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Unwritten rules of separation with children involved

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

All parents love their children right? Of course. But when parents endure the end of their relationship its normal to focus on the job at hand and that usually is – saving their dignity from verbal attack, considering property division and coping with a life alone….starting over.

One of the problems with adulthood is there is rarely education with such situations. Same as pregnancy really…some prospective parents think it all comes naturally and there is no need for them to learn anything. With separation the same, some think they can just cope with the trauma. What about when children are involved? Often it’s a case of – parents separate, they both get a lawyer, they both try to work out/suggest property settlement and the drawn out family court begins. How many parents consult each other in a calm fair manner for the sake of the children who, by the way, are about to lose the full time parenthood of one parent and possibly that parent might not commence and maintain a regular visitation? God help the children.

However, I can say that some break ups mean there is no possibility of conducting a calm fair meeting with the other party. It only takes one…not two as many people think. Only one needs to be spiteful or revengeful, to have the mindset that of not wanting to be negotiable. Every situation is different and there might be reasons that led to this condemnation that means no talk is possible. But I would suggest that in most cases two people should be able to put most differences aside to talk just about the children.

So I’ve put together a list of things to consider upon separation- Share your children with the non custodial parent. They are not your children alone, they are the other parents children as well. As a custodial parent seek out what ever child support you are entitled to but recognise any extra financial input the non custodial parent gives. Thank him/her for it.

Be nice

Organise a 3-5 minute chat together upon the children returning home. Your kids will love to see you both chatting.

Offer to drop the children off if you are heading that way - another way of being nice

Both parents should make each other feel secure by telling them they will not be replaced by a new love in terms of parenting

Step parents- make sure your children are treated proper. Ensure your children are included in holiday plans.

Encourage parent and teacher night input. Why not do it together?

Other ideas welcome

Tony WK


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