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Doesnt feel right?

J_m_o
Community Member

Hi everyone.

Im a 22 year old father to a beautiful little boy who is 13 months old.

 My partner and i have been together for 2 and half years and our relationship was absolutely perfect before our little boy came along. The last year has been incredibly testing on our relationship but also on us both as individuals. My girlfriend has been diagnosed with post-natal depression and sees a psychologist monthly. I also believe i also have developed sort sort of condition in the last 2 tears or so but i have not done a great deal to find out about it. I have seen a doctor twice about it and believe i may have an anxiety disorder or possibly depression based on my regular symptoms that corrospond with such conditions. Both times they have reffered me to a psycholigist,  i went to one appointment and i left angry, i felt like it didnt do much for me at all which i know is a naive view on the issue because mental health issues are no quick fix, but i guess i was hoping for a diagnosis so i could maybe feel a form or relief just to know that i can be helped and maybe my moods and feelings arent how i should be feeling. I never went back to the psychologist but i think i should. 

Currently my girlfriend has gone to stay with her mum and taken our son to her mums house and i am quite confused about the future of our relationship. I love them both dearly and i feel quite isolated and alone right now and i havent moved of the couch all day. I find myself constantly frustrated at home and at work, i get very agitated very easily, i feel very uncomfortable in social situations nowadays and i always feel like im being looked at and judged by everyone around me. I find myself very awkward if i see someone i havent seen in a while in a public place and i feel my face go bright red like im embarrassed or something. I feel anxious about things i never used to in the past. I can get quite angry about the balance of chores in the house and who does more to help out. My partner and i are clashing alot lately and as a result she has left. I feel sometimes like i want to use drugs to feel happy like ecstasy, marijuana and speed because in the past i have associated those with having fun and happiness but i know that isnt a good idea. I dont really know what to do at the moment as i think we could be better off apart but the thought of not having my son in the house terrifies me, hopefully someone has similar circumstances and might be able to help me figure out what i should do

5 Replies 5

mrkd1991
Community Member

Hi J.m.o, welcome to BB.

 

Reading your post I strongly feel that you need to get yourself back to your doctors.

Make this your main priority, book an appointment and talk to your GP.

Psychologist and psychiatrist appointments can be very difficult, I personally often left feeling suicidal, just from talking about myself. 

That being said, it is a crucial part of recovery. I think you should mention your experience to your GP and the specialist you are referred to. Some specialists are more pushy, and this may be what angered you.

Lastly, I'm glad you are keeping yourself from drug use. As great as it can make us feel, it's definitely not the solution.

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

dear J.m.o, hi and thanks for giving us the opportunity to reply back to you.

When the mum has a child and unfortunately gets PND, it can also happen for the husband as well, as it did for me, so with your wife and baby son moving out would only add to your PND.

It is very feasible for the husband to suffer as well when their partner/wife gets this horrible illness, because their once easy going life has changed once a new baby is added to the family.

You have to get up during the night, just as your wife does, feed the baby, change nappies, care for the new born and now everything has changed, your social life has altered, and perhaps you have taken time off work.

When we go and visit a psychologist for the first time, we expect that we will walk out feeling on top of the world, but that's virtually impossible, because the first appointment should be based on whether a connection between them and us feels comfortable, because we have to be able to relate our story to them, and mention those dark secrets.

Illegal drugs will only be a temporary fix, but will cause many problems along the way, with your wife, and whoever else you may associate with, plus taking finances away that should be spend on the family, so I'm pleased that you have disregarded doing this, however it's time that you got some help.

If you didn't like this particular psychologist then perhaps you could go back to your doctor, alternatively you could click on 'Get Support' at the top of this page, where these professionals are aligned to BB.

Could you also click onto 'Resources' at the top and order 'All the Printed Material' which will help you understand any type of depression, and in your case learning about PND.

It doesn't matter what type of depression anyone has, because it detrimentally changes our life so much, and destroys our soul, personality, work and family life, so we just can't go without any help, support or be able to talk to people who have been there themselves, because we know what you are going through.

I hope that you can still be in contact with us. Geoff.

Doolhof
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi J.m.o,

Thanks for sharing your story with us. There must be so many couples in your predicament.

Geoff has offered you some great advice.

I would just like to add that right now it is important for you to stay connected with your girlfriend and your son.

Try to organise a time to catch up with them so you stay in touch and don't start to feel like your relationship is falling apart too much.

Maybe some couple's counselling might help. Your Dr. will be able to give you ideas on where you can go for this or you can contact Relationships Australia.

As Geoff also mentioned, it is not always easy going to a psychologist for assistance as we do need to get our stories out there in order for the person to be able to help us.

It may take a couple of visits before you get the hang of how it all works.

Try to get out and about when you can. Mental illnesses can make us feel like we want to shut ourselves away from the world and that is when we develop coping mechanisms that aren't always beneficial, like withdrawing from family and friends.

I hope you are able to return to the psychologist and try again. It will be worth it in the long run.

Wishing you well with this. Take small steps. I hope some of this helps.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

 

J_m_o
Community Member

Hi everyone.

Thankyou all for your positive responses i was surpised to log in and see the replies i got on my post.

i found all of your comments very helpful and its nice to talk to people who understand rather than trying to explain these issues to people who arent familiar with these situations. I will let you all know that i got out of the house last night seen some of my work mates and had dinner and some laughs, feeling alot better today after being at work and interacting with other people.

i am yet to speak to my girlfriend besides asking her today if i can come and pick up our son so i cpuld take him to the park which was a very blunt text message from both of us. I am sitting with my son right nkw watching cartoons and im taking him back to her soon but i feel better after seeing him.

I will most certainly go back to the doctors and i think now i feel a bit stupid for not returning to the psychologist but also i think i forgot to mention that is cost me $135 last time which was also part of the reason why i was frustrated. I am normally a very happy person and i i can easily laugh and smile and be happy but i find that my moods can turn very rapidly from very happy to very angry, this is my main concern along with the anxiety so i guess now i just have to go back to the doctors and take the steps to get some help.

thankyou all again for your responses. This has definitely pointed me in the right direction.

 

Doolhof
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi JMO,

Thanks so much for getting back to us. It is wonderful to read that you are feeling a bit better and have been able to take some positive steps in your life.

It is excellent you have been able to spend some time with your son, and I hope you can make it a more regular occurrence.

Sorry to read it cost you so much to see the psychologist! Could you speak to your Dr. about organising a Mental Health Care Plan. When you have one of those, Medicare pays for part of your fee so it is not so expensive!

I have just had mine updated and have been able to see a counsellor for free for 6 sessions. You could also ask your Dr if there is such a person in your region you could see. To me he is just as helpful as a psychologist.

Without re-reading what has been suggested above, you could always call the Beyond Blue help line or use their webchat for advice. If you look in the phonebook there are a lot of places you can call under Mental Health services. There might be something there you can connect with.

Well done for getting out with some of your work mates. It can seem like a huge effort just to decide to do something like that, but it is worth it in the end.

It certainly sounds like you are trying to change things around for the better. That really is excellent. I do hope you are able to receive the help and support that you need at this time as well.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools