Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Girl_Anachronism Rocket Science
  • replies: 190

It feels like rocket science would be simpler than life at the moment. No song lyrics, no quotes, just melancholy for you all. It feels like life is so hard. It has been a week since the separation from my husband. It feels like it has been two weeks... View more

It feels like rocket science would be simpler than life at the moment. No song lyrics, no quotes, just melancholy for you all. It feels like life is so hard. It has been a week since the separation from my husband. It feels like it has been two weeks, if not longer. Every day goes at different speeds, fast when I am anxious, or actually accomplishing things and then out of nowhere a great big wave of depression will come. It will hit me and i will stand there, unable to move. everything feels like pain. I'll go from cooing, if a little manic and shaking uncontrollably to crying. Why does it have to hurt so much, at the end of a relationship? I don't even want to be with him, I don't even want to go back to him. Yet it hurts and another part of me says I still love him. Just waking up this morning, thinking about what to do, reminds me of the things we use to do to fill our weekends. It reminds me that relationship, that time, is over. I won't be doing those things again, with that same feeling of creating something bigger than the two of us. I guess I grieve not for him, but for what we had, what it could have been. When does it stop hurting? How can I get there now? I don't like existing right now, the pain comes in these inconsolable waves that paralyse me. Seven years of my life. Gone. GA "So tired of the straight line/ And everywhere you turn there's vultures and thieves at your back/ Don't make no difference/ Escaping one last time/ it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh/ This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees" Angel, Sarah Mclachlan

Rox 33 years and its over, he's the love of my life
  • replies: 13

he left me june last year, I cry every day, I miss him so much, I'm alone, no friends, no family, just my dogs and a cat, I don't have a job, I struggle to sleep and when I do, I'm pulled awake and then clarity, I feel panic because he's not here, I ... View more

he left me june last year, I cry every day, I miss him so much, I'm alone, no friends, no family, just my dogs and a cat, I don't have a job, I struggle to sleep and when I do, I'm pulled awake and then clarity, I feel panic because he's not here, I love him, I'm 53 and he has my heart, nothing will help and I can't take drugs to help me because I don't trust myself, I'm trying to write him a letter but I can't make any sense of it, it's 2:30am ...

BlueEyedVirgo Hurting. Psych Ward Friendship Terminated by Husband.
  • replies: 4

It’s been four weeks since I last saw him and I still just want to hold him. Know if he’s okay. I get angry, upset, devastated and dwell on one thing to another and am so very teary. I feel my husband has just given me one more thing to hurt about. T... View more

It’s been four weeks since I last saw him and I still just want to hold him. Know if he’s okay. I get angry, upset, devastated and dwell on one thing to another and am so very teary. I feel my husband has just given me one more thing to hurt about. There was/is already so much in my past and present to work through. As did this other person, so I also feel it was VERY cruel for husband to do that to someone he knows nothing about and is already suffering and battling to find positives in life. But then I think maybe he did him a favour in ridding him of me, I didn’t want to drag him down or distract him when he needs to look forward. This is the third (and only) male friendship my husband has not approved of since we’ve been together but the first time he has interfered by contacting him from my phone to warn him off. I worked it out through intuiton and confronted him, he’d deleted the message. He says it was because he was afraid of losing me and didn’t trust him. We both have past relationships ruined by cheating – mine, I was the cheater, his – he was the one cheated upon. I have been completely faithful to my husband. If he was to lose me, he should have known it was coming seeing as we are technically separated. Waiting for him to commit to relationship counselling. I admit that perhaps there was a risk of an emotional affair on my part but thought I was handling things with certain boundaries. There was a connection, but not a neediness, we’d hoped to continue outside of hospital – and I’m not talking more than contact once or twice a week in public place. I feel it is egotistical to think my friend thought of me as anything more than just that, and there were signs he didn’t need me, or was even attracted to me, but it was a nice friendship to have. Husband destroyed a mutually beneficial friendship where there was non-judgemental understanding. A little ray of sunshine risen from the dark place of being hospitalised under the Mental Health Act and the events that brought us there. Which is why I am here I guess, to vent and look for local groups. I felt less alone having him in my life. This week is my first without antidepressants for over 14 years so I’m sure that is not helping my episodes of crying and frustration. Thanks for reading.

cole845 hes gone for good
  • replies: 1

i posted a thread a few weeks ago detailing my situation. so yesterday was court day for the avo,he didnt contest it, only not wanting the children on it i felt i had to agree.the judge granted it and added the children also. i could feel him staring... View more

i posted a thread a few weeks ago detailing my situation. so yesterday was court day for the avo,he didnt contest it, only not wanting the children on it i felt i had to agree.the judge granted it and added the children also. i could feel him staring at me all day and it made me feel nervous. he didnt seem himself, was very flighty and somewhat proud at the same time. he isnt allowed to contact me, only in writing, email, text and only regarding the kids. its been 5 weeks since he moved out and 3 since he texted me it was over. he has been so horrible since that day. the worst part is all i want to do is call him,see him, hold him, i miss him so much and cant stop crying. he has hurt me so much in the last 14 years, and i cant understand why the hell i feel like this. i dont feel like i am the victim, he is. his whole family has disowned me and are supporting what he has done. i cant even pack up and go away either, i cant sell the house without his signature. i feel trapped. i have started the process for mediation, which im told could drag out for months and he dosnt have to agree to go. which means regular court and very expensive fees.

MattJ Going Through The Motions
  • replies: 5

Hello. Not sure how/if I should post this, but I can't do anything else right, so what the hell. Let's give it a shot. Since I posted in November, things have just become steadily worse. Professional help has been next to useless. Advice given for my... View more

Hello. Not sure how/if I should post this, but I can't do anything else right, so what the hell. Let's give it a shot. Since I posted in November, things have just become steadily worse. Professional help has been next to useless. Advice given for my wife leaving was to join internet dating sites and some medication. Not what I was expecting. I've got no friends to talk to, family are on the other side of the country, and are so dysfunctional would not be of any assistance if they were local. Spent today working through my accounts and other administrative functions, and also started planning a pre-paid funeral. Making sure that which ever organisation that has to clean up the mess if I fall off the perch has an easy time of it. I'm only now just starting to recognise some of my symptoms as anxiety, which I'd never thought I'd had. Thought I was more "socially awkward" than anxious, but looks like I was wrong - again. Still having quite dark thoughts, but they're so common I just laugh at them. Don't think that means I'm accepting them, and not planning on acting on them - unless estate planning counts? Started exercising, but lost motivation quite quickly. Nothing really seems to have any meaning. Don't like meeting new people, and I can tell that those I do meet have no interest in forming any sort of relationship (as evidenced by the fact I generally don't have any further contact after initial meetings/coffee/whatever). So, just going through the motions, and trying to find reasons to get out of bed. At the moment, pretty sure there aren't any.

Dadofangels What do I do
  • replies: 4

My wife and I had our first son as planned, after a year of marriage. then we tried unsuccessfully for the next 5 years, which eventually led to a separation for a year. when we got back together we were able to have another child which we were grate... View more

My wife and I had our first son as planned, after a year of marriage. then we tried unsuccessfully for the next 5 years, which eventually led to a separation for a year. when we got back together we were able to have another child which we were grateful for. The next few years we tried again and again only to lose 5 babies to miscarriage. During this time I have lost many family members including my dad who nearly died from a bowl obstruction then recovered only to find that he had a tumor behind his heart. He died 4 weeks before my 40th. Next my wife fell pregnant again and all was going well. We thought my dad was watching over us with this baby. My baby boy died at 38 weeks gestation. I'll never forget the pain of holding my perfect son in hospital, willing his eyes to open. Such a tiny coffin at his funeral. Now nearly 4 years later I cannot concentrate. I am sad. I feel like my wife doesn't care if Im around or not. We have no affection anymore. I work away and cant wait to get home to my family only to pick up the last argument we left off last week. I am depressed and anxious. I dont know what to do. If i try to speak to my wife about it she says nothing is wrong or Im overreacting, Im putting words in her mouth, She is sick of how things are and wants it to change or shell leave. She wont sit and talk. I have a choking feeling in my throat all the time. sometimes i cant sleep because of it. My chest is tight and im tired. i just want to be happy. not too much to ask. What do i do?

eaura I don't want anyone else
  • replies: 5

I have been with my girlfriend with 3 years, and we were not only best friends, but we found a strong emotional connection with each other, we understood each other on a level no one else did. I met her during a dark place, she showed me love like no... View more

I have been with my girlfriend with 3 years, and we were not only best friends, but we found a strong emotional connection with each other, we understood each other on a level no one else did. I met her during a dark place, she showed me love like no one ever has, it was always mutual. I always had an issue with trust so I'd test her love without realizing and distanced myself from her out of fear of losing her. She ended up cutting contact with me, and got very nasty and verbally abusive with me, calling me every name under the sun. I know I was emotionally manipulative and see that I hurt her a lot, so I started getting help and have been seeing a psychologist, and I took her punches. I've lost the only thing in the world that I care about and I don't see any hope in living anymore. She has cut me off completely now, I have no way of contacting her, even to have a real sincere conversation, she wouldn't care if I ended my life. I've tried to help myself but it's obvious that nothing's working because she's still gone. I'm at the end of my rope.

cole845 where to now?
  • replies: 8

this is a long journey for me and i am now at a crossroads and dont know which path to take. my partner and i have been together for 14 years and have two beautiful children, 7 and 4. in those 14 years there has been lots of triggers that sinks him d... View more

this is a long journey for me and i am now at a crossroads and dont know which path to take. my partner and i have been together for 14 years and have two beautiful children, 7 and 4. in those 14 years there has been lots of triggers that sinks him deeper into this giant hole which he cant and refuses to get out of. it has got to the point that in the last 9 months he has not been home for nearly three of them, instead choosing to hang around with some very unsavory people. to which he lies to me about. when he is home he is either asleep in bed or asleep on the couch. he has not worked for almost this entire period, he sees the financial struggle i am trying to deal with but does nothing about it, usually by leaving or creating an argument and then blaming it on me.he has recently moved back in with his parents, who refuse to acknowledge their son is "broken", so they just enable him to continue being in this state and basically turn a blind eye to him. i am now at a point where i am just waiting for a call that he has ended his life. his mother will not even take my calls anymore and if she does, i am the one to blame for his behavior. he has been to councilling, is on medication, but has gotten significantly worse, i feel i am the only one who can see it and the only one who wants to help him. i have become the enemy. i do love this man very much and was looking forward to a very bright future with him, but where to now?

