with him. Over this past year I have really changed in so many good ways, im happy, i try new things, im not shy, i have confidence and i have just become more of a woman. He has helped me in so many ways, but the past 6 months he put off starting university so he has been doing nothing which has hurt our relationship. He is the most honest, protective man, and he has depression and anxiety. He started smoking cigareetts again, his sleeping pattern become him staying up all night which causes me not to sleep, then sleeping all day to which when he awakens he goes on his computer. I was left feeling alone, ignored and neglected. He wouldnt eat the food i made nor would he even have dinner with me. He didnt do cooking, shopping, cleaning, dishes, laundry. He said this is because he is not working or studying. Now to my main point i got fed up so i moved out 2 days ago when he was out getting dinner, my parents were thrilled and they came picked me up with all my packed bags. Now im sleeping better, dont have to do a whole house worth of work myself, im looking for work and my parents are so supportive of me. But im heartbroken and love him, i miss him. I feel as if i over reacted. Yes he has flaws but everyone does and i know i can get other men but i am not intrested in them. I have been on a few other forums and they have said hes not worth my time, hes a manipulator, lazy, selfish. But he also has a condition which i dont fully understand and nor did they therefore being quick to judge my post. I felt like i couldnt help him and he needed another woman to put him in line, but i went to see him today and my heart broke, i realised he just needs some compassion and i abandoned him. what are your thoughts

PaganGirl I feel like I'm losing my relationship...
  • replies: 6

Hi all, I've been to these forums before so hopefully I'm in the right place. Just so you know, I'm coping ok and not distressed, just feeling quite lost and confused. 1.5 years ago I met a lovely man, my now partner. It was love at first sight. We s... View more

Hi all, I've been to these forums before so hopefully I'm in the right place. Just so you know, I'm coping ok and not distressed, just feeling quite lost and confused. 1.5 years ago I met a lovely man, my now partner. It was love at first sight. We share a lot in common- we go to the gym together, go on bush hikes, play musical instruments. Well, we used to anyway, not really now. He's stuck by me through times when my illness (depression/ anxiety) has been terrible, and through unemployment and sickness. He's just the nicest kindest man, and Ive always thought he was the love of my life- that we would get married and have kids. We have lots of funny inside jokes and at times can have huge amounts of fun together.. Now that i've gotten the handle on my illnesses, things are much better than the worst times. But over the last 5-6 months, its just been one rough patch after another. I became unemployed and the stress has hit us hard; we've both had health issues. Hes been so supportive, emotionally, financially. I coudn't wish for better. But I feel the romance has left our relationship. Like every day we're just trying to make it through the day, instead of enjoying life. I long to walk through nature together, to share some genuine romance together. I long to be noticed- i make music, dance, do all kinds of art but I feel he never sees or admires. I feel undesired sexually though i do all i can to maintain a fit and attractive appearance and attitude. I want more than this life of emptiness- go to work (in my case: look for work), come home, go to the gym where we work out with others, eat, shower, go to bed. The weekends we watch TV cos hes too tired and doesnt want to do much. My anxiety is constantly going haywire these days because on the one hand i love this man like crazy, hes always been there for me and hes a good wonderful man. I'm scared of losing him. On the other, i feel like we're missing out on life, stuck in front of the TV "too tired". I am a pagan, i love nature, i love all things creative like dancing and music- to me life is short and precious, and i want to spend it living it to its fullest. We dont need money to go for a walk in the bush, or admire the sunset together. But he doesn't understand or appreciate those things- he doesn't see life that way. He doesn't understand my way of thinking, and i don't understand his. How do I get us connected again, and enjoying life again? I've tried talking to him about it, but nothing ever changes.

Rubysoho How to deal with coming from a broken home
  • replies: 2

Since i can remember I never had a normal relationship with either one of my parents. My mother was an abusive alcoholic and my dad never wanted anything to do with me.I left home when i was 14 and have never had anything to do with either of them si... View more

Since i can remember I never had a normal relationship with either one of my parents. My mother was an abusive alcoholic and my dad never wanted anything to do with me.I left home when i was 14 and have never had anything to do with either of them since. I think ive always struggled with depression even now in to my early 20's but ive never done anything about it, The thought of trying to seek help and talk to someone just scares me because i have no idea how to even open up to someone and I don't understand how someone repeating a bunch of words from a text book is suppose to fix me. The older I get I'm starting to see how my bad childhood is starting to affect relationships in to my 20's, my incapability to stay motivated in life, I struggle to like myself and be able to open up to people. Is there anyone out there who has come from a similar background and can give me any advice? I want to be happy in life so badly but i feel like I cant win to make peace with myself.