josie5 Lost and lonely!
  • replies: 9

My partner and I have been together for 18 months and most of it has been great. We are the best together and despite the 15 year age gap, we understand each other well. We had a couple of problems at the start of the relationship but we battled thro... View more

My partner and I have been together for 18 months and most of it has been great. We are the best together and despite the 15 year age gap, we understand each other well. We had a couple of problems at the start of the relationship but we battled through. The first problem was I went to help my Ex who got hurt in a bar fight because I thought he needed an ambulance. I wasnt in love with him but being the person I am i cared for the well being of people i know/knew. This sent my partner angry but what made it worse is the next day i went and spoke to my ex for about an hour where nothing happened. Me and my partner was angry and wanted to go back to his place so we travelled back to my house where it all turned to custard and he flipped out because he thought i had organised my ex to come over. (that day i had minor surgery where i had 10 stitches put in my belly). Anyway i ended up calling the police on him because he made me scared. My friend called my ex on this night because i needed help. the next night my ex actually raped me.Me and my partner got back together but i didnt tell him about it because i was ashamed of it. I lied about it all to him. I didnt fess up for another 12 months. He thinks i cheated on him when I didn't. I admit i have told him alot of lies about it and told some white lies (things that make no difference to anything) but right now he hates me and im trying to fix this relationship because he is the love of my life and yes we have been through some huge agruments over the relationship but i cant lose him. He is lost in this cycle of paranoia and has it stuck in his head that i have cheated on him when i know i havent and I'm being punished everyday emotionally. Ive had to cut out my family because they dont like him and he asked me to do it. Id do anything for this man and he cant see it. He thinks im lying to him but im not. The worst lie i told him was that i was pregnant once but that was to see the reaction id get from him and his reaction was "its not mine, Abort it" Everyone is saying just leave him but i can't, i love him too much. Help!

RossC NEVER BEEN LIKE THIS BEFORE AFTER A RELATIONSHIP
  • replies: 2

Hi , first time here, just thought I would write something as I find im just not coping. My story, am 39 have a daughter who is my life and was pretty much single for last 8 years, was happy, enjoying life, had goals, a good job, a nice house, everyt... View more

Hi , first time here, just thought I would write something as I find im just not coping. My story, am 39 have a daughter who is my life and was pretty much single for last 8 years, was happy, enjoying life, had goals, a good job, a nice house, everything was rosy, wasn't after a relationship and wasn't seeking one. I then met a woman that basically pursued me and before I know it was being spoilt in every way imaginable, presents, love, sex, fun etc I honestly fell madly in love and was enjoying it greatly. However it wasn't long before I realized something wasn't right, this woman would constantly belittle my family, friends and especially my daughter, all females that had anything to do with my life, from exes to nieces, to sister to friends wives. I knew it wasn't right and tried to end it but she would keep coming back. After 12 months together of definitely the most intense relationship I have ever been in, I returned home from work(Im a fly in fly out worker working away for 4 weeks at a time) to find out that she had been seeing two different men for about the last 2 months, including when I was even home. She cut off all physical contact and via email and sms denied everything over and over. Over a period of a week or two I received photos text messages and emails from her own friends who were so disgusted with what she had done and was still doing. The content of all was basically that I would just go away in time and she could get on with her new man. The dishonesty, deceiving and betrayal ultimately brought me to my knees, I completely fell apart emotionally. I sought counselling and got an understanding of what type of person I was with, extremely insecure and no empathy, I did already know this and tried my best to reaasure her but as counsellor said I would never have been able to do enough for her. The problem I found now is it has been over 4 months and I am still really really struggling, im back at work at moment, I cant eat sleep, function, spare hours are spent trying to find any information I can via social media or friends. Its all left me in shock and in fact in shock at myself for doing it as I have always considered myself to be a strong person and never imagined someone effecting me so badly. She was in fact a terrible person even when I was with her but for some reason I cant let go. I haven't spoken to her in a month and the last time she was still denying everything even as her friends were telling me 'yes they are definitely together'. I know this is probably a minor thing to most people, couples break up everyday, but for the first time in my life im just not coping, even after all this time I just want to curl up in a corner and cry. For first time I understand why people take their lives to escape the pain, (I wont, I have a daughter that I live for). I would have her back at the drop of a hat even though I knew from start I shouldn't have been with her, how is this possible?? I think as I have no access to counsellor here I just needed to tell someone how much im still hurting. I no longer see a future, I no longer get enjoyment from the same things or even look forward to being home. I just want it all to go away.... Thanks for reading.