Without_love Wife wants to leave me.
  • replies: 8

I am lost, depressed and gutted, have no one to talk to and do not know where to turn or what to do. Please help. 8 years ago, my wife, after 14 years of happy marriage, shut me out of her life, physically, emotionally, intimately and affectionately,... View more

I am lost, depressed and gutted, have no one to talk to and do not know where to turn or what to do. Please help. 8 years ago, my wife, after 14 years of happy marriage, shut me out of her life, physically, emotionally, intimately and affectionately, saying she still loved me but needed a break. She had her own physical and mental health problems and on counselling and anti depressants for anxiety related to her childhood. It broke my heart to see her struggle and lose her intimacy, but I have tried to accept her wishes and this loveless fate to respect her and give her the space that she sought. She has coped with 'life on her own' by shutting down emotionally with the help of her anti- depressants, but I havesuffered gut wrenching years and night after sleepless night alongside her, needing to be close but receiving nothing but silence and rejection so she could sleep. We got along ok but distantly during the days to complete our daily roles at work and our children were our strength and our distraction. I suffered in silence over our lost love leading to resentment, depression and suicidal thoughts, and when I did try to talk to her about my pain, her issues or to try to win her back over, it ended in tears, fits and tempers flaring, with an even greater level of sadness and depression. We managed to survive until now and complete raising our 2 beautiful children, but my wife rejected another one of my calls for help and to try to renew our love recently and she said it was time for her to go her own way to save me any more pain and to be in control of her own life, as she was not going to, or able to change and let me be close to her. Our family home is sold pending settlement (to downsize) and my wife has offered to take a 6 month lease together somewhere to avoid sharing our trauma at this point when we currently need to concentrate on moving our daughter to Melbourne and settling her into Uni life.I love her dearly and she says she loves me too, but not in any physical or emotional way as she is too scared of being hurt again or losing control of her life. I can't think of anything worse than separating and being alone in the world without my life partner, no friends and no reason to live, but is it worth continuing to stay together (in separate bedrooms now since last year) and continue to deny my feelings and needs of being close to her? Where do I turn? Is there any hope for us? 800x600 beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman","serif";}

Kdashing Losing in love
  • replies: 3

One of my earliest memories of my childhood is making my mum promise me that she would never leave me. I have no idea why I have had such a fear of being alone and abandoned from such a young age. I know this has had such a huge impact on my relation... View more

One of my earliest memories of my childhood is making my mum promise me that she would never leave me. I have no idea why I have had such a fear of being alone and abandoned from such a young age. I know this has had such a huge impact on my relationships and it has reared it's ugly head everytime. Last year I met what I thought was the man of dreams. He showed me the type of love that is all encompassing and made me completely unafraid to love him with every part of my being. He gained my trust and made me feel like I could totally rely on him and that our future was together, that this was real and he would never leave me. Recently he decided almost overnight that this wasn't what he wanted at all and left. I can't describe the pain that I've experienced since then. I feel like having someone give you everything you have ever wanted then take it away like it never existed is so unbelievably cruel. It has triggered my sense of abandonment like crazy and I am now at a loss as to where to go from here. This wasn't the longest relationship I have ever had yet it has really thrown me, I don't want to do anything and I feel like I have to completely rebuild myself again. I'm almost 30 and have had 3 relationships prior to this one. I left the last two due to them being unfaithful and I don't remember feeling this kind of absolute grief. Maybe because I left on my own terms before. I would love some ideas as to how to move on. My starting point has been to look at myself. Clearly I have some personal issues to deal with. I would love to be much stronger then I am now and be more reliant on myself for love then to try and find it within other people. I just don't know how to begin to move forward again when I have no desire to do anything right now